...for the Smiths.

If you haven't already read their story,  you can visit them at www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com.

Take a look at this video...I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through.  Their daughter lived for about 2 1/2 hours.  And that was more than they were expecting.  Please be in prayer for them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

I can't say that I've ever heard that "phrase" before, thought it, or said it.  However, today, I believe the Lord had it flow freely out of my mouth in the middle of a conversation.  And I just stopped.  And thought about it.  Yes, Lord.  That's what I LONG to be doing on a constant, daily, moment-by-moment basis.  Groaning for grace.

See, I spent some time with the Lord today, asking Him to reveal to me what is at the root of the struggle that is currently the most difficult for me.  As I spent time talking with Him and reading His Word, He answered me in some very specific ways!  I am always so very humbled by that.  That the God of the entire universe would care enough for me to speak to me in detail.  To touch my heart in very personal ways.  It truly is incredible.

What I learned, while no shock to me, was this:  I struggle with unbelief.  (Hmmm...have you heard this before?)  I'll clarify again, for those who might argue with me, that this is not unbelief in Christ...no issue of salvation in question here.  Jesus has already paid my ransom!!!  But...this is an unbelief that sneaks in without my realizing it.  It comes out in so many little ways.  However, when I look at it through the microscope of the Truth of God's Word, it is UGLY!  And not so small. 

"What does it look like?" you ask.  Like this.  Whether out loud or silently in my heart, I whine when I don't get "my way."  I think others should care about me.  I think my children should obey me.  I think that I should "feel" a certain way in my day-to-day life.  The issue is idolatry.  The idols are "self," and (I think) some "idea of what my life should look like."  Because when I don't like how I am treated, I get more upset than I should.  When my days seem to "fall apart," I'm not trusting (read, unbelief) that God was sovereign in all of those circumstances.  I just think of how I didn't like how the day went or how it made me feel! Ugh...yuck.  It's not pretty, is it?  I see many circumstances as "hindrances" to the peaceful life that should be mine.  What???  Should be mine?  Why?  Did anyone tell me that my life should be peaceful?  Well...yes, and yes.  The world tells me that my life should have a certain kind of "peace."  This, I would say, is where I can find myself believing a lie.  That my days should be filled with natural, "easy" smiles, no struggles, serenity...like being at a spa for my entire life.  ???  What?   

Then I look again into the microscope, and I see Who else says I should have peace.  REAL peace.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  (John 14:27)  Yes.  That's it.  I AM supposed to have peace!  Why?  How?  Because Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, gives it to me!  Is it the "peace" that the world tries to offer or says we should seek?  No!  It is a peace that we cannot grasp.  Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:4-7)  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding.  It is beyond comprehension.  THAT is the kind of peace that I long for!  When I am experiencing that peace, it is incredible!  Then the struggles ensue, and I get distracted...lose focus.  And I forget to rejoice in the Lord always, leaving everything that concerns me at His feet, and I get aggravated easily.  Life is not peaceful.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!  For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!  Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.  (Peace!)  (Romans 5:1-11)

Whoa.  So let's see if I get this right.  When I was STILL A SINNER Christ died for me?  HE reconciled me to God!  Past tense.  I have been reconciled to God.  Because of Christ's work on the cross - his death and resurrection.  Do I believe that?  Yes!!!  Do I REALLY believe that?  As in, do I believe it in such a way that it infiltrates each moment of my day?  Apparently not.  Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!  How I need Him to work this so deeply into my heart that I am constantly mindful of my utter dependence on Him.  For EVERYTHING.  That brings to mind a Steven Curtis Chapman song that on of my kids likes to sing a lot.  Some lyrics from it are "Jesus is life....the air I'm breathin', why my heart is beatin', everything I'm needin', Jesus is life!"  SO true!  It reminds me of a quote I've posted before from our pastor in the UK.  He was talking about how "bad" life can get (This was before he was diagnosed with brain cancer, but I'm sure he'd still say the same thing!!!), and he said that no matter what in the world could happen - we could imagine the "worst case scenario," and we can still say, "So what???  Jesus is risen!!!!"  He is right.  That Truth alone ought to change us so radically that we live with a view of eternity, rather than staying so focused on the meaningless things of this world.  What else REALLY matters???

I asked the Lord earlier, and have been asking Him ever since (and hope to make this a continual plea from deep in my heart to the merciful and gracious heart of my Heavenly Father)..."Please work these Truths so deeply into my heart that I can't escape them!  That I would not be such a fool as to think that I can make it for one single moment on my own!  That I would fall to my knees, on my face, each and every day, groaning for grace to make it for just another minute.  An hour.  A day.  Lord, that You would work in my heart and life to bring good to the people with whom I come into contact for the ultimate purpose of bringing glory to Your matchless Name!!!"

The only true peace in life is the peace that comes from God.  Peace with God comes only through believing (this faith is also a gift of God, see Eph. 2) in His Son, Jesus Christ...that He died to pay our ransom, taking the penalty for our sins on the cross, and then was raised to life and is now seated at the right hand of God!  More lyrics...the Gaithers, "Because He lives I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives all fear is gone!  Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just becaue He lives!"  How true!  That's the ONLY reason life is worth living!  Father, please help me to think on that each day!

If you asked me, I would never say that I could "make it on my own."  I don't think I'm self-sufficient.  Yet, deep down, there is some part of my that obviously thinks I can make it on my own to an extent.  Because I think "I'm doin' okay."  Hmmm...or not so much.  I must remember that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me!  And I am in need of His grace to make it through each day.  And not only do I need that grace, but so do my husband and my children.  My friends and family members, our postman, pest control technician, bank teller, grocery store clerk, etc.  We ALL need grace!  And I'm asking the Lord to keep me ever aware of my need for it, and that He might work in my heart to extend it more freely to others. 

As I sought the Lord today for help in my struggle, He revealed two verse to me, and they were in this order (as I just "randomly" looked in my Bible at the first page it fell open to):  a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.  (2 Peter 2:19b)  the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials... (2 Peter 2:9a)  He confirmed that it was a serious thing that I am struggling with, and I ought not take it lightly.  But...He also confirmed that no problem is too big for Him!  That He can free me from this struggle, just as He's freed me from many in the past!  (In case you wonder if I'm being prideful here, I'm not.  I believe that last verse applies to me because when I believed in Jesus, I was given the righteousness of Christ.  Therefore, because when God looks at me He sees His Son's blood paying for my sins, He considers me righteous.  Not because I think that I am "godly" in and of myself.  No, may it never be!)  Thank You for that, Lord!  That You are so far beyond what I can comprehend!  My most difficult challenges are no problem to You! 

