[if you care to read Part I, it is below...]

Charming has had a decades-long desire to be in vocational ministry. Music is his main vehicle, but the man can teach, and preach as well. The wisdom that comes out of his mouth Astounds Me.

Through the years, he has ministered in and out of our local church; playing for and leading worship on Sundays, Wednesdays, and for retreats and meetings, also teaching marriage classes, and many other things.

Except, of course, for the last 3 years, which has meant a severe limitation on his availability to minister.

We've prayed, oh, we've prayed, for a different job, one that will leave him available for ministry, and possibly to lead to full-time ministry. However, I had a specific picture in my head of What That Would Look Like; i.e. a new job would be waiting for him when the present one ended...

Two months ago, Charming was told that, due to the economy, the company was probably going to let one of the managers go. Since Charming is the highest-paid guy, you can see where this conversation was leading. Charming will hear their decision any ol' day now.

Now, probably my biggest Need is security. Under that come all those other "love languages" like Loving Touches and Words of Affirmation--they make me feel Secure. What does NOT make me feel secure is the thought of unemployment!

Psalms 56:3:

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."

The Lord is gracious, giving us (me) time to prepare our (my) head for this.

Joshua 1:9:

"Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

Has not God ALWAYS been faithful? Yes. Can He take care of me better than I can? Of course. Isn't His plan better than mine? I believe it!

Haven't we prayed for three years for an "escape?"

Yes, Lord, but not by Losing His Job. That's not how I Want It. I need Security, remember? We've done the unemployment thing, a dozen times before. I've Done My Time, Lord.

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."

I DO trust Him. He has proven Himself worthy of my trust. He DOES know better than I.

Look at the verse one more time:

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."

I can trust in Him *while* I'm afraid. He knows I'm afraid, but that's okay. He loves me anyway, like I love my children. When my four- or six- or thirteen-year-old has been afraid, I just hold them and tell them it's okay--they don't need to worry because Daddy and Mommy are there. I can climb up in my Father's lap and tell Him all about it, and He tells me it's going to be okay. He'll be taking care of it.

I think I'm ready to face the day now. How wonderful that I'm *not* in charge! Wouldn't that be a mess!

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Posted by Pinky Marie

"How do I fear things, let me count the ways...." And they all begin with "Loss of Security." Since I am almost 6 years older than you, Barbie Heart, I have had 6 more years of learning to live with the possibility of financial insecurity. But it was only when I crossed through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with my beloved, that I learned to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding."

We had just moved to the White Mountains 4 months earlier, and I knew no one except a neighbor down the road. My dream house in the woods was secluded and isolated from people. So my beloved Fly Boy and I had our privacy at last! But the elevation was too much for this war-weary disabled Viet Nam hero, and within 3 months he had lost 55 lbs. We chose not to follow the normal course of allopathic drugs and medicine, and used our essential oils, nutrition and prayer.

The fateful night came when he lay on the bed in a coma and I could feel the Spectre of Death nearby. At that instant, I was assaulted emotionally and spiritually on every side with thoughts like: "You know when he dies, all the money disappears--the military pension; the disability; the social security--all is gone and you are alone with nothing. You will lose your home, your lifestyle, everything."

I've not known such fear of being alone with my insecurities and my resignation that my life partner was leaving without me. It was only then, that I truly gave him up to the Creator, saying "If this is his appointed time, then forgive me, Lord, for standing in Your way. I am selfish and I am afraid."

I was nearing 60 years old with no income of my own, save a small home business. Fly Boy was uninsurable, and the Government had long abandoned its veterans in the way of medical insurance and support. There was no money to be found. I prayed through the fear... "Help me, Lord, to learn your provision and to totally trust that you will not fail me."

We had experienced the fear and pain of 7 lay-offs in 9 years. But never had I felt so alone or insecure as I did at that moment. "Help me, Lord, to trust in you and not in the strong arm of the flesh, or the Government, or a job, or anything but You."

I sobbed in grief beside him and fell deeply asleep--the first time in many nights.

In the morning--and joy always comes in the morning--the sun came through my window to gently touch my face and to awaken my spirit. I sat up with a "Start" and looked over, expecting to see him dead. But NO--to my utter amazement, he was gone! I thought anxiously, "Where... What ... Was he Raptured?" I ran to see if he'd fallen from the bed, but he was gone!

I ran though the house shouting hysterically his name. And suddenly, I saw through the living room window a site that I can scarcely believe to this day. There he was, down the road walking Tulie, our 8-year old Shiba Inu. How can this be? How is it, Lord, that only a few hours ago he was deep in coma--a sleep that had lasted 2 days with no consciousness? And yet, he is Risen!

From that day, I never looked back to the Valley of the Shadow Death or the Valley of my Insecurity. My source is not a pension, a job, the Government or my business. My strength and my heart sing for joy to the Living God, because He owns all the gold, the cattle on a thousand hills, and my life. He is my insurance policy and my income. And "What time I am afraid, I shall Lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my strength in time of trouble."

Pinky Marie

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