I hear the word "sustainable" all the time. Everywhere. The Sustainability of the Planet. Sustainable forests. Sustainable crops. On and on and on.

People who know me know I'm not a Green Person, per se. Even though my favorite color is green. When I was a Girl Scout, we called outhouses "greenies." But I really bristle against most things claiming to be "green."

This is not something new. I was around at the first Earth Day in 1970. I didn't like it then, either. You see, Ecology was becoming a booming thing, especially among the hippies. I just wasn't sure there was anything wrong with its predecessor, Conservation. Teddy Roosevelt was big on the Big C. As Girl Scouts, we Left Our Campsites Cleaner Than We Found Them. We stuck a cup under a dripping faucet for two minutes to be Shocked and Amazed at the amount of water wasted. We turned off lights as we left the room. (Oh, yeah. That was my Mother--"don't you know how big our electric bill is?")

As a matter of fact, the whole Green Thing would really go nowhere if it wasn't good business. Recycling facilities would cease to exist if they didn't make any money. That's why you can get fined in our town if you steal aluminum cans from recycling bins before the truck comes to take them to the prescribed facility. We wouldn't want Mr. Individual to turn those same cans into Recycleville to get money for himself, would we?

And don't get me started on Trees. Use the electric dryer in the McDonald's restroom instead of paper towels? How about the cost of Fossil Fuels to run the dryer? Now, the Mess factor of overflowing trash cans? There's an argument I can sink my teeth into.

Same thing happened one time when I served lunch on paper plates. Some neighbor kid told me that I was wasting trees, and should be using permanent plates. I then asked him how much energy it took to wash the plate with hot water, as well as the water to launder the dishcloth and towel. Hmm. Food for thought.

And then, there is the Real Christmas Tree argument. People, people, people. Can you get this in your head?

TREES ARE A CASH CROP.

Just like soybeans. Plant them, harvest them, replant them. Lumber and paper companies have been "planting two for each one they take" for over fifty years now. We are not Raping the Land.

Wow. Got off-subject there big-time.

When I was young (before big plastic garbage bags) we used to lay out yesterday's newspaper on the table after supper. We put all of our garbage on it, wrapped it up, and put it in our shiny aluminum garbage can. We had a large family, but never had more than two cans-full every week. Because all of the wrapping/peanut/styrofoam junk wasn't wrapping everything you bought. Convenience food was rare. Many people burned their paper trash. And of course, Pampers had not been invented yet, either.

Wikipedia defines Sustainability this way:

Sustainability, in a broad sense, is the capacity to endure. It can be defined as the ability of an ecosystem to maintain ecological processes, functions, biodiversity and productivity into the future. In ecology, the word describes how biological systems remain diverse and productive over time. For humans it is the potential for long-term maintenance of wellbeing, which in turn depends on the wellbeing of the natural world and the responsible use of natural resources.

We can spend oodles of time being Green. I read a magazine article once about a family that only had a tiny waste-basket-full of trash a year. They recycled virtually everything, except they couldn't find a way to recycle toothpaste tubes. They spent a lot of time taking care of disposing things because they were committed to doing so.

Think about what would happen if we spent that same effort on our families?

How would the earth look in the next generation, or even, four or five generations in the future, if we took time to "green" our family lives? I'm talking about Nurturing. Time. Effort. Enrichment. Teaching. Worshipping. Loving. Caring about each other as much as we do ourselves.

Sustainability: the capacity to endure. Sustainable for centuries, should the Lord tarry. My pastor told me once about a theological concept called Redeem and Lift. He used his own life as an example. His father got saved in middle age. His mother took [my pastor] to church, but after his father got saved, it was a whole new ball game. He (my pastor) in turn, started his family as a Christian, and so, in his generation, the Lift part has happened. What if, in our own families, each generation was Lifted higher in the things of God?

When Charming and I were dating, one of the goals we decided on for our family was to raise lots of kids who would be mentally and emotionally healthy as adults. They, in turn, would form (eight) new healthy families. Multiplying ourselves by eight? Sounds good to me.

Sustainability in action. And how much more important that recycling *things?*

Note: Please don't think I'm dissing recycling. I recycle. But maybe because I pay for it on my water bill, whether I want to or not?

Nah, I'm not that irresponsible. But you will be more likely to see me at a rally for Pro-Life issues than at an Earth Day rally.

Why don't you make a commitment to Sustainibility for the Christian family? It is a campaign with eternal consequences, and eternal rewards.

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Charming and I had a discussion the other day about Thoughts. He had been "Thinking about Thoughts."

Actually, he had been thinking about Handwriting. Now, I am pretty proud of my handwriting. There was a time, in eighth grade, when I could do a fair imitation of any of my friends' script. Those were the days of autograph books, and so I had permanent samples. When I would write things down, I'd say to myself, I'm going to write this like Janet T*gtmeyer or Betty Sw*ndler.

Wow. Hadn't thought about that for awhile. But back to my own hand, I can be really neat if I want to, every letter well-formed and evenly spaced. I can also be really, really messy, like when I'm taking sermon notes.

Charming, on the other "hand," has a hand that is really small and cramped-looking. Even after 34 years of marriage, I sometimes have a difficult time reading it. Maybe he shoulda been a leftie; in those days they frowned on that, you know. But, my sons Johnny Tremain and Alvin Fernald have the same hand, and there is no longer any stigma. So anyway, it is what it is, right?

Back. to. our. discussion.

He was writing down the lyrics to a song he had written, hurrying to get them all down on paper, when the Lord impressed him of the importance of our handwriting. After all, thoughts are just thoughts until they are spoken or written down. Only you know what you are thinking, but when you share that thought, it becomes "public" so to speak.

Think about how the Bible came to us. God inspired the writers with what He wanted us to know, but at some point, those writers had to WRITE IT DOWN. How very monumental those thoughts were, written down for the very first time!

Now, of course, not all of the thoughts we write down are monumental. Some thoughts are "just for a day," like my grocery list. It is of no importance after I shop. A note to the attendance office after my child has been ill is useless after he is marked "excused" in the permanent record.