So, Father, precious Jesus, please continue to mold me and shape me.  Break the hard areas in my heart, I pray.  Pride, insecurity, selfishness, anger, impatience...please enable me, by Your grace, to set those sins aside and trust in You!  May I rejoice in my struggles, as I know that You are at work.  And I know that if I rejoice in You, trust in You, hope in You, I will have Your peace - no matter the circumstances of my day to day life!  May I delight in Your sovereignty and Your grace, knowing that You have ordained every single day of my life since before time began!  And Your plan is perfect - no scenario I could ever dream up in my mind could compare with the perfect will of the Lord!  May I be free from believing the lies of the world, especially those that tell me that "peace" only comes when circumstances feel fun or easy or pleasant.  May I remember what You tell me in Your Word:  ...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.  And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:  "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."  Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.  (Hebrews 12:1b-7a)  My Abba (Daddy) Father loves me enough to bring things into my life to teach me the things that He knows I need to learn.  And because He created me, He knows how I need to learn them!  I can trust Him!!!

Father, I am  groaning for grace.  May I groan for grace each and every day.  All day.  May I be so focused on You that my burdens seem light!  That I am glad to endure whatever You choose to put on my path, because I know that nothing comes into my life that hasn't passed through Your mighty right hand!  May I be a source of encouragement, mercy and grace to those around me.   Especially my family.  May I remember that I cannot make it on my own, no matter how "easy" a day I'm having!  I need to fully rely on You.  Thank You for Your love.  For Your grace.  For YOUR peace.  Surely, it does pass ALL understanding!  For who is like the Lord???  You are the Lord, and there is NO other!  All praise and honor and glory to Christ!

I'm groaning...for grace.

Our church body had a really tremendous time of worship over the past weekend.  On Friday and Saturday there was a music and drama presentation that was extremely powerful!  One song that has stayed in my mind from that service, and was sung yesterday morning, as well, was Unto the Lamb.  I had never heard this song before, but hope to find it soon to own and listen to here at home.  This is one of those songs in which the music really reinforces the power of the lyrics.  What a great text!

I can see Jesus, high and exalted,
My eyes are fixed upon His face,
it shines like the sun.

I can see Jesus, clothed in glory,
He is high and lifted up,
And His train fills the temple

And all of the angels cry holy,
All the saints cry holy,
All creation cries holy,
Holy is the Lamb

All praise unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne,
Honor and power, dominion and praise,
Unto the Lamb, who was and is, and is to come!

There are many things the Lord does in our life that are for our GOOD, but are not easy.  This is often the case in my experience with Jesus.  Today is no exception.  We remember the day that the Son of God, Jesus Christ, subjected Himself, humbled Himself to death.  Even death on a cross.  He paid the ransom for my sin.  For yours.  The word GOOD hardly seems to do it justice.  But it IS a GOOD Friday. 

Our fellow brothers and sisters at our church back in the UK sang this tonight during their service...how I wish I could be there worshipping with them!  This is one of my favourite songs, and the Lord has humbled me time and time again through these lyrics, written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend.

Oh, to see the dawn (The Power of the Cross)

Oh, to see the dawn of the darkest day: Christ on the road to Calvary.

Tried by sinful men, torn and beaten, then nailed to a cross of wood.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see the pain written on your face, bearing the awesome weight of sin.

Every bitter thought, every evil deed crowning your blood-stained brow.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Now the daylight flees, now the ground beneath quiakes as its Maker bows his head.

Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life; 'Finished!' the victory cry.

This, the power of the cross: Christ became sin for us.

Took the blame, bore the wrath - we stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see my name written in the wounds, for through your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live, won through your selfless love.

This, the power of the cross: Son of God slain for us.

What a love!  What a cost!  We stand forgiven at the cross.

You can hear a clip at the Gettys' website here:

http://www.gettydirect.com/Products.asp?id=204

May we all be mindful of what a GOOD Friday today is.

I've shared before how the Lord uses my children to teach me and minister to me.  Tonight was no exception.  Awhile after putting them to bed, our 6yo cried out to me.  I went to the room, expecting to hear about a nightmare and pray for protection.  Instead, what I saw and heard were a body racked with sobs and a voice that cracked as it said, "Mommy,  this is just making me very sad.  I think this is what God is teaching me today.  You know the Building 429 song that says, 'When no one else knows how I feel?'  Well, I have been thinking about that, and it tells me that God takes care of me.  And I thought about my day with           .  And even though it was not a fun time (another child had not been kind to him or his brother), I know that God was taking care of me."  Wow.  He's listening to lyrics, and applying them to his daily life situations already.  (And I'd just said to my hubby the other night, "Can you imagine if we'd had contemporary Christian music to listen to while we grew up?"  We both wished we'd had it, maybe we wouldn't have listened to so much GARBAGE!  But that's beside the point.) 

After we talked for a few minutes, I heard this:  "This also makes me think of the Steven Curtis Chapman song that says His mercies are new every morning."  And we talked about that.  I asked him, "Are you crying because you're overwhelmed at how much God loves you?"  He nodded through tears and cried some more.  (Oh...the tug on a mother's heart to see this precious one love God THAT much!!!)  I asked him if he would like me to pray, and he nodded yes.  We prayed together.  As we finished, I could see that his body had calmed, his face had the look that reveals a spirit of peace, and he smiled through wet eyes.  He was ready to sleep now. 

What a blessing!  What a privilege!  As I prayed with my son, I thanked the Lord for the gift of faith that was given to this young one.  I thanked Him for speaking to the heart of this little boy and for loving him enough to graciously help him to understand it in the context of his daily life situations.  I thanked Him for the tender heart of this child who cares so deeply about the Lord and truly wants to learn the Truth and internalize it and live it out.  I thanked my dear son for calling me in to his room to talk about it.  I am so grateful.  Amazing Love, that the Lord would die for us, rise again, care for us, teach us...young and old alike.  And speak so clearly to the heart of a 6yo...Hallelujah!  What a Saviour!

I wrote this when very exhausted and brain-fried, so I apologize if it is disjointed (to the two or maybe three of you who might actually read this!).  It has been neat to see the Lord at work in our hearts, and I wanted to share a bit.

For the past twelve years, I have had a very difficult relationship with some people.  I have struggled with being a "people-pleaser" and have cared too much what others think of me.  In this particular relationship, many hurtful things have been said to me.  To my husband.  And I have "risen to our defense," and in the end have spoken disrespectfully to these people.  I allowed their views of me to hurt much more than it should have.  I KNEW that the things they were saying were simply not true, not accurate, not right or honorable.  However, what I failed to do was to be able to ignore it.  To be able to forgive them for it all without hearing them accept full responsiblity for their wrongdoing.  Over the years, I apologized for many things I had said or done wrong in the relationship.  I did hear one very genuine apology from these people, and it meant a great deal.  But that was it.  Just one.  (And believe me, there were more opportunities for apology than that one instance.)

