Oct. 18, 2009 - Hello Blog World!

Well hello blog world once more! I know it's been awhile; life has kept me busy with college and work. Speaking of college, right now I am doing community college, but I'm hoping to win a scholarship to Liberty University. There are four steps to winning this scholarship, with the applicants getting fewer and fewer each round. I am in the final round, where ten contestants are voted on by the general population. Soooo I need your votes! :) You can go to http://www.spiritfm.com/pages/events/spirit-poll09.shtml and vote for me there. (One vote per e-mail address) Thanks so much you guys!!

Aug. 27, 2009 - Photos from the beautiful Scottish lands :-)

   Ok, here are some pictures from my summer trip to Scotland! Right below is the entire trip, mostly made up of teens and college students, inside the castle where we stayed. :)

       The man who built the castle back in the 19th century, Lord Overtoun, had been a Christian. Notice the cross built into the window...this was the only window like it :) And...the stairs were hand carved!

Below is the 'Tea Room', a cafe\diner in the castle. Another girl and I got to waitress in it one afternoon!  

I did my quiet times up on the roof. Seriously, imagine worshipping God while looking out on THIS. Scotland spoiled my quiet times forever, haha.

We drove up into the Highlands for our free day. It was soooo breathtaking!!! And trust me, the photo does not do it justice at all!

We did alot of ministry in the skatepark of Glasgow. All the towns are so adorable!

We learned the Everything Drama by Lifehouse, and even though we only had the chance to perform it once, it was so much fun learning it! And the one time we did perform it, two young boys accepted Jesus! That is me in the picture, by the way, and Chris, who played Jesus.

  We attended church either at the Hub,or Elim Family Church...they were both pentecostal churches in Dumbarton. We did the services, usually, and prayed for people after the service.

...and sometimes we just had way too much fun :) This is at the Loch Lomond Highland Games...we were trying a genuine Scottish meal of fish n' chips! I'm on the left. :) 

Honestly, one of the nicest things about the trip was that for an entire month, I lived with strong Christian people, and everyone was focused on the same thing. It was incredibly hard coming home and having my little 'Jesus bubble' that I had been living in for a month suddenly popped. ps. I'm in the center. :)

When we were in Scotland, another team from Global Expeditions had come in about a week before we left and one of the girls from that team had gotten very sick. So when we got back to Texas for debriefing, we were quarantined for the swine flu, and our entire trip had to stay in this room for 24 hours straight. We made the best of it, and joked around that we were in the Scottish Leper Colony and were unclean. Honestly, it was one of the best times on the whole trip--my first time ever being quarantined for the swine flu! Haha.

...well, that's really only a tiny sampling of pictures, pictures, and more pictures. But I hope y'all enjoyed those and got an idea of what we did!! :)

Aug. 11, 2009 - SCOTLAND :D

    Ok, first of all, I’M SORRY for not writing while I was in Scotland. It turned out that we didn’t have internet access, so I couldn’t post anything.

 The trip was amazing!! I think instead of trying to sum it up in words, I’ll post random bits from my journal. So please enjoy!!

 July 16

So…for my quiet time, I’m sitting on this ancient stone wall, listening to the birds sing, a creek (called a burn here) ripple, and a huge gorgeous castle is on my right. :)

  We’re in the lowlands, but the mountains here are just as high as the ones in VA, so the highlands must be gorgeous! I was really expecting the lowlands to be more modern, but five minutes out of Glasgow, it looks like it probably did in the eighteenth century. Even the houses are stucco cottages with big wooden shutters. :)

the Overtoun House...where we stayed. The missionaries living there are turning it into a home for un-wed mothers. It's a real 19th century castle!! 

July 19

Yesterday, we went out on our second day of ministry. It was so cool—our MIGS (groups of five who stay together for safety; it stands for Ministry In Groups) washed windshields (called windscreens here) of just random cars in the mall parking lot, and then we put little cards on them inviting people to church. It was so cool washing the windscreens because you were totally doing it for Jesus—no one would see them until we were gone. Though one lady did come out and thank us PROFUSELY. She was so surprised someone would do something like that for her.