Letters (you remember those, right?) may be important or unimportant. I have every one that Charming wrote during our courtship, because, though he did not write very many, they were thought-out, very romantic and, well, Wonderful. He kept every letter I wrote him, as well, but very few were actually worth keeping. I wrote him every day, just rambling little things about what I did. We never know, though, who will keep our letters.

I could go on. Journals and diaries are treasured when they come from relatives. I kept a few thank-you notes my mother wrote as she grew older. I knew that someday, reading her thoughts again would be very precious.

The lesson the Lord wanted to teach Charming was to take a little more time when writing something down. Maybe make your handwriting a little neater. At least, Think about what you are writing. We know that having a "thought" is not sinful; only when we act on that thought does it become sin. We also know that a "thought" cannot hurt someone until we speak it. Death and life are in the power of the TONGUE. So I think we need to be a little more deliberate when committing thoughts to paper, as well. (or to the email or internet, of course!)

I will post this, naturally, under "Thought Life!"

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Isn't this beautiful?

"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom...O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days...and let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands, establish thou it."

--Ps. 90: 12, 14, 17

I have just finished the book The Wonderful Spirit-filled Life by Charles Stanley. Here is a great quote from the chapter "Preparing to Hear: the Principle of Neutrality":

"From God's perspective, the content of our prayers takes second place to the question of whether or not we are willing to obey Him. His ultimate goal is hearts and minds that are in complete harmony with His kingdom agenda. His plan for you and me is to move us to the place where we can sincerely say with Christ "Thy kingdom come [regardless of how it interferes with my plans], Thy will be done [in spite of what I expect or desire]." --p. 177.

I have been in churches of the Pentecostal tradition for 33 years now. You may also know that I grew up Catholic. For that reason, I have no problem with praying "Thy will be done." The Catholics have the sovereignty-of-God thing down pat. Some Pentecostals (let's say, a certain "stripe")have a problem with that. It reared its ugly head in the '80's, during the Prosperity Movement. "Don't pray 'Thy will be done:' that doesn't show FAITH!!" I still know brothers and sisters who believe that. But, frankly, I think it takes more faith, not less, to take our hands off and let God do what *He* wants with us.

In two different places, it is recorded that Jesus himself prayed that prayer: in the Lord's Prayer, and at Gethsemane, and I don't think anyone has ever accused Jesus of not having enough faith. And, as the quote above from Stanley's book points out, how can we expect our prayers to be "in line" with God's plan for the Kingdom? We, finite and selfish creatures that we are, will always pray our own will. That's to be expected. Since Charming's last job was sixty-hours-a-week-work-almost-every-weekend, my prayer is, Lord, give him a job that is Monday through Friday, forty hours, at, say, $80,000. But I need the Lord to bring me to the place that says, Thy will be done. Whatever will do Your work Your way.

Weird thing is, I think He is. I have always said that my biggest need is Security. Charming has been out of work before, and it is no-fun-let-me-tell-ya'. I've said, "God knows I need Security, so I believe Charming will always have a job." Sure enough, the last time Charming changed jobs, there was only a one-day lag between them.

This is Charming's eighth week out of work. I still need Security, but I am *astonished* to say, I think the Lord is teaching me that my security is in Him. And I'm coming to the place where it is easier to pray, Thy will be done. Maybe I'm learning. It's always good to be learning. And the Holy Spirit is such a gentle Teacher.

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I have finished two "classic" works of literature that I had never taken the time to read before: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Frankenstein.

I actually became interested because they were on a resource list for a Worldview Course that I was researching. I was not surprised that each of the tales was different from the our common connotations, based on movies that, for good or bad (good: the Spencer Tracy "Jekyll,"; bad: the myriad other versions of both!) could not give to the viewer the torment and anguish the title characters felt.

Each of the two stories is written either in first person, or from another "eyewitness" point of view. The authors were extremely talented in "pulling me in" to the stories.

What you don't get from the cheesy movie versions of Jekyll is the reason Henry Jekyll experimented with the good/bad parts of the human nature to begin with. He wanted to find a way to separate the good and the bad in order to allow man to live in his "good" nature all the time. As we all know, after drinking the potion and entering his "evil" nature, he wreaked havoc on the town, until he took his antidote to return to "normal." He found he had a problem when the evil nature returned to him without notice, and without taking the formula. This happened at shorter and shorter intervals, and he found himself trying to make his way home to get the antidote before he was found out.

Eventually Jekyll finds himself in his evil state without any more antidote, and he must find a "final solution" to his problem.

Then I moved on to Frankenstein. Dr. Victor Frankenstein again had a noble motive: he thought that if he could find the "answer to life," then he could bring people back to life, for example, children who died from disease.

He gathered the most beautiful "pieces and parts" that could be acquired from cadavers. He also decided that he would be more easily successful if he worked in a larger (giant) format. He was extremely excited, thinking that he was advancing God's cause, as he did the electrical and chemical maneuvers that brought the being to life.

He was immediately horrified: the eyes and mouth, instead of being beautiful, were hideous. He ran away from the being, and was relieved to find the being gone when he came home again.

Frankenstein spends the the next years haunted by what he had done. He calls the being alternately daemon, fiend, and monster. His act causes the death of everyone he loves; the monster treks across the earth looking for acceptance and love, and failing that, turns to vengeance and murder. The knowledge of what he has done affects Frankenstein's physical, mental, and emotional health until he eventually dies.

Both Henry Jekyll and Victor Frankenstein had noble motives. Both wanted to better mankind. Both believed they had a "calling" to do so. But they both entered into places that belong only to God--those of Author of Life, and Redeemer of Mankind. We are more than a collection of organs and chemicals, "turned on" at the beginning of our life. We must not forget that the first man, Adam, had life "breathed into him" by the Father God himself.

Adam messed things up, and then left to all his descendants the Sin Nature. The Bible says that we are all "desperately  wicked" by ourselves. It takes Jesus' resurrection power to redeem that nature. All the good in us is because of Him. Do you see that both Jekyll and Frankenstein were doomed from the start? They had nothing to give their creations except from their own stores--which were inherently flawed.

These stories have many layers--definitely worth a read. They are short enough for summer reading, as well.

After spending some time this weekend thinking about the two stories, I went to church this morning. During worship we sang the "Revelation Song." Look at some of the lyrics. They meant so much more to me, after reading these two stories:

Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You…!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery

********************

So here is the Short Version:

Man disappoints, but Jesus Never Disappoints.

