Well, I'm finally back!  After weeks away and an overseas move, I am writing from the comfort of the wonderful home that my hubby found for us in back in the USA.  The settling in process is taking much longer than usual, as we moved between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then traveled to see family that we hadn't seen for 2 years while we were overseas.  So...I'm now finding a few moments to share a snippet of what the Lord has been doing in my life lately.

To make a very long story short, we have been having a lot of struggles in our marriage the past year or two.  Mostly due to communication issues, which is not surprising when you spend as much time apart as our country needs us to.  (We know the Lord has us serving our country this way, so the plans are His, ultimately!)  However...I was struggling with building feelings of resentment and bitterness about some issues we were having, and I knew it was NOT good!  I prayed for months for the Lord to ease or even take away those feelings, but I just couldn't shake them.   I was angry.  No matter how many pastors, chaplains, counselors or friends I or we spoke to and prayed with, I could not seem to move forward from things.  And neither could he.

Now, looking back, I think it was simply because the Lord wanted to show me, once again, that it is ALL about his grace!  It was true.  I COULD NOT bring myself out of that funk.  He would do it in HIS timing, which is always perfect, according to HIS will!  Neither my husband nor I could make this "progress" happen on our own.  We could not help the other to change.  We had to wait on Him.  And it was not fun for any of us, children included.  But...we did know that as long as it was continuing, there must be some reason the Lord had us in "that place."  Something He wanted to teach us, show us, do in us.  I think of the numerous verses about waiting on the Lord, being still, being patient, trusting His will, WAITING on His perfect timing. 

Just over a week ago, on the 7th of January, God put us on a new path.  I mean, I truly feel as though He picked us up like a lost little kitten...by the scruff of the neck...turned us around, and said, "No.  Not that way, go THIS way."  And gave us a little, prodding nudge forward.  Simple, but powerful.  I "felt" different inside.  I still do.  My husband seemed different.  We have still run into plenty of issues that just days earlier would have erupted into major arguments that went on for hours or days.  But now, BY GOD'S GRACE, we can work out and move on from them in minutes, at peace with each other, and truly forget they even happened.  I remember feeling last Monday something I don't remember experiencing before.  It was as though I could truly sense people praying for us.  It was such an overwhelming feeling.  I've heard people say that before, but now I was having those feelings myself.  There was no huge "light bulb moment" or anything like that.  Nothing major happened for either one of us to instigate this change.  All I know is that on January 7, 2008, God chose to extend His grace to us in a fresh way, and it has revolutionized the tone of day to day life in our home.  I can honestly say that our home has been characterized by peace these last 11 days.  And for the first time in months, I feel hopeful about our future.

I know it must sound like I'm talking about "feelings" too much here, but it's too powerful and too evident to ignore!  These are not like moods.  It seems as though something inside has just changed overnight.  And only the Sovereign Lord of the Universe, by His Holy Spirit, can do that kind of changing in a person's heart.  I've known in my mind, all along, the truth of God's Word.  That nothing is impossible with God, that He can do anything, that He could transform and heal hurting hearts, etc....  But it had been months, too many to count, since I had a real sense of peace in my heart about our relationship and our future.  I used to feel like maybe we were just destined to exist like this until we died...frustrated, stressed, exhausted...begging for God to change things or reveal what needed to happen, but having nothing happen.  Good moments here and there, but only memories of the fabulous marriage we'd once known.  Now...I am humbled by the fact that the Lord has poured His grace out upon us in such abundance right now!  I kept telling myself for those months that His mercies were new every morning, and I needed to live in light of that, apply it to my relationships, as well.  But it seemed impossible!  The best of intentions would fizzle into frustration or anger in a split second.  Now...He is enabling us both to extend grace to each other, build each other up, and live in peace.  This is truly the peace that passes understanding, the kind that only comes from the Lord.  There is no other explanation.  Like my aunt said the other night, it MUST be Divine Intervention!!!  She was right, and I'm so thankful for it.  That God would care so much for little old me....(I sense a lyrics post coming soon.).

Paul often wrote "grace and peace to you" in his letters to fellow believers.  And that's what we've experienced here.  God's grace has, once again, brought peace to us.  And that has given us hope.  This lesson from the Lord has reminded me of David's words in Psalm 42 & 42: "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  The Lord has reminded me again that the truths I were telling myself all these months were right - that I COULD trust Him, that I could have HOPE in the midst of the hurt, because He is faithful!  His grace is sufficient for me!  So now I pray that He will help me to remember this when the evil one tempts me to place my hope somewhere else...  Psalm 62:5-8 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God, he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

My heart and life are filled with grace, peace, and hope.  And it's all because of Him.