I read a really neat post tonight on Ann Voskamp's blog, Holy Experience.  You can find it here:

http://aholyexperience.com/2008/09/making-of-heroes.html

I have been blessed numerous times by Ann's words.  She is gifted, humble, teachable, and loves the Lord.  Though I have never met her, and likely won't until Heaven, I have learned much from her.  Her words in this post resonated with me today, especially, as I am not always very good at making these kind of sacrifices...the little things that no one sees.  Except it's not no one.  God sees.  He sees it all.

I have been pondering Psalm 139.  (I actually began doing that before I found out I was pregnant, and then it took on another relevancy to me at present.)  It's so very, very hard to grasp.  The Sovereign God of the universe, the very one who put the stars in place, KNOWS me.  Created me.  Ordained every single day of my life before even one of them came to be!  He knows every word before I speak it, knows my deepest thoughts.  Incredibly difficult to fathom, isn't it?!?!

Yes, this precious, priceless, gracious and merciful, wonderful Savior, Jesus.  He sees when I follow His prompting in the little things.  He also sees the many times I don't do it.  The all-too-frequent times that I choose self.  But in His grace, He continues to speak to me, call to me, guide and direct me, challenge me....  And as I tell my children and long for them to understand this concept, I am blessed to experience, by His grace, that He enables me to do those things that no one but HE will ever see.  There will be no recognition.  No pat on the back to say, "Well done."  No praise for me.  All is as it should be.  I get NO glory.  HE gets it ALL!  When He gives me the self-control to make the right choice, to die to self, to lay aside pride, to choose to serve rather than be served...He and I both know He gets much glory from that!!!  For apart from Him, it would never happen.  And there is peace in my heart.

Our pastor often says that we want to make much of Christ.  Oh, how I long to do that in my daily life!  Make much of Christ!!!  Father, by Your grace, may our home be a place where we daily make much of YOU!  May our lives be lived out so that others see You in us!  It's all that really matters...that You get glory, Lord!  Thank You for enabling me to choose to do the little things tonight; things that only You and I know.  I love You.

Do you have it?  Regularly?  Are you at peace most days, deep in your heart?

Sadly, I must say, I have all too often been distracted, stressed, uptight, etc.  Why?  As with pretty much all of my struggles, it always boils down to this:  Lack. Of. Faith.  Is anyone with me here?  Am I alone in this?  No, I didn't think so.

God has been ever so gracious to work in my heart in the area of contentment this week.  It overwhelms me to think that still, no matter how long I struggle, no matter how many times I stray, thinking that I can "manage on my own" (Not that I really believe that, but I sure act sometimes as though I do!)...He is there.  He picks me up off the floor, dusts me off, wipes my tears, reminds me of His great love for me, heals hurts, whispers words of encouragement, and then guides my steps forward.  This Sovereign Lord, this Author and Perfecter of my faith...He gently reveals my sin, shines His light of Truth to remedy it, and covers me in His grace.  Grants forgiveness, once again, and enables me to walk.

This week He has especially used a few select verses and some wisdom that He bestowed on Linda Dillow, found in her book, Calm My Anxious Heart.  Many of us are familiar with Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  But how often do we read that in context?  I have been working on memorizing verses 11-13 the last few days.  Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  I don't know about you, but I am so glad that Paul writes here that he HAS LEARNED to be content in whatever circumstances...  This gives me hope!  If the Lord can work that in Paul, He surely can work it in my heart, as well!  He can show me how, with HIS strength, I can be content.  Praise God for that!

1 Timothy 6:15 says of the Lord, "He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords..."  One translation puts it this way:  God...is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters.  Psalm 16:5 says, "LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."  Wow.  What am I thinking to ever be in a state of discontent?  The ONLY Sovereign, One I know to love me, my Creator, is the same One who has assigned me my portion?  My portion in life, this year, this month, this week, today, this minute.  My blessed Redeemer, Jesus, who gave His life as a ransom for a debt that I owed...God, in His infinite wisdom, has a perfect plan for my life.  Nothing is out of His hands!  And oh, how I know that I can trust Him!!!

I have been blessed beyond measure in my life.  Seriously, some people would probably do anything to trade places with me.  And yet, in my sinful, selfish way...I can always seem to find something to whine about.  Or at least that's been how I've acted in the past.  By God's grace, I do NOT want to do this anymore!  My God, the One who gave His only Son for me when I was still lost in darkness and sin, can change me and enable me to rest in His perfect will for my life!  We've been talking about it together all week long.  And wow, what a week.  Not that I have not struggled, because I have.  However, I have seen Him reveal to me quickly when I am beginning to sin, and He has given me the courage to quickly confess it to my husband or children, ask for their forgiveness, and move on.  He has given me peace and joy as I have lived this week trusting Him for strength for each moment!

We have talked a lot this week about how only the Lord knows how many days we will be here on the earth.  Not one of us knows if we have tomorrow!  Only God knows that.  So each morning I have asked Him if He would graciously help me to live that day focused only on that day, without a care for the next one.  He's got it all in His hands, and I want to live each moment fully engaged, as though I might just be gone in the blink of an eye.  Because I could.  I know that sometimes it can sound trite, but seriously.  I do not want my children's last memory of me to be yelling at them!  I don't want my husband to think that I am never satisfied or that I don't respect, admire and adore him.  I realize that my behavior will never be perfect, I will struggle with selfishness until the day I die!  However, the Lord has shown me this week that by abiding in Him more and being SO grateful that He is in control of my every step...I can quickly resolve these things and continue on in peace and joy and love with my family.

Words escape me as I seek to express what this has meant to me this week.  I have just cherished these precious moments with the Lord each morning.  I have been so grateful to see His hand in each day, answering the cry of my heart for contentment, peace, rest and joy.  He has given me greater faith to trust Him, and has shown His mercy to me in new ways each day.  He has revealed to me how often I have allowed circumstances, emotions or people to rob me of my contentment, and how foolish I've been to allow that to happen!  Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, and nothing can take me out of His hand!  There's nowhere else I'd rather be. 

Contentment.  I believe that there is only one place anyone can truly find that.  It's in the Lord Jesus Christ and the faith that is a free gift from Him for all who will believe.  How good it is to see Him calm an anxious heart!  And to top it off, it's mine!  :-)  Glory to God!!!

Obviously I haven't posted in awhile.  Sometimes it seems as though I cannot even begin to keep up with the pace by which the days fly....  Nevertheless, here I am.  And this will certainly be a bit of a ramble, but I'm needing to get these thoughts out...more for my own sanity than anything.  Sometimes it helps me to go back and look at all the Lord has done.  While it may not seem very profound, it's in these day-to-day scenarios that I find the Lord growing us, loving us, molding us to be the peopler He wants us to be!  My plan is to just "talk" here, not to go back and edit...I don't have that kind of time.  But since a couple of you have asked, here it is.  And thanks for praying!!!  Please continue. 