Man fails, but Jesus Never Fails.

God is good. All the time!

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hey, interj. sound made to attract attention, to express surprise or other feeling, or to ask a question.

--Thorndike--Barnhart High School Dictionary, 1968.

Look at the date of my last entry: more than a month ago. I have been blogging on my other blog pretty regularly, but this one, which my family calls my "thinking" blog, has been neglected. Perhaps I've done no "thinking" of note...

I was watching the Schoolhouse Rock dvd with my grandkids the other day. Do you know it? This is the one we watched over-and-over:

Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point! or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong.

I've been thinking about the word *hey,* which led me to look it up in my old-school dictionary. You see where it says it is used to "attract attention, express surprise or other feeling, or to ask a question." What a multi-purpose word!

I sort of wondered if it came from the word "Ahoy!" which is also used to attract attention. You could probably also use the word Ahoy to "express surprise," as in, Ahoy! What have we here? Or is that "asking a question?" And am I way off base thinking that Hey and Ahoy might be related?

As usual, when I look up a word in the dictionary, I wander. While getting to the right page, I find a word or two among the guide words (the beginning and end words at the top of the page, if you, like me, have forgotten the term) that I have never seen. This morning I found "fricative" (in phonetics, pronounced by forcing the breath through a narrow opening formed by placing the tongue or lips near or against the palate, teeth, etc...f, v, s, and z are fricative consonants." Also, "gibingly" (the adverb form of "gibe"). I also noticed, in my dictionary wanderings today, that "hi" was not included as an entry. However, the word "high" had a total of fourteen different meanings. I knew all of them except number 12: slightly tainted, as in Game is often eaten after it has become high. Of course, I love number 14: excited by alcoholic drinks (or drugs: he's high.)

All of this has, of course, no real meaning at all.

I just wanted to say Hey.

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...and over at Fresh Starts.

You need to bookmark this site. Every Monday, Jen has a devotional for Moms, to get you through your week. It is really, really good stuff.

See you there!

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The other day, very early in the morning, I heard a train whistle.

I hadn't heard one in quite awhile. Granted, it *is* winter, and the windows are closed, but what I noticed when I heard it was... I noticed.

We've had train tracks close enough to hear a whistle in almost every house Charming and I have lived in since our marriage. It is such a warm, Friendly Sound, I think.

The house I grew up in was too far away from any tracks to hear. Charming, on the other hand, lived in a tiny town (actually called a Village) with a tiny depot. The story goes that, at two years of age, he wouldn't go to bed at night without going down to the depot and waving at the engineer. I have been to that place, long gone and overgrown with weeds, trying to imagine a slower time (think Mayberry!) when a young Daddy and Mommy took their toddler to see the train every evening, supper dishes done, and a long evening before them.

Our lives today are so darn Complicated. I *could* be so involved at church as to have an excuse to be there about five nights a week. Of course, I have access to a Girl's Night Out (to have time for *me*), or the gym, or myriad opportunities for my children to be Enriched: little league, ballet, on and on...

I was lucky to be raised in the fifties and early sixties, in that Mayberry time. I used to think my life was boring, because my Mother never "went anywhere." I only had a babysitter who wasn't my older sister once in my life, and that was my aunt. Now, that is the life I want, and I don't think I can have it here in 2009. Oh, I know some people *are* doing it, but I'm talking about ME here.

But I really wonder about why I hadn't noticed a train in so, so long. Am I really not hearing it, with all of the other "noise" in my life? Here I am, running my tail off while I'm wishing things would just slow down. Maybe it's because my last two children are 14 and almost 16. I always heard the train when I had pre-schoolers; I would point it out to them. Alvin Fernald was a train nut like his Daddy; all of his Thomas stuff is packed away in a big rubbermaid tub in the basement.

Hmmm. Maybe it's time to get it out, dust it off, and make a big mess putting it together. Maybe then, we can all Hear the Train once again.

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As is usual for me, at this time of year, I am looking for ways to Slow Down. Get Simple. Do less, but More With Meaning. Aren't we all looking for that?

It seems to be quite hard to do so, with three sets of family, and my own children to boot. Johnny Tremain is in the church play, and Blackeyed Susan is dancing in the Program on the Sunday before Christmas. And, don't forget Charming's work Christmas party--he is a manager, so it is on the Must Do list. My Must-do list is long, and I don't even have a School Holiday Program to deal with!

We have been on this mission for our entire life-with-children. We wanted to keep the gift thing simple: three gifts for each, just like Jesus received. The Problem was Charming--as Christmas approached every year, he began thinking of more and more gifts that he wanted to give the children. Our admonishment that "this is not going to be a *big* Christmas" became a family joke.

I can't really blame Charming--he is not alone in being a generous father. Our heavenly Father loves us more than any earthly father can--and doesn't He "lavish us with gifts" that we can't even number?

The last couple of years, we have had a smaller Christmas because we purposed to do so. We only have two children at home (tho' we have four adult single children, who don't have families of their own), and so the pile under the tree is, by default, smaller...

...but not less complicated. Crafting gifts by hand does save money, but not time. We decided with our first grandchild, that our gifts for the grands would be books or handmade toys. I love to make flannel jammies or knit scarves (I did that two years ago--eighteen scarves!), and I harbor a dream of making everyone in the family a pair of red mittens (should have taken care of that while the kids were still at home: would have been ten pairs, instead of nineteen-and-counting....). Wonderful food mixes or cookies or fudge--also good, except that isn't my favorite thing to do.

So here I am, again. In the summertime, all this looks so simple: make a plan, and don't let it get out of hand. And, if you think you were going to find an answer here...ha ha on YOU!!

I am seeing a recurring theme in my blog-travels this season--don't be so frugal that you worry about spending money [that you Have in Hand--I'm a Dave Ramsey girl], and don't feel guilty if you do Buy presents instead of Thrifting them or Making them or whatever.

