Busy Mom of Four - Sibling Rivalry! AAAAAAGH!

May. 26, 2009

Sibling Rivalry! AAAAAAGH!

Okay, so I am the mom that had a pretty peaceful life until I made the decision 4 years ago to enroll my children in public school after homeschooling for 3 years. At that time my children were ages 9, 8, and 6 year old twins. Now at 13, 12, and 10, I have decided to bring them home - well, at least the younger 3. We are still debating on what to do about the 13 year old. My husband is unsure about me homeschooling again because he knows that the kids know how to "push my buttons" and get their way. He is afraid that they won't do their work as they are asked. I will admit, they know how to wear me down. I am planning to spend my summer working on this, but honestly, I am getting REALLY nervous about having them home again.

The last few weeks I have really been trying to watch how they interact and how I handle situations. My husband is right...I let them wear me down. After doing that for 4 years, it's going to be a tough habit to break. Also, they all argue it seems like all the time. I can handle most of that, but 2 of them are at it ALL THE TIME! It gets to the point that any time they are in the same room, there is sure to be a fight. My ten year old son is as big as my 12 year old son, and I think it bothers my 12 year old who is small for his age. He is super sensitive and also has the problem that he cannot accept defeat in anything (board games, card games, sports)- someone's always cheating or not playing fair. He gets so upset that he literally cries and yells and stomps off to his room. Then you have my 10 year old son who cannot accept defeat, either, and EVERYTHING is always someone else's fault. (He once told me that it was my fault that he spent all of his birthday money on video games that no longer work because I didn't tell him that he had enough money for the Nintendo DS! I didn't realize it was my job to check prices on everything in the store). These two are at each others' throats all the time! My oldest son doesn't really want to be homeschooled, and I honestly think that the fighting between the siblings is a big factor in that decision.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the behavior problems? I am planning to spend my summer working on these. I am hoping that not being at school all day will help some also. Will peace ever be restored to my home? I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now, and am praying that God bring some peace to my home. I feel so badly because I am afraid I am going to want to "throw in the towel" after 2 weeks of being home with them all day. I never used to feel this way, but since I went to work and the kids went to school, I find that I don't have the patience I once had!

Thanks for letting me share my frustrations and concerns!

• Post A Comment! • Send to a Friend!

Comments

May. 26, 2009 - Untitled Comment

Posted by 2boysmom

Treading on tender ground here, I think it's great that you have your kids at home because it sounds like you have some character training to work on (as we all do). My 2 boys fight alot (big age gap) and selfishness on my older boy's part (sometimes - not always) causes alot of the problem. Your son sounds spoiled and like he needs a little reality that he's not the center of the universe. I have one of those too.
I've always been so annoyed with people who say "oh, that's just the way siblings are." I finally decided that that's NOT the way I want it to be in my house - so I started presenting it to them in the way that "in this family, we're not accepting that brothers don't get along. You will NOT treat each other that way - no exceptions." Just look them in the eye and let them know that it's not acceptable. Punish them and stick to it.
As far as "throwing in the towel" it's because you know that there is another option out there (public school). Until you come to the agreement with yourself that sending them back is NOT an option, you will always be tempted. I know so many people start off homeschooling with the idea that they will take it year by year. Well, you are setting yourself up for failure with this option. You obviously feel that it's best to have them at home, so just make the decision right now, to commit to it for the long haul. When you make that decision and quit playing with the option #2, you will have a whole new outlook.
Don't throw your children to the wolves, just because it's easier. There are so many moms who know in their hearts that their kids should be at home, but they don't want to use the energy it takes to follow through.
Bottom line - your kids are better off at home, and if God has provided you the means and opportunity to do this, then you really have no choice. This is your "ministry". Your kids are the most important "job" you'll ever have. Ask God for the strength each day and ask HIM for a backbone to stand up and be the parent.
It's hard, I know. I've been "pushed over" many times and still have to remind myself that I'm in charge (and hubby of course), and need to NOT be intimidated by the kids. It's weak, and it's not honoring to God to allow our kids to behave and not respect authority.
You're the parent - period.

• Permanent Link

Jun. 23, 2009 - The children

Posted by watalulu

Perhaps your husband can be instrumental in the children's discipline.

• Permanent Link