H1 & H2 both take piano lessons from a young lady here in town.  A few times a year they have a recital at a local assisted living center.  H2 just recently started taking piano lessons, so this was his first recital.  He was very excited and a little nervous about playing his favorite piece, Winnie the Pooh, and a duet with his big brother.  They both did great and I was very proud of them.  Seeing them play together at the piano brought tears to my eyes.

Miss H, their piano teacher, prepares her students to sing to the residents as well as play a piano piece and duet.  The songs that she chooses are familiar hymns and patriotic tunes that everyone can sing along with.  This one particular man, who was obviously a stroke victim, sang along with the children with all of his heart.  He used his arms and would point his fingers as he sang along.  When one of the students played a patriotic tune on the piano that was familiar to him, he sang along.  Even though he was hard to understand, the beautiful joy in his eyes brought tears to my eyes.

At the conclusion of the recital, the children are encouraged to go around and talk with the residents and thank them for listening.  My boys are fairly comfortable with the elderly, but the way that they handled themselves this time surprised me.  I did not have to nudge them along and they did it on their own.  My middle son is the most tender hearted of all of the boys and he approached a lady that was sitting off on her own in the dining area.  She was sitting there having a conversation with herself and H2 was patiently waiting for her to finish even though she had no clue he was standing there.  He whispered a thank you to her and looked back at me and told me that he did not think she had heard him.  I told him that it was okay and encouraged him to move on.  The compassion that was on his face as he looked back to her brought tears to my eyes.

One of the hymns that we sang that night was one that I have heard my entire life.  It seems weird to say that it was like hearing it for the first time.  What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!  What a priviledge to carry everything to God in prayer!  Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear.  All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.  What an awesome reminder that we do not have to bear these burdens alone and we can lay them at the cross.  It is our priviledge to bring it to God.  Lately, I have been struggling with some issues and singing this hymn was a beautiful reminder of how much our God loves us and brought tears to my eyes.

H3 was playing with his blocks today in the living room and singing another one of his famous songs that he sings.  I was going about my business picking the house up when H1 came into the room and asked if I could hear H3.  The rest of the conversation went something like this.........

H1:  "Mom, he is singing about ruining Christmas.   Don't you find that, you know, disturbing?"

Me:  "H3, what are you singing about?"

H3:  silence

Me:  "Why are you singing a song about ruining Christmas?"

H3:  "I'm not talking about our Christmas, I am talking about Denny Hamlin's Christmas."

H1:  Starts cracking up, literally rolling around on the floor

Me:  "Huh?"  "Why do you want to ruin Denny Hamlin's Christmas?"

H3:  With his arms crossed and looking very serious says, "Because he keeps ruining the garage that I am building."

Me:  "What does that have to do with ruining Christmas for him?"

H3:  "I can't tell you"

Me:  "You can tell Mommy anything"

H1:  Still laughing

H3:  "He is ruining my garage okay and he is ruining Christmas"

Me:  "Alright, glad we cleared that up"

Denny Hamlin is a NASCAR driver who drives the FedEx car.  My wonderful husband works for FedEx and because of that we do keep up with him when he is racing.  Our boys have a toy FedEx car that H3 was playing with and was trying to build a garage for the car with his wooden blocks.  For some reason the blocks kept falling over on the car and H3 thought that the car was to blame and since Denny Hamlin drives that car, that led him to create a song about the entire situation.  Gotta love three year old logic.

All three of my boys walked into the living room with a straw in their mouth.  The other end of the straw was placed under their armpit.  They all started blowing into their straw which made hysterical farting sounds.  At first, I honestly thought they all had a terrible case of gas.  I quickly realized that they had discovered this hilarious idea and wanted to share it with me.  It was like a choir of young boys who eat a lot of beans. 

They were very proud and I was too.  Yes, God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me all boys. 

With a new school year starting, I took some time to think about how we got to where we are.  This is our story of how and why we are a homeschooling family.

When my firstborn, H1, was almost three the big question was, "Where is he going to preschool?".  I don't know how it is in your part of the world, but here you are to put your three year old in preschool like it is some unwritten rule.  Now, you do not put your little darlin' in any preschool, but one that has a flawless reputation, cream of the crop, and accredited.  If you did not follow this prescription your child would not have a competitive edge in Kindergarten.  The fact that almost every church in town has a preschool and that the majority of them are full with waiting lists speaks volumes about where the priorities are.

I was the typical young mom who was trying to navigate her way through motherhood trying my best to do what was right for my children.  Whether we want to admit this or not, we are greatly influenced by the people that we are friends with.  My circle of friends all had children around the same age as mine and it seems that they would all follow the same path for their children because it was the thing to do.  If the world said to do something this way, they would do that.  If the group decided that this is what we should do with our children, they would do that.  I was the oddball, imagine that.  I would question things that did not seem right and did not sit well with me, and my friends would look at me like I had three heads.  Preschool was one of those subjects that I questioned.