I (in my own Infinite Wisdom here) do have a couple of rules of thumb: 1) don't buy frivolous presents; that is, don't buy something just to be buying something. Make sure that it is a gift that will be appreciated and used. I can't tell you the number of times I have found a *perfect* gift in the thrift store. The bonus was saving money; the Real Deal was Finding the Perfection. But if your Perfect Gift is a little pricier, and in the department store, if you have the money, Go For It. 2) Every year when we "attempted" to give the children only three gifts, we used this rule of thumb: give Something to Wear, Something to Read, and Something to Do. I used their own wishes for the something to do, gave good books for their own collections, and, of course, clothing served a double purpose as a gift/need thing.

Where else but in America do we angst about not having a simple life? Last year, I went to the library for the book Hundred Dollar Christmas, a book about simplifying the holiday. I found it on a table display of at least forty books on Making Your Life More Simple. What, living simply is an Industry now?

Another problem I have had (gollee, this is getting long, sorry) is the Wonderful Holiday Tradition thing. Charming grew up in a home with several traditions; so did I. When we combine these with the Number of Cool Traditions in our own family, as well as any number of new ones in the Simple Holiday books....

...can't do everything.

Wow. Epiphany. Light bulb Moment.

If you're like me (the all-or-nothing girl) deciding is the most difficult...decision. Maybe you can't get to your ideal in one year. The last two or three years I have liked better and better. Maybe I'm on the Path to being Satisfied.

Nah. That prob'ly won't happen. But I'll die trying. 

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The book Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison was suggested to me, because my son Don Quixote was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 27. I will give you the same warning that was given me: the book is crude in many places. But, outside of the actual "memoir" chapters, there is a lot of insight into the way Aspies think.

My son went through what many like him do--a lot of torment from other children, because he is different. Asperger's is not a "visible" disabiity, and so people didn't think to "allow" for the disability when dealing with him. Besides, Don did not get a diagnosis until age 27.

A short, but far from complete list, if you are not familiar. Aspies:

--cannot "read" faces, and don't know when you are angry or perturbed with them

--cannot remember faces, so appear rude when they introduce themselves to someone they "should" know by now

--do not have the emotional feelings and social skills NT ("neurologically typical") people have

--because of this, they do many, many things that are socially unacceptable. One time Don asked a not-close acquaintance, "What's it like to be black?"

(to elaborate on this--Aspie's never pick up on the "social cues"--what is "acceptable" or "not acceptable"--that we NT people naturally get, just by growing up in a culture. For instance, it seems just as logical for an Aspie to ask a person "Have you gained weight? You look fatter than the last time I saw you" as "Have you lost weight? You look thinner than the last time I saw you.")

There are many other idiosyncracies, but that will give you a little picture.

In addition, Aspies can exhibit almost savant-like tendencies--my Don used to multiply two three-digit numbers in his head.

The author explained several things to me quite well. I knew that Aspies, being ridiculed by their peers, often relate well as children, to grownups or to younger children. They feel accepted and valued. My son Don gets the same acceptance by foreign people, in the ESL classes he helps with.

The author talks about scientists who study the "plasticity" of the brain, and its development over a lifetime.

Children who cannot connect socially, retreat into themselves. Profoundly autistic children (Asperger's is a higher-functioning form of autism) don't communicate at all with others. Robison feels he was saved from that, because he could interact with adults. During his childhood and adolescence, he exhibited those savant-like traits in math and science, but at the same time, was struggling socially. Now, at fifty, he has developed his social and emotional capabilities, and the other traits have diminished. He uses an analogy that I have used with my son: his focus was "laser-like" and so those "abilities" were magnified until they seemed savant-like. But, as his "world" got bigger, that laser dissipated into a much larger "brain". But, as it dissipated, the super-genius thing was not as evident. He speaks of looking at diagrams of computer circuits he designed twenty years ago, and not even recognizing them. But, he says, the trade-off is worth it--he now can connect with people, has a wife and son, and is immeasurably more happy.

One other thing the author said really spoke to me. He says:

"Many descriptions of autism and Asperger's describe people like me as "not wanting contact with others," or "preferring to play alone." ...I'd like to be clear about my own feelings: I did not EVER want to be ALONE." (p. 339 of the large-print edition)

We were ALL created with a need for love and acceptance. Aspie's appear to "like to play alone" because they are not accepted by others.

I know there is a theory that autism spectrum disorders are a result of immunizations. Don was immunized, yes, and with vaccines with mercury preservatives. But, the author of this book, because he was born in 1957, was not. A few issues ago, TOS magazine featured special needs kids, and one of the articles was about Asperger's. They gave a list of "symptoms" you could look over, to see if you wanted to get your child evaluated. I was surprised at the list: every single item could be attributed to either Charming or me. So, Don Quixote's Asperger's could also be a simple genetic mix.

One important thing to realize is that Asperger's is not a disease; therefore, it doesn't need a "cure." It's Just The Way Don Is Wired. Just because it is Neurologically Atypical, doesn't mean it isn't normal for Don. I am glad, though, that the word is getting out, and people are beginning to be educated.

This is getting Too Long, so maybe I'll write more about it another time. Since I started out to write a review of the book, here's the short version: The "memoir" portion is crude in places, but the information I gathered confirmed what my mother-heart knew, even before my son was diagnosed. I feel that it has been worth my time to read.

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"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth."--Genesis 1:1

"In the beginning was the Word; and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."--John 1:1

I don't think of these verses often, but when I do, they just *thrill* me. I was a biology major in college in the 70's, and, even tho' it was a Catholic university, I was required to take a semester of Evolution. Just thinking about it now makes me laugh. Studying something that isn't true and that I never believed--for an entire semester? Can I get a refund of my tuition? (don't laugh when I tell you that the entire year's monies for my private college tuition, room and board, and fees came to $3800...)

I read of people or organizations saying that Creation could not be the mechanism by which the universe began. But then, scientific method also fails: it is incumbent upon the *observable* and *reproducible*. So we end up with the Big Bang or the Primordial Soup, both leaving the unanswerable question: Where did the "stuff" of which the Big Bang or Primordial Soup were composed, come from?

Blackeyed Susan and I studied Descartes last week. You remember him: "I think, therefore I am." He decided to lock himself in a room, and begin doubting everything he could think of. He got to the place where he could doubt everything except the fact that he was "doubting." Thus, his famous saying, upon which he built his entire philosophy. He proved his existence to himself by ruling everything else out.

