I have a dear group of friends and we are in our second year of a secret santa gift exchange.  As today is the day to reveal who our secret santa is ... I decided to do it right here.  Last year, my secret santa sent me a sweet assortment of things for the twelve days of Christmas.  This year I was delighted to discover not only that this particular friend had drawn my name again ... but that we had actually drawn each other's names!

Sandy (who blogs about as often as I do) is such a fun secret santa.  Not only does she remember details about you like your favorite colors ... but she remembers hilarious details, like conversations which we had some time ago - and then turns it into a gift.  Without further ado, I present the gifts:

There was a lovely writing about thoughts Sandy has had regarding our friendship and living on opposite sides of the nation, very soft blue and chocolate angora socks, a tin of delicious treats which were very much enjoyed, a blue and chocolate journal (have I mentioned my favorite colors?) ... and, hilariously, a box of Kandoo wipes.  You would have had to be there to get the joke.  But suffice it to say, I am still giggling about it.  I can't believe she BOUGHT these! 

Lastly, but not least - this wonderful bag, handmade by Sandy.  She did a wonderful job (take a look at those colors) and it is just the right size for all sorts of uses.  I am the delightful recipient of something I definitely wanted the first time I heard about them.

I want to thank my dear friend, Sandy, for her iron sharpening of iron, her heart for all those around her, her love for the Lord, her perseverance in difficult circumstances, her desire to please Jesus and her dedication to raising her four little girls in Jesus' name.  I love you, Sandy.

P.S. Did anyone happen to notice that I discovered how easy it is to link properly?

Voices. 

I hear voices.  We all do, really.  And it can overwhelm us.  The voices of all those who want help in this or that ministry, the voices of the assumptions of what we ought to do, voices of the clothing store that has a sale and the dear friends on my answering machine - and now that we can hear voices from all around the world anytime of the day or night via the internet and all the mailings that show up in our snailboxes ... we should all be committed. [I'm so glad I don't have text messaging!]

In the midst of the noise there are some voices that can get drowned out.  And they are the voices that I most want to want to hear (that's not a typo ... sometimes I have to want to want to).  Mentally, I know these voices are important.  But in practice, I want to act on this knowledge more often this year.  I come now to my theme for this year [kudos to Dana for this wonderful theme idea - links are at the end of my post].

The Voice of God in

the Voice of my Family

I didn't want to have a theme, really.  I didn't want some contrived theme-because-that's-what-I-do.  After prayer, I really felt one particular thought impressed on me.  And my husband liked it.

One of my greatest fears is that I will knowingly not do what I know to do.  I fully know I need to heed the voices of my children and husband.  I have often thought that if I were to hire someone to care for my family, there are so many things I would put on the list as non-negotiables ... but do I do them regularly myself?

By God's grace, this year I will do those things that no one else will do for my family - those things which I know matter to my husband and boys.  It will be little ... like giving them vitamins every morning.  It will be big ... like sticking more to a schedule, because the important things will not get done if I am not managed by something.  It will be geared to my own family ... like giving massages to my husband because he loves them.   To me, it speaks of simplicity, beauty, habits, obedience, focus and endurance. 

I find complete joy, no guilt whatsoever, total fulfillment, a sense of true peace and feel closest to Jesus ... when I do what I know to do. 

My first step is to make a list of those things which I know matter to my own family and will bless them.

I have been sneakily tagged by Rachel over at The Jacobite Rose (and if I can ever figure out how to link in a beautiful way, I will ... but in the meantime: http://jacobiterose.blogspot.com/ ).  Rachel just wants me to post. :)  I'm game.

1. One book that changed your life:

Doesn't every book somehow become a part of who you are?  Besides the Bible, which (if you know me) is THE answer to this question, I ... I can't even pick!  This isn't a fair question.  My mind flows with a river of people and places and events, real and fictional, who have changed my life when I entered into theirs.  Sorry, I just can't choose.

2. One book that you have read more than once:

There are three which I have read over and over again since I was a little girl:  Heidi, A Little Princess and Little Women.  I can't even fathom how to describe how much I dislike reading "childrens" retellings of these special books.  The words were so beautifully written by the original authors that I am sad to see little children who think they know the story.  They are missing out --- because stories that are penned so eloquently become your best friend.  A quick encapsulation does not.  So ... that's how I feel about my favorite books that get changed. 

