Most, if not all of us have experienced life's crucible of unfairness. Some of us more than others. We live in a sinful and imperfect world after all.

But even as we teach our children that they have choices, we have choices too. We can choose to forgive or we can allow the pain to fester into bitterness and resentment. And anger.

God wants us to forgive those people who have hurt us. In fact, He demands it. For some, that choice seems nigh impossible.

A beloved childhood friend is undergoing a horrible time now. She and her husband of more than two decades separated on New Year's day, and within a month, he found someone who was happy to “share his dreams” (a too familiar situation). He professed to be a Christian before they were married but time revealed his true heart. She asked me tearfully why she had to forgive him when all he had given her the past two decades was pain, and more pain. And she anticipated more suffering to come. Yes, why should she forgive him?

For one thing God tells us to forgive our enemies. He tells us to forgive others even as He has forgiven us. And He has forgiven us of much. When we forgive others, we obey God. We all know the blessings that come with obedience too. For another thing, if we don't forgive, we're effectively harming ourselves. By harboring resentment and bitterness, we are poisoning our body! Bottling anger releases toxins into our system.

There is an old saying that goes something like what you are eating is not nearly as important as what is eating you.

Anger, bitterness and resentment are deadly. They eat up our health, our joy, our peace. They suppress our immune system. Yes, life is not always fair. But we need not let it overwhelm us. God is greater than all our pain, all our concerns. For does He not know when a sparrow fall? Does He not clothe the lilies? Does He not hear and answer prayers? Indeed. If you are clinging on to some grudge now, be it big or small, let go. Besides trying to eat well, and seeking to live in a purer environment, let's begin from the inside. Our heart. And we can start by  forgiving those who have wronged us.

I know this may not be comforting to my grieving friend who so wants to be vindicated...but judgment belongs to the Lord. I pray that she will let the Lord take care of her future, and just move on. Dwelling on all the evil her soon-to-be-ex-spouse has done will not help her one iota.

And for those of us who may not really understand the pain our friends or relatives are going through, let's at least show more grace towards their struggles. By so doing, we may help them in their own journey of forgiveness.