About a year ago, I felt led, after months with no contact, to get in touch with these people again.  I could sense the Holy Spirit guiding me to work to establish just some friendly correspondence.  So, while I didn't necessarily "feel like it," I followed the Lord's guidance and contacted them.  This began a period of friendly e-mails.  Nothing of much depth, but a bit of chit-chat from time to time.  Every once in awhile, something just below the "surface-y" stuff, but not too deep.  I knew back then, that I needed to apologize for my speaking disrespectfully to them, regardless of whether they every accepted and owned up to their faults in our troubles.  That was not my issue - that is between them and the Lord!  So...I have been praying about that.  That the Lord would show me when and how to approach them and that I could truly just trust HIM for allowing me to forgive and not expect them to apologize for the deep hurts that they have caused.

Jump to present-day.  Our pastor has been speaking in the past few weeks about working for peace in our relationships.  I knew that the Lord was speaking to my heart about making this right w/ these people.  One Sunday, the pastor's call to action was something to this effect:  "What will you to TODAY to work toward building peace in your relationships?"  Instantly, I knew.  It was time to apologize.  I prayed all day that the Lord would orchestrate the opportunity and make it clear to me, and then give me the courage to do what I needed to do.  He did.  I was able to apologize.  I did it without making any excuses for my behavior.  I apologized specifically for what I had done wrong.  It was ONLY BY HIS GRACE that I was able to do it, and I'm so glad that He worked that out!

In response, I saw looks of surprise, and then heard what I have heard before.  An "apology" that was not genuine and did not bear full responsibility for actions.  "I'm sorry for any things that were said that maybe you took the wrong way."  Hmmm...still finding a way to place the blame on me.  Not accepting responsibility or genuinely being sorry for what was done.  But you know what?  That's okay.  I know now, because of God's grace, that I can walk away from that.  I am at peace in my heart with the Lord because as far as I know, I have apologized for all of the wrong that I have done in this relationship.  I have accepted responsibility for my actions and behavior.  I have asked the Lord to reveal to me if I'm missing something, and so far He has made clear to me that all I can do has been done.  And the rest is up to Him!  I can be at peace in my heart and know that whatever happens with the other people...it's between them and the Lord.  I even genuinely feel sad for them at times now, because they are the ones missing out on the depth of relationship that comes from being open and honest, from true reconciliation and healing, moving forward in the grace of Christ!

After the conversation, my husband and I realized that this was the neatest part - to see that there were many points during our talk that if it had been a few years ago, we would have responded to quite a few things they said, trying to set them straight.  Trying to get them to understand it in light of the Truth.  Now...we realize that they might never "get it," and it's not worth the added stress of trying to show it to them.  It's not our job.  Still more hurtful things were said, things that were done in the past were defended, etc.  It could have been very frustrating!  But this time, as evidence of God's grace in our hearts, we just did the "smile and nod" and moved on.  Now, I truly care far more what God thinks of me, not what anyone else thinks!  I am humbled by His grace in this situation.  God is good, and we are grateful!!!  Clearly, He was once again working for our good and for His glory!

Lately I've been giving a good deal of consideration to how God works.  In history, in the world, in families, in our lives, in my own heart.  It is quite amazing, and I know that I will never be able to get my mind around it all.  Still, it is fascinating to think about, read about, and pray about.  I keep asking the Lord to reveal to me just what He wants me to learn.  Sometimes it seems as though He doesn't answer, but then...I remember that He always answers, it's just not always the answer that I want!  Often times His answer seems to simply be, "Wait.  Trust me."  Lord, please help me to do that, rather than whine and complain when it seems like You're not "doing anything!"

How foolish I am.  I forget that I can only see but a tiny part of the enormous picture that He is painting.  It's not about me, my wants, my perceived needs,  my timing.  It's about HIM!  And what HE knows is best for me!  He knows more than I do what I need, and He is continually at work in my life...for my good, and His glory!  I can't begin to count the number of times when I have allowed my eyes to stay fixed on myself, rather than on the Author and Perfecter of my faith!  My dad has given me frequent reminders that I ought not trust my fickle feelings, but to trust in the One...by whom, for whom, through whom all things were created!!!  The Sovereign Lord of the universe.  The One who sent His Son Jesus to die for me...  He loved me that much, how can I not rest in His care each day?

Lately, I've seen the Holy Spirit use our 6 year old (once again) to convict us and call us to Christ and His Word.  He has used music to soften our hearts and remind us of our commitment to each other.  He has used testimonies of others to cause our hearts to glorify Him.  He has used a number of various things to bring us into a conversation about difficult issues...to bring us to peace in our marriage, which brings us to glorifying Him for that work!

Over the years, I have seen God change my heart in such overwhelming ways...it was obviously Him, as there is no possible way I could do that myself!  I have seen Him reveal things to me slowly over a long period of time to gently teach me something that will last in my heart because of the time it's taken to learn.  I have seen Him humble me when my child quotes the Scripture that I need to be mindful of in the midst of my sin.  I have seen Him save friends who thought they already were saved.  I have heard of restored marriages, changes in careers, moves...so many different ways that the Lord accomplishes His purposes in our lives! 

Yesterday I was reading in Matthew, and read "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be satisfied."  And instantly, I knew.  This was one thing He had been working in my heart.  He has lately been drawing me closer and closer to Himself, causing my heart to hunger and thirst to know and love Him more.  And then...He has graciously revealed Himself to me in different ways, thereby satisfying that hunger and thirst.  It's like in Psalms - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  We have seen Him do this so many times in our lives.  When He has given us a heart that is delighting in Him, then He causes us to desire whatever it is that He has already planned for our lives.  And then...He fulfills those desires!  It is so humbling to see...that He loves us enough to give us the desires that line up with His will...it just multiplies the joy we experience, and the glory we give to Him when it all falls into place!

It reminds me of Psalm 8.  Here are a few bits from that:  O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!  ...When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

No wonder that just a few verses later, David goes on in Psalm 9 to say, "I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders."  Thank You, Lord, for all of the work that You are doing in our lives, in the world, in our hearts...work for our good and for Your glory! 

Have you seen the Lord at work lately?  I would love it if you would share with us how He has been working in your life, or someone you know...anywhere that You've seen Him at work.  Let's tell of all His wonders!