Some of you have asked me if I'm doing better since my last post on Attitude.  The answer is a resounding yes.  What is funny is that I cannot even remember what happened that prompted me to write that post!  Obviously, I can tend to allow my fickle feelings affect me too much at times.  God, in His great grace, is allowing all of us in our family to choose better atttitudes most days.  We continue to struggle, and we are far from perfect (as will be that case 'til Christ returns or calls us Home!).  But as we talk about it and pray together about it, we are thankful that the Lord is giving us the self-control that we need to stop wallowing in things.

This weekend has been a good example.  I'll see if I can give it a quick run-down (okay, so it might not be that quick, but I'll do my best).  My husband needed to spend the entire weekend catching up on his studies, as some of his training had caused him to be two weeks behind.  This was a daunting prospect, yet there was nothing he could do about it.  We planned to have him kind of "holed-up" in our room for the weekend, focusing on his school stuff, with few interruptions.  Well, that didn't last long.  The air conditioner went out Friday night.   Of course, it was in the 90s and humid!  Being the weekend, he could not get anyone to work on it.  He spent hours over the weekend working on it himself, which (obviously) took him from his studies.  We also had a yard sale.  I was not feeling well.  I had some serious sinus problems and migraines.  While I did most of it myself, I did need more assistance from him than I'd anticipated.  Still more time away from his studies.  He spent an hour working on an assignment to turn in, and just as he went to hit the send button...the computer went down, and he lost the entire hour's worth of work! 

I had severe insomnia last week and weekend, sleeping about an hour a night, alongside coughing spells that lasted for hours.  On Sunday I ended up needing to go to urgent care.  DH drove me - more time away from studies.  And to top it off...I came home and bent down when my son fell on the sidewalk...I could not stand up without excruciating pain.  My body has behaved like an elderly woman's this weekend, and I'm not quite sure why.  Then...the Dr.'s office refused to write the authorization for my urgent care visit, even though it was my insurance company's nurse who told me to go there in the first place.  When I became frustrated about that, she had her nurse call me back to inform me that she was cancelling my appointment that I'd made for this week, "because of the situation."  The icing on the cake was when the salon where my hair stylist works told me that they will no longer allow me to bring my children (who are quite well-behaved, mind you) in when I come for my hair cut.  Small thing, that one, but it was just the last straw for me, and I was in tears.  Since then, we have also found out that there was a huge fraud problem at our bank, and they've cancelled our debit cards and we'll have to wait for new ones to get here.  And, just tonight...our one credit card company called us to verify some charges that were made on our credit card.  They were not made by us.  So...that is now closed, as well.  Whew!

Usually, this would all send me through the roof.  I admit that I have had moments of being discouraged, but the over-riding sense in our home through all of this has been one of peace.  I have been beyond proud of my husband, who must feel so overwhelmed at his current situation...he has really handled it all quite well.  I don't know that I'd do as well - I want to cry for him, it's such a tough spot!  But God is faithful, and is giving him the grace to press on and just do the best he can with the situation he's in.  He is trying to work on learning a new (and very difficult) language at the same time as his master's degree.  It's no small potatoes.  How great is our God, to give him an attitude that is helping him to keep going, even when he wants to give up!  I prase the Lord for that!

And even though I have been in pain for most of the last few days, am extremely sleep-deprived, and am not quite sure what to do about some of these "situations," the Lord has given me peace!  I am at rest, knowing that His Word is true, and His grace is sufficient for me.  He has allowed us to have some perspective, as we grieve for those who have recently lost children, been in terrible accidents, facing much worse things than we do...  It doesn't mean that my troubles don't matter, but I know that things could be so much worse.  I am thankful that I can walk and move...whether it be with pain or not.  I am thankful that I celebrated a birthday with my son today.  I am thankful that the Lord has allowed us all to be able to look above our light and momentary troubles and see that He shines bright and He gives His grace to us for these times! 

Nothing that has happened this weekend was outside of His plan for us.  Does the evil one seek to destroy us?  Certainly!  Will he?  No!  Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.  We know that the Lord continues to teach us.  My youngest keeps saying that He is making our hearts like His.  So true.  And I'm humbled that He loves us enough to do that!  Do I pray for the pain to go away?  Of course!  (I rather like to be comfortable and pain-free.)  But do I sit and whine about it and neglect everything that needs to be done?  No.  People live productive lives in much worse pain than I am in.  I trust that the Lord will guide me to do what needs to be done in His timing, and that He will give me the grace to do it, regardless of the pain.  It has been so obvious this weekend that the evil one has just been bent on attacking us constantly.  I wonder if he doesn't think that if he just keeps on, that eventually we'll give in.  He is sorely mistaken.  God, in His grace, has called us to Himself - every one of us!  And we can stand firm in His Truth, with His armor on, and trust Him to fight for us.  We wait on the Lord and know He is working out His best for us - for our good and His glory!

May we always seek to bring Him glory, trusting in His sufficient grace, no matter how big or small the challenges we face.  There is nothing too difficult for the Lord!  Thank You, Father, for giving us grace to choose attitudes that lighten the load for each other, rather than wallow in self-pity!  Please grant incredible measures of grace to those who are hurting more than I can even imagine right now.  Please protect us all from the evil one, and surround us with your angels!  May be bring much attention to Christ in our daily lives!  May we be light in this dark world.  And may Your matchless Name be praised!!!  For Your glory we desire to live....

Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter, Maria, was killed today in a devastating accident.  She was five years old.  Would you please pray for this family who ministers to thousands of people all over the world?  It appears as though one of her older brothers was driving a vehicle down their lane and didn't see her.  She was life-flighted to a hospital, but died from her injuries.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that they are experiencing right now.  Please pray for them, and especially for the brother involved...it breaks my heart to imagine the suffering he must be enduring right now.

Lord, please grant your great grace and peace to the Chapmans!  Only You can provide them with your peace in the midst of their suffering.  Please comfort them all, and especially the brother involved, as it must be excruciating for him right now.  Please protect them from the evil one, surround them with your angels, and draw them ever closer to Yourself in the hours, days, weeks, months...to come.  You know them each intimately, You love them, You created them...  Please be near them now, Lord Jesus.  In Your Name we ask it, Amen.