That is pitiful. Just pitiful. And he is one of the Great Thinkers? As we used to say in grade school, It Is To Laugh.

You who are reading this probably never met my mother. And, because of that, you might claim that she does not exist. I would have to laugh at that, since I know her. No theory or other "evidence" you could present would have any effect on me whatsoever.

So, when someone says that God does not exist, or that we cannot *know* that He exists, I might have a little chuckle. Because, you see, I KNOW Him. That is the incredible, impossible-to-believe fact. Not only do we have His Word to tell us about what really happened "in the beginning," He allow us, nay WANTS us to be in relationship with Him.

Face it, we all want and need to know we are wanted and loved. Our loving Father does not leave us in the dark. No need to wonder, He lets us know in many, many ways.

Charming and I made it a point to make the first words we spoke to each of our children the Good News: "this is the most important thing Daddy and Mommy will ever tell you. God loves you and sent His Son to die on the Cross for you so that you can be with them forever." And then the second thing: "and Daddy and Mommy love you so much!"

As mothers, we have the most precious opportunity to be the ones to bring the Truth to our little ones. Early and often. I was surprised with the many, many "teachable" moments that happened every day. And they are still happening, as I homeschool my last two children. They are finishing seventh and ninth grades, but we are full of awe when studying science or math, and the laws which the universe follows. The incredible creativity of poetry, art and music. God is a creative God, and He created us to be creative.

The greatest thing, I think, is that, even in a lifetime of study, we cannot get to the end of what God has done. What he did "in the beginning" is there for the discovery, hour by hour, day by day. We can know His creation, and Himself, for ourselves. And what you know yourself, no one can take away.

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Yesterday, our pastor preached on the miracle of feeding the 5,000. Now, I'm sure you have heard sermons on this passage before, perhaps more than once. But this time, it spoke to me in a different way.

You know the story, of course. The Crowds Came. In John 6:5, it is Jesus who asks Philip, "Where shall we find bread for these people to eat?" The passage also says, He said it to test Philip, for He already knew what He was going to do.

I love to imagine the little boy with the lunch. Maybe he was five years old, and overheard Jesus' question. Can't you hear him, holding up his little package: "Here, Jesus. You can use mine!" I know *my* little ones would have done so. Oh, if we could have that faith!

Well, I don't have to tell you what happened. Jesus blessed the food, and it held out, with plenty to spare. (the same thing has happened to me, but with about thirty people, not 5,000. And, there wasn't a lot "to spare." Guess I have faith for 30....)

This miracle is told in all four Gospel accounts, and in one of them, one of the apostles suggests sending the crowds home to find their own dinner. So, what was the new "twist" I got yesterday? Our pastor challenged us to ask the question a different way. Instead of, "where shall we find bread for them to eat?" try these:

Where shall we find answers to broken marriages?

Where shall we find answers for straying children?

How can we bring clarity to those with mental illness or depression?

How can we reach out to the hurting?

Is our answer, "Send them away to fend for themselves?"

Ouch.

The Good News is that, just like in the story, Jesus already knows what he plans to do. He just needs Miracle Bread-Passers. The answer is beyond my capacity, but not beyond His. Can I get *there* in my own faith, to really, really believe that? Is Jesus' resurrection power available now to transform MY world?

What do I do when the need is bigger than my answer? Just do what I can do, (and KEEP doing it). God will do the rest. This is His way of "growing" us.

So often, I get so caught up in my own stuff, I can't even think about doing stuff for God. He wants me to be willing to smell like fish and pass out bread. Do I have a servant's heart? Oh, I want one!

So, just a few thoughts from our sermon yesterday. These, for the most part, are not *my* thoughts. Just the notes I took while our pastor was sharing. But they were so good, I wanted to share them with you. The title of the sermon was "making room for the miraculous." I think if I can desire this, I'd better Get Outta The Way. Stuff is Going to Happen.

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I do not believe that the earth is overpopulated with humans. First and foremost, I believe that our Creator is *in charge*, and would not let the place He created for us, ever become too small. What, He didn't figure big enough, like when I don't get enough fabric to recover the sofa? You know, you go back to the fabric store, and they're all out...

I have, from time to time, heard the statistic that the entire population of the earth would fit into the state of Texas, with each of us allowed 1500 sq. feet of space. My house has 1850 square feet, and housed ten of us. So I'm thinking that the 1500 sq. feet would easily allow for a garden and a couple of rooms to live in.

I finally decided to "do the math," and see if this could actually happen. I had to do the calculations manually, as my calculator only allows eight places for numbers.

Texas has 267,339 square miles. To get the square footage, I need to use two "unit multipliers" of 5280 feet/1 square mile. This would end up as 267,339 times 5280 times 5280 times feet times feet, *over* 1. That calculation took half a sheet of notebook paper, and ends up to be 7,452,993,577,600 square feet. That's seven trillion and change. I rounded it to 7 trillion, 453 billion, (7,453,000,000,000) and divided by 6 billion. (Actually, I just divided 7,453 by 6.) The answer, tho' not technically 1,500 square feet, turns out to be 1242 square feet. And, in case you are asking, only 5,500 square miles are used up as lakes in Texas. You technically would need to either subtract them, or provide boats for those people to sit in...)

So. It looks like the entire population of the earth could easily fit into Texas, without nudging up against each other or anything. Plenty of "personal space."

A little different perspective on the Population Explosion, eh?

(and, don't forget, that Texas is less than half the size of Alaska.)

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"Nothing is intolerable that is necessary, [Jeremy] Taylor had written. Now God has bound thy trouble upon thee, with a design to try thee, and with purposes to reward and crown thee. These cords thou canst not break; and therefore lie thou down gently, and suffer the hand of God to do what He pleases."

--quoted in Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon, p. 329

I grew up quite awhile ago, when many people suffered with cancer or any of a number of other maladies before they succumbed. The key word here is Suffered.

I remember asking my mother one time about how these people could stand the suffering. I loved her answer: Suffering is a gift that God gives only to those who can handle it. But if you are *chosen,* you have an opportunity to show people the faithfulness of God.

I also knew that those people did not suffer alone. They were surrounded with friends and family who prayed, as well as the Savior who promised "never to leave them or forsake them."

