The Reformed Home Schooler

Being a Christian Man:Part Four Father of His Children Jun. 23, 2006

Being a Christian Man:
Part Four Father of His Children

1. Maker of Laws, Administrator of Justice and Mediator of Disputes
2. Leader of Family Worship
3. Teacher
4. Role Model
5. Father of the Bride (for those with Daughters)
6. Grandfather

Maker of Laws, Administrator of Justice and Mediator of Disputes

As father you are the Government of the house: as the "Parliament" you lay out the rules of the house, as the "Police" making sure the rules are followed, as the "Court System" you administer discipline for infractions (there is no appeal court in this system) as the court you also have the power enforcing of binding arbitration when disputes arise between members of the family.

While in a democracy having one person or even one group of people act as all these roles might create outrage and rebellion, it is important to remember that a family is not a democracy it is a Dictatorship with the power resting in the Father. Though some decisions can be made democratically (such as deciding what to eat, where to go on vacation etc.) and as dictator you are free to seek the advice of those you "Govern", you can even transfer powers to others (such as having a more mature child decide what is appropriate discipline for an infraction they commit) it is as Father that you have the final word with all decisions (and the responsibility for the out come of all decisions good or bad)

So how should this Christian "Dictator" called a father govern? While I stated he is the supreme authority and even as judge their is no appeals court, the father does have to answer to God, so a simple rule is found in Psalm 105:21 "He made him lord of his house, And ruler of all his possessions, " The he is stated at the outset of this Psalm 105 1 - 5 " 1 Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! 2 Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; Talk of all His wondrous works! 3 Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the Lord! 4 Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face evermore! 5 Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth," So the Lord is who has made this "Dictator" and it is the Lord to whom he has to answer to and seek to serve in this role. So a man should administer Justice in his house and glorifying God and showing God's glory in all his actions.

What this means in practical terms is that a man should set his household up to be a household of God relying upon the Bible when making rules and making decisions. When making rules he should make sure that they are set out in Godly principles, ie. the Rules are pleasing to God and not just oneself.

When adminsitering discipline it should be done in a Godly manner, one where the discipline is appropriate to the infraction. A good example would be your teenage son is angry and punches a hole in the wall, a good discipline for this would be make the son carry out the drywall repair, including purchasing supplies from his allowance, and be picky you want to make sure the repair is not noticeable. Be consistent in discipline, you shouldn't let your mood (good or bad) affect your discipline. Be progressive, ie. a first time offence might be treated differently than if it is the same offence repeatedly (this doesn't mean you let them get away with it the first time, just the actual discipline level would be less) The goal of discipline is to make children self-disciplined.

As arbitrator of disputes you need to have the wisdom of Solomon, your goal should be to have your children be able to resolve their own disputes when they arise.

Leader of Family Worship

Deuteronomy 6:7 is specifically talking about the Mosaic law but is a good principle to take when looking at the responsibility to lead your family in worship: "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up"

Christian Father's have an obligation to make sure that their children are taught in the ways of the Lord. This means teaching them yourself daily. To often Fathers neglect this duty believing that Sunday School, the Christian School they attend, and Church cover all the bases. This is sadly wrong and is part of the reason why children often do not continue in church when they grow up and leave home.

As a subordinate document to the Westminster Confession of Faith there is the Directory for Family Worship this is a great guideline to how to do Family worship. There are also a number of Great Books on this topic and guides as well, which I will add to the end of today's Blog. Family worship needs to be done daily, consistently and effectively, your aim should be to teach your children about God and help them develop a prayer life, Bible reading on their own and a desire to know Glorify God. Family worship can be as simple as reading a Passage of the Bible after a meal and discussing it and applying it to your lives (at our home we study a book of the Bible, I know others who will do a thematic study) You could also choose to be more formal and have a time where you adhjourn from the supper table and sing Psalms or Hymns and have a more formal teaching time (this can be great for young ones as it can serve as "Church Practice". Try different things to see what suits your family and your family situation best. The 2 key componments that should be there is reading the Bible and Prayer, no matter how simple or elaborate your family worship is.

Teacher

Now much of this role will mix with the role of leader of Family worship, but what I am thinking about is not just Bible Teaching but teaching of daily activities and teaching a vigorous world view. Teaching your children to do everything to the glory of God. As a parent you will find yourself constantly teaching new skills and new information to your children especially when they are young and are curious about the world around them.

Even when you are teaching something like riding a bike which might seem disconnected from God remember to teach them, to thank God and give him the Glory, teach them to think how they are Glorifying God in their actions and thoughts, teach them humility.

Role Model

This is much like being a Teacher but is not something that you set out to do. Children will see the way you act and you should be conscious of this;

• When your child hears you gossip or bad mouth another person what do they learn but gossiping and bad mouthing others is OK.
• If your child sees you run a red light what do they learn, disobeying rules is fine.
• When they see you watch TV shows that might be in appropriate, what do they learn but it doesn't matter what you expose yourself to.
• When they hear you swear they add words to their vocabulary.

But

• When they see you going to God to pray for guidance and help, what do they learn, How to pray and to rely on God.
• When they see you show compassion to someone in need they learn compassion
• When they see you respect your wife and respect them, they learn the importance of family, and to respect and honour others
• When they see you pay attention during church and hear you talking about the sermon they learn that the worship is important and knowledge about the word of God is to be desired

If you are living your life for God your actions should reflect this and your children's actions will reflect this as well.

Father of the Bride (for those with Daughters)

If you have been a Good Governor of your house, have been dilligent to teach the word of God in your home, have taught the necessity to Glorify God in all your actions and have been a consistent Positive Role Model to your children much of work as Father of the Bride will already be done for you, as your Daughter should be seeking a man who is Godly and Upright. Your job should be simple and that is to prepare your daughter for Biblical Courtship introduce this principle to her when she is in her teens explain why it is beneficial.

You also have the duty of Gate Keeper, you should be the one to decide if you want to let potential suitors into her life, it's much easier being a Gate Keeper to keep people out than a Bouncer who has to try and remove people once they are in her life.

You should be seeking to help your daughter(s) find the kind of Godly husband you are striving to be. You should make sure that he has a job and has a desire to work and provide for his family, you should make sure he is a Bible Believing Christian who will rasie your grandchildren to be Bible Believing Christians.

Grandfather

This is when the fun comes and a lot of the responsibility of being a father eases up right? Well no, You might not be the Governor of their households but you should be an adviser to your son(s) and son-in-law(s) helping to provide them with insight that comes from experience, You might not be leading their family worship, but you still need to lead your wife and you might need to help instill this value to se it continue, now you'll be teaching adults and sharing experiences with anotehr genration, as a role model you need to make sure you are consistent and don't give into the grandparent urge to spoil the grandkids, and while you might not be the Father of the Bride you will be the Father-In-Law while in this role you shouldn't be meddling to much in your Daughter's marriage you should be make sure you are there when her or her husband need you.

Todays Reading List

The Family Worship Book: A Resource Book for Family Devotions by Terry L. Johnson
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
Withhold Not Correction by Bruce Ray
Tearing Down Strongholds: And Defending the Truth by R.C. Sproul Jr.

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