    After we finished that, we went over to talk to some of the people who were watching the drama that other group was doing. One guy got saved! And one guy wanted us to pray for him because he had a tumor on his leg and he couldn’t walk on it. So we did, and God healed him! And we gave him a coat because he was only wearing a t-shirt and I guess all his money was going into doctor’s bills. The un-employment rate in this town is 60%!

  For our first free day, we drove up into the Highlands! We even got to go hiking in them. I think this picture is worth a thousand words!

No, this is not a postcard picture. It was the real thing! :) 

July 23

The last few days, we’ve done VBS for 16 kids. My MIG was in charge of the games two days ago, and it was so funny, because we were playing Red Light Green Light, and some of the kids started yelling out other colors to confuse us. Eventually we noticed that whenever they said “grey’, only the Americans were getting confused, because grey and green sound exactly alike in Scottish!

   Our memory verse for them is Joshua 1:9, and it’s amazing how fast they memorized it. Some of the kids have grown up in Christian homes, and others haven’t, but they’ve all figured out that prayer works. One of the boys’ blood sugar had dropped really low and it was preventing him from being able to play. So he asked Audrey and I to pray for him. An hour later, he won a foot race!

 Today we’re doing yard work around the castle. It’s a big party area at night, and the missionaries here are hoping if it’s cleaned up, there’ll be less partying. It feels like we’re not doing anything and not making a difference…but if you had to pick the hardest continent to minister on, it would be Europe. It is so unbelievably secular. It’s like taking a hammer to thick ice and tapping on it. You aren’t going to see real fruits for years, but there’s a whole heck of a lot going on underneath the surface.

Unit23 Skatepark!!

July 27

We went out on ministry to a skate park in Glasgow yesterday afternoon, and our MIG talked to a whole bunch of friendly people, and then we saw Woody talking to five big guys by himself, so we went over to support him. One of the boys was acting very cynical and condescending, but he jumped at the chance to attend Deeper on Thursday, and said he wanted to come and talk with us again. The other guy said he was a Catholic and religious, but almost started crying, and was like, “why does God allow all this f**king crap and bad things happen if He’s so loving?” and he wasn’t just trying to be difficult; you could tell he was genuinely hurt. 

 July 30

“My beloved is like a dove hiding in the cracks of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff. Show Me your face, and let Me hear your voice. Your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”

-Song of Songs 2:14

 Jesus longs for time with us. He’s a jealous God. He wants fellowship with me way more than I realize. He’s jealous for my time. It’s like Rebecca said last night—it’s easy to give money to God; just put it in the plate and you’re done. But it’s a much harder things to tithe time. But here we have 24 hours in a day and we can barely hand over 15 minutes.

 You can almost hear Jesus’ tears in that verse. His deep yearning, longing, and waiting for us to meet with Him. And we’re reluctant to do so!

 Jesus, I’m sorry for not giving you all my time. I had fun singing to You yesterday while I cleaned. I want more times like that. Sometimes it’s easy for me to put You in one little time slot, like quiet time, and not really worship You the rest of the day. Please forgive me. I really love quiet times now. At first I was like, “a whole hour to Bible study and worship?!” But now it’s my favorite part of the day. The day would be crappy without it. The days I just write, or think, are usually horrible.

July 31

Our MIG passed out flyers in these shady apartment complexes. It was awful—they smelled like beer, smoke, and vomit, and someone had peed over one set of stairs. The elevator took FOREVER and there were knife marks in the walls, broken glass everywhere, and the F word scrawled on everything. We were riding up one creaky elevator, and Doug was like, “I wonder how many people have died in here?”

It really wasn’t that funny, haha. Though I don’t usually mind doing things like that…we’ve gone into shady places of town before. But we had to cover 14 floors on the first one and I was already sick. At one point I thought I was going to black out—I guess from smelling vomit on the stairs. There was such a dark spirit over the place—of hopelessness. Just walking in there made me feel hopeless and discouraged. I can understand why someone without any real hope would want to commit suicide. And sometimes the air felt so heavy, you could hardly breathe.

 After we got out of that one, Dan was in the parking lot and he said the Holy Spirit had told him to come back and go into the second apartment with us. So he did and nothing happened except a Rottweiler was barking at us on one floor, and Abrecia thinks she got her hand burned with a cigarette, because when she was pushing the flyer through the box, it was super hot on the other side. But I felt so miserable after getting out of there.