I have just a couple of friends whom I truly consider to be "kindred spirits."  One of them is kind enough to share her wisdom with us on her blog from time to time, and it always humbles me, teaches me, convicts me, blesses me.  You can find her latest post here, as it was so very thought-provoking and God-honoring today.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Joyous/474387/

Lord, thank You for my dear friend and for the wisdom that You have given her.  Thank You for leading her to share what You know many others need to hear.  May You work this in all of us as we seek to know You more and to acknowledge You in all things, not leaning on our own understanding.  For our good, and for YOUR GLORY!

Well, I looked back at a couple of posts from 5-6 months ago on needing accountability to get things done.  I haven't changed at my core - I'm still afraid to fail, a procrastinator, and a perfectionist.  It's interesting that the first thought I had to write next was, "Not a good combination."  Really?  So I'm saying that the Sovereign God of the entire universe, the One who put the stars and planets in place, didn't make the right combination when He created my personality? 

How easily I slip into tearing myself down and as many tell me, "being too hard on myself."  I am asking the Lord to help me see myself in light of the Truth at all times.  Do I struggle?  Yes.  Do I believe there are reasons for those struggles?  You bet I do!  I won't always know the reasons, even in the end.  But I do KNOW that I love and serve and have been saved by a God who loves me, who created me in His image, and who doesn't make mistakes!  I have this conversation so often with my 6-year old.  He is very much like me in some of these things - too hard on himself.  And when he cries because he doesn't want to struggle with sin for the rest of his lfe, I remind him that the Lord uses that very struggle to make sure that we are always aware of our need for HIM!  The constant daily battles are what bring us to our knees, acknowledging that we are incapable of handling life on our own.  We can't live a day without His grace!

So, Lord, I thank You.  For loving me enough to never leave or forsake me.  For Your matchless grace that covers all of my sin (and as You know, there is a lot!).  For giving me glimpses of Your purposes in the midst of trials.  For each day that You allow me to breathe and to love on my kids and to share a smile or a laugh with my husband.  Thank You that I am learning to make small bits of progress each day and be content with that, rather than drive myself to exhaustion trying to "get it all done" and just failing miserably in the process.  It seems as though You are showing me how to extend grace even to myself.  Thank You for that.  Apart from You, I am nothing!  But because of You, I have an eternal hope, that can (and should!) bring me peace, joy, and contenment each and every day.  No matter the circumstances of the moment. 

I love You, Lord.  And I will never be able to express properly how thankful I am for Your grace.  It amazes me, humbles me.  Please forgive me for my lack of faith and my idolatry as I seem to sometimes think that I've got a better plan than You!  I know better than that, but sometimes my actions would betray that knowledge.  Father, may You be glorified in my heart and my mind and my life.  In our family, in our home.  By Your grace, for our good, and for YOUR glory, Lord...may we live in light of the Truth.  I ask it all in Christ's Name,  Amen.

I have a feeling this will be a frequent title for posts on this blog.  After all, my now 6 year old has been keeping me humble and teaching me about the Lord and faith for several years already.  He's always been a really deep thinker, as anyone who knows him quickly sees.  Today, he leaned over to me in church and said, "Mommy, I am going to stand for God, no matter what other people do.  If they want me to sit, or do something that God doesn't want me to do, I am going to stand for God.  Even if it's hard."  I thought it was SO precious that this was on his heart, and was so glad he wanted to share it with me.  I looked down at his children's picture Bible on his lap, and he was looking at pages (he doesn't read yet) about Daniel.  Do ya think he "gets it?"  Yeah, me too.

Tonight, as we were praying before bed, I think his prayer must have lasted about 10 minutes.  He went on and on, asking the Lord to help us to do what He wants us to, even when it's hard.  He said, "Even if you want me to do something hard like what David did, then I will do it.  I will obey and believe that You will help me to do it.  Like if You want me to be a fireman, and I know it will be hard, I will do it.  And even if I die, then I know I will be with You forever, and that's what's so good about it!"  He thanked God that we got to see people get baptized today, and asked Him to help more and more children know about him.  "Even thousands of them, and even quadrillions of children to know You!" he prayed.  He prayed for all of us to remember to serve other people and not ourselves, and to serve God more than anything.  He asked God to help us to remember to put on the Armor of God every single day and that we would not forget the Belt of Truth, because that is the most important one.  (We've had discussions where he's asked what is the most important part of the armor, and after thinking about it, I said I thought it might be the belt of Truth, because if we know the Truth, then we know that all of the other parts of the armor are included in that - it's all-encompassing!  Guess he didn't forget that conversation from months ago.)

Anyway, needless to say his faith humbled me and I am blessed to learn from him.  I wonder what must be in God's heart when He hears prayers like that from such a little one.  Of course, He gave him the gift of faith in the first place, but I can't help but think He must really be glorfied by that.  I am thankful, humbled by God's gift of faith to this young boy, and extremely privileged that I get to be the mommy!  Thank You, Lord!!!

Here are the lyrics that came to mind as I was writing the last post.  This is one of my favourite songs by Casting Crowns.  From the first time I heard it years ago, it has reminded me of the perspective I should have on a daily basis.  Living in light of the Truth of who I am, and who God is!  Not just in some theoretical sense, but really to think upon those things, and let those truths affect how I live my life.  Each moment of every day, I pray...by HIS grace!

Who Am I by Casting Crowns album: Casting Crowns (2003)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours

You can go here to listen.  http://www.castingcrowns.com/site.php?album=31657_-1__0_~0_-1_1_2008_0_0&content=information&subcontent=discography&em3012=&em973=&em2959=&latest_album=&track=

Hope this song blesses you as much as it has me!!! 

For His glory,

Jodie

Well, I'm finally back!  After weeks away and an overseas move, I am writing from the comfort of the wonderful home that my hubby found for us in back in the USA.  The settling in process is taking much longer than usual, as we moved between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then traveled to see family that we hadn't seen for 2 years while we were overseas.  So...I'm now finding a few moments to share a snippet of what the Lord has been doing in my life lately.

To make a very long story short, we have been having a lot of struggles in our marriage the past year or two.  Mostly due to communication issues, which is not surprising when you spend as much time apart as our country needs us to.  (We know the Lord has us serving our country this way, so the plans are His, ultimately!)  However...I was struggling with building feelings of resentment and bitterness about some issues we were having, and I knew it was NOT good!  I prayed for months for the Lord to ease or even take away those feelings, but I just couldn't shake them.   I was angry.  No matter how many pastors, chaplains, counselors or friends I or we spoke to and prayed with, I could not seem to move forward from things.  And neither could he.

