...to be near God.  I have underlined a verse in my Bible twice - once in blue, once in red.  It is also highlighted in green.  It has clearly been awhile since I've read it, as it jumped out at me today as though it were the first time.  I love it when the Lord does that for me with something that is just what I need to hear!  Even more so when it fits perfectly with all He's been teaching me in the last few days.  Here it is, in its entirety:

"But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."  ~Psalm 73:28

This post might be a bit lengthy (no surprise, coming from me), but it has to, in order to do justice to what the Lord has been teaching me of late!  It has really been a precious time of fellowship with Him.  A humbling time, an exciting time.  I'll do my best to communicate it all as briefly as possible without compromising the important bits.

A little background...I have been completely exhausted lately.  More than usual.  Completely drained, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  I have felt completely spent!  "Shattered" is the British word for it, which I love - it really has described me lately.  Shattered.  I've been struggling for weeks feeling stressed, frazzled, frustrated, angry, disappointed, etc...sometimes knowing why, but other times not really have any idea why.  This led to more frustration (WHAT is my problem?) and confusion.  I picked up a book I'd purchased awhile back, and here is where the Lord started this amazingly clear lesson for me.

The book is called "The Blessing Book," by Linda Dillow.  If you've ever read anything of hers before, I'm sure you'll agree that she is just an inspring, challenging, and phenomenal woman.  She seems to have such an amazing view of God and His sovereignty in our lives, His grace, etc.  It was in her book "Calm My Anxious Heart" that I first read one of the things she often calls God - the Blessed Controller of All Things.  In the book I'm reading now, she uses the Psalms to illustrate how we can walk through difficulties and have hope (OVER-simplified explanation). 

She starts in Psalm 77, where Asaph, one of King David's musicians, is pouring his heart out to the Lord, but he says his soul cannot be comforted.  He cries out to the Lord...and then...he makes a very conscious choice.  It's as though he says, "Wait a minute!  I don't need to keep moaning - I'm going to choose to do something better!"  And he writes in verses 11 & 12, "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."  And he goes on to do just that.  He DECIDES, while he is feeling down, that he WILL (not that he "feels like") remembering what God has done, meditating on those things.  And the rest of the Psalm takes on an entirely different direction.  One in which God is lifted up in praise and adoration!  Asaph's problems had not immediately picked up and gone away.  He did not have a specific answer to a much-prayed request.  No...he just CHOSE to focus on the Lord and all that He had done.  Even His works of long ago - not just things He'd done for Asaph, personally! 

Linda writes on page 32, "Notice that Asaph's words were not I feel but I will.  I will indicates resolve.  His choices to remember and to meditate on what God had done were intentional choices.  And those choices transformed his pity party into a praise celebration.  As his focus shifted from his problem to God's promises, he reasoned, "If God has been so faithful in the past, surely He will be faithful in the present...and in the future."  In essence he said, "Today all is dark.  I can't see what God is doing, but instead of staying here adn letting the problem paralyze me, I will turn my mind to the miracles in Israel's history.  And I won't just acknowledge them, I will meditate on what God has done.  I will go over and over and over all the works and mighty deeds of the Lord...." "  I don't know about you, but that's not usually my first thought when I'm hurting or struggling.  But this encouraged me to seek God's help to do this.  And as I read through this, I picked up my pen and journal and right then and there started an "I Will Remember" list of all sorts of things God has done!  It was really neat.

THEN...as though that hadn't been enough.  I kept reading in Dillow's book.  The next chapter introduces Psalm 46, which begins, God is our refuge and strenth, an ever-present help in trouble.  She shares a story about a time she was battling a migraine (which I've also struggled with for years).  She writes on pages 48-49, The Oxford Dictionary defines refuge as a place of "shelter from pursuit or danger or trouble."  But Psalm 46 assures me that my refuge is not a place but a Person.  According to this psalm, Jehovah, the Mighty One, is also the Merciful One who bends down and listens to my cry for help.  He is my refuge from teh storms of life.  He is my strenght when enemies pursue me.  One of my enemies is named Migraine.  I run to God for refuge against this enemy.  I also go to Him for strength to withstand the attacks of another enemy that follows in close pursuit behind Migraine.  Its name is Discouragement. 

Instantly, I was weeping.  Hot tears were streaming down my face.  Here I was, alone at a restaurant having lunch after a massage (my kids are at holiday club this week), and THIS was where the Lord chose to speak in a very obvious way to me.  I have known for awhile that something else seemed to be bothering me.  I just couldn't seem to put a finger on it!  And there is was...an enemy that up until this point, to me, had remained unnamed.  Now, he had a name.  Discouragement.  And there was instant recognition in my spirit.  It could not have been more clear to me if the Lord spoke it in an audible voice.  "THIS is the spirit, the enemy, that you're battling right now, Jodie.  It often follows migraines, but it follows many other things in your life, as well.  This is a major battle that you need to fight right now," the Lord said to me. 

I don't know if you have many experiences like this one, but I was just so humbled!  That the Lord would choose to reveal VERY clearly to me the thing that was causing troubles in me....  It's overwhelming, and I'm SO grateful!  (Thank You, Lord!!!!)  He confirmed it the next day as I was reading another book on Homeschooling by Teri Maxwell (yet another AMAZING example to me!!!).  The book is entitled, "Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit."  Yep - I LONG to have that!  Seem SO far from it most days....  And the Lord showed me that this woman I look up to and admire...she, too, has struggled with impatience and irritation and frustration with her kids.  She has yelled at them.  And then she used the same word that was affecting her...DISCOURAGEMENT.  And I was in tears again.  It is SO comforting to me when the Lord shows me that I'm not alone.  I'm not the only one with these kinds of struggles.  And He confirmed two days in a row that my current enemy to do battle with is Discouragement.  It rears its ugly head in many different situations, and now my eyes are open.  I'm so glad that I can stand firm in His Word, with His armor on, in His strength, and trust Him to be strong, because I am weak!!!  I'm so glad, that as Linda was saying, He is my refuge, and when I don't have the strength to fight, all I have to do is call on Him, and He will cover me, shelter me, protect me, and fight for me! 

As I was writing this, I thought of Joshua, and how the Lord told him to trust Him for the battles.  I flipped the Bible open, and read this (Chapter 1, verse 9): Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  Again...WOW.  He reminded Joshua not only to not be scared, but to not be DISCOURAGED!  And why didn't he need to feel that way?  Why don't we???  Because God is always with us!  It's not because we're strong.  It's because HE is strong! 

I had a great talk with my hubby last night, then, about some of these things, and told him about the work the Lord was doing in my heart.  I asked him for some guidance about prioritizing some of the things that were overwhelming me with pressure.  I asked him if I could push some things aside for awhile to focus on others.  And the Lord had directed him to the same thoughts - we were of one mind w/ the Lord's will for these issues, which was SUCH a blessing!  What peace there is in that...  This morning, then, on top of it all, I got an e-mail from a friend which gave another very specific confirmation to all of this.  And again, I was overwhelmed.  God is so amazing...to think that He cares for me enough to speak this clearly to me about the direction He wants my time, energy, thoughts, efforts and prayers right now.  AWESOME!!!  I feel like a little child.  I've been running, I've fallen down and gotten hurt.  I am scared, tired, sad, and in pain.  And yet I have been able to run into the arms of my Father, who is my refuge!  And I am safe and secure in His arms.  He has lifted me up, comforted me, and spoken words of healing and hope to my heart.  What a feeling that is....

I'll share some of my "I Will Remember" list with you at some point.  But for now, I say again:  IT IS GOOD TO BE NEAR GOD!!!