This simple little 5-word phrase can make a huge difference in child-training, IMO.  We learned of "do you have the freedom" from GKGW material.  When a child asks "may I play outside" instead of us, the parents, saying "have you cleaned your room, made your bed, picked up toys.... ALL the toys, brushed your teeth" so on and so forth we can say "do you have the freedom?"  Now, of course, you must train your children in what this phrase means but that part of the process is very quick.  The next step in the process can be quick for some children and not so quick for others.    You know there are times in parenting where you feel like you have instructed the same thing a million times and you aren't seeing progress -- for the record, I'm not talking about obedience issues.  Those should be dealt with and taken care of, IMO.  The taking of ownership is something we typically don't give consequences for but continue to work and train through each opportunity.  This is what can be so very tiring. 

I have some children that picked up "do you have the freedom" very quickly.  They remembered that I would ask that and they typically do have the freedom when they ask me to do something.  Then we have other children that don't pick it up so quickly.  I'm talking it can take years for some.  I'm sure temperamanet plays a part in this but that doesn't excuse us not to work on it, right?!?!  Oh, how I wish it did.  :-)  So there is a particular child in our home that "do you have the freedom" training has been in progress for a couple of years.  Yes, I said YEARS. 

I am thrilled to report that yesterday this child came to me and asked "May I get out the big blocks to play with"  I said, "Do you have the freedom"  With the biggest smile you can imagine, this child gave a resounding "yes, mommy, I do have the freedom"  Oh the "pride" that was in the child's voice and smile.  YES!  Success!!!!!  The child ran off to play and came back before getting started and said "Mommy, I was happy for you to ask me because I knew that I would be able to say yes and really mean it"  See for the past two years that conversation has gone like this:

Child:  May I _____?

Me:  Do you have the freedom?

Child:  ummmm, let me go check.

30 minutes later (or ever how long it took them to take care of everything) the child returns with "yes, I now have the freedom"

OR

Child:  May I ______?

Me:  Do you have the freedom?

Child:  I think so.  (or any neutral answer)

Me:  Well, you may go sit while you think through if you have the freedom. 

There were many times I wondered if this child would ever truly apply "do you have the freedom"  This child does have a good percentage of FTO so that wasn't a problem.  The issue was really taking ownership and thinking through things (which I think is more difficult for the sanguine temperament) 

Have we arrived?  Oh, no, certainly not.  It won't be perfect from here on out but I'm thrilled at the progress that has been made and it gives me the encouragement and determination to keep on keepin' on.