I wish I could remember where this nugget originally came from, but somewhere recently I heard this comment: "Boys need touch at least 10 times a day" At first, I didn't really think much about - it almost seemed a little silly (what's so special about 10?) but I couldn't get the idea out of my mind.
I have been trying to take note of how often I actually do show my boys (especially the older ones) physical affection and surprisingly, it is not as much as I thought.
It was easier when they were younger - snuggling together at nap time or to read a book, hugs and kisses before parting ways, washing hair, cleaning dirty faces and hands.
I have come to the realization that as our boys grow older and their needs change, more of those needs are now being met with verbal affirmations or help rather than physical affection or help.
They certainly can't sit on my lap anymore, I'm not tussling their hair now that they are taller than me, and I don't want to snuggle and read "1984" with my 17 year old - No fun there!
But I am trying to consciously touch their arm when I start a conversation, and pat them on the back as I walk by. (In addition to the usual hugs and kisses I demand from them every day!)
I don't think there is anything special about the number 10, but I use it as a reference point. It keeps me more aware of how I am interacting with my boys throughout the day and helps me ensure that they feel the loving touch of their mom every day!
I'm going to see what I am doing with my boys as well. We are still in the young stage, and I don't know if I'm offering the same physical touch/affirmation that I could be. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm glad you shared that. My boy is very free with his affection - always giving me a big hug or something. It will be interesting to see how (or if) that changes as he gets older - and taller than me!
Karen
Greetings! My son is almost 14, so I found this very interesting. Like you, I make sure I give him lots of verbal affirmations, and he knows the day starts and ends with a hug! Boys need to separate from their moms and become independent young men, but they still need affection.
Thanks for this post. I am also a mom of 4 boys. I can definitely see how the youngest (age 3) gets touched 10,000 times a day but as they get older, the touching gets less and less. I am going to make a point of doing this, too. Thanks again!
Molly in GA
http://www.counterculturalmom.blogspot.com
We are a homeschooling family raising 4 boys in Virginia. This blog is mostly about anything relevant to raising boys or homeschooling in general - but every once in a while I can't help but add some nonsense from our daily life.
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Mar. 3, 2008 - Interesting...