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May. 1, 2008
marriage part 3 family part 1
Now after your married you have to live; so this is part 3 of marriage and part 1 of family. I'm going to talk about the things the husband and wife should do (again this is how I want mine to be), and things to avoid. I'm going to take some of what I've seen in the marriages of my parents the things that have not worked the things that have worked and the things that broke the up.
Ok we are going to assume this is my marriage. It is after college, and we have had three kids by this point. They are 6, 5 and 3 years old, and that my business I've started has and is going well.
One is Clothed in Christ (my screen printing business) and the other is Treasures in Heaven (my storage sheds), and we will also keep in mind I won't be a minister at a church yet (most churches don't want a right out of college minister), but we'll say I'm a paramedic at this point. And as for my wife we'll say she stays at home with the kids, the kids will be old enough to start school, so my wife will be doing that while I'm at work.
Ok so let's get started. Now marriage is a two way thing and then adding kids means both my wife and I will need to be raising the kids together. When the wife is the only one tending to the children they tend to be very mellow, non-adventurous, and softish (now that's not all the time). The other thing is if it a boy, they tend to be "girly" which leads to being made fun of and called gay (I mean called gay not made gay). Also when its mom raising a boy, the boy doesn't learn his place as leader for when he gets married and has his own family (again this is not all the time but more often than not).
Let me tell you why I think this. Ok now my dad is in the army and 4 years ago his troop got activated and he when to Iraq. At this point he was with his 2nd wife, and had two sons with her. My dad is one of those dads who plays rough with the kids, wrestles, and throws them in the air and that kind of stuff. He had been doing this with both of them their entire lives, (at this point they were 6 and 3). After he left, their mom babied them and they never saw any male influence in there upbringing for 15 months. When dad got back, he came back to two girls not two boys (you may think I'm exaggerating but they changed big time) they would cry if any dirt got on them (these are 7 and 4 year old boys they are the messiest things in the world) but not them. Dad would try to hold them up in the air above his head or put them on his shoulders (like he always use to do) and they would freak out and screamed and cry like someone was going to really hurt them. Before he left they were used to sleeping in their own room (well there shared a room) and when he left they slept with their mom every night, as in they would sneak into her room at night cuz she couldn't say no. By the time he got back they were scared of heights, bugs, dirt, sleeping in their own rooms, dogs, and they whined and cried more than anyone I know.
It's really funny because I have a younger sister too (at my mom's) she is now almost 8, and she goes out digs through the dirt with her hands trying to find worms and bugs to play with. She did this in front of my little brothers (the same one's I've been talking about) and they were freaking out just watching her.
I know that this does not always happen, take me for example. I was mainly raised by my mom, but you may not have ever noticed if I didn't tell you (even if you knew me on a personal leave). It has turned out that I am the exception for most the things I'll be talking about. The only thing that has happened to me from being raised by mom more than dad (step dad is include in as dad), is that I get along much better with girls than guys, and I don't get into "guy" things like any sports, cars (I like looking at them like old hotrods but that's it), being tough and unemotional. But those are things that our culture has put onto males, now some of those things are important, and sometimes they are bad.
Now on the flip side, if the kids are raised mainly by dad there are also problems. We'll start with a boy being mainly raised by dad. They are more likely to really get into cars, sports, being a tough guy, not showing a soft side at all, often it can lead to not knowing how to treat a girl properly, they are more likely to be rude (I'm not saying that girls aren't rude cuz you can be), the combination of the last two I said can lead to and often does lead to hurting girls. They may not mean to but it does happen.
Now it's time for dads raising girls. Let's just face it; there are things with girls that dads don't know how to deal with. Most of the time the girl will act more like a guy and really get into cars, sports and other "guy" things (I'm not saying girls don't or wouldn't do that anyway). The problem is it will make it harder for them to become a submissive wife like the Bible talks about. Many times the girl will be more of a leader when raised mainly by dad (which can be good), but not in a biblical marriage, they tend to be more "guyish", and when they have kids and one turns out to be a girl it can be harder for them to raise a girl to be more like a girl.
Now I want you to know I know there are times when there is no choice the mom or dad have to do all the work, like if a parent dies or just leaves. I know that happens and they do their best and often they do a good job, but what I'm talking about is when mom and dad are both still there and can help the other. I also know that the things I've talked about don't always happen and can also happen when both parents raise them together, but it is more likely for these things to happen when only one parent is doing the bulk of the upbringing. |
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May. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Women rarely submit these days (at least those raised to be independant, like most are in our culture). I see marriage as an equal partnership, not as the man being the leader and the woman being submissive. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite aware of what the Bible says. But I'm also aware of what reality has shown to me.
Marriage is also about sacrifice on both sides of it. Both the man and the woman must be willing to lose a little bit of what they had before in order to make room for the other.
Times have changed, my friend. Pretty much all women these days think independantly and ARE NOT going to simply submit when their husband is "putting their foot down". I know what the Bible says a marriage is. BUT things and rules change. Jesus made that quite clear. 2,000 years later he has a religion that departed from Judaism and is VERY well known worldwide.
But that's just what I've gained from my experiences.