Now, looking back, I think it was simply because the Lord wanted to show me, once again, that it is ALL about his grace!  It was true.  I COULD NOT bring myself out of that funk.  He would do it in HIS timing, which is always perfect, according to HIS will!  Neither my husband nor I could make this "progress" happen on our own.  We could not help the other to change.  We had to wait on Him.  And it was not fun for any of us, children included.  But...we did know that as long as it was continuing, there must be some reason the Lord had us in "that place."  Something He wanted to teach us, show us, do in us.  I think of the numerous verses about waiting on the Lord, being still, being patient, trusting His will, WAITING on His perfect timing. 

Just over a week ago, on the 7th of January, God put us on a new path.  I mean, I truly feel as though He picked us up like a lost little kitten...by the scruff of the neck...turned us around, and said, "No.  Not that way, go THIS way."  And gave us a little, prodding nudge forward.  Simple, but powerful.  I "felt" different inside.  I still do.  My husband seemed different.  We have still run into plenty of issues that just days earlier would have erupted into major arguments that went on for hours or days.  But now, BY GOD'S GRACE, we can work out and move on from them in minutes, at peace with each other, and truly forget they even happened.  I remember feeling last Monday something I don't remember experiencing before.  It was as though I could truly sense people praying for us.  It was such an overwhelming feeling.  I've heard people say that before, but now I was having those feelings myself.  There was no huge "light bulb moment" or anything like that.  Nothing major happened for either one of us to instigate this change.  All I know is that on January 7, 2008, God chose to extend His grace to us in a fresh way, and it has revolutionized the tone of day to day life in our home.  I can honestly say that our home has been characterized by peace these last 11 days.  And for the first time in months, I feel hopeful about our future.

I know it must sound like I'm talking about "feelings" too much here, but it's too powerful and too evident to ignore!  These are not like moods.  It seems as though something inside has just changed overnight.  And only the Sovereign Lord of the Universe, by His Holy Spirit, can do that kind of changing in a person's heart.  I've known in my mind, all along, the truth of God's Word.  That nothing is impossible with God, that He can do anything, that He could transform and heal hurting hearts, etc....  But it had been months, too many to count, since I had a real sense of peace in my heart about our relationship and our future.  I used to feel like maybe we were just destined to exist like this until we died...frustrated, stressed, exhausted...begging for God to change things or reveal what needed to happen, but having nothing happen.  Good moments here and there, but only memories of the fabulous marriage we'd once known.  Now...I am humbled by the fact that the Lord has poured His grace out upon us in such abundance right now!  I kept telling myself for those months that His mercies were new every morning, and I needed to live in light of that, apply it to my relationships, as well.  But it seemed impossible!  The best of intentions would fizzle into frustration or anger in a split second.  Now...He is enabling us both to extend grace to each other, build each other up, and live in peace.  This is truly the peace that passes understanding, the kind that only comes from the Lord.  There is no other explanation.  Like my aunt said the other night, it MUST be Divine Intervention!!!  She was right, and I'm so thankful for it.  That God would care so much for little old me....(I sense a lyrics post coming soon.).

Paul often wrote "grace and peace to you" in his letters to fellow believers.  And that's what we've experienced here.  God's grace has, once again, brought peace to us.  And that has given us hope.  This lesson from the Lord has reminded me of David's words in Psalm 42 & 42: "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  The Lord has reminded me again that the truths I were telling myself all these months were right - that I COULD trust Him, that I could have HOPE in the midst of the hurt, because He is faithful!  His grace is sufficient for me!  So now I pray that He will help me to remember this when the evil one tempts me to place my hope somewhere else...  Psalm 62:5-8 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God, he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

My heart and life are filled with grace, peace, and hope.  And it's all because of Him. 

...chocolate fans. 

So, there I was.  Innocently opening a nice piece of chocolate.  Or so I thought.  I probably shouldn't name the brand, but let's just say that this was not exactly what Noah sent out of the ark to find dry land.  Enough said?  I slowly take the foil off of the nice little square piece of milk chocolate with almonds in it...and then it hit me.  I am usually so eager to eat the chocolate, I don't even read what is on the inside of these wrappers.  But this particular time, it caught my eye.  I believe the Lord had a lesson in it for me.  Here is what it said:

Temptation is fun...giving in is even better.

What??????????  Okay.  I know that I am surrounded by the world.  As a Christian, I know that God's Word tells me to be "in the world, but not OF the world."  And I pray that, by His grace, I can do that.  I think that I often see the "subtle" messages of the world around me.  But I wonder now...how many really blatant messages like this one do I miss?  I mean, come on!  A piece of chocolate telling me that sin is good!  Are you kidding me???  Temptation is fun? 

I know.  You're probably thinking, chill out!  It's just a candy wrapper!  And technicially, that's true.  However, what I saw on the underside of that candy wrapper is a glaring message of what is being pumped into our minds from our world on a daily basis.  How often do we think about what we are seeing, reading, or hearing, and test it against the Word of God?  To see if it really is good?  If it is true, or only sounded a little bit like the truth?  Because there is a big difference.  Or maybe we think, "Well, that's not a good message, but it's no big deal."  How frequently are we filling our minds with this stuff?  How often are we told, "Go ahead!  Indulge yourself!  You deserve it!"

I felt sad after reading that little square piece of foil.  It made me a little bit sick to my stomach.  To think that we have become so numb to some things that we might even call temptation fun.  Or grin a little bit to ourselves in the "no harm, no foul" mindset.  After all, it's only chocolate, right?  Yes.  For now.  Until, after sliding quickly and quietly down the slippery slope, it's now someone else's spouse.  Hmmm...what do you think of that message now?  Still harmless?  "Temptation is fun...giving in is even better?"  No.  Taking every thought captive to Christ, I would have to say that I prefer Paul's take in 1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

I would say it this way, oh company who produces yummy square pieces of chocolate treats:  "Temptation is a struggle, a challenge.  But thanks be to God!  He, in His infinite grace, provides us a way out.  And THAT is good."  I pray that He will guard our hearts and minds as we daily seek His grace to be IN the world, but not OF the world.

Is it just me, or can you echo this man's words all too often?  I must admit that I often find myself with such a lack of faith.  When I say this to others, they say, "What are you talking about?  You don't suffer from a lack of faith!"  They're missing the point...they don't quite understand what I'm saying. 

I'm not saying that I do not have any faith in God.  I KNOW that God has given me this phenomenal gift of faith, His free gift of grace to me, and that will never be taken away.  I can never be snatched out of the mighty hand of Almighty God!  (Thank You, Jesus!)  But...it is clear in the daily ups and downs of life that I struggle from a very chronic lack of faith in who God REALLY is.  That what He has said in His word is REALLY true.  In my head...of course, I know it is true!  But the reactions that I have to everyday situations and circumstances make me painfully aware that my heart all too often doesn't REALLY believe it.  Hence...my unbelief.  A lack of faith.