3. One book that you'd want on a desert island:

I agree with Rachel ... a "how to" book of the best kind!

4. One book that made you laugh:

Oh, so many!  I loved Rachel's quote.  But I am awful at remembering such things.

5. One book that made you cry:

The Calling by Brother Andrew.  Towards the end, he tells the story of a 70 year old pastor who literally stands out his faith.  And it is beautiful.

6. One book that you wish had been written:

Is there any book that hasn't been written?  There are so many out there, it is overwhelming.

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

My women's history textbook from college. 

8. One book you are currently reading:

Secrets of the Koran by Don Richardson.  But if you want to read one of his books - do NOT miss Peace Child. http://www.amazon.com/Peace-Child-International-Adventures/dp/1576582892/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198734996&sr=8-1

9. One book you've been meaning to read:

All of Charlotte Mason's volumes.

Merry Day-after-Christmas-shop-til-you-drop-play-with-your-new-toys-go-to-bed-early-because-you-worked-so-hard-to-get-ready-for-yesterday!

brooke

Antonia said: "didn't you advise me to let my 3 month old watch baby einstein to stop the screaming?! :)"

I got caught! No one can hide from Antonia's trapdoor memory. I most certainly did give her that advice. And I confess that my second boy (and only baby terror) was allowed to watch fifteen minutes of TV at a time. I had forgotten my sins. hee hee ... Survival does trump certain principles now and again! 

I also confess that the day after I posted about not letting my babies have sugar before they turn one ... well, I gave my littlest his first dose three weeks shy of his first birthday.  I was desperate to help him be happy and it didn't even help.  Of course, can you technically say he hasn't had sugar if he spit out every last drop of frozen yogurt and made faces?

Most people think that by having four children I am all four of the following:

A. Very relaxed

B. Insane

C. A saint (they MEAN insane, but they SAY "You must be a saint")

D. I must have my hands full

Before I comment on that, you have to know that I don't think four children is a large family. Now, I admit that we have tied the largest family at both the fire department and our church. People do frequently comment on our family size (see A,B,C & D). But, of my four sisters-in-law, one has nine children and another seven. A number of our friends have a number of children (5-10 ... and I don't mean their ages). So, I don't really consider myself to have a large family.

Now let's talk about A - how relaxed I am. I have found that there are people who assume that I permit my new babies to eat dirt & sugar, watch tv and rarely read them a book. These latter children will all work at McDonalds (we all know what their IQ will be, right?) and will grow up in rags if they don't drown in childhood. {By the way, my ob is the youngest of eight. According to the studies, she should be on the street rather than one of the most popular ob's in town.}

What people don't know is that the more children I have had, the more precious each one has been to me in a way I can't describe. They aren't "one in a crowd" - they are an adorable individual that melts my very heart. Take little Si, for instance. Yes, he's our fourth boy. But boys aren't old hat to me merely because I've seen three. Will I be surprised when he shoots me with his banana? No. But his little self that blows out his lips in a crooked fashion, his four-tooth-grin, his hugs and slobbery kisses, his fears and happinesses are all new to me. Because he is new to me. He isn't just part of the pack. He is Silas. And I know how quickly he will be a toddler, then a preschooler and then married, because even though my oldest is only 8 - that is something I do have ... perspective. When a new baby comes home, I know just how long that "fresh from water" baby skin will last. So, I am not relaxed. I am vigilant to know, absorb and love my babies. I work very hard to parent and I don't see my littles as being disposable or unimportant merely because I have others.

For the record, my babies cannot:

~ watch tv for the first two years (except on accident)

~ eat sugar for one full year (barring what their big brothers feed them on the sly)

~ crawl through the house without being surrounded by books. A benefit to having three big brothers and two parents is that you get MORE books read to you than any previous babe.

They do eat dirt. Just so you know, I have always been "relaxed" ... the first three ate dirt, too.

Can you guess what that is?  My three year old said it today.  And it only took me three times to figure it out.  Here's a hint to help you figure it out: Everlasting Gobstoppers.  Does that help? 

I just love three-year-old-talk.  Love it.

I'm not a nerd.   Not that I know what one is anyway. 

The fact that I can't even get the image to link effectively proves I'm not a nerd.  hee hee So, here's the very nonnerdy way to link and find out if you are nerdier than I.

http://www.nerdtests.com/ft_nq.php

~ Begin with boys (the more the better).