 I slept going into Glasgow and when we got there, me and Kathryn wanted to stay in the vans because she had a migraine. But Amy said we should go out and do ministry anyways, unless we were about to die, in which case we could tell someone and come back to the vans. Kathryn and I seriously almost cried, haha. But I forced myself to walk around the skate park and I’m glad I did, because I felt better walking around, and if I hadn’t, I probably would’ve been kicking myself.

 No one seemed too responsive to our MIG and after a while, we saw Sadie’s MIG surrounded by boys, so we walked over there to see if they were having a conversation with the guys. They were, but it was several going on at once, and like, one boy was drawing pictures of naked people to be annoying and they were all really high on pot. One of the boys was the same one that Woody had talked to last week, but he was totally strung out now.

So we were sitting in the curb, and the boys started slowly surrounding us, REALLY closely, and we could hear them cussing us out. They had knives—everyone has a knife here—and Chris was like, “ok, let’s go over to that tree now.” He was getting super nervous, because he was the only guy in our MIG right then, because Doug was with the skaters—earlier, he had led two of them to the Lord!

 …so that’s a small sampling of what we did! It was incredibly hard, but good. And God did a lot of work in MY life, which surprised me, though I don’t know why it should have, lol.

I’m glad to be home, but at the same time, I’m missing everyone on my team and just missing being in Scotland. There is defintely such a thing as mission trip withdrawal. :) But I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to go, and there'll be more posts and more pictures coming soon!!

Jul. 11, 2009 - Scotland!!!

Well it's finally happening :D At this time tomorrow, I'll be in Texas! After a couple days of training for our drama, we'll be flying to SCOTLAND!!!

I'm really not sure if I'm excited or nervous, at this point. I don't think I've totally grapsed that I'm going to a foreign country, haha. I guess I'll grasp it fast enough when everyone around is starting to sound like they just stepped out of an old British film :P I'll probably come home with an amazing accent. :)

I'm sooooo excited!! :D

Jun. 16, 2009 - Scotland :D

       In less than a month I will be in Scotland. I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet that I’m going to a foreign country. I mean, I’ve been thinking about and planning for this trip for months and now that it’s actually right around the corner, I can hardly believe it!

 It started last October when I was looking online for a missions trip that I could go on. After a while, my choices were narrowed down to two; Scotland or Italy. I prayed about it for a couple days, because they both looked really cool and it was like choosing between an Oreo or chocolate chip cookie…no way are you going to make that decision lightly!

Honestly, I was almost hoping God would say, GO TO ITALY!! (And while you’re at it, make sure to find a cute Italian guy to bring home.)

But…I think the rest is pretty much history. :P  I will be going to Scotland in about  three weeks and, to complete the adventure, sleeping in a castle. :)

    So once that important decision was made, came the boring part of filling out applications and then…waiting. Seriously, it took like three or four months for things to really start rolling and I was about the most impatient person you ever saw. There was even a couple weeks time in December that I thought I might not be able to go after all. Of course God wasn’t in a hurry; I’ve noticed He never really is…and He seems to move even slower when we think we have a legitimate reason to be panicking. 

 But obviously, God did bring it all together and just today, I was counting up my funds and realized I only need $20 more…He is soooo good!!! And I’m just amazed at ...everything. :D

   In other news…I’m officially DONE with piano lessons! My senior recital was yesterday and it actually went very well, despite my, um, slight nervousness. Ok, more like all-out panic. I actually surprised myself a little, because I’m usually ok with performing solo. It didn’t help that the stupid show was delayed about fifteen minutes because the programs weren’t there…if you think it’s scary waiting until you’re were supposed to, try adding another fifteen minutes. And then of course, I had to listen to my teacher talk about how amazing I play and how she is sure everyone is going to enjoy the afternoon.  I mean, why didn’t she just say I pretty much stunk at playing piano, and then the audience would have been pleasantly surprised. Hey, this isn’t too bad!

Instead, she built their expectations, and I just knew that I would be a sorry disappointment. Dude, does that girl even know what she’s doing?!?!

It’s really a bad strategy. If you ever have piano students giving a recital, remember what I just wrote.

