The Reformed Home Schooler

Being a Christian Man: Part One Finding A Wife Jun. 20, 2006

10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by light. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all." 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her 0f the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

I was recently asked by a single friend to explore this topic in a blog so I'm taking it up but I decided not just to look at Finding a Wife, but examine the role of the Christian Man in his various spheres and responsibilities.

The passage in Proverbs I quoted is often used as a reading at weddings or in studies about the role of a wife, but as men I think we need to examine it from the blessings it sets out that a wife brings. Now the advice I am offering is not necessarily what I followed when I got engaged, but I must state that I wasn't living a Christian Lifestyle then (nor was my Bride) so I did not understand or completely appreciate the Biblical roles and requirements for Husbands and Wives. Now several years later being secure in my faith I have a different understanding, and know better. (On a side note: I do have to say though I didn't seek out to find the wife mentioned in Proverbs; Our God has blessed me with her.)

What should I be looking for then?

Well as Solomon stated the most important quality in a wife is virtue, which is something internal, an inner goodness of character and being. So often men look for outward beauty not inner virtue. But God requires us to look at the inner character of a woman when looking for a wife, not outer beauty. Further to this you should be seeking:

• A Christian so you are not unequally yoked
• A woman who shares the same ideas about the Biblical roles of husbands and wives ( Ephesians 5:22-23 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 are a great starting point for discussion)
• A woman who has the same view on family size Psalm 127:3-5 and Psalm 128 great starter points for this discussion
• A common opinion on Biblical Childrearing and providing Christian Education
• A woman who shares the same doctrinal views as you so that if you are not already going to the same church you, you will be able to when you're married

Remember that as much as you are seeking a lifetime companion for yourself, you are also seeking the future mother of your children.

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