Just thought I'd do a mini update here for those who actually know me.  I am now in the final stretch looking at 5 weeks or so until baby comes.

The last several weeks have been a bit stressful as the midwife had to consult with an OB about my "large measurements".  This of course leads to a whole barrage of things out of my control.  More ultrasounds, glucose screening, visits with an OB, discussions of hospital birth (vs. homebirth as I had planned), discussions of possible breech management which leads to discussions of c-sections, more swabs and tests and exams and pokes and prods and and.....

sigh

The trick with all of this is I'd like to be a nice patient who smiles and says" yes Doctor. That sounds wonderful Doctor" except this rebellious stubborn bit in me says "okay so the baby is a bit big...what else is new?" 

I'm struggling with being submissive and reasonable on one hand, and standing up for what I want and believe to be true about pregnancy in general (and this pregnancy specifically) on the other.

I don't want to be so pig-headed that I put myself or the baby at undue risk by insisting on certain desires, but I also don't really want to feel bullied into certain decisions.

And maybe that's it: Maybe I only feel bullied because I'm still being stubborn.  I know that if I said "no" to some of the things being laid out before me, my wishes would be respected....but I'm not sure *I* would be respected.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but everyone is sick to death of the squeaky wheel and wishes it would JUST GO AWAY.

So I am eager to hold my sweet little whoever, however he/she comes into the world. I need to keep that in perspective. I also need to remember that God is in control and these decisions and events are not out of His hand or plan.  I know that when I try to orchestrate my life things usually tank. Lord give me the heart and focus that will glorify You in all this.