~ Stir in plenty of water and snakes - at least one for every three boys added. 

~ Mix in free time ... ahem ... "masterly inactivity" a la Charlotte Mason.

Pound in a pail of nails.

Fold in some great books (and enter the contest below while you're at it!)

http://www.biblicalwomanhood.com/2007/07/giveaway-ballantyne-christian-adventure.html

It's really pretty simple.

After his precious early months ... after the sweet blessing of a happy baby who crawled late ... just when I've been allowed to frequently lift this little darling ... we present "The month of Silas." Of course, I must mention first that he cemented his place in my heart by being my first baby to have his first word be "Mama."  Yes, "Mama". 

One after the other, our little Silas:

~ learned to crawl for real (and I'm not used to it - I keep expecting commando baby to enter the room) 

~ push to a happy sit

~ clap his pudgy hands (proud Sammy taught him how)

~ point a cute finger

~ pull to a stand

~ say "Dada"

~ cruise the furniture

~ and reach around my neck to give me a slobbery baby kiss.

I wonder what he will learn tomorrow? It's still June, you know.

Well, that kind of mud is really nothing.  You should take a peek at THIS.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/cobbles/  Look at my sweet friend, Antonia's, second post down.  It's worse.  Way worse.

Normal - which I've only been able to do for a few weeks now since I was cleared for "normal" activity - meaning I canNOT paint or vacuum. A normal day - including all of schoolwork, a lot of laundry and a basically straightened up house. I was so excited at the success, that I decided to take the boys to the library. They know what that means. After the library, I nearly always hand them a quarter and we walk down to our local ice cream shop, Goodys.

Now, granted, 25 cents doesn't go very far there. But it's always just enough to try a little bit of some new candy while we walk back through our historic and used-to-be-sweet-but-now-it's-trendy downtown. I even found the cutest pair of Robeez on sale for little Si at the $178-per-dress childrens' store (which I wouldn't even think of shopping at normally! They have sharks on them.  I love them. http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/20561211.html So, I was looking forward to a quiet evening, putting tired and happy children to bed and working on a project, when all at the same time:

Husband calls from work / Baby screams nonstop at the top of his lungs in his crib / Tired 3yo tries to sleep while listening to baby screaming in his room and mommy frantically hunts for the "special monkey" / 6yo bounces around the house in the most inconvenient locations waiting for me to read him a book / 8yo (who was sent to bed) lays in bed, lifting the top bunk with his feet and manages to pop it out of the pins holding it into the bottom bunk.

Truly all at the same time. My arm goes completely numb from the stress and lifting baby out of the crib while on the phone with that baby's daddy. It's still numb.  It didn't end there. But it did finally end. As all things do.

Hey, you're no stranger to nights like that are you? I've been praying diligently for gentleness and sweetness ... to be devoted to my family and serving them ... to understand my mission and duty toward them. I didn't have my finest moments during this bedtime. But tomorrow is a new day. I know God is working His way in me and, while I wish it were faster, He knows what pace I can handle. So, I can trust Him to make me more sweet than sour. 

"seeing that His divine power has granted us everything pertaining to life and godliness" 2 Peter 

A spider web couldn't have more strands than the topic you asked about, siviy!  In response to my last post, you asked:

"Do you really believe that God uses illness to punish people? I'm curious, not judging. I've never been able to understand how people could see God as a loving parent but think he'd deliberately afflict people with suffering. I just can't fit this into my own concept of a loving God. Is your biblestudy leader basing this concept on a specific verse? "

I wish I had time to do my best.  But I pray this little answer will help some.   Job even answered it already when he said, "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" Job 2  And, oh boy, what Job went through!   That was God deliberately afflicting him ... but it wasn't as a consequence for Job's sin, I know.   Which seems even harsher to many ... but I'll address that later.  I feel completely unqualified to write about suffering.  I am only writing what I know in my heart from the word of God.  I don't have the scars to prove it. 

Here's the short answer: yes.  God can and does use illness as a consequence for sin.  That is not His only purpose in allowing suffering.  But it is one of them.  Let me say that again:  It is not His only purpose in giving pain.

