| Happy New Year!!! It’s so weird to be writing 2009…I still can’t believe we’re almost at the end of this decade! I didn’t really make any resolutions this year.
…and it just occurred to me that probably no one could care less about my lack of resolutions, sooo moving on!
So a quick update on my life…nothing new except I got to go to the Winter Jam concert with some friends last Thursday!! It was awesome! Francesca Battestelli and Toby Mac were both there (the people I really went to see) along with Brandon Heath, PureNRG, Newsong, and Hawk Nelson. So if the concert happens to be in your area, go! It’s a great deal with only ten dollars at the door. :D Ok, now that I’ve just advertised for them, moving on again! Haha…
I wrote the following story. It’s loosely based on the Everything drama by Lifehouse, which I think about every Christian’s seen and every youth group has done. :p The words in italics are Jesus’ and all of them but one are taken straight form the Bible. :)
Everything (my version)
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.
I started out so innocent. So pure. I went to church every week with my parents and thrilled at the simple message that God loved me. I thought I understood God’s love. It was a simple, black and white sort of deal—God made me, and so He loved me. I was a bad person, and so God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for me so I could go to heaven someday.
I was in my middle teens when he came into my life. He made me feel so beautiful, so loved, so needed. The way I felt when he looked into my eyes was unlike any other feelings I’d ever experienced. Our relationship began to block out other things in my life, including my faith. I had outgrown it anyways…at least that’s what I tried to convince myself.
Show me your face, and let me hear your voice.
The morning after, I couldn’t believe I had done it. So much shame tortured me. Why had I been so stupid to even think that he loved me? Now he was out of my life, and I felt so far from Jesus. Surely He couldn’t forgive me after what I had done. I felt like a prostitute, a *****.
I love you.
I was wasted. I had deep secrets tucked beneath my weary face…secrets like my anorexia; the demon that refused to let me keep down a simple meal. I was starving myself to death.
You eat, but you do not become full. You drink, but you are still thirsty. You put on clothes, but you are not warm enough. You earn money, but then you lose it all as if you had put it into a purse full of holes.
My breath caught heavily in my throat and my eyes blurred as I stared at my bleeding arms. So much blood. So much pain. So much hurt.
Why?
Why?
Why?!
I felt so much self-loathing, so much hatred. How could I have done such a thing to myself? And yet, even though I was longing—no, yearning—to stop, an inner demon forced the blade harder down onto my skin. The silent screams inside me forced themselves out in the form of jagged scars.
I loved you enough to die for you.
Troubles have surrounded me; there are too many to count. My sins have caught me so that I cannot see a way to escape. ..
Except death.
I clenched the black pistol so hard that my hands were wet with sweat. My heart pounded. Could I follow through with this? Closing my eyes, I slowly drew it up to my temple.
Put me like a seal on your arm. Love is as strong as death; jealousy is as strong as the grave.
A sob broke forth, seeming to come from the very depths of my soul. I was facing the ultimate choice…in a few minutes, I was either going to be dead or, or…I could live. But no! I was crap before a holy God. How could I even ask for His forgiveness?
People who believe in God’s Son are not judged guilty.
I threw the instrument of death to the ground. Tears poured down my cheeks.
You’re all I want. You’re all I need. You’re everything.
Everything.
I ran.
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