Is it just me, or does it sometimes feel impossible to have a good attitude?  I have really been struggling with this lately.  I've had something happen in my life recently that has dredged up a whole lot of "yuck," for lack of a better word, and it has made me angry.  And I know I shouldn't stay angry.  I KNOW that!  I know the truth of God's Word...I should trust in Him, pray and ask Him to help me to have the right attitude, fill my mind with Truth, etc.  I know these things.  And yet sometimes it just seems like I cannot get out of this mess!

Yesterday, a wise friend shared these verses with me from 1 Peter 5:6-10, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."  I'll add the next verse, too: "To him be the power for ever and ever.  Amen."

It is my sincere hope that God, in His matchless grace, will help me out of this muck and mire.  I think that part of my problem is that it is "easier" for me to feel angry than to feel hurt.  When something has gone on for so long...for years on end...I just don't have it in me to continue to experience the deep hurt!  And so the anger sets in.  And I have to try to fight off bitterness and resentment.  I cannot do it on my own.  That much is blatantly obvious!  I continue to ask the Lord to help me, and yet this seems to be one of those times when I am not getting an answer right now.  His timing is not lining up with mine.  I know His ways are not my ways (and praise Him for that!), but I am weary.  SO weary.  I feel as though I cannot move another step unless this heavy weight can lift and stay away.  And this extreme weariness makes me easy bait for the evil one...the roaring lion.  It's as though I'm just a carcass...on the ground, already there for him to just stroll on up and devour.  No hunt involved, no stalking, no prowl necessary.  I'm stuck in the mud.  I'm already "dead weight."  And I know that's not good.  I don't know how long the "little while" is that the Lord wants me to suffer right now.  It already feels like a LONG time!  But He knows.  And for now, I'm going to ask Him to give me faith when mine is weak, to help me rest in His perfect care. 

If you happen to be one of the very few people who sometimes read this blog, would you mind asking the Lord for grace for me and my family?  That I would not take this out on my kids so much?  I hate that they seem to take the brunt of what is going on, when it has absolutely nothing to do with them!  Again...I know that I need to make sure not to do that...but I seem unable to do anything else.  Romans 7, anyone?  That's where I'm living right now.

May the God of all grace restore all of us and make us strong!  Please, Lord, for our good and YOUR glory!