Our former church was creating one of these power preschools.  They said it was going to become the top preschool in the area, cream of the crop.  They were pouring a ton of money into the place and the church was building a state of the art preschool, children, and youth building.  It was going to be the best of the best and they would later put in a playground that would cost almost as much as our home.  It was going to become the place that everyone wanted their child to be and it was right in our church home.  Everything was perfect, right?  Why did it not feel right?  Why was I questioning this?  I shared my uneasiness with one of my good friends and she told me I had to let him go sometime and to quit being so overprotective. .  I was like, "Huh?  He is only 2!".  She went on to encourage me to put my baby in mother's day out and to get some "me time".  I felt as is I had been slapped.  I was the oddball who was going against the flow.  To make matters more complicated, my mom was pushing me to sign him up and she was a preschool teacher at her church for over 20 years and she of course taught three year olds.  I was even going against what my mom thought was best for her grandson?  What was wrong with me?  Imagine the pressure that I felt?  It was overwhelming.

I blindly followed my friends and signed H1 up for the preschool.  Church members were allowed to enroll their children in February even though preschool did not start until September.  I filled out the mountain of paperwork and paid the fee.  It was set and my heart was breaking.  What would H2 do while his best friend was gone to preschool?  They have been inseparable since his birth.   We had many months to think about these questions and many others.  That time was an enormous time of growth for us as a family and with our walk with God.

I love being a mom and I have always wanted to be one.  I love being home with my kids.  Yes, I sometimes feel like a lunatic, but I would not change anything.  I love being home and I place a great value on that.  I had been a public school teacher for 6 years when H1 was due to arrive.  I bought into the myth that you could have it all and I signed a contract to teach the following year.  He was born in June and I had the summer to spend with him.  When that baby boy was placed in my arms for the first time I had never felt that kind of love.  I would do anything for this precious 10 pound baby boy.  I could hardly stand to put him down and wanted to hold on to him forever.  The summer was heavenly until the end of July came with the realization that I had signed a contract and was obligated to go back to work.  How could I do that?  I was able to play with the FMLA laws and extend my leave until October since he was born between my contract periods.  I was not ready in October either.  He was only four and a half months old and he was my baby?  My heart was breaking.  We have some wonderful neighbors who are like family and loved H1 dearly and came to our house to take care of him so I could go back to work.  My heart was breaking.  I was able to come home during lunch to nurse him and I could not get away from school fast enough when that bell rang at 3:15.  My baby was my focus and I hated being away from him.  I cried everyday.  My husband traveled for his job three, four, and sometimes five days a week and I was on my own.  I had no family nearby to help out.  My heart was breaking.  I loved this baby more than anything in the world.  I had to do something.  On paper it did not make any sense to quit my job.  Our finances screamed at us that we needed both incomes.  My heart screamed louder and we took a huge step of faith and put God in control of our finances.  I declined my contract for tenure the following year.  My teacher friends asked how I could give it all up and wondered how I could afford it.  They had their children in various forms of child care and it worked out well for them.  They told me that they had to work.  I assured them that I felt the same way, but I had to follow my heart.  God provided for our needs and we were thankful.  I was home with my baby boy and the bills all got paid on time. 

We soon welcomed another baby boy.  H1 and H2 are 22 months apart and each others best friends.  You could see the love that they have for each other early on.  They were quickly inseparable and one of H2's favorite activities was watching his big brother.  He would sit on my lap or in his bouncy seat or exersaucer and be perfectly content as long as he had his big brother to watch.  It was and still is beautiful to me.  H1 would "read" books to him and he would hang on his bubba's every word.  The way he looked up to him was magical and the love and protection the big brother showed to his baby brother still makes me cry.

With this close relationship, how could I send his best friend to preschool during the day?  What would he do without him there since he has only known a world where he has an adoring big brother there all day long? 

To be continued...................................................................................................

Yesterday, another angel came by to bring our family dinner.  My husband was at soccer practice and swim team with H1 and H2 and I was home alone with H3.  H3 decided that it would be funny to play shy and run off when my friend arrived.  While we were visiting for a few moments that Mommy instinct kicked in and reminded me that my 3 year old was way too quiet, so I called for him to come and eat some dinner.  No answer.  I called out that it was his favorite cheese pizza.  Complete silence.  I walked down the hall and looked for him in some places that he sometimes hides.  He was nowhere to be found as he usually giggles or leaves his foot hanging out of his hiding place.  He still thinks that if he cannot see you with his eyes you cannot see him.  I panicked and it alarmed my friend as well.  She immediately went out the front door and looked down the sidewalk to see if had decided to go out the door.  We were calling for him and tearing the house apart looking in closets and bathrooms and bedrooms.  We could not find him anywhere,  I knew in my heart that he was okay and that only a couple of minutes had passed or so it seemed,  My friend agreed with me that he had run down the hall when she came in and there is no way for him to escape from the house in that direction.  I was ready to call the police because I was seriously worried that we could not hear him and he had not given up his hiding spot yet and I was not completely sure that he had not snuck out the front door while we put the dinner in the kitchen.  We kept looking with our hearts beating through our chests when we heard a slight rustle in the hall bathroom.  I had alrady been in there 4 or 5 times looking in the tub and even the clothes hamper.  We both froze to see if we heard anything else and then we both heard a slight giggle.  I ran in there and I still did not see him.  He poked his little face out of the shower curtain that was pulled back.  He had wrapped himself up in there so I did not see him when I went in looking for him 4 or 5 times.  He didn't even make a noise.  Boy, was he proud of himself!  I could not help but laugh mainly because I was so relieved and because it was such a clever hiding spot. 

