Is it just me, or can you echo this man's words all too often? I must admit that I often find myself with such a lack of faith. When I say this to others, they say, "What are you talking about? You don't suffer from a lack of faith!" They're missing the point...they don't quite understand what I'm saying.
I'm not saying that I do not have any faith in God. I KNOW that God has given me this phenomenal gift of faith, His free gift of grace to me, and that will never be taken away. I can never be snatched out of the mighty hand of Almighty God! (Thank You, Jesus!) But...it is clear in the daily ups and downs of life that I struggle from a very chronic lack of faith in who God REALLY is. That what He has said in His word is REALLY true. In my head...of course, I know it is true! But the reactions that I have to everyday situations and circumstances make me painfully aware that my heart all too often doesn't REALLY believe it. Hence...my unbelief. A lack of faith.
My dear friend who is so far beyond me in wisdom and maturity, said something so profound in an e-mail to me recently. It is SO true. I'm sure she won't mind me sharing her words:
It seems that if you really believe in God's sovereignty that you can't really get upset about much. Of course we do or are tempted to but ultimately our frustration is directed at God if he really is sovereign over all. Which is why we are learning to accept what happens with humility. We are just clay - sometimes we're hard clay - but by God's grace we pray that we would be soft and pliable and less resistant to the opportunities for shaping.
Yes, my friend, you are absolutely, unequivocally SPOT ON!!! If you knew this woman, you would just be amazed (as I continually am) by her faith in the midst of very difficult and stressful (by human standards) circumstances. If I put myself in her shoes, I can envision myself whining and complaining with no end. (See...more evidence of my lack of faith!) She is right. Even though what she and her family are going through is very difficult, it is a situation given to them lovingly by a Sovereign Lord who is also full of grace!!! If they believe that God loves them and always has their very best in mind, then they can rest in the knowledge that their circumstances are GOOD! God's definition of good is what matters here - not ours. We have adopted so many of the world's definitions into our hearts. This is one of them for me. What makes something "good?" Is it easy to endure? Puts a smile on my face? Allows me to relax?
No, I must say that what is good is what the Lord places into our lives for His ultimate purposes. That may be very hard. It may be excruciatingly painful. It may be extremely stressful. It may involve significant loss of something or someone important to me. But again...if I truly believe that God is who He says He is and that His Word is true, then I will trust that every single thing in my life is good. Because He loves me. More than I can fathom. Enough to be scourged, beaten to the point of disfigurement...to be hung by nails on a wooden cross. Nails. Pounded through His hands and feet. A spear pierced through His side. For me. How, then, can I NOT believe that He loves me enough to ensure that every single detail of my life is ordered for my good?
He alone sees the big picture of my life. He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith. He is the one writing the story. And it's not about me. It's about Him. He is just gracious enough to let me be a tiny part of it. A grain of sand. He created me. He, then, obviously knows me WAY better than I know myself! He knows what is GOOD for me...better than I do. He knows what I REALLY need. I only have a messed-up, worldly, selfish view of what I think I "need" or what I want. At our church's houseparty weekend last spring, our speaker gave us a fantastic mental image that I'll never forget. He said this:
This thing (the world) that you think revolves around you??? (Pause... He holds his hand in the air, palm facing up.) It's sitting in the palm of His hand.
So...my prayer (one of the many) is that the Lord might, in His grace, work a deeper faith in my heart. That He might enable me to truly see that MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME! That He would give me the grace to live in light of the cross of Christ and the empty tomb every single day. That what He has done for me would so overwhelm me on a daily basis that I would really see the utter foolishness of my whining for things not "going my way." After all, what is that? Just an expression of my idolatry. Thinking that I could do a better job of things than God can! Sad. Sick. Wrong. Thoughts not taken captive to Christ. Not lined up with the truth of God's Word.
Father, I pray that You might give me the grace to really live, daily, in the light of Your Word and the gospel! That You might help me to see Your hand in the everyday moments and look for what You might be doing with them...challenging or not. "Small" or "big." That rather than worship created things, I would only worship the Creator! That I would not listen to lies of the enemy, but choose to hear only the voice of Truth! I am fully aware that this could only be done by Your grace, Lord, and that's what I'm asking for. I don't deserve it. I deserve Your wrath and rejection. But...praise You, because of Christ, You look upon me and see HIS righteousness! You love me and have said You will not forsake me! Thank You for that. I pray that You will draw me (and all of us) closer to Yourself, that we might be changed and humbled, and YOU might be lifted up and glorified!
As our pastor (who now is battling a malignant brain tumor) said not long ago, "No matter what happens...we can always say, 'Jesus is risen!' Everything seems to be falling down around us? Nothing seems to be going right? So what??? Jesus is risen!!!" Amen, Tom. Thanks for that. If we believe that Jesus Christ is the Sovereign Lord of the universe (and I DO!), then as my friend said...we really don't have any right to complain or get upset. We can trust Him. Completely. And have joy i n Him.
Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief... | 