Is it just me, or does it sometimes feel impossible to have a good attitude?  I have really been struggling with this lately.  I've had something happen in my life recently that has dredged up a whole lot of "yuck," for lack of a better word, and it has made me angry.  And I know I shouldn't stay angry.  I KNOW that!  I know the truth of God's Word...I should trust in Him, pray and ask Him to help me to have the right attitude, fill my mind with Truth, etc.  I know these things.  And yet sometimes it just seems like I cannot get out of this mess!

Yesterday, a wise friend shared these verses with me from 1 Peter 5:6-10, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."  I'll add the next verse, too: "To him be the power for ever and ever.  Amen."

It is my sincere hope that God, in His matchless grace, will help me out of this muck and mire.  I think that part of my problem is that it is "easier" for me to feel angry than to feel hurt.  When something has gone on for so long...for years on end...I just don't have it in me to continue to experience the deep hurt!  And so the anger sets in.  And I have to try to fight off bitterness and resentment.  I cannot do it on my own.  That much is blatantly obvious!  I continue to ask the Lord to help me, and yet this seems to be one of those times when I am not getting an answer right now.  His timing is not lining up with mine.  I know His ways are not my ways (and praise Him for that!), but I am weary.  SO weary.  I feel as though I cannot move another step unless this heavy weight can lift and stay away.  And this extreme weariness makes me easy bait for the evil one...the roaring lion.  It's as though I'm just a carcass...on the ground, already there for him to just stroll on up and devour.  No hunt involved, no stalking, no prowl necessary.  I'm stuck in the mud.  I'm already "dead weight."  And I know that's not good.  I don't know how long the "little while" is that the Lord wants me to suffer right now.  It already feels like a LONG time!  But He knows.  And for now, I'm going to ask Him to give me faith when mine is weak, to help me rest in His perfect care. 

If you happen to be one of the very few people who sometimes read this blog, would you mind asking the Lord for grace for me and my family?  That I would not take this out on my kids so much?  I hate that they seem to take the brunt of what is going on, when it has absolutely nothing to do with them!  Again...I know that I need to make sure not to do that...but I seem unable to do anything else.  Romans 7, anyone?  That's where I'm living right now.

May the God of all grace restore all of us and make us strong!  Please, Lord, for our good and YOUR glory!

...for the Smiths.

If you haven't already read their story,  you can visit them at www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com.

Take a look at this video...I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through.  Their daughter lived for about 2 1/2 hours.  And that was more than they were expecting.  Please be in prayer for them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

I can't say that I've ever heard that "phrase" before, thought it, or said it.  However, today, I believe the Lord had it flow freely out of my mouth in the middle of a conversation.  And I just stopped.  And thought about it.  Yes, Lord.  That's what I LONG to be doing on a constant, daily, moment-by-moment basis.  Groaning for grace.

See, I spent some time with the Lord today, asking Him to reveal to me what is at the root of the struggle that is currently the most difficult for me.  As I spent time talking with Him and reading His Word, He answered me in some very specific ways!  I am always so very humbled by that.  That the God of the entire universe would care enough for me to speak to me in detail.  To touch my heart in very personal ways.  It truly is incredible.

What I learned, while no shock to me, was this:  I struggle with unbelief.  (Hmmm...have you heard this before?)  I'll clarify again, for those who might argue with me, that this is not unbelief in Christ...no issue of salvation in question here.  Jesus has already paid my ransom!!!  But...this is an unbelief that sneaks in without my realizing it.  It comes out in so many little ways.  However, when I look at it through the microscope of the Truth of God's Word, it is UGLY!  And not so small. 

"What does it look like?" you ask.  Like this.  Whether out loud or silently in my heart, I whine when I don't get "my way."  I think others should care about me.  I think my children should obey me.  I think that I should "feel" a certain way in my day-to-day life.  The issue is idolatry.  The idols are "self," and (I think) some "idea of what my life should look like."  Because when I don't like how I am treated, I get more upset than I should.  When my days seem to "fall apart," I'm not trusting (read, unbelief) that God was sovereign in all of those circumstances.  I just think of how I didn't like how the day went or how it made me feel! Ugh...yuck.  It's not pretty, is it?  I see many circumstances as "hindrances" to the peaceful life that should be mine.  What???  Should be mine?  Why?  Did anyone tell me that my life should be peaceful?  Well...yes, and yes.  The world tells me that my life should have a certain kind of "peace."  This, I would say, is where I can find myself believing a lie.  That my days should be filled with natural, "easy" smiles, no struggles, serenity...like being at a spa for my entire life.  ???  What?   

Then I look again into the microscope, and I see Who else says I should have peace.  REAL peace.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  (John 14:27)  Yes.  That's it.  I AM supposed to have peace!  Why?  How?  Because Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, gives it to me!  Is it the "peace" that the world tries to offer or says we should seek?  No!  It is a peace that we cannot grasp.  Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:4-7)  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding.  It is beyond comprehension.  THAT is the kind of peace that I long for!  When I am experiencing that peace, it is incredible!  Then the struggles ensue, and I get distracted...lose focus.  And I forget to rejoice in the Lord always, leaving everything that concerns me at His feet, and I get aggravated easily.  Life is not peaceful.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!  For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!  Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.  (Peace!)  (Romans 5:1-11)

Whoa.  So let's see if I get this right.  When I was STILL A SINNER Christ died for me?  HE reconciled me to God!  Past tense.  I have been reconciled to God.  Because of Christ's work on the cross - his death and resurrection.  Do I believe that?  Yes!!!  Do I REALLY believe that?  As in, do I believe it in such a way that it infiltrates each moment of my day?  Apparently not.  Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!  How I need Him to work this so deeply into my heart that I am constantly mindful of my utter dependence on Him.  For EVERYTHING.  That brings to mind a Steven Curtis Chapman song that on of my kids likes to sing a lot.  Some lyrics from it are "Jesus is life....the air I'm breathin', why my heart is beatin', everything I'm needin', Jesus is life!"  SO true!  It reminds me of a quote I've posted before from our pastor in the UK.  He was talking about how "bad" life can get (This was before he was diagnosed with brain cancer, but I'm sure he'd still say the same thing!!!), and he said that no matter what in the world could happen - we could imagine the "worst case scenario," and we can still say, "So what???  Jesus is risen!!!!"  He is right.  That Truth alone ought to change us so radically that we live with a view of eternity, rather than staying so focused on the meaningless things of this world.  What else REALLY matters???

I asked the Lord earlier, and have been asking Him ever since (and hope to make this a continual plea from deep in my heart to the merciful and gracious heart of my Heavenly Father)..."Please work these Truths so deeply into my heart that I can't escape them!  That I would not be such a fool as to think that I can make it for one single moment on my own!  That I would fall to my knees, on my face, each and every day, groaning for grace to make it for just another minute.  An hour.  A day.  Lord, that You would work in my heart and life to bring good to the people with whom I come into contact for the ultimate purpose of bringing glory to Your matchless Name!!!"