My parents knew suffering.  Besides two miscarriages and two stillbirths, four of their children were born with a congenital cancer-like syndrome. It was in remission at birth, but they knew that at some point, it would become active. My siblings died at 2 1/2, 3, 5, and 8 years of age, the last one surviving longer due to "new,"  "experimental" chemotherapy drugs.

The most beautiful thing about my parents is that, in their suffering, they turned to the One who comforts. They taught me that what seems like tragedy is not tragedy to God: all is in His time, and for His purpose.

We all suffer to one extent or another. We are all betrayed by someone who loves us. We are unfairly treated. No one escapes crisis in their life, of one kind or another.

In Where is God When It Hurts? by Phillip Yancey, I found an answer I can live with to the question, How can a loving God allow suffering? This is the gist of it, though I do not have the book in front of me, for a proper quote:

Say that any good act that you do would have an instant reward, and that any bad act you do would have an instant punishment. (isn't this the way you or I would design a perfect world?) Say that you would get some kind of "treat" for good actions, and that you would feel an electric shock for bad actions. How long would it be before you were doing good things because you knew the treat was coming, and *not doing* bad things because you didn't want to be shocked? Well, you know what that is--Conditioned Response. Psych 101.

But God, who *is* LOVE, wants us to love Him because we choose to, not to avoid punishment, or receive a reward. Think about our earthly relationships. Don't you want your children to love you for *you,* not because of what you can give them? Same thing for God, our Father.

The book explains it much better than I can. (so go get the book!) But here is where it led me. We live in a fallen world; the fallen world has suffering. The Bible tells me that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. So, since God knows a tad more than I do, I can leave the answers with Him, and not worry about it. He has proven to me in my own life, that He is GOOD. ALL THE TIME. So, if I am suffering, it is either a natural consequence of a choice I made, or the Lord has let it come to me.

The best part of all is that God Wastes Nothing. He is using everything in my life to "conform me to the image of His Son."

So, we're back to the quotation, and to my Mom's answer. (why, yes, she was the smartest lady in the entire universe!) Suffering. The Gift nobody asks for. But one of the most Precious of all His gifts.

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My devotion for today, for my marriage, is based on ICor. 13:4-8:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Some of these I can check off the list. It took me years and years, but, most of the time, I "keep no record of wrongs." Pretty good on the "does not envy." The *patient* and *kind* part are come-and-go. Oh, I use all the excuses--too busy, hormones, whatever, then a quick "I'm sorry, honey." He always forgives me. But then I find that I can be selfish about doing something *I* want to do, and think, Oh, well, he'll forgive me later. You know that saying, "I'd rather ask forgiveness than permission?" I don't remember reading that in the Bible!

I think the last portion of the passage makes a great goal for a marriage:

it ALWAYS protects/ ALWAYS trusts/ ALWAYS hopes/ ALWAYS perseveres. Love NEVER fails.

So, a special Valentine's greeting to all of you married friends. And, remember that a married couple is the best picture God has of showing Himself to the world. We should seek to make it the very best we can. Never forget that *He* can make it that way!

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When I had all my little guys at home, they used to exert their influence so that I would buy their favorite kind of chips for lunch. It worked, because Aldi's had bags of chips for 59 cents. So I would buy barbeque, sour cream and onion, corn chips, cheeto's, and pretzels. By the end of the week, there wasn't much left. I would mix all the rest of the bags together in a bowl and call it Surprise Chips.

Same with cereal. Cheerios, Kix, and whatever else was left at the bottom of the boxes would go in a Tupperware cereal keeper, and I would call it Surprise Cereal. (don't use  Raisin Bran, though, it gets soggy in the bowl before the rest of the cereal--eeuuww.)

Neither Surprise Chips nor Surprise cereal were as popular as each favorite by itself. But the children learned to eat both of them.

It's kind of like being brothers and sisters.  Living together is a learning process, and, I guess it worked, because as difficult as it could be growing up, now, whenever my adult children get together, they seem to have no problem getting along. This, of course, translates into the experience of being college roommates, and then progresses to marriage.

A few years ago, I read an article that said America should not be called The Great Melting Pot. It should instead be called a Salad, because we are all Separate People, not a homogenous One. *Diversity* is the Goal.

Hmmm. Guess that person did not read his history text. During the period of the great immigration, the Goal was to become transformed into a different identity--American. Yes, we Germans and Greeks and Italians and Irish brought our cultures with us. But, like any great pot of *anything,* it is the little spices and other things "added" that make the dish shine. And then, the "pot" becomes its Own Thing.

And, frankly, I don't know of anyone who doesn't still have Ethnic pride. (Did you see My Big Fat Greek Wedding?) I remember the first time I saw Riverdance. It felt like I could identify with that Irish dancing clear down to my DNA. I just KNEW those were "my people."

Yet, there is so much about us that is distinctly American, different than any other people. During World War II, the Japanese didn't know what to do with "Yankee ingenuity." Neither did the Germans--it was Americans who had the idea to use Navajo code-talkers to foil the Germans. And think about MacGuyver--Americans can fix anything with a paper clip and a rubber band!

My thought for today was that this is how we should view the Church. We come from many traditions--I grew up Catholic, and I have a sister-in-law who was raised in the Holiness tradition. Yet, today I worship in an Assemblies of God church. We Christians are of all stripes(and you know what I mean!),and have to learn to "live together" in spite of our differences. We retain our "ethnic" traits, but come together into a melting pot that is distinctly Christlike. 

At least, that is the idea, isn't it? Gollee, if it could only be said of us, You are all Christians, aren't you? Just by the way we act. What a goal to shoot for.

And the very best thing? It is He that does the work. We just have to Get Close and Listen.

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I go through periods where I wish I could learn everything. Like when I was small, and I was going to read every book in the library, in alphabetical order.

Recently, my daughter Violet turned me onto the Treasure of Sutton Hoo. She told me over the phone, so first I wrote down Sutton Who? like one of the people Horton Hears. No, Mom, Sutton Hoo. Then I thought it was maybe someone who lived in Hong Kong or something. She finally said, Just Get A Book.

My book is called The Treasure of Sutton Hoo, and I found out that Sutton Hoo is a place in southeastern England, in former East Anglia. An ancient ship-burial was found there in 1939. It became a fascinating archeological dig.