My dear friend who is so far beyond me in wisdom and maturity, said something so profound in an e-mail to me recently.  It is SO true.  I'm sure she won't mind me sharing her words:

It seems that if you really believe in God's sovereignty that you can't really get upset about much.  Of course we do or are tempted to but ultimately our frustration is directed at God if he really is sovereign over all.  Which is why we are learning to accept what happens with humility.  We are just clay - sometimes we're hard clay - but by God's grace we pray that we would be soft and pliable and less resistant to the opportunities for shaping.

Yes, my friend, you are absolutely, unequivocally SPOT ON!!!  If you knew this woman, you would just be amazed (as I continually am) by her faith in the midst of very difficult and stressful (by human standards) circumstances.  If I put myself in her shoes, I can envision myself whining and complaining with no end.  (See...more evidence of my lack of faith!)  She is right.  Even though what she and her family are going through is very difficult, it is a situation given to them lovingly by a Sovereign Lord who is also full of grace!!!  If they believe that God loves them and always has their very best in mind, then they can rest in the knowledge that their circumstances are GOOD!  God's definition of good is what matters here - not ours.  We have adopted so many of the world's definitions into our hearts.  This is one of them for me.  What makes something "good?"  Is it easy to endure?  Puts a smile on my face?  Allows me to relax? 

No, I must say that what is good is what the Lord places into our lives for His ultimate purposes.  That may be very hard.  It may be excruciatingly painful.  It may be extremely stressful.  It may involve significant loss of something or someone important to me.  But again...if I truly believe that God is who He says He is and that His Word is true, then I will trust that every single thing in my life is good.  Because He loves me.  More than I can fathom.  Enough to be scourged, beaten to the point of disfigurement...to be hung by nails on a wooden cross.  Nails.  Pounded through His hands and feet.  A spear pierced through His side.  For me.  How, then, can I NOT believe that He loves me enough to ensure that every single detail of my life is ordered for my good? 

He alone sees the big picture of my life.  He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  He is the one writing the story.  And it's not about me.  It's about Him.  He is just gracious enough to let me be a tiny part of it.  A grain of sand.  He created me.  He, then, obviously knows me WAY better than I know myself!  He knows what is GOOD for me...better than I do.  He knows what I REALLY need.  I only have a messed-up, worldly, selfish view of what I think I "need" or what I want.  At our church's houseparty weekend last spring, our speaker gave us a fantastic mental image that I'll never forget.  He said this:

This thing (the world) that you think revolves around you???  (Pause...  He holds his hand in the air, palm facing up.)  It's sitting in the palm of His hand.

So...my prayer (one of the many) is that the Lord might, in His grace, work a deeper faith in my heart.  That He might enable me to truly see that MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!  That He would give me the grace to live in light of the cross of Christ and the empty tomb every single day.  That what He has done for me would so overwhelm me on a daily basis that I would really see the utter foolishness of my whining for things not "going my way."  After all, what is that?  Just an expression of my idolatry.  Thinking that I could do a better job of things than God can!  Sad.  Sick.  Wrong.  Thoughts not taken captive to Christ.  Not lined up with the truth of God's Word.

Father, I pray that You might give me the grace to really live, daily, in the light of Your Word and the gospel!  That You might help me to see Your hand in the everyday moments and look for what You might be doing with them...challenging or not.  "Small" or "big."  That rather than worship created things, I would only worship the Creator!  That I would not listen to lies of the enemy, but choose to hear only the voice of Truth!  I am fully aware that this could only be done by Your grace, Lord, and that's what I'm asking for.  I don't deserve it.  I deserve Your wrath and rejection.  But...praise You, because of Christ, You look upon me and see HIS righteousness!  You love me and have said You will not forsake me!  Thank You for that.  I pray that You will draw me (and all of us) closer to Yourself, that we might be changed and humbled, and YOU might be lifted up and glorified!

As our pastor (who now is battling a malignant brain tumor) said not long ago, "No matter what happens...we can always say, 'Jesus is risen!'  Everything seems to be falling down around us?  Nothing seems to be going right?  So what???  Jesus is risen!!!"  Amen, Tom.  Thanks for that.  If we believe that Jesus Christ is the Sovereign Lord of the universe (and I DO!), then as my friend said...we really don't have any right to complain or get upset.  We can trust Him.  Completely.  And have joy i n Him. 

Lord, I believe!  Help my unbelief...

Our 5-year-old, on the occasion of his 10th swimming lesson, swam across the pool by himself today!!!  I was SO excited, it was all I could do to contain myself and keep from jumping up and down cheering!  (I was, on the inside, Sweetie!  I was!)  I know he could see it on my face from across the pool.  We aren't allowed to have cameras there, so I was not able to capture any of it.  But I can't imagine that I'll ever forget it.  He's been SO-OOOO close the last few lessons.  But when he's been almost there, he would look up, rather than ahead, and then freez.  Go vertical.  Hold his breath.  And start to sink.

Today, on his first attempt, I saw him reach that place, and it was obvious that he was pushing right through it!  I was so excited!  His teacher could tell, too, of course (he looked up at me to make sure I was watching).  What a neat testimony of hard work, perseverance, overcoming fear....  We can learn a lot of things from swimming lessons, can't we?  (Yes, but seeing as how it's 1:45am, I'll save that for another time.)  For now...I just wanted to congratulate the big guy on his tremendous success!  Way to go, Son!  I'm so very proud of you for pressing on, even when it was hard and a little bit scary!  You prayed, followed your teacher's instructions, and kept working at it.  We talked about doing your best and working hard for the Lord.  Your hard work has paid off, and it was so thrilling to see you swim across that pool today - not once, but FIVE times!!! 

A final tidbit, mostly so I'll remember it...on the last attempt (#5), Mr. H. sat on the steps and didn't even go near Big Guy.  He just told him to go ahead and come on over.  And my brave one went for it, swam the whole way without any adult even near him!!!  He was thrilled with that part of it.  Way to go!!!  And thank You, Lord, for giving him the stamina, courage and determination to work hard.  Thank You for helping it to just "click" for him today so he could experience success!  Our prayers have been answered yet again...

I'll never forget the day I experienced yesterday.  I don't think anyone in our family will.  We had some very memorable moments, the kind you wish you could capture in a bottle and re-live from time to time.  I pray that the Lord will help them to stay fresh in my memory for years to come.

My husband flew his aircraft for the last time yesterday.  He will now be moving on to something different.  This old machine has been a special part of our lives for quite some time now.  It was a very bittersweet day for us all.  (I can't even begin to imagine what must have been running through his mind over the course of the day.)  I had so many fun memories rushing back, was so proud of all that he's accomplished, humbled by all that he's sacrificed, and sad that we are "already" at the last page of this chapter of our lives.

