I am not really good at working my away around this blogging thing.  I never know how and where to answer questions that I am sometimes asked in my comments section. I can't figure out how to do that so I decided to start a new category just for questions. 
A wonderful blogger friend recently asked:
"My oldest son (9) questions our authority, and has struggles with obedience and kindness. I'd love your input if you have one in your brood like that and the things that have worked for you guys."

Oh yes - I have one like that!  And let me just say that I hope this doesn't come across as if I think I have all the answers - I will just share what has worked for our family and the rest of you please chime in with what has worked for you too!
We have tried many different things over the years to remedy this problem in our family, but for our boys, we have found that the most effective fix for disobedience or bad attitudes is TIME.
I can always tell when I am not spending enough time with my boys.  I will begin to see rolling of the eyes, bad attitudes about chores, procrastination on assignments, arguing and power playing with brothers, and a general distance in the air.  Now, certainly these things are normal when it happens occasionally, but I am talking about when this behavior is consistent.
And when I say spending time, I'm not really talking about "school" time.  As a homeschool mom, I thought I did spend a lot of time with my boys!  Certainly, I'm home with them all day.  But the Lord showed me that most of my interactions with them were either specifically about their school work or chores or activities.  Not necessarily any FUN stuff, or stuff that was important to them.  So, their relationship with me was mostly as teacher and taskmaster.
The Lord revealed to me that I neeed to spend time with them doing the every day tasks of being a boy, and spend time with them doing the things they enjoy doing - yes, even if that involves dirt and bugs, and swords, and taking things apart - ugh!
I know this sounds kind of silly but it really does work.
I compare it to my relationship with the Lord.  When I am not spending time with Him and in His Word, it is so much easier for me to think only of myself, to discount His commands and His will, and to seek my own personal pleasures and desires. 
But, when I am dwelling in His Word, and spending time with Him in prayer, it is so much harder for me to sin, to ignore His will, to ignore what I know is right.
I think the same principles apply to our children and their relationship with us.
So, my advice is to spend time with that little bundle of attitude, even if he doesn't like it at first.  If he truly feels how much you love him, care about what is important to him and want to be with him - issues will still come up but will be resolved much easier because you will have captured his heart, and his desire will be to not dissapoint you!