It is the burial "shrine," if you will, of an Anglo-Saxon king. No body was in the grave, but, archeologically speaking, they weren't expecting one. They buried an entire ship, with items placed in three areas: one area for his military stuff (shield, spears, helmet), and one for household stuff (bowls, spoons, a little bit of cloth and leather), and, well, I'm not finished with What Was In The Middle. The entire ship has decomposed, but every one of the iron nails was left intact, in its place, so they were able to reconstruct the ship in its entirety. (though smaller, of course!)

Now we get to what is, for me, the Absolutely Fascinating Part.

This king (and they have narrowed the list down to five known kings) died in the seventh century. In the 600's. He was a contemporary of BEOWULF, people! In fact, portions of Beowulf are scattered throughout the book, giving a "setting" to the antiquities they found.

They know that the burial must have taken place between 625 and 670. Not before 625, because a collection of coins they found (and they believe it was a coin Collection!) would discount an earlier date. Not later than 670, because this was a pagan-style burial, but some of the items are embossed with a cross, and a couple were standard baptism gifts when a king was converted. Yet, after 670, Christianity was so established, that royal pagan burials had ceased.

Another mystery is how they buried an entire ship, 100 feet above shore and a half-mile in. It appears that it was lowered in, not just "dumped." More mysteries.

So many more details are fascinating. How they embossed the helmet and shield with scenes of Greek warriors, and the bowls with classical heads of Greek women. Just like the later Greek Revivals in art and architecture. A little of the history of how Christianity came to England is included. And I am only two-thirds finished with the book!

So, if you have already read Horton Hears a Who, may I suggest you move on to The Treasure of Sutton Hoo. It is definitely a fascinating read, and makes all of that Anglo-Saxon pre-Norman conquest thing come to life.

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If you read this post, you know that I am working my way through the book The Path by Laurie Beth Jones. I am at the part where she is using Biblical characters as examples to follow while figuring out how your Mission will be accomplished.

I looked up the word "virtuous" (as in Proverbs 31's Virtuous Woman) in the concordance. The Hebrew word chayil has many meanings, among which are: a force, whether of men, means, or other resources; wealth; virtue; strength. My sister Janet says she is "a force to be reckoned with!" (probably every husband would agree, don't you think?)

Certainly any of us who have read this passage have found this Woman to be all of the above. It appears she is wealthy, her arms are strong, she does many things throughout her lifetime, and is praised by her husband and children. I could *maybe* aspire to everything except the "Rising early" at the same time as her "candle not going out by night." Maybe she took naps, eh?

Right now (in The Path) I am reading about Ruth, and how she fulfilled the Eight Steps to Mission Fulfillment:

• Ruth's love for Naomi gave her the facts she needed to fulfill her mission.
• She set a goal to follow and bless Naomi.
• She examined and enlisted her resources by asking to glean the barley fields.
• She turned old business into new business by proposing to Boaz.
• She gave [Boaz] something to remember her by: her diligence in the fields, and her reputation for loving-kindness and loyalty.
• She broke ranks by leaving her Moabite roots.
• She became visible by working in the fields, and bringing about a meeting with the person whose blessing she sought.
• She saturated everything she did with prayer, invoking the blessing of a God she knew only through Naomi.  

(words in italics are quoted from The Path.)

One more quote:

"Ruth demonstrates to all of us the value of the ministry of presence, and the worth God places on loyalty and commitment. Ruth's words to Naomi are used in wedding ceremonies still [as in my own!] --thousands of years after she spoke them. She did not change any geographical boundaries or turn water into blood or lead people into the Promised Land. She simply loved someone with all her heart, and gave herself in service. It is no wonder she was chosen to be Jesus' ancestor. God must have wanted that kind of passionate love for others to be handed down."

--pp.166-7

Wow. A reminder that in the midst of raising children, loving husbands, work (whatever kind of work we do, throughout our lifetime), money made, spent, etc. etc., we find the example of Ruth. You know, Ruth is one of only two books in the Bible named for women. Esther (the other one) is cool; she had a mission given by God to save the nation of Israel. But I think it is so, so wonderful to see that the book of Ruth is there, just to show us an example of How to Love.

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I've never had a bona fide, honest-to-goodness, personal Mission Statement. Charming and I have fiddled around with a Family Mission statement; he has always done such things for work, and is fine-tuning one for Ministry.

My sister encouraged me to read the book The Path by Laurie Beth Jones. In it, she takes you through the process of writing a mission statement, then a vision statement, and beyond. I'm about halfway through the book, but my Mission Statement is coming together.

I think it is a great advantage to get this point in life before doing one. I can look back to see evidence of just what God put me on earth for. All the things that have come before show me in what direction to head.

I almost stopped after the introduction. Your mission statement must be only one sentence long.

Wait a minute. What my dear husband says in ten words (he writes songs, and must be succinct, you know) I can say in, oh, three hundred or so. I really didn't think I could ever do it. Another thing: your statement must be able to cover everything you ever do, for your entire life, whether or not you ever become single through widowhood, your children grow up and move on, whatever job changes go on, etc. Whew. Looked harder and harder every minute.

The book asks What were you passionate about in your youth, and then now? I always loved science, because I could see the workings of God in it. When my children went to Christian school twenty years ago, they all used Abeka science books, and every book gave the same definition for science: Discovering what God has already done. Wow. Isn't that the truth? And I love how God "hid" so many things, leaving them for us to discover through the thousands of years since creation.

Today, I love homeschooling my children. Science is naturally my favorite to teach--I love to share with my children how science shows us God's design. But I can also find God's Design in every other subject, as well.

I also love teaching and mentoring on marriage, motherhood, and Natural Family Planning. The last one, because it is so SCIENTIFIC! Love to teach on the way God designed marriage, motherhood, homemaking, etc.

Hmmm. There seemed to be some recurring words there. Revealing. God's. Design. Could that be my mission? It certainly describes my Passion. It covered all my interests throughout my life so far, including Raising Children, the premier and longest-lasting Job I'll ever have.      

Time to put it to the acid test. Would my uber-passion, Quilting, make the cut?

Hmmm. I am made in the image of God. God is a Creator, therefore, He has made me to be Creative. It is part of  God's Design for me.

Whew.