I would've given a lot to be flying with him.  Of course that's not allowed, but I still wished....  I have had the tremendous privilege of flying on the aircraft several times over the last few years, and I'll never forget that.  (I'll admit I'm sad that I'll never get to do that again.)  I do look forward to seeing what the Lord has laid out for the next chapter in our lives!  I'll just miss quite a few things about this one.  Getting my own personal fly-bys from time to time, for one.  (Thanks, Honey - you rock my world!!!)  Some of the awesome people that have been a part of this community.  The opportunity to live overseas for this job. 

I'm a bit overcome by my emotions, so I can't think real clearly right now.  But I just have to give my thanks and express my admiration for my husband.  Sweetheart, you have endured so much over these last years doing what you've been doing.  You have sacrificed in more ways than I can count.  In some ways, it seems like just yesterday that we were asking the Lord to give you this job.  Now it's done.  You have worked harder than I could ever dream, and while I would have complained constantly if I'd been in your shoes, it wasn't that often that I heard you complain.  You have served others selflessly, provided for our needs, fought to preserve our freedom and that of countless others.  I will never be able to express to you how very, very proud I am of you!  I am blessed to be your bride, and the boys are so privileged to have you as their daddy.  Your integrity through all you've experienced has been a real example to me.  I find myself at a loss for words (I know...that must seem impossible!).  I admire you more than you'll ever know.  Thanks for letting us be a part of so much of what you've done this last 6 1/2 years!  I hope that yesterday was even more special for you than it was for us.  I know I'll never forget it.  We meant what we said on the signs we held up yesterday, Love.  You ARE our HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.  Does that open up a can of worms for you?  It does for me.  I was speaking with a wise woman a couple of weeks ago, and she made a statement that I hope always stays with me.  She made is quietly, simply, non-judgementally.  She said (in other words, but this was the basic point), "It seems as though you need to look at the sources of stress in your life.  There are many of them about which you can do nothing.  However there are some self-induced stressors in your life.  You need to identify those self-induced sources of stress, and then eliminate them."  Wow.  She went on to say that she knows that is no easy task, and won't happen overnight, but she encouraged me to really be mindful of when I am creating stress for myself and my family, and to try to stop doing that.  She even gave me the analogy of a traffic light.  She said that when I find myself doing the very thing I don't want to do, when I know I'm about to cause stress for myself and/or my family, that I can imagine the light turning red.  STOP.  Just STOP doing it now.

Simple suggestions.  Basic pointers.  But HUGE in terms of benefit, if they can be applied to daily life!  I know that I cannot do this on my own.  But I know that the Lord is faithful, and that He wants me to take His yoke upon Him, that His burden is light.  I can find true rest for my soul in Him.  He has given me the ability to think and discern...and I need to be realistic about how often my choices, attitudes and behaviors cause stress for myself and those around me.  I desire to STOP doing those things!  And I trust, that by HIS grace, I can improve in this area.

I am saddened when I think of how often it is simply my lack of faith that causes me to be frustrated, angry, grouchy, short, impatient, irritable....the list goes on and on!  I am not trusting the Lord in the "smaller details" of my life.  It is as though I think He is sovereign in what I consider to be "the big stuff," but not in the daily grind.  I know that is flawed thinking.  I don't really THINK that is true, but it's obviously what I'm believing often times, because that is how I behave.  Like I need to fret, try to change circumstances, try to "fix" something, etc.  If only I would remember that there is NOTHING that enters my life that is not a part of my loving Saviour's perfect will for me.

I'm writing this as I am giving myself a "time-out" before I lash out in frustration with my kids.  They have disobeyed.  Again.  That is wrong.  BUT...I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to stop and take a few minutes to think and pray before I deal with their sin.  I have a heart that is filled with sin.  I need to be mindful of that when I handle these training moments with my sweet kiddos.  That I am still learning the very things I'm trying to teach them.  It's what life is all about.  And it reminds us to be on our knees, ever-dependent on His grace to get us through each moment of each day!  We can't do it alone.

I'm glad that He provides wise people to guide us on this journey.  And after I go and deal with my children in light of God's grace, I'm going to take a look at those self-imposed stressors, and pray about what the Lord might have me to do with or about them.  BY HIS GRACE, and FOR HIS GLORY!!!

...to be near God.  I have underlined a verse in my Bible twice - once in blue, once in red.  It is also highlighted in green.  It has clearly been awhile since I've read it, as it jumped out at me today as though it were the first time.  I love it when the Lord does that for me with something that is just what I need to hear!  Even more so when it fits perfectly with all He's been teaching me in the last few days.  Here it is, in its entirety:

"But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."  ~Psalm 73:28

This post might be a bit lengthy (no surprise, coming from me), but it has to, in order to do justice to what the Lord has been teaching me of late!  It has really been a precious time of fellowship with Him.  A humbling time, an exciting time.  I'll do my best to communicate it all as briefly as possible without compromising the important bits.

A little background...I have been completely exhausted lately.  More than usual.  Completely drained, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  I have felt completely spent!  "Shattered" is the British word for it, which I love - it really has described me lately.  Shattered.  I've been struggling for weeks feeling stressed, frazzled, frustrated, angry, disappointed, etc...sometimes knowing why, but other times not really have any idea why.  This led to more frustration (WHAT is my problem?) and confusion.  I picked up a book I'd purchased awhile back, and here is where the Lord started this amazingly clear lesson for me.

The book is called "The Blessing Book," by Linda Dillow.  If you've ever read anything of hers before, I'm sure you'll agree that she is just an inspring, challenging, and phenomenal woman.  She seems to have such an amazing view of God and His sovereignty in our lives, His grace, etc.  It was in her book "Calm My Anxious Heart" that I first read one of the things she often calls God - the Blessed Controller of All Things.  In the book I'm reading now, she uses the Psalms to illustrate how we can walk through difficulties and have hope (OVER-simplified explanation). 

She starts in Psalm 77, where Asaph, one of King David's musicians, is pouring his heart out to the Lord, but he says his soul cannot be comforted.  He cries out to the Lord...and then...he makes a very conscious choice.  It's as though he says, "Wait a minute!  I don't need to keep moaning - I'm going to choose to do something better!"  And he writes in verses 11 & 12, "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."  And he goes on to do just that.  He DECIDES, while he is feeling down, that he WILL (not that he "feels like") remembering what God has done, meditating on those things.  And the rest of the Psalm takes on an entirely different direction.  One in which God is lifted up in praise and adoration!  Asaph's problems had not immediately picked up and gone away.  He did not have a specific answer to a much-prayed request.  No...he just CHOSE to focus on the Lord and all that He had done.  Even His works of long ago - not just things He'd done for Asaph, personally! 