The only true peace in life is the peace that comes from God.  Peace with God comes only through believing (this faith is also a gift of God, see Eph. 2) in His Son, Jesus Christ...that He died to pay our ransom, taking the penalty for our sins on the cross, and then was raised to life and is now seated at the right hand of God!  More lyrics...the Gaithers, "Because He lives I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives all fear is gone!  Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just becaue He lives!"  How true!  That's the ONLY reason life is worth living!  Father, please help me to think on that each day!

If you asked me, I would never say that I could "make it on my own."  I don't think I'm self-sufficient.  Yet, deep down, there is some part of my that obviously thinks I can make it on my own to an extent.  Because I think "I'm doin' okay."  Hmmm...or not so much.  I must remember that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me!  And I am in need of His grace to make it through each day.  And not only do I need that grace, but so do my husband and my children.  My friends and family members, our postman, pest control technician, bank teller, grocery store clerk, etc.  We ALL need grace!  And I'm asking the Lord to keep me ever aware of my need for it, and that He might work in my heart to extend it more freely to others. 

As I sought the Lord today for help in my struggle, He revealed two verse to me, and they were in this order (as I just "randomly" looked in my Bible at the first page it fell open to):  a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.  (2 Peter 2:19b)  the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials... (2 Peter 2:9a)  He confirmed that it was a serious thing that I am struggling with, and I ought not take it lightly.  But...He also confirmed that no problem is too big for Him!  That He can free me from this struggle, just as He's freed me from many in the past!  (In case you wonder if I'm being prideful here, I'm not.  I believe that last verse applies to me because when I believed in Jesus, I was given the righteousness of Christ.  Therefore, because when God looks at me He sees His Son's blood paying for my sins, He considers me righteous.  Not because I think that I am "godly" in and of myself.  No, may it never be!)  Thank You for that, Lord!  That You are so far beyond what I can comprehend!  My most difficult challenges are no problem to You! 

So, Father, precious Jesus, please continue to mold me and shape me.  Break the hard areas in my heart, I pray.  Pride, insecurity, selfishness, anger, impatience...please enable me, by Your grace, to set those sins aside and trust in You!  May I rejoice in my struggles, as I know that You are at work.  And I know that if I rejoice in You, trust in You, hope in You, I will have Your peace - no matter the circumstances of my day to day life!  May I delight in Your sovereignty and Your grace, knowing that You have ordained every single day of my life since before time began!  And Your plan is perfect - no scenario I could ever dream up in my mind could compare with the perfect will of the Lord!  May I be free from believing the lies of the world, especially those that tell me that "peace" only comes when circumstances feel fun or easy or pleasant.  May I remember what You tell me in Your Word:  ...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.  And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:  "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."  Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.  (Hebrews 12:1b-7a)  My Abba (Daddy) Father loves me enough to bring things into my life to teach me the things that He knows I need to learn.  And because He created me, He knows how I need to learn them!  I can trust Him!!!

Father, I am  groaning for grace.  May I groan for grace each and every day.  All day.  May I be so focused on You that my burdens seem light!  That I am glad to endure whatever You choose to put on my path, because I know that nothing comes into my life that hasn't passed through Your mighty right hand!  May I be a source of encouragement, mercy and grace to those around me.   Especially my family.  May I remember that I cannot make it on my own, no matter how "easy" a day I'm having!  I need to fully rely on You.  Thank You for Your love.  For Your grace.  For YOUR peace.  Surely, it does pass ALL understanding!  For who is like the Lord???  You are the Lord, and there is NO other!  All praise and honor and glory to Christ!

I'm groaning...for grace.

Our church body had a really tremendous time of worship over the past weekend.  On Friday and Saturday there was a music and drama presentation that was extremely powerful!  One song that has stayed in my mind from that service, and was sung yesterday morning, as well, was Unto the Lamb.  I had never heard this song before, but hope to find it soon to own and listen to here at home.  This is one of those songs in which the music really reinforces the power of the lyrics.  What a great text!

I can see Jesus, high and exalted,
My eyes are fixed upon His face,
it shines like the sun.

I can see Jesus, clothed in glory,
He is high and lifted up,
And His train fills the temple

And all of the angels cry holy,
All the saints cry holy,
All creation cries holy,
Holy is the Lamb

All praise unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne,
Honor and power, dominion and praise,
Unto the Lamb, who was and is, and is to come!

There are many things the Lord does in our life that are for our GOOD, but are not easy.  This is often the case in my experience with Jesus.  Today is no exception.  We remember the day that the Son of God, Jesus Christ, subjected Himself, humbled Himself to death.  Even death on a cross.  He paid the ransom for my sin.  For yours.  The word GOOD hardly seems to do it justice.  But it IS a GOOD Friday. 

Our fellow brothers and sisters at our church back in the UK sang this tonight during their service...how I wish I could be there worshipping with them!  This is one of my favourite songs, and the Lord has humbled me time and time again through these lyrics, written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend.

Oh, to see the dawn (The Power of the Cross)

Oh, to see the dawn of the darkest day: Christ on the road to Calvary.

Tried by sinful men, torn and beaten, then nailed to a cross of wood.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see the pain written on your face, bearing the awesome weight of sin.

Every bitter thought, every evil deed crowning your blood-stained brow.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Now the daylight flees, now the ground beneath quiakes as its Maker bows his head.

Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life; 'Finished!' the victory cry.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see my name written in the wounds, for through your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live, won through your selfless love.

This, the power of the cross: Son of God slain for us.

What a love!  What a cost!  We stand forgiven at the cross.

You can hear a clip at the Gettys' website here:

http://www.gettydirect.com/Products.asp?id=204

May we all be mindful of what a GOOD Friday today is.

I've shared before how the Lord uses my children to teach me and minister to me.  Tonight was no exception.  Awhile after putting them to bed, our 6yo cried out to me.  I went to the room, expecting to hear about a nightmare and pray for protection.  Instead, what I saw and heard were a body racked with sobs and a voice that cracked as it said, "Mommy,  this is just making me very sad.  I think this is what God is teaching me today.  You know the Building 429 song that says, 'When no one else knows how I feel?'  Well, I have been thinking about that, and it tells me that God takes care of me.  And I thought about my day with           .  And even though it was not a fun time (another child had not been kind to him or his brother), I know that God was taking care of me."  Wow.  He's listening to lyrics, and applying them to his daily life situations already.  (And I'd just said to my hubby the other night, "Can you imagine if we'd had contemporary Christian music to listen to while we grew up?"  We both wished we'd had it, maybe we wouldn't have listened to so much GARBAGE!  But that's beside the point.) 