Here's the long answer:

God truly is a loving parent.   He is the perfect Father that one no one here on earth has, even though there are images of God in the good things our fathers do.  The only problem is, we have to remember what "good" is.  Growing up, "good" wasn't merely going to ice cream with my dad.  Nor was it only him cheering me on at gymnastics competitions.  "Good" was also the big trouble I got in at age 6 after I took my 4 year old little brother on a walk across town to go to the swimming pool ... alone.  The coin of love has two sides.  And it wouldn't be love without both sides.  One of those sides is justice.  I would not have been loved by my father if I had been allowed to get away with misbehavior.  The discipline taught me many things.  If I never actually inflicted consequence of some kind on my three-year old ... he would rule the house, I would be exhausted, all his brothers would detest him for it and he would likely end up in prison someday.  Justice is an important part of love, and it has purpose.  

So, yes, I believe that God gives out consequences for sin.  Adam & Eve were kicked out.  Moses didn't enter the Promised Land.  The Israelites wandered for forty years for unbelief.  The earth swallowed part of them for rebellion.  Ananias and Sapphira dropped dead.

Here is one of the very best verses to answer if God brings about suffering.  "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives."  Hebrews 12  God's discipline is PROOF of His love!

But here is where I should have begun my post, but I didn't.  If I answer that, yes, God actively gives consequences and doesn't merely sit idly by watching the world dole out natural consequences that He set in motion - it really doesn't answer the core question that most people have.  Does He have the right to do that?  And that is what causes me to rest in the decisions God makes for my life.  Knowing that He DOES have the right.  How did I find this out?  I first really began to see it when I read the Bible through for the first time a couple years ago.  "Or does not the potter have a right over the clay,...?"  Romans 9   Understanding that will take me a lifetime.  God's right to choose for His glory - that is His and His alone.  I could never sit here and enumerate it all.  I can only say, go and read and read and read.  You can't miss it who God is.

Here is the most important part.  The ultimate consequence doled out is death for sin.  Eternal death.  What kind of a God would do that?  The same God who would then take the same death upon Himself, wholly undeserved out of passionate love.  All suffering on this earth is real, but merely a breath when compared to eternity.  Jesus imposed suffering on himself for sin he didn't even commit.

The concept of God's sovereignty in all things is something I had not completely or seriously considered before the last ten years.  Slowly, I have learned more.  I will never say I have arrived at understanding it.  I don't expect to.  But I am on the cusp of believing it.  I think I've actually tentatively crossed over. 

Here is someone who explains this really well ... John Piper  He addresses amazing issues that cannot be ignored in the word of God.  I know the truth - and I trust that God will give me the grace to handle the trials I am so gently granted from his hand for whatever reason.

brooke

That's how the doctor described it. The disc in my neck. It's like a jelly donut that squished out and is the reason I am not to lift my children or strain my neck in any way. That's hard to accept. Or, I guess, it's hard to realize. Nothing ever happens to me. My friends know it. My life is boring and I like it that way, really. A boring life is crazy enough with four young children. Don't add in jelly donuts. Well, these kind anyway. I actually like jelly donuts. The squishier the better.

So, I have decided to ask God the lesson in this before he keeps the lesson rolling. That is some of the best advice I was ever given. A past Bible study leader (Hi, Celeste!) once told me that in the midst of trials, we should pray that if we have sinned, for God to reveal us our sin - or if we have a lesson to learn, may we learn it quickly. So, I'm praying. Because, frankly, having a theme of being a servant this year certainly didn't include my friends coming over and cleaning my house for me. That's the wrong way around you know.