 So then I had to actually go out there, sit at the piano, put my hands on it, and start the piece. It was the absolute hardest part of the day.

But once I finished the first few pieces, my trembling fingers stilled and I felt much braver. :)  It probably helped that everyone seemed to be actually enjoying the music…at least they clapped. If they’d booed or sighed, I don’t think I could have continued. :P

    Anywho, it was fun…in a way…and now I can add the program to my scrapbook and be happy in the knowledge that my sister will have to go through the same thing next year. :D

May. 30, 2009 - People...

People make life so interesting. 

The mansion, which was once a huge southern plantation, still looks like it should belong in the nineteenth century, with tall windows, twisting stairs, and oil paintings of George Washington hanging in the parlor. We practice music in a room where Thomas Jefferson stood.

But you can’t tell her true talent just by looking at her.

She majored in piano in college, has sung in front of presidents, and, after only playing for a year, was the first violin in the orchestra. If I decided I wanted to play some obscure African instrument, she’d know how. For real.

She doesn’t understand how anyone could not want to be perfect at what they do. It’s all about technique and following the written music to the very last note. That’s not to say she doesn’t put any “heart and soul” into her music. Maybe a little too much heart and soul; if my ear drums are damaged, it’s not for any reason but that she doesn’t just play the piano—she pounds the piano as if she’s expecting a passing car a mile away to hear it. Every last emotion in her heart is squeezed out onto those black and white keys, onto the strings of the guitar, or the last high note of the song.

And the crazy thing is, for being such a music lover, I’ve only ever seen one CD in her house, to be played on a battery operated player that might have been picked up at the dollar store.

“I don’t need to hear music,” she says, “I have it in my head.”

That may be true, but I think the real reason is that she couldn’t comfortably listen to anyone play or sing without wanting to correct every mistake. She can’t stand mistakes. I know this because when she’s listening to us sing, she sits tensely on the edge of the seat, ready to cover her ears and grimace the moment we go off key. But the music in her head is perfect.

Or take some of the old people who live where my dad works.

People like Captain, a lovable old black man with a big voice and a mistaken idea that he won a game of checkers with my sister. He did win it, but he played by his own rules, much to the audience’s—a group of his old friends and me—chagrin. The checkers ended with a spirited fight about how to play the game, but Captain Jack didn’t care. To him, he had won fair and square and even though that was a few years ago, he never fails to remind me…because his mind is a little confused and he can’t remember who he played.

I have a feeling that he could forget everything else in life, but if I were there on his dying day, he’d remind me about that checker game.

Then there’s Willy. Willy loved music, especially hymns. He used to play the keyboard in his sleep. For the longest time, I thought he just played the piano with his eyes closed.

I used to go in and play through the hymn book for him while he sang. He’d go along with my selections for a while, but then he’d page through the book and give me the songs he wanted to hear. Sometimes I’d play the same song three times in an hour, but he didn’t care. He also didn’t care that my butt could be aching from sitting so long and my eyes could be strained—to him, we all loved music just as much as he did and three or four hours was just getting started.

Willy's mother, who always dressed like she belonged in the nineteenth century, used to sit by the piano and clap out a beat. She wore a perpetual smile on her face and used to thank me so nicely after I finished. I thought she was the absolute sweetest thing--until I found out that she had a strong need to go through people's purses, taking anything she liked for her own personal use. Dude, she took the concept of sharing to a whole new level.

Haha

Apr. 21, 2009 - so I have nothing to put here...

 Soooo anyways, I learned some things this past week that I thought I’d share :D (Everyone jumps up and down with joy!)