So much for the lifting restrictions that my doctor placed on me following my surgery.  In the midst of looking for him I lifted up all kinds of things that I had no business pulling at or lifting.  It is just something that mommies do when we think our children are in trouble.  I am a little sore today and hopefully no damage was done.  Today was the first day that my husband went back to work without my Mom here helping me with the boys and the housework.  I kept my little man close by today.  I was not in the mood for another round of hide and go seek.  I had no idea he was so good at the game.

My three year old little man makes me smile and laugh each day and a conversation between us today reminded me how much I love all of my boys.

H3:  "Mommy, I am sorry."

Me:  "What are you sorry about?"

H3:  "I'm sorry I got boogers all over your hot air balloon."

Me:  "My what?  Where?"

H3:  (Leaves the room with his bottom lip poking out looking very sad.)

Me:  (Trying not to laugh and confused at the same time.)

Five minutes later

H3:  "Mommy, it's okay, the boogers are all dried up now!"

He holds up the most colorful and detailed picture of a hot air balloon that I have ever seen him color.

Me:  "That is so beautiful honey and I see you worked very hard on that picture"

H3:  "Yes, and the you can't even see the boogers that fell on it anymore!"

Me:  "I can't even tell they were there and I love you."

H3:  "I love you too...............to the moon and back."

Me:  "Yes, I love you too all the way to the moon and back"

We do school year round and I still get excited about back to school time.  I remember loving that time of year when I was a student and loved shopping for the perfect supplies and books.  I now love shopping the amazing sales this time of year.  Am I the only one who gets excited when I can get crayola crayons for 15 cents and pencils for a penny?  

I start gathering books for the next school year around the time of our local homeschool book fair on Mother's day weekend.  A used homeschool bookstore nearby has an awesome sale the same weekend as the bookfair. I usually go each year to the bookfair first and look around at all of the vendors and what they have to offer and attend a few workshops.  I then head over to the used bookstore and see what I can find used and on sale.  It is fun bargain shopping.  

I always have a copy of my Sonlight catalog in  purse at all times.  I frequent many Half Price Books stores searching out a bargain copy of a book we will need.  My 8 & 6 year old also share my addiction to this store.  Anytime we are in another town other than the one we live in they will ask if there is a HPB store nearby.  They love searching out books that we need and also ones to add to their collections.  It is big fun.  This weekend they are having an additional 20% sale and I am wondering if I should go to at least one store this weekend.  I really should stay close to home considering I had surgery a week ago. 

I am excited about the new school year and the boys learning new things.  We will be starting Latin this year and the boys are looking forward to learning a new language.  I am going to be learning it with them and feel a little anxious teaching something that I do not know much about.  It should be a fun adventure. 

My 3 year old has always enjoyed doing "school" when his brothers are working.  This year it is a little different now that he is 3 1/2.  He asked to do handwriting when his brothers were working on their cursive.  I gave him a beginner handwriting book and he is practicing his letters.  He already knows his letters and the sounds each one makes thanks to that awesome DVD The Letter Factory.  It was one of his favorites and I was surprised when he tried to sound out a word properly before his third birthday.  He is an amazing little boy.  I will have to prepare some lessons for him during school time since he will want to be just like his brothers and I feel it is okay as long as he is having fun. 

A week ago I had a much needed hysterectomy.  I thought that it was over the top to have surgery with three young boys at home.  I was pleasantly surprised by how much people were willing to bless myself and my family.  I had a Laproscopic supracervical hysterectomy and was home the same day.  My parents came to town to help with the boys.  My husband and parents would not allow me to do anything and waited on me hand and foot.  My dad went back home and left my Mom for the week and my friends and church family have brought us dinner each night and we are scheduled to have someone bring us something through the end of next week.  What a blessing to not have to worry about what is for dinner. 

I battle feeling guilty that people are having to take care of me.  I feel like I am halting my Mom's life for the time being and my friends who are dropping off dinner each night have their own families to take care of and feed.  The angel that dropped off our meal yesterday evening had her six children in tow while she brought us the most wonderful baked chicken and vegetables that I have ever eaten.  She certainly has her hands full and yet she took the time to bless our family.  It makes my eyes well with tears when I think of how much my friends love and bless me.

I would love to be that person that truly enjoys this time and can kick back and relax and let others do the job I normally do.  I guess that is what it is really all about, it is my job and I feel like a slacker if I am not doing it.  I am going to enjoy the next few days and let people pamper me.  I am married to the most incredible guy in this world and he would do anything for me.  I think I am going to try to act like someone who deserves to be pampered even if I do not feel like I deserve it!