Linda writes on page 32, "Notice that Asaph's words were not I feel but I will.  I will indicates resolve.  His choices to remember and to meditate on what God had done were intentional choices.  And those choices transformed his pity party into a praise celebration.  As his focus shifted from his problem to God's promises, he reasoned, "If God has been so faithful in the past, surely He will be faithful in the present...and in the future."  In essence he said, "Today all is dark.  I can't see what God is doing, but instead of staying here adn letting the problem paralyze me, I will turn my mind to the miracles in Israel's history.  And I won't just acknowledge them, I will meditate on what God has done.  I will go over and over and over all the works and mighty deeds of the Lord...." "  I don't know about you, but that's not usually my first thought when I'm hurting or struggling.  But this encouraged me to seek God's help to do this.  And as I read through this, I picked up my pen and journal and right then and there started an "I Will Remember" list of all sorts of things God has done!  It was really neat.

THEN...as though that hadn't been enough.  I kept reading in Dillow's book.  The next chapter introduces Psalm 46, which begins, God is our refuge and strenth, an ever-present help in trouble.  She shares a story about a time she was battling a migraine (which I've also struggled with for years).  She writes on pages 48-49, The Oxford Dictionary defines refuge as a place of "shelter from pursuit or danger or trouble."  But Psalm 46 assures me that my refuge is not a place but a Person.  According to this psalm, Jehovah, the Mighty One, is also the Merciful One who bends down and listens to my cry for help.  He is my refuge from teh storms of life.  He is my strenght when enemies pursue me.  One of my enemies is named Migraine.  I run to God for refuge against this enemy.  I also go to Him for strength to withstand the attacks of another enemy that follows in close pursuit behind Migraine.  Its name is Discouragement. 

Instantly, I was weeping.  Hot tears were streaming down my face.  Here I was, alone at a restaurant having lunch after a massage (my kids are at holiday club this week), and THIS was where the Lord chose to speak in a very obvious way to me.  I have known for awhile that something else seemed to be bothering me.  I just couldn't seem to put a finger on it!  And there is was...an enemy that up until this point, to me, had remained unnamed.  Now, he had a name.  Discouragement.  And there was instant recognition in my spirit.  It could not have been more clear to me if the Lord spoke it in an audible voice.  "THIS is the spirit, the enemy, that you're battling right now, Jodie.  It often follows migraines, but it follows many other things in your life, as well.  This is a major battle that you need to fight right now," the Lord said to me. 

I don't know if you have many experiences like this one, but I was just so humbled!  That the Lord would choose to reveal VERY clearly to me the thing that was causing troubles in me....  It's overwhelming, and I'm SO grateful!  (Thank You, Lord!!!!)  He confirmed it the next day as I was reading another book on Homeschooling by Teri Maxwell (yet another AMAZING example to me!!!).  The book is entitled, "Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit."  Yep - I LONG to have that!  Seem SO far from it most days....  And the Lord showed me that this woman I look up to and admire...she, too, has struggled with impatience and irritation and frustration with her kids.  She has yelled at them.  And then she used the same word that was affecting her...DISCOURAGEMENT.  And I was in tears again.  It is SO comforting to me when the Lord shows me that I'm not alone.  I'm not the only one with these kinds of struggles.  And He confirmed two days in a row that my current enemy to do battle with is Discouragement.  It rears its ugly head in many different situations, and now my eyes are open.  I'm so glad that I can stand firm in His Word, with His armor on, in His strength, and trust Him to be strong, because I am weak!!!  I'm so glad, that as Linda was saying, He is my refuge, and when I don't have the strength to fight, all I have to do is call on Him, and He will cover me, shelter me, protect me, and fight for me! 

As I was writing this, I thought of Joshua, and how the Lord told him to trust Him for the battles.  I flipped the Bible open, and read this (Chapter 1, verse 9): Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  Again...WOW.  He reminded Joshua not only to not be scared, but to not be DISCOURAGED!  And why didn't he need to feel that way?  Why don't we???  Because God is always with us!  It's not because we're strong.  It's because HE is strong! 

I had a great talk with my hubby last night, then, about some of these things, and told him about the work the Lord was doing in my heart.  I asked him for some guidance about prioritizing some of the things that were overwhelming me with pressure.  I asked him if I could push some things aside for awhile to focus on others.  And the Lord had directed him to the same thoughts - we were of one mind w/ the Lord's will for these issues, which was SUCH a blessing!  What peace there is in that...  This morning, then, on top of it all, I got an e-mail from a friend which gave another very specific confirmation to all of this.  And again, I was overwhelmed.  God is so amazing...to think that He cares for me enough to speak this clearly to me about the direction He wants my time, energy, thoughts, efforts and prayers right now.  AWESOME!!!  I feel like a little child.  I've been running, I've fallen down and gotten hurt.  I am scared, tired, sad, and in pain.  And yet I have been able to run into the arms of my Father, who is my refuge!  And I am safe and secure in His arms.  He has lifted me up, comforted me, and spoken words of healing and hope to my heart.  What a feeling that is....

I'll share some of my "I Will Remember" list with you at some point.  But for now, I say again:  IT IS GOOD TO BE NEAR GOD!!!

I was outside late tonight with my kids and a friend.  It was late, and we were looking up at the stars.  We saw the most unusual sight (for us, anyway).  We first guessed it was an aircraft moving through the sky, but then we realized there was absolutely no sound.  And it wasn't a flashing beacon.  It was a constant, white light.  It moved slowly across most of the sky above us, and finally...after what seemed like AGES...it turned a bit reddish in colour, got smaller, and faded away.  I'd seen a shooting star earlier, and thought...is there seriously a shooting star or something that can move that slowly and last that long?  Maybe I've seen these types of things before when I was a kid, and I've forgotten.  But...this is something I won't forget!  We saw several more of them, and we were all just in awe.  A couple more shooting stars, as well.  I had in my mind that I'd read something about a meteor shower or something coming up in August, but wasn't certain.  After I came inside and got the kids back in bed, I went directly to....Google!  And here are the details I found.  If you can, check it out.  It was amazing tonight, and we're not even close to the peak!  NASA has an article here:

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2007/11jul_greatperseids.htm

My youngest son just kept saying things like, "Oh, this is a miracle!  God made them shoot out just for me!  He put them in the sky just so we could see them!  This is amazing!"  What a precious perspective (I wish you could hear his sweet voice, it adds so much to the sweet thoughts!)...  It is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that the same God that put each one of the stars in the vast sky into place...LOVES me.  And you.  That's another amazing thing to behold....