 1. Don’t go to parties while you have a major cold, because you won’t want to leave the happy scene to go blow your nose, and so you’ll…well, you get the picture. :P I got a horrible sinus infection as a result of my…sniffing, lol. So basically, the whole week that I was stuck at home sick was my fault…

 2. Once you get your sinus infection, make sure you don’t get it at the same time your sister gets strep throat and your other two sisters leave for a trip. Because the strep throat sister will end up living happily in her room, with absolutely no chores, and you (poor, sick, sniffing, red-nosed, miserable you) will end up doing all the work. I tried to tell my mom I could infect my baby brother by changing his diaper, but I must not have been convincing enough…

 Sooo yeah, it wasn’t a fun week. I struggled a bit with feeling sorry for myself as I had to stay at home all week. But it probably was good for me not to be so busy, and it was awfully nice to have an excuse not to practice piano and violin to relax. :-)

  I still have a cold and am really tired, but I’m better. Better enough to go to music lessons anyways, which I’m not sure is a blessing or not is great. :D I also drove to music this morning, which was definitely great! I’m not so sure my dad thought so though, because being that I hadn’t driven anywhere in over a week, my skills…needed some practice. :P 

Some of you have asked how my mission trip preparations are coming. I applied for my passport and should be getting it in the mail sometime soon. :-) I also got most of my immunizations, which for some crazy reason, made the whole trip seem much more real to me, haha.

I guess it’s just I’ve been thinking and mentally planning for this trip forever, and when I actually start physically getting ready, it made it come alive for me? I don’t know, but I’m probably the only person in the world who liked that I got stuck with a needle, lol.  

Apr. 6, 2009 - Hey!!

      I’m still busy with my dance team that I lead, which has been interesting. I’ve danced for years now, but it’s totally different having to choreograph and teach a group of junior high girls who can’t stop talking enough to practice. :P Today they all discussed Michael Jackson...haha. And of course, I’m still involved with my hip hop team. We’re doing an amazing drama that God downloaded to one of the dancers. :D It’s about native Americans…

   And it’s finally spring…for real! It was in the seventies Saturday; soooo nice :D I’ve decided I love living in the south!

Mar. 3, 2009 - The Love of Another

       The sky is dark.

So dark that’s there not even a hint of sun peeking through.

It matches her heart.

The thunder rolls.

Lightening flashes, cutting jagged streaks across the sky.

They look like her scars.

The rain pours down.

Like the tears streaming rapidly down her cheeks.

When can she trust again?

Animals run for cover.

She wishes she could run far, far away.

Far from those who hurt her. 

The wind whistles through the trees

Like the voice of God touching her hurting heart

Someone reaches out to her

The clouds begin to break open.

Like the hard dam she’s built around her heart

Broken from the love of Another.

The sun peeks through.

Like the hope slowly dawning in her heart

Maybe she can trust again.

Feb. 10, 2009 - Scotland, Piano, and Fireproof

      I’m graduating from piano sometime this spring and my teacher has piled music on me...and about ten times harder than I’ve been playing! Honestly, I looked at it all and almost cried, haha. So I’ve been practicing several hours a day on it…but I’m really not getting any better. I’m not sure where to even start; they’re all like these old classical pieces that were written by geniuses that probably never expected poor, innocent teenagers to stumble through them. Ahhh, I suppose this will be funny in a few years. :P

    I’m also busy dancing with my hip\hop team, teaching my own little team, and helping a local school with a dance program they’re doing for raising money. And of course, I’m still bravely going on through the mounds of algebra, geometry and biology. Bravely.

 Haha…

 We stopped being the only Christians who haven’t seen Fireproof yet! It was a great movie, quite a bit better than I expected. Everyone told me I would cry through the whole movie, but I didn’t…only because the entire theater was filled very-much-in-love couples from Liberty University, which I found  hilarious! :D

Jan. 31, 2009 - Dance!

    We did a big dance recital a couple weeks ago…we have so many dance groups in this area and we’ve never all gotten together and done something, so that’s what we did! Every team did a couple songs…my own little team, Set Free, that I teach, did sooooo well! For some of my kids, it was their first performance ever and I was so proud that they actually got up there and didn’t die!

  The picture below is of the other team I’m a part of, Empowered, which is a Christian hip\hop\jazz group. We’re just finishing the song Red Letters by DC Talk…you can barely see half of me; I’m right in the middle :) 

  As for other news, I’m busy, busy, busy with dance, school, and thinking about ideas to raise mission money! Haha, I actually haven’t put any of them into motion yet…

Jan. 29, 2009 - don't have a title for this either...

This an extremely funny tag that I've seen on several peoples' blogs and Facebook...:D Do enjoy it!