After we talked for a few minutes, I heard this:  "This also makes me think of the Steven Curtis Chapman song that says His mercies are new every morning."  And we talked about that.  I asked him, "Are you crying because you're overwhelmed at how much God loves you?"  He nodded through tears and cried some more.  (Oh...the tug on a mother's heart to see this precious one love God THAT much!!!)  I asked him if he would like me to pray, and he nodded yes.  We prayed together.  As we finished, I could see that his body had calmed, his face had the look that reveals a spirit of peace, and he smiled through wet eyes.  He was ready to sleep now. 

What a blessing!  What a privilege!  As I prayed with my son, I thanked the Lord for the gift of faith that was given to this young one.  I thanked Him for speaking to the heart of this little boy and for loving him enough to graciously help him to understand it in the context of his daily life situations.  I thanked Him for the tender heart of this child who cares so deeply about the Lord and truly wants to learn the Truth and internalize it and live it out.  I thanked my dear son for calling me in to his room to talk about it.  I am so grateful.  Amazing Love, that the Lord would die for us, rise again, care for us, teach us...young and old alike.  And speak so clearly to the heart of a 6yo...Hallelujah!  What a Saviour!

I wrote this when very exhausted and brain-fried, so I apologize if it is disjointed (to the two or maybe three of you who might actually read this!).  It has been neat to see the Lord at work in our hearts, and I wanted to share a bit.

For the past twelve years, I have had a very difficult relationship with some people.  I have struggled with being a "people-pleaser" and have cared too much what others think of me.  In this particular relationship, many hurtful things have been said to me.  To my husband.  And I have "risen to our defense," and in the end have spoken disrespectfully to these people.  I allowed their views of me to hurt much more than it should have.  I KNEW that the things they were saying were simply not true, not accurate, not right or honorable.  However, what I failed to do was to be able to ignore it.  To be able to forgive them for it all without hearing them accept full responsiblity for their wrongdoing.  Over the years, I apologized for many things I had said or done wrong in the relationship.  I did hear one very genuine apology from these people, and it meant a great deal.  But that was it.  Just one.  (And believe me, there were more opportunities for apology than that one instance.)

About a year ago, I felt led, after months with no contact, to get in touch with these people again.  I could sense the Holy Spirit guiding me to work to establish just some friendly correspondence.  So, while I didn't necessarily "feel like it," I followed the Lord's guidance and contacted them.  This began a period of friendly e-mails.  Nothing of much depth, but a bit of chit-chat from time to time.  Every once in awhile, something just below the "surface-y" stuff, but not too deep.  I knew back then, that I needed to apologize for my speaking disrespectfully to them, regardless of whether they every accepted and owned up to their faults in our troubles.  That was not my issue - that is between them and the Lord!  So...I have been praying about that.  That the Lord would show me when and how to approach them and that I could truly just trust HIM for allowing me to forgive and not expect them to apologize for the deep hurts that they have caused.

Jump to present-day.  Our pastor has been speaking in the past few weeks about working for peace in our relationships.  I knew that the Lord was speaking to my heart about making this right w/ these people.  One Sunday, the pastor's call to action was something to this effect:  "What will you to TODAY to work toward building peace in your relationships?"  Instantly, I knew.  It was time to apologize.  I prayed all day that the Lord would orchestrate the opportunity and make it clear to me, and then give me the courage to do what I needed to do.  He did.  I was able to apologize.  I did it without making any excuses for my behavior.  I apologized specifically for what I had done wrong.  It was ONLY BY HIS GRACE that I was able to do it, and I'm so glad that He worked that out!

In response, I saw looks of surprise, and then heard what I have heard before.  An "apology" that was not genuine and did not bear full responsibility for actions.  "I'm sorry for any things that were said that maybe you took the wrong way."  Hmmm...still finding a way to place the blame on me.  Not accepting responsibility or genuinely being sorry for what was done.  But you know what?  That's okay.  I know now, because of God's grace, that I can walk away from that.  I am at peace in my heart with the Lord because as far as I know, I have apologized for all of the wrong that I have done in this relationship.  I have accepted responsibility for my actions and behavior.  I have asked the Lord to reveal to me if I'm missing something, and so far He has made clear to me that all I can do has been done.  And the rest is up to Him!  I can be at peace in my heart and know that whatever happens with the other people...it's between them and the Lord.  I even genuinely feel sad for them at times now, because they are the ones missing out on the depth of relationship that comes from being open and honest, from true reconciliation and healing, moving forward in the grace of Christ!

After the conversation, my husband and I realized that this was the neatest part - to see that there were many points during our talk that if it had been a few years ago, we would have responded to quite a few things they said, trying to set them straight.  Trying to get them to understand it in light of the Truth.  Now...we realize that they might never "get it," and it's not worth the added stress of trying to show it to them.  It's not our job.  Still more hurtful things were said, things that were done in the past were defended, etc.  It could have been very frustrating!  But this time, as evidence of God's grace in our hearts, we just did the "smile and nod" and moved on.  Now, I truly care far more what God thinks of me, not what anyone else thinks!  I am humbled by His grace in this situation.  God is good, and we are grateful!!!  Clearly, He was once again working for our good and for His glory!

Lately I've been giving a good deal of consideration to how God works.  In history, in the world, in families, in our lives, in my own heart.  It is quite amazing, and I know that I will never be able to get my mind around it all.  Still, it is fascinating to think about, read about, and pray about.  I keep asking the Lord to reveal to me just what He wants me to learn.  Sometimes it seems as though He doesn't answer, but then...I remember that He always answers, it's just not always the answer that I want!  Often times His answer seems to simply be, "Wait.  Trust me."  Lord, please help me to do that, rather than whine and complain when it seems like You're not "doing anything!"

How foolish I am.  I forget that I can only see but a tiny part of the enormous picture that He is painting.  It's not about me, my wants, my perceived needs,  my timing.  It's about HIM!  And what HE knows is best for me!  He knows more than I do what I need, and He is continually at work in my life...for my good, and His glory!  I can't begin to count the number of times when I have allowed my eyes to stay fixed on myself, rather than on the Author and Perfecter of my faith!  My dad has given me frequent reminders that I ought not trust my fickle feelings, but to trust in the One...by whom, for whom, through whom all things were created!!!  The Sovereign Lord of the universe.  The One who sent His Son Jesus to die for me...  He loved me that much, how can I not rest in His care each day?

