May. 16, 2006 - 7 Tongue Stopping Techniques
This list of 7 tongue stopping techniques to control what comes out of your mouth when you are frustrated, angry or impatient originally was put together by Lorrie of “Teach Magazine”, USA. I first read of this list at this blog and as I read through it I couldn’t help but see some lessons for me to learn as a mum. Most of my frustrating, angry or impatient times come when I am faced with my children’s childishness or foolishness. In order to train their hearts I need to stop my tongue….
1. Count to Ten – Taking a deep breath, sending the children to their rooms, telling them to sit while you run to the bathroom – all these strategies work to slow down the angry response that dwells up in our throats. We teach our children to count to ten, to fold their hands, to hold their tongue…a good lesson for us too. I guess though, we often feel that the message we are giving to the children is that we are unsure of what to do, this one is too hard for us and we don’t want them to have that impression of us; we don’t want to loose face. I think the opposite is true. If we calmly ask them to go to their room, or sit on a chair and gain our own self control they get to see a model of dealing with hard situations; a model that they can respect.
2. Smile – This is a hard one – why should we smile to our children? They after all, are causing this “trouble”. At no time in my being a parent, in being responsible for training their little moral beings do I loose the responsibility of being a moral being myself. A smile may just help me keep that in balance. Sure you may not want to smile on the outside when your little one has told a big fat lie! That would send mixed messages for sure, but smile on the inside, keep that love glowing – a love for your little one and a love for what is right. Just because my child has done wrong it does not give me leave to do wrong myself. I need to keep that in my mind. At all times I am to do things as God would have me do. What would Jesus do?
3. Watch your tone of voice – To me tone and anger are partners. You may think you don’t get angry but what is anger? To me anger has a wide expanse of various expressions. Tone is one the mild end and violence is on the extreme. Sure I may not yell abuse, I may not strike out in anger but my tone? Well, that is another issue! In reading “Good and Angry” the authors spell out that anger doesn’t fix a problem but does diagnose the problem. When I find my tone out of sync with my heart I stop and think, “This isn’t fixing things, what really needs fixing here?” I try and diagnose the real problem. It may be that I have taken on too much; it may be that I have chatted on the phone for too long and the consequences are we are running late. Therefore my getting angry (or even using “that” tone of voice, isn’t going to fix the problem. Seeing tone as a relative of anger has helped me see the real issues.
4. Reign in your attitude – Is our attitude one of annoyance that they’ve done another wrong thing or is it one of “here is another opportunity to train their hearts to making right choices”. I wonder if God has to have an attitude check with all the wrong I show Him. I don’t believe we should address our children until our attitudes are one of training rather than that of telling off or setting them straight!
5. Remember non-verbal communication – a tall, raging mother, towering above her child is hardly a non-verbal expression of love. It is instead an expression of “I’m the boss and you’ve let me down”. This is not the model of Jesus gently rebuking and encouraging his disciples on to great things. I’m not suggesting that our children don’t need a “telling off” or that we don’t need to be firm but to get down to their level and talk to them – like human beings – is a great way to remember to not only keep our tongue in check but to keep our whole body in check too.
6. Try asking a question – Asking children questions instead of lecturing them is a great tool. It gets them to own their wrong behaviour; it can guide them in acknowledging how to put it right. This will get to their heart whereas a lecture will tune them out.
7. Do the unexpected – there are times when our children just need to see mercy and grace. God sure does deal with us this way – He often shows us His Grace instead of His justice. I’m not talking forgiveness … God’s forgiveness is a given – so too should our forgiveness … but grace and mercy – there is another trait that maybe we need to look into.
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