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
The Real Me by Natalie Grant...okaayyy

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Held by Natalie Grant...wow, that’s real encouraging :P

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Whispers in the Dark by Skillet...hahahaha

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Chasin’ After You by Namesake...lol

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Keys to the Kingdom by Group 1 Crew

Jan. 20, 2009 -

Rebekah’s Helpful Hints for Driving

1. Do not forget which pedal is the brake.

2. If you do happen to forget, don’t forget while driving

3. If you do indeed, disregard the former two tips and forget while driving, don’t tell your father in a panic that you can’t remember, unless you want to see a little vocal action on his part.

4. When driving in reverse, avoid bushes at all costs. Especially those nice manicured ones outside of church buildings that someone probably spent a lot of time trimming.

5. Don’t think you can drive all the way home after getting your learners’ if you have never even driven down your own driveway.

6. If you do naively assume you can drive home, don’t try it. Especially with a minivan that veers to the right and a panicking sister in the back seat.

7. Everyone always says not to go above the speed limit, but it’s not a good idea to go below it either—especially when there’s someone behind you who is going the speed limit.

8. When you’re planning to turn right, don’t signal left. Other people don’t think it’s funny.

9. Don’t drive with your mom in the car, especially when you’re first learning, AND if your mother is prone to being rather dramatic and vocal.

10. And finally, don’t forget to buckle up. Especially if you live in a state where it’s the law and the state police’s headquarters are in your town.

  Well, there are my helpful hints, all earned from experience! Except that I’ve never actually been stopped by a policeman for not buckling, and no one’s slammed into me yet because I’ve been going too slow. Though I’m afraid they experienced some rather unholy impatience. But it’s better to go too slow than too fast! I mean, after all, I could be the one slamming into people! And with that cheerful note, I’m leaving. :D

Jan. 10, 2009 - A new blog post!

…and it just occurred to me that probably no one could care less about my lack of resolutions, sooo moving on!

 So a quick update on my life…nothing new except I got to go to the Winter Jam concert with some friends last Thursday!! It was awesome! Francesca Battestelli and Toby Mac were both there (the people I really went to see) along with Brandon Heath, PureNRG, Newsong, and Hawk Nelson. So if the concert happens to be in your area, go! It’s a great deal with only ten dollars at the door. :D Ok, now that I’ve just advertised for them, moving on again! Haha…

I wrote the following story. It’s loosely based on the Everything drama by Lifehouse, which I think about every Christian’s seen and every youth group has done. :p The words in italics are Jesus’ and all of them but one are taken straight form the Bible. :)

                                                       Everything (my version)

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.

  I started out so innocent. So pure. I went to church every week with my parents and thrilled at the simple message that God loved me. I thought I understood God’s love. It was a simple, black and white sort of deal—God made me, and so He loved me. I was a bad person, and so God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for me so I could go to heaven someday.

   I was in my middle teens when he came into my life. He made me feel so beautiful, so loved, so needed. The way I felt when he looked into my eyes was unlike any other feelings I’d ever experienced. Our relationship began to block out other things in my life, including my faith. I had outgrown it anyways…at least that’s what I tried to convince myself.

Show me your face, and let me hear your voice.

The morning after, I couldn’t believe I had done it. So much shame tortured me. Why had I been so stupid to even think that he loved me? Now he was out of my life, and I felt so far from Jesus. Surely He couldn’t forgive me after what I had done.  I felt like a prostitute, a *****.

I love you.

  I was wasted. I had deep secrets tucked beneath my weary face…secrets like my anorexia; the demon that refused to let me keep down a simple meal. I was starving myself to death.

You eat, but you do not become full. You drink, but you are still thirsty. You put on clothes, but you are not warm enough. You earn money, but then you lose it all as if you had put it into a purse full of holes.  

My breath caught heavily in my throat and my eyes blurred as I stared at my bleeding arms. So much blood. So much pain. So much hurt.

Why?

Why?

Why?!

  I felt so much self-loathing, so much hatred. How could I have done such a thing to myself? And yet, even though I was longing—no, yearning—to stop, an inner demon forced the blade harder down onto my skin. The silent screams inside me forced themselves out in the form of jagged scars.

 I loved you enough to die for you.

Troubles have surrounded me; there are too many to count.  My sins have caught me so that I cannot see a way to escape. ..