The book then instructed me to find three verbs for my statement, as a Mission is an action thing. I decided on Teaching, Mentoring, and Modeling.

So, so far, I have this, after expanding a little bit on my Reveal God's Design statement:

My mission is to reveal God's design by teaching, mentoring, and modeling His love, care, and creativity...to...

The last part is to state "to" or "for" whom this applies. I'm considering two options:

--to those with whom I have or will have relationships

--to those within my sphere of influence.

It needs to cover my husband, children, neighbors and friends, and whomever I would touch through ministry or, well, my LIFE.

So, after a little more fine tuning, I think I'll have it.

Next on the list: a Vision statement of Where I Am Right Now. More to come!

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(with Props given to George H.W. Bush for the adjectives!)

I picked up this book at the library the other day. It is called Hundred Dollar Holiday: the Case for a More Joyful Christmas. It is a very quick read, but I haven't even read it. Lily and the children came over the day I got it, and she took it right away from me! She did, however, read portions of it while we crafted.

One of the points the author made speaks especially to me. Surveys have found that most people would be willing to give up a day's wages every week, if they could get that day "off". In the 80's, *they* (you know, the powers-that-be *they*) talked about four-day, ten-hours-a-day weeks. That, of course, was when a person still worked "only" forty hours per week. By the time my Daddy finished his forty-one year career at GE, he had accumulated six weeks of vacation per year. One year he took off every Friday for about eight weeks, using two of the weeks. 'Way back, he saw the advantage, as well.

Imagine if there was a store that sold "time." The line would be out the door and down the street, from coast to coast, right? So....

So, if we are attempting to make Christmas more "special" by buying gifts, as well as all the other trappings, we are offering something less valuable than our Best (as, obviously, we see Time as more valuable than money).

My problem is Too Many Traditions. I love to shop and spend money for things that will please my family. I also go CRAZY, crafting things for the same reason. Decorating? Every corner in the house! Baking. Game nights. Singing parties. On. and On. and On.

Whew. I'm getting tired just typing it.

One more thing--I picked the Hundred Dollar Holiday book up from the library.  But next to it, there were Piles of books on Simplifying Christmas, Slowing Down Christmas, Making Christmas More Meaningful.

Do you remember Laura Ingall's Christmas on Plum Creek? She was so excited because she and Mary got their own tin cups, and didn't have to share anymore. A pair of mittens, a stick of candy, and a penny. It was a rich Christmas.

I wonder what Laura Ingalls would think of the barrage of books written (and sold) about Making Christmas More Simple?

My own mother (born 1921) talked about how they looked forward to an orange in their stockings. She talked about relishing the aroma, just holding it her hands for awhile before eating it. Oranges were a rare thing in her home. Now, I throw an orange in the toe of the stockings as a matter of course. Grocery list? Oh, yes, must get oranges for stockings... Occasionally I'll find one still uneaten when we pack the stockings away.

Charming and I really blew it one Christmas. Blackeyed Susan and Alvin Fernald were probably five and four. Their "big" presents that year were a *fake* American Girl doll (with several outfits, a bed, and handmade quilt), and a Thomas train set with extras. We set these two gifts on the coffee table in the living room. The tree with all the other presents was in the den, closed off by French doors.

The older six children and us watched with delight as Susan and Alvin came down the stairs and saw their presents. After a few minutes play, the older children wanted to go to the other room. As we made the little guys go in, Charming and I looked at each other. We had really messed up. Sure enough, by the time the tree was emptied, and piles of paper stretched hither and yon (and Susan and Alvin had opened several "little gifts"), they were saying, Where's my next present?  It had taken only forty-five minutes to train them to the "gimme" mode. 

I don't know where this adventure will lead me. I hope it takes hold in my family. I expect that the first year won't be a complete success, however I'm going to define "success." But it will be a journey worth beginning.

Lily has some great thoughts on this. I put them on my other blog. Go check it out!

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My goodness, what a day Sunday!

After two years of negotiating, praying, funds-raising, praying, remodeling, and, yes, we are still praying (!), our church family is moving to a new facility next Sunday. It was a three-way real-estate deal--we bought an empty church (result of a tragic church split), another church, located across the street from a Christian university, bought ours, and the university bought theirs. Really, only the Lord could have worked this out to everyone's satisfaction.

Last night we had a combined service with the church that is moving *in*--our last service there, and their first. It was a Loud, Noisy Celebration of God's love and provision for His children. The church was bursting at the seams! A very rich time, indeed.

I had a funny thought during the service. Have you seen those commercials for the 100 calorie snacks? A woman comes bursting in to a corporate meeting--sorry, I'm late. (introducing herself) I'm--Too Stuffed to Concentrate. The rest introduce themselves around the table--I'm--Really Sorry I Ate That Pizza; I'm--Needing to Loosen My Pants; I'm--Really, Really Uncomfortable. The Very Wise woman eating the 100 Calorie Snack Pack says, I'm--Susan. The slogan: Don't be identified by your snacks.

What if we identified ourselves by our sins? I'm--an Adulterer. I'm--Living to Gossip about You. I'm--an Anger Problem Ready to Unleash on My Family. I'm--an Alcoholic. I'm--a Stealer (Murderer, Cheat on my Taxes, Don't give my boss a fair day's work, etc., etc., etc.)

If you are a Christian, you remember those days that Sin ruled your life. It was always there, ready to accuse, to bear down on you, stifle you. And you deserved everything you got. But then...

Christ came! And you found out that He already took the weight, the shame, the consequences for your sin. No longer did you have to identify yourself by your sin--He calls us by name. How free you felt!

Our enemy is called the Accuser of the Brethren. He will take every opportunity to try to get us to forget the freedom that has been bought and paid for by our Lord. Sometimes he is so crafty that we don't even realize what he is doing. We fall back into the oppression of sin, either feeling it overwhelm us, or actually falling back into the habit of sin.

Christ came to FREE us from sin. Not that we can ever be free from temptation to sin, and of course, we WILL sin, and 'way too often. By keeping our eyes on Jesus, and abiding in Him, that's where we find safety. That is where we are free to be Us, and, may I put it this way? we are free NOT to sin.

Hello. I'm Barbara. I'm Free From Sin, because of Him.

How wonderful to be able to say that!

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