Lately, I've seen the Holy Spirit use our 6 year old (once again) to convict us and call us to Christ and His Word.  He has used music to soften our hearts and remind us of our commitment to each other.  He has used testimonies of others to cause our hearts to glorify Him.  He has used a number of various things to bring us into a conversation about difficult issues...to bring us to peace in our marriage, which brings us to glorifying Him for that work!

Over the years, I have seen God change my heart in such overwhelming ways...it was obviously Him, as there is no possible way I could do that myself!  I have seen Him reveal things to me slowly over a long period of time to gently teach me something that will last in my heart because of the time it's taken to learn.  I have seen Him humble me when my child quotes the Scripture that I need to be mindful of in the midst of my sin.  I have seen Him save friends who thought they already were saved.  I have heard of restored marriages, changes in careers, moves...so many different ways that the Lord accomplishes His purposes in our lives! 

Yesterday I was reading in Matthew, and read "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be satisfied."  And instantly, I knew.  This was one thing He had been working in my heart.  He has lately been drawing me closer and closer to Himself, causing my heart to hunger and thirst to know and love Him more.  And then...He has graciously revealed Himself to me in different ways, thereby satisfying that hunger and thirst.  It's like in Psalms - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  We have seen Him do this so many times in our lives.  When He has given us a heart that is delighting in Him, then He causes us to desire whatever it is that He has already planned for our lives.  And then...He fulfills those desires!  It is so humbling to see...that He loves us enough to give us the desires that line up with His will...it just multiplies the joy we experience, and the glory we give to Him when it all falls into place!

It reminds me of Psalm 8.  Here are a few bits from that:  O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!  ...When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

No wonder that just a few verses later, David goes on in Psalm 9 to say, "I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders."  Thank You, Lord, for all of the work that You are doing in our lives, in the world, in our hearts...work for our good and for Your glory! 

Have you seen the Lord at work lately?  I would love it if you would share with us how He has been working in your life, or someone you know...anywhere that You've seen Him at work.  Let's tell of all His wonders!

I have just a couple of friends whom I truly consider to be "kindred spirits."  One of them is kind enough to share her wisdom with us on her blog from time to time, and it always humbles me, teaches me, convicts me, blesses me.  You can find her latest post here, as it was so very thought-provoking and God-honoring today.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Joyous/474387/

Lord, thank You for my dear friend and for the wisdom that You have given her.  Thank You for leading her to share what You know many others need to hear.  May You work this in all of us as we seek to know You more and to acknowledge You in all things, not leaning on our own understanding.  For our good, and for YOUR GLORY!

Well, I looked back at a couple of posts from 5-6 months ago on needing accountability to get things done.  I haven't changed at my core - I'm still afraid to fail, a procrastinator, and a perfectionist.  It's interesting that the first thought I had to write next was, "Not a good combination."  Really?  So I'm saying that the Sovereign God of the entire universe, the One who put the stars and planets in place, didn't make the right combination when He created my personality? 

How easily I slip into tearing myself down and as many tell me, "being too hard on myself."  I am asking the Lord to help me see myself in light of the Truth at all times.  Do I struggle?  Yes.  Do I believe there are reasons for those struggles?  You bet I do!  I won't always know the reasons, even in the end.  But I do KNOW that I love and serve and have been saved by a God who loves me, who created me in His image, and who doesn't make mistakes!  I have this conversation so often with my 6-year old.  He is very much like me in some of these things - too hard on himself.  And when he cries because he doesn't want to struggle with sin for the rest of his lfe, I remind him that the Lord uses that very struggle to make sure that we are always aware of our need for HIM!  The constant daily battles are what bring us to our knees, acknowledging that we are incapable of handling life on our own.  We can't live a day without His grace!

So, Lord, I thank You.  For loving me enough to never leave or forsake me.  For Your matchless grace that covers all of my sin (and as You know, there is a lot!).  For giving me glimpses of Your purposes in the midst of trials.  For each day that You allow me to breathe and to love on my kids and to share a smile or a laugh with my husband.  Thank You that I am learning to make small bits of progress each day and be content with that, rather than drive myself to exhaustion trying to "get it all done" and just failing miserably in the process.  It seems as though You are showing me how to extend grace even to myself.  Thank You for that.  Apart from You, I am nothing!  But because of You, I have an eternal hope, that can (and should!) bring me peace, joy, and contenment each and every day.  No matter the circumstances of the moment. 

I love You, Lord.  And I will never be able to express properly how thankful I am for Your grace.  It amazes me, humbles me.  Please forgive me for my lack of faith and my idolatry as I seem to sometimes think that I've got a better plan than You!  I know better than that, but sometimes my actions would betray that knowledge.  Father, may You be glorified in my heart and my mind and my life.  In our family, in our home.  By Your grace, for our good, and for YOUR glory, Lord...may we live in light of the Truth.  I ask it all in Christ's Name,  Amen.

I have a feeling this will be a frequent title for posts on this blog.  After all, my now 6 year old has been keeping me humble and teaching me about the Lord and faith for several years already.  He's always been a really deep thinker, as anyone who knows him quickly sees.  Today, he leaned over to me in church and said, "Mommy, I am going to stand for God, no matter what other people do.  If they want me to sit, or do something that God doesn't want me to do, I am going to stand for God.  Even if it's hard."  I thought it was SO precious that this was on his heart, and was so glad he wanted to share it with me.  I looked down at his children's picture Bible on his lap, and he was looking at pages (he doesn't read yet) about Daniel.  Do ya think he "gets it?"  Yeah, me too.

Tonight, as we were praying before bed, I think his prayer must have lasted about 10 minutes.  He went on and on, asking the Lord to help us to do what He wants us to, even when it's hard.  He said, "Even if you want me to do something hard like what David did, then I will do it.  I will obey and believe that You will help me to do it.  Like if You want me to be a fireman, and I know it will be hard, I will do it.  And even if I die, then I know I will be with You forever, and that's what's so good about it!"  He thanked God that we got to see people get baptized today, and asked Him to help more and more children know about him.  "Even thousands of them, and even quadrillions of children to know You!" he prayed.  He prayed for all of us to remember to serve other people and not ourselves, and to serve God more than anything.  He asked God to help us to remember to put on the Armor of God every single day and that we would not forget the Belt of Truth, because that is the most important one.  (We've had discussions where he's asked what is the most important part of the armor, and after thinking about it, I said I thought it might be the belt of Truth, because if we know the Truth, then we know that all of the other parts of the armor are included in that - it's all-encompassing!  Guess he didn't forget that conversation from months ago.)