Except death.

I clenched the black pistol so hard that my hands were wet with sweat. My heart pounded. Could I follow through with this? Closing my eyes, I slowly drew it up to my temple.

Put me like a seal on your arm. Love is as strong as death; jealousy is as strong as the grave.

  A sob broke forth, seeming to come from the very depths of my soul. I was facing the ultimate choice…in a few minutes, I was either going to be dead or, or…I could live. But no! I was crap before a holy God. How could I even ask for His forgiveness?

People who believe in God’s Son are not judged guilty.

I threw the instrument of death to the ground. Tears poured down my cheeks.

You’re all I want. You’re all I need. You’re everything.

 Everything.

I ran.

Dec. 26, 2008 - Five more days til 2009...wow!!

That’s probably one of my favorite Christmas songs (Breath of Heaven being the other one!) and unfortunately, I can never listen to it with full enjoyment in my house without fear that my dad will yell at me to TURN THE MUSIC DOWN! He doesn’t usually, but that song happens to be one of his pet peeves of Christmas music. Haha, I love my dad…

   So we had a great Christmas! We actually thought we’d get a white one this year, but it was sunny and in the fifties! I think we had a rather quiet one…because we didn’t go to a lot of parties or plays, but that was mostly because we were performing somewhere every weekend with music or dance. I like performing, but….yeah.  :)

  I’ll write more later! :D  

Dec. 15, 2008 - wishing....

 I'm going to totally shock every conservative good Christian girl that reads this.

I want a boyfriend. Alot. Right now. Not only that, I have my eye on a certain boy. But he doesn't care two cents for me. (haha, when has your crush EVER liked you in return?)

Ok, admit it: you want the exact same thing. I think every girl in the world does. And if you're a boy reading this...sorry, my eyes weren't set on YOU! Kidding...

  But unfortunately for me, I've decided not to kiss or anything until I meet my husband and I'm only sixteen, which means I probably wouldn't marry a boyfriend even if I had one, which in turn means I can't have a boyfriend. *Sigh* Life is sooo hard.  

Anyhoo...someone tell me it'll be worth the wait.

Dec. 3, 2008 - Christmas, Life, and Twilight :p

Hey everyone!

Sorry I haven't been on much lately...life has been very busy. Haha, I realize I just used a very lame and much-used excuse... So who is ready for Christmas? I told my family they are all getting very loving cards this year because all my money is going to my missions trip next summer! I think they were all touched, but it's hard to tell. Although, one of my sisters and I are getting a BIG present for everyone, but some of my siblings read this....so I can't spill the beans. :p

So what do you guys all think of the whole Twilight craze? I don't know about you, but it has hit Virginia BAD! I wrote down my thoughts on Facebook, and I thought I'd share them here. Feel free to add your own thoughts. :)

   I’ve had people tell me I can’t judge a book by its cover. That’s true, but while I haven’t read the books or seen the movie, I have a pretty good idea what they are.

      It’s not because I don’t like fantasy and sci\fi—I do, actually. :p But there’s a verse in the Bible that says we’re supposed to think about things that are lovely, honorable, right, and pure. So far, I haven’t been convinced the Twilight series are honorable, right, or pure! Sure, you’ll find bad and good in every sci\fi story, but in Twilight, evil is glorified as good, which makes it different from something like Lord of the Rings. Edward may be a ‘good’ vampire, but he is really just the lesser evil.

   When we read or watch a movie, we identify with the characters. So why are we Christians indentifying with Bella, who is basically in love with a demon? Or mooning over a vampire?

    So I know I’m going to have people who say, “Everyone knows it’s fiction—get over it!” Well, of course it’s fiction. So is every other love story in the world. It’s not like there’s any real life Cinderellas or Mr. Darcys. But again, we’re supposed to be filling our minds with good things, and somehow I can’t put a vampire with a thirst for human blood into my category of good things.   

Nov. 25, 2008 - Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey!

