Posted in Home Life
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Maybe you heard about the flak surrounding the Jonas Brothers' "purity rings." On one hand, I think it's kind of funny--why are so many reporters sounding off on this issue? Why are so many feeling "threatened?" We take each of our children out on their sixteenth birthday to the fanciest place we can find, and give them a ring. They know it is coming, and the conversation always includes this statement: "We know that you have made this decision, and we want you to know that we are here to help you keep your resolve. This ring is a reminder of the promise you have made to yourself, to keep yourself for the one God has planned for you. But, we want you to know, that if you "fall," you don't have to be afraid to tell us. Everybody makes mistakes. Some people make big mistakes. As your parents, we pray that you won't make this one, because there are great consequences. But, it's not the end of the world." They already know this. Charming and I (who grew up good Catholic children) had made the same resolve. Our parents assumed we would keep ourselves until marriage, and, at the time, the "ongoing conversation" that we, today, MUST have with our children, wasn't deemed necessary. Charming and I spent too much time alone, and, well, It Happened To Us. I had a conversation with Violet the other day. She mentioned that S*rah P*lin (don't want any googling to end up here) was for Abstinence Only Ed, and how, [Violet] as a dorm rector at a women's dorm, thought that that was not enough. I said to her, "I absolutely agree. I have never been for Abstinence Only. Teens need to know about the risk of pregnancy and disease. They need to know that no method of birth control will prevent disease (if they think c*ndoms will, they are taking a Big Gamble); that no one talks about Safe S*x anymore, just SafeR S*x (i.e. there *is* no such animal as "safe"; that someone needs to tell teens about a) how no contraceptive is 100% and b) the possibly permanent health risks of chemical b/c. That teens also need to know the psychological and emotional "baggage" they will carry if they choose s*x, and the possible problems with bonding to their future spouses." (I probably tossed a few more things in there, too...) And I finished up with, "I am for education that says, Abstinence is the only safe decision, and should be held as the Preferred Choice. Anything else is substandard." Violet said, "Wow, Mom, I would have never thought you weren't Abstinence Only." I said to her, "that's because I *was* Abstinence Only with My Own Children!!" She laughed. "Well," she said, "we did know all of that other stuff, too." I said, "you bet your life you did. If nothing else, you kids were Fully Informed of the risks of sex." Back to the Jonas Brothers. Frankly, the articles I've read online, and the interview I saw on the morning show, all seemed Stupid to me. The "con" side people all said that Purity Rings give a false confidence, and then, when the kids "fall," the first time they have s*x, it's unprotected. Puh-leeze. You are not going to convince me that Any Teen "plans" the first time, complete with Protection. Or that the majority of teens are Using Protection every time, without fail. The ones who have purity rings are just like any other teens that are having s*x. What we need to do is Keep the Conversation Going. Our children are in the fight of their young lives every day. That's why the book is called Every Young Man's Battle (and Girl's Battle, as well.) I have one child who is not wearing his/her ring anymore. Blackeyed Susan thought he/she maybe wasn't a Christian anymore, or that he/she maybe never was Saved. I pointed out that he/she was just as "on fire" a teen Christian as she is. We all sin. Satan is fighting to pull each of us down. He succeeds with all of us, in one way or another. (well, that kinda backfired, and got Susan so scared she thought that if she ever kissed a boy, she might fall into bed with him. Had to talk her down from that ledge...the Ongoing Conversation again.) If you have teens, PLEASE hear this. Purity rings are a great way to celebrate a good decision by your teen. It is a symbol to both him or her and to you, as parents, to work together to win the battle until marriage. But don't ever think it is a guarantee. You haven't won the battle. You have simply raised the standard, like the huge banners that the Israelites used in battle, that they looked to to keep their focus, and remember that God was fighting for them. The fight is worth it. My two married children "made it" to their wedding day. They will never worry about disease, or the consequences of a "too soon" pregnancy. Three other of my adult children are fighting that fight well. Susan and Alvin Fernald have made their decisions, but are just at the beginning of their battle. And, so far, our purity rings have an 87.5% success rate. But not because of the Ring. Because of the Ongoing Conversation, and the Grace of God. |
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Posted by Anonymous
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