Anyway, needless to say his faith humbled me and I am blessed to learn from him.  I wonder what must be in God's heart when He hears prayers like that from such a little one.  Of course, He gave him the gift of faith in the first place, but I can't help but think He must really be glorfied by that.  I am thankful, humbled by God's gift of faith to this young boy, and extremely privileged that I get to be the mommy!  Thank You, Lord!!!

Here are the lyrics that came to mind as I was writing the last post.  This is one of my favourite songs by Casting Crowns.  From the first time I heard it years ago, it has reminded me of the perspective I should have on a daily basis.  Living in light of the Truth of who I am, and who God is!  Not just in some theoretical sense, but really to think upon those things, and let those truths affect how I live my life.  Each moment of every day, I pray...by HIS grace!

Who Am I by Casting Crowns album: Casting Crowns (2003)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours

You can go here to listen.  http://www.castingcrowns.com/site.php?album=31657_-1__0_~0_-1_1_2008_0_0&content=information&subcontent=discography&em3012=&em973=&em2959=&latest_album=&track=

Hope this song blesses you as much as it has me!!! 

For His glory,

Jodie

Well, I'm finally back!  After weeks away and an overseas move, I am writing from the comfort of the wonderful home that my hubby found for us in back in the USA.  The settling in process is taking much longer than usual, as we moved between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then traveled to see family that we hadn't seen for 2 years while we were overseas.  So...I'm now finding a few moments to share a snippet of what the Lord has been doing in my life lately.

To make a very long story short, we have been having a lot of struggles in our marriage the past year or two.  Mostly due to communication issues, which is not surprising when you spend as much time apart as our country needs us to.  (We know the Lord has us serving our country this way, so the plans are His, ultimately!)  However...I was struggling with building feelings of resentment and bitterness about some issues we were having, and I knew it was NOT good!  I prayed for months for the Lord to ease or even take away those feelings, but I just couldn't shake them.   I was angry.  No matter how many pastors, chaplains, counselors or friends I or we spoke to and prayed with, I could not seem to move forward from things.  And neither could he.

Now, looking back, I think it was simply because the Lord wanted to show me, once again, that it is ALL about his grace!  It was true.  I COULD NOT bring myself out of that funk.  He would do it in HIS timing, which is always perfect, according to HIS will!  Neither my husband nor I could make this "progress" happen on our own.  We could not help the other to change.  We had to wait on Him.  And it was not fun for any of us, children included.  But...we did know that as long as it was continuing, there must be some reason the Lord had us in "that place."  Something He wanted to teach us, show us, do in us.  I think of the numerous verses about waiting on the Lord, being still, being patient, trusting His will, WAITING on His perfect timing. 

Just over a week ago, on the 7th of January, God put us on a new path.  I mean, I truly feel as though He picked us up like a lost little kitten...by the scruff of the neck...turned us around, and said, "No.  Not that way, go THIS way."  And gave us a little, prodding nudge forward.  Simple, but powerful.  I "felt" different inside.  I still do.  My husband seemed different.  We have still run into plenty of issues that just days earlier would have erupted into major arguments that went on for hours or days.  But now, BY GOD'S GRACE, we can work out and move on from them in minutes, at peace with each other, and truly forget they even happened.  I remember feeling last Monday something I don't remember experiencing before.  It was as though I could truly sense people praying for us.  It was such an overwhelming feeling.  I've heard people say that before, but now I was having those feelings myself.  There was no huge "light bulb moment" or anything like that.  Nothing major happened for either one of us to instigate this change.  All I know is that on January 7, 2008, God chose to extend His grace to us in a fresh way, and it has revolutionized the tone of day to day life in our home.  I can honestly say that our home has been characterized by peace these last 11 days.  And for the first time in months, I feel hopeful about our future.

I know it must sound like I'm talking about "feelings" too much here, but it's too powerful and too evident to ignore!  These are not like moods.  It seems as though something inside has just changed overnight.  And only the Sovereign Lord of the Universe, by His Holy Spirit, can do that kind of changing in a person's heart.  I've known in my mind, all along, the truth of God's Word.  That nothing is impossible with God, that He can do anything, that He could transform and heal hurting hearts, etc....  But it had been months, too many to count, since I had a real sense of peace in my heart about our relationship and our future.  I used to feel like maybe we were just destined to exist like this until we died...frustrated, stressed, exhausted...begging for God to change things or reveal what needed to happen, but having nothing happen.  Good moments here and there, but only memories of the fabulous marriage we'd once known.  Now...I am humbled by the fact that the Lord has poured His grace out upon us in such abundance right now!  I kept telling myself for those months that His mercies were new every morning, and I needed to live in light of that, apply it to my relationships, as well.  But it seemed impossible!  The best of intentions would fizzle into frustration or anger in a split second.  Now...He is enabling us both to extend grace to each other, build each other up, and live in peace.  This is truly the peace that passes understanding, the kind that only comes from the Lord.  There is no other explanation.  Like my aunt said the other night, it MUST be Divine Intervention!!!  She was right, and I'm so thankful for it.  That God would care so much for little old me....(I sense a lyrics post coming soon.).

Paul often wrote "grace and peace to you" in his letters to fellow believers.  And that's what we've experienced here.  God's grace has, once again, brought peace to us.  And that has given us hope.  This lesson from the Lord has reminded me of David's words in Psalm 42 & 42: "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  The Lord has reminded me again that the truths I were telling myself all these months were right - that I COULD trust Him, that I could have HOPE in the midst of the hurt, because He is faithful!  His grace is sufficient for me!  So now I pray that He will help me to remember this when the evil one tempts me to place my hope somewhere else...  Psalm 62:5-8 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God, he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

My heart and life are filled with grace, peace, and hope.  And it's all because of Him. 

...chocolate fans. 

So, there I was.  Innocently opening a nice piece of chocolate.  Or so I thought.  I probably shouldn't name the brand, but let's just say that this was not exactly what Noah sent out of the ark to find dry land.  Enough said?  I slowly take the foil off of the nice little square piece of milk chocolate with almonds in it...and then it hit me.  I am usually so eager to eat the chocolate, I don't even read what is on the inside of these wrappers.  But this particular time, it caught my eye.  I believe the Lord had a lesson in it for me.  Here is what it said:

Temptation is fun...giving in is even better.

What??????????  Okay.  I know that I am surrounded by the world.  As a Christian, I know that God's Word tells me to be "in the world, but not OF the world."  And I pray that, by His grace, I can do that.  I think that I often see the "subtle" messages of the world around me.  But I wonder now...how many really blatant messages like this one do I miss?  I mean, come on!  A piece of chocolate telling me that sin is good!  Are you kidding me???  Temptation is fun? 