I suppose it's time I updated this blog...I have some very, very, very sad news...I can't get on the Rebelution forums.  I didn't get kicked off (!) but I apparently changed some "vital information" in my profile and now I don't have access. And I realize 90% of the people reading this blog don't care...but if you're not part of the Rebelution, do go and check out their blog\forums. They're awesome. Just don't change any vital information in your profile. :/

Megjo tagged me! :)

1. I draw hearts and stars on everything...my math book looks really girly, haha 

2. I really don't like any Thanksgiving food except mashed potatoes...but I'll eat it all for tradition's sake. :p 

3. I have either dance or music classes almost every day

4. I have been told by people that I am shy, and then I have been told by other people that I am extroverted and bubbly..and I DON'T think I have a split personality! :p...I did use to be shy, so I guess for people that have known me forever it seems like that...

5. I've never been to Florida, but I'd love to go to Disney world and holyland experience!! 

6. I miss my Rebelution forum friends...sniff, sniff

I've had this blog a little over a year now!! I couldn't have a proper blogaversary because I *cough, cough* accidently deleted my original one, but I guess any time is as good as any so...HAPPY BLOGAVERSARY TO ME! :)  

Nov. 18, 2008 - Dance with Him

         You might think dancing with my King, my Savior, my Lord, my Lover, and my Daddy would be the very epitome of beauty and enjoyment, and while I truly could not have asked for a better partner, there are times it seems to be a very hard and difficult dance indeed. The steps are intricate and seem to be too hard to understand, my breath catches in my throat at the rigorous exercise, and the music does not fit my taste. Even though I beg Him to explain why He prefers this particular dance at this time, He oftentimes will not give me a satisfactory answer. It is at those times I find very little enjoyment in our dance and I long for the song to end. 

   Nevertheless, when I trip over the steps, His arm is there to catch me. When I absolutely cannot bear the music anymore, His shoulder is there to muffle the sound. When the exercise is too much, He is there to hold me up. And when my eyes fill and my voice chokes, He pauses a moment to wipe away my tears and assure me that He is still there. That this dance won’t last forever. That He loves me.    

    It is not all gloom, of course. Sometimes the music is bright and my feet are light and quick. Then my smile is matched by His own, and we become a beautiful couple, moving in perfect rhythm to the beat. It is then that I have to throw back my head and laugh for pure joy. What a happy thing it is, to be to be dancing and free! More often than not, He laughs with me, as if we share a delightful secret known only to those who dance with Him.

   The best thing about our dancing is that my Partner will never leave me for another. He won’t pair off with another, more beautiful woman. He has given me His promise, and He doesn’t break His promises.

 Dance with Him.

Nov. 13, 2008 - you know what i'm talking 'bout, anybody got a friend like that?

I know my title doesn't make sense...but if you listen to Hawk Nelson, you'll understand. :p

Yeah, this post is going to be one of those didn't-make-any-sense-and-wasn't-very-interesting-had-absolutely-no-point ones...cause I feel like writing. And I have nothing to write about. Except my day. Which really wasn't terribly interesting. But since I now have piqued your interest. I'll write about it.

Wow, I like putting random periods everywhere. It makes me feel really, really good. You should try breaking some grammar rules sometimes.

Ok, well anyways, I just lost my entire reading audience. My entire homechooled reading audience. Oh, speaking of homeschooled, there is a hilarious Tim Hawkins video on youtube on homeschooling that I'll post on here sometime. I watched it three times and cracked up louder and louder. People are probably wondering what I'm doing, because I'm at my dad's work office at eleven pm (with wireless! Yayay!) Oh, speaking of youtube, my hip-hop dance team, Empowered is going to start posting their stuff on there. Sooo everyone can see me break it down! Oh yeah.

 Ok, I was going to write about my day. Well, we made Christmas wreaths in the morning...to sell...for my missions trip. :) Then Daddy took me to the DMV to take my learner's permit test...which I PASSED!!! Then, dad let me drive part of the way home...notice I said PART of the way! Haha, he was going to let me drive all the way, but I chickened out and he was awfully quick to grab the steering wheel back. :P I probably improved his prayer life. And my sister's, too, because she was sitting in the back seat making this funny little gasping noises. I have no idea why.

 So, I kinda ran out of things to write about. Please hide the relieved sigh. :)

Ok, I'm on a sugar high from eating too much candy and drinking a whole can of Dr. Pepper (usually I can't finish it...lol) so I'd better stop writing before I come out with something really random and weird. Much love...