I have a sneaky feeling that God is reminding me that this theme - wasn't getting worked on enough. He wants my attention. He's got it. I hope. Because right now, I cannot even fully take care of my family. And maybe that's where God wants me at this moment: taking care of my family.

~~~~~~

So, on that topic of being a servant: I was teaching a Sunday School class recently on Jesus healing Peter's mother-in-law. Something jumped out at me.  You see, when he healed her "she got up and served him." I bet she cooked dinner. With food he created before time began. I already know that cooking dinner is serving people. But did I realize that it is SERVING people? Do I look at the onion and think about how Jesus created it with his own voice for us to eat - and now I am humbly and thankfully using the food he created to nourish my family? Sadly, no. 

In 2006, I was introduced to the idea of having a theme for each year. [Thanks, Dana! - if I ever get good at this, I'll give out links where links are due]. Last year, I had a theme that was tracking me, but I was too afraid. Servanthood. I didn’t want to be one.  Yeah, I changed poopy diapers, stainlifted and washed dishes.  Even happily.  But I know I was NOT doing it out of a servant heart.  Yet, somehow, God has gently planted that desire this year. He has shown me changes to be made - all seemingly small, yet insurmountable, things. But being faithful in the little things is so big. So full of consequence.

What little things? We'll get there.  But they all seem to fall under serving my husband and children through focusing on my home, doing what they ask and care about, gentleness, training my children and the list goes on. I hope to blog them as the year goes by. I need to obey what God has shown me - and if I become that servant he wants me to be, it will be because I obeyed God. "I considered my ways; and turned my feet to Your testimonies.I hastened and did not delay to keep Your commandments." Psalm 119:59,60

God has softened the wax of my heart, that he may impress his own self there.  I now desire to be a servant.  May others look at me someday and see the insignia of Christ, the obedient servant.

...one large pile of wrinkled clothes underneath Jake's pillow. 

Why?

Upon inquiry, I discovered that he saves his clothes up there to change into.  Apparently, there is something for every occasion.  Warm pajamas, cold pajamas, summer nice clothes, summer play clothes, winter play clothes, winter nice clothes.

What I would like to know is:

Why weren't there any underwear?

brooke

My husband has been surprising me lately.  Often. 

The other day, I was sharing with my mom some thoughts we were having about future missions work.  I proceeded to tell her that I didn't see my husband desiring to learn another language --- so I was assuming that our involvement in missions would be in some way that didn't need him to speak a foreign language.

The VERY next day, my husband starts talking about learning German.

LAST NIGHT I was asked by him (and I quote), "Brooke, I've been thinking about this.  Do you think I could learn two languages at once?"

What does God have in mind?  :)

We have been talking about missions ever since we attended the missions conference at Multnomah Bible College last winter.  We don't know what the future holds.  But one thing is for sure:  I don't ever want to be sent somewhere by God to do something I am not found already doing where I live.  This is my mission field right now. 

brooke

In discussing with my husband some recent, morbid news story, I did what all good parents do.  I spelled.  Jake was so upset that we had "secrets", that he actually almost began crying.  He came to me later and said, in a very sad voice, "I just keep wanting to know what it was.  I don't like wondering." 

[as a side note: apparently, my husband isn't as "quick" as I am, because he didn't know what I was talking about either.] 

brooke

My 2yo has pooped FOUR times in a row.  Why?  Because it's nap time and he doesn't want to stay in bed.  And how could Mommy argue with needing a poopy diaper changed?  I knew he was smarter than I am.

brooke

Why can't we extend grace when we're expecting grace?  I've held grace back so many times, while wanting it poured on me.  I can be so critical and judgmental.  And now I'm standing back and watching as it seems that friendships are disintegrating over others doing it.  I hope I can learn my lesson.  I hope I can act on my new knowledge before I am the cause of pain.

~~~

Something I thought of this week while sitting in Bible study - John 10:27-30 tells us that we are in His hands.  I thought of the many times my boys have asked me to hold something for them, or I have said, "Let me hold that for you," not wanting them to inevitably lose it.  Well, I feel as if Jesus is saying, "Let me hold YOU for you."  Without Him, I am lost.  I am in the palm of my Savior's hand.

brooke

I'm ignoring my bed. My four boys are sleeping with their colds, I'm awake with mine after an exhausting day.  So I decide to start a blog?  I guess I was in the mood - instead of in bed.

I've never felt a reason to blog until now.  My parents are moving to England to live with my brother in two months.  We will miss them terribly, but they'll be back in two years.  In the meantime - I blog, they read, they feel like they're here. 

Speaking of England, my oldest boy was talking to his grandma the other day.  They were discussing her upcoming departure to England.  Grandma was highlighting the merits of convincing his parents to come and visit (read: she wants us to pay for five round trip tickets across the pond) by telling him that there are castles everywhere.  In this conversation Jake discovers there are WEAPONS in the castles: "I wish our town was in England," says the typical seven year old.  Upon making further discovery that you actually cannot legally carry weapons in England, he comments, "I guess I DON'T wish our town was in England."

He's a boy.  My life with four little boys.

goodnight,

brooke