I know.  You're probably thinking, chill out!  It's just a candy wrapper!  And technicially, that's true.  However, what I saw on the underside of that candy wrapper is a glaring message of what is being pumped into our minds from our world on a daily basis.  How often do we think about what we are seeing, reading, or hearing, and test it against the Word of God?  To see if it really is good?  If it is true, or only sounded a little bit like the truth?  Because there is a big difference.  Or maybe we think, "Well, that's not a good message, but it's no big deal."  How frequently are we filling our minds with this stuff?  How often are we told, "Go ahead!  Indulge yourself!  You deserve it!"

I felt sad after reading that little square piece of foil.  It made me a little bit sick to my stomach.  To think that we have become so numb to some things that we might even call temptation fun.  Or grin a little bit to ourselves in the "no harm, no foul" mindset.  After all, it's only chocolate, right?  Yes.  For now.  Until, after sliding quickly and quietly down the slippery slope, it's now someone else's spouse.  Hmmm...what do you think of that message now?  Still harmless?  "Temptation is fun...giving in is even better?"  No.  Taking every thought captive to Christ, I would have to say that I prefer Paul's take in 1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

I would say it this way, oh company who produces yummy square pieces of chocolate treats:  "Temptation is a struggle, a challenge.  But thanks be to God!  He, in His infinite grace, provides us a way out.  And THAT is good."  I pray that He will guard our hearts and minds as we daily seek His grace to be IN the world, but not OF the world.

Is it just me, or can you echo this man's words all too often?  I must admit that I often find myself with such a lack of faith.  When I say this to others, they say, "What are you talking about?  You don't suffer from a lack of faith!"  They're missing the point...they don't quite understand what I'm saying. 

I'm not saying that I do not have any faith in God.  I KNOW that God has given me this phenomenal gift of faith, His free gift of grace to me, and that will never be taken away.  I can never be snatched out of the mighty hand of Almighty God!  (Thank You, Jesus!)  But...it is clear in the daily ups and downs of life that I struggle from a very chronic lack of faith in who God REALLY is.  That what He has said in His word is REALLY true.  In my head...of course, I know it is true!  But the reactions that I have to everyday situations and circumstances make me painfully aware that my heart all too often doesn't REALLY believe it.  Hence...my unbelief.  A lack of faith.

My dear friend who is so far beyond me in wisdom and maturity, said something so profound in an e-mail to me recently.  It is SO true.  I'm sure she won't mind me sharing her words:

It seems that if you really believe in God's sovereignty that you can't really get upset about much.  Of course we do or are tempted to but ultimately our frustration is directed at God if he really is sovereign over all.  Which is why we are learning to accept what happens with humility.  We are just clay - sometimes we're hard clay - but by God's grace we pray that we would be soft and pliable and less resistant to the opportunities for shaping.

Yes, my friend, you are absolutely, unequivocally SPOT ON!!!  If you knew this woman, you would just be amazed (as I continually am) by her faith in the midst of very difficult and stressful (by human standards) circumstances.  If I put myself in her shoes, I can envision myself whining and complaining with no end.  (See...more evidence of my lack of faith!)  She is right.  Even though what she and her family are going through is very difficult, it is a situation given to them lovingly by a Sovereign Lord who is also full of grace!!!  If they believe that God loves them and always has their very best in mind, then they can rest in the knowledge that their circumstances are GOOD!  God's definition of good is what matters here - not ours.  We have adopted so many of the world's definitions into our hearts.  This is one of them for me.  What makes something "good?"  Is it easy to endure?  Puts a smile on my face?  Allows me to relax? 

No, I must say that what is good is what the Lord places into our lives for His ultimate purposes.  That may be very hard.  It may be excruciatingly painful.  It may be extremely stressful.  It may involve significant loss of something or someone important to me.  But again...if I truly believe that God is who He says He is and that His Word is true, then I will trust that every single thing in my life is good.  Because He loves me.  More than I can fathom.  Enough to be scourged, beaten to the point of disfigurement...to be hung by nails on a wooden cross.  Nails.  Pounded through His hands and feet.  A spear pierced through His side.  For me.  How, then, can I NOT believe that He loves me enough to ensure that every single detail of my life is ordered for my good? 

He alone sees the big picture of my life.  He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  He is the one writing the story.  And it's not about me.  It's about Him.  He is just gracious enough to let me be a tiny part of it.  A grain of sand.  He created me.  He, then, obviously knows me WAY better than I know myself!  He knows what is GOOD for me...better than I do.  He knows what I REALLY need.  I only have a messed-up, worldly, selfish view of what I think I "need" or what I want.  At our church's houseparty weekend last spring, our speaker gave us a fantastic mental image that I'll never forget.  He said this:

This thing (the world) that you think revolves around you???  (Pause...  He holds his hand in the air, palm facing up.)  It's sitting in the palm of His hand.

So...my prayer (one of the many) is that the Lord might, in His grace, work a deeper faith in my heart.  That He might enable me to truly see that MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!  That He would give me the grace to live in light of the cross of Christ and the empty tomb every single day.  That what He has done for me would so overwhelm me on a daily basis that I would really see the utter foolishness of my whining for things not "going my way."  After all, what is that?  Just an expression of my idolatry.  Thinking that I could do a better job of things than God can!  Sad.  Sick.  Wrong.  Thoughts not taken captive to Christ.  Not lined up with the truth of God's Word.

Father, I pray that You might give me the grace to really live, daily, in the light of Your Word and the gospel!  That You might help me to see Your hand in the everyday moments and look for what You might be doing with them...challenging or not.  "Small" or "big."  That rather than worship created things, I would only worship the Creator!  That I would not listen to lies of the enemy, but choose to hear only the voice of Truth!  I am fully aware that this could only be done by Your grace, Lord, and that's what I'm asking for.  I don't deserve it.  I deserve Your wrath and rejection.  But...praise You, because of Christ, You look upon me and see HIS righteousness!  You love me and have said You will not forsake me!  Thank You for that.  I pray that You will draw me (and all of us) closer to Yourself, that we might be changed and humbled, and YOU might be lifted up and glorified!

As our pastor (who now is battling a malignant brain tumor) said not long ago, "No matter what happens...we can always say, 'Jesus is risen!'  Everything seems to be falling down around us?  Nothing seems to be going right?  So what???  Jesus is risen!!!"  Amen, Tom.  Thanks for that.  If we believe that Jesus Christ is the Sovereign Lord of the universe (and I DO!), then as my friend said...we really don't have any right to complain or get upset.  We can trust Him.  Completely.  And have joy i n Him. 

Lord, I believe!  Help my unbelief...