As strange as this may seem, this is a Valentine Post. I have been thinking about this one all weekend and waiting for my Beloved to have to work so I could spend the needed time on the computer that this post needs.

I did not become a Christian until after my babies were born. This year I will have been a Christian for 30 years. I had the best mentor as a baby in the Lord. Vicki was an amazing example of a Christian wife and mother. Around her I would study all her doings. Her daughter always took a midday nap, mine never did. During that time she would be reading her Bible and praying. If mine were ever quiet, that was the time I did the dishes. As a new believer I did have reading time though. EVERYTIME I sat down to nurse Matthew I would grab my Bible and read it out loud to Heather who was two and love just hearing my voice read to her. I wanted to be the Godly wife, a 1 Peter 3 wife whose actions could change the heart of her husband.

In my daily readings I came across this verse... Ephesians 5:33

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Such a simple verse in my copy of "The WAY" yet it brought me to tears. Here I was wanting to be all God wanted me to be for my Beloved and He asked me to "RESPECT" him. God might as well have asked me to fly. Respect was something I could not do.

Not because he wasn't worthy of it. I had watched him dress every day in fatigues that were so creased and starched they would stand up by themselves with creases so sharp they didn't bend. He would strap on this gun belt, or march around a nuke all day or walk out the door each day with His Chemical suit in his kit bag. So young and in charge, a man of Integrity, honesty and loyalty. He was worthy of it and I would learn that over the years. No my problem was not him, it was me.

I did not know HOW to respect him. I had never respected my parents, I had never respected myself or those in Authority over me in anyway and this Command from God terrified me! How could I do what I did not know? Is it simple the "Yes Sir" attitude I see in my husband? I loved him, oh how I love this man the Lord has blessed me with and I Love Jesus and the changes He had brought to my shattered heart. But this eluded me.

Years later, probably five years later, I was given a gift, an Amplified Bible by my girlfriend Cathy. She became my new mentor in the Lord as Vicki had been sent to a different Base and we were now at the Pentagon. She is also the first person to tell my unsaved husband that he would be a wonderful pastor if he would ever give his heart to Jesus.  In my heart I was still struggling with my doubts on being able to respect my Beloved. With my past, even my forgiven past, Respect was something I could not wrap my mind around. Then I opened my Amplified Bible! Cathy had given me a gift that set me free from such bondage.

Have you ever seen Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified? It looks like this:

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [^[f]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and ^[g]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]

IT EVEN REFERENCED 1 PETER 3:2!!!!

But it was these words that melted the hurts in my heart. My Love Language is Words of Affirmation, and God used His Word to affirm my heart. You see, It was the word "RESPECT" that kept me in my shackles. As I saw the words I wondered why I had never looked up the meaning of this word before.

Tears flowed in rivers that washed away all the fear and shame I had allowed to crowd my heart; like flood waters wash away even the walls we put up to keep things in their places. I had been Respecting My Lover all along. These words set me free from the realm of the unattainable I had been living in.

Notice ~ Boy do I ever! My eyes, my heart, All of me Notices Him. His walk, His fragrance, His Smile that lights up his eyes and my heart, notices him. And He knows it which is equally important. He knows and I tell him so. As much as women love to hear it, so does our husbands. I also notice how hard he works and how much he gives of himself and the concerns he has for his family. I notice. Pastor Paul would say “I knew he was your husband the moment he walked in the room, you light right up!" That was 29 years ago and I still do.

Regards ~ Pointing in his direction, giving heed to his instructions. In a family this can be simply "what does your daddy think? Do you think this is a good Idea?” It is kind of like signing a post card, Best Regards, and meaning it. I regard you highly, how you are, what you do, what you think matters to me.

Honors ~ sometimes I think this one has more to do with me than with him. A good name is to be honored. Just as my actions bring honor or dishonor to my Savior, so do they to my husband. My children growing up on a Military Installation knew early on their actions reflected on to their father, good or bad. It is the turn in the tongue that says "Oh, Your His wife!" with a lilt or with distain. It is the part of me that speaks highly of him to others. The man he is makes this a delight to my soul; his love language is gifts of service which says so very much about the character of this man I love.

Prefers ~ In a society such as we live in, remarks about others such as "I can look, after all I am not dead" seems acceptable. In the land of Internet relationships, preference can be easily shifted. My Beloved is the first one I want to share anything with, the one I pray my deepest fears and hopes with and the company I choose over any others. This is also the one I need to remember when he is home and I want to read your blogs.

Venerates ~ means reverence. He is the Head of the Home, it is a position that is created by the Creator. It carries with it a sense of awe and responsibility that I am so grateful is His before God and not mine! This is the one that causes me to pray for my Beloved! 1Peter3 which is so intertwined with this verse says in verse 7 that if a husband isn't treating his wife considerately God will not hear HIS prayers. Do you realize that your fights (and we all have them) separate your husband from God hearing his prayers? His position as husband is one that needs your prayers.

Esteem ~ It is easy for me to think highly of a man  who marries me when we are such babies, finishes High school while marching around Nuclear warheads. And he does it not by taking night school classes, He actually went to the High school classes and then out to the Missiles and then home to me and his baby girl. It is easy to be proud of a man that is esteemed by his peers as well as his family. How he protected the world and went to college and cared for his family amazes me.

Defers ~ My Beloved does get the last say. This is good for me because his gift of discernment has watched over me and many things I would have done if he had not directed me differently. Mike is so amazing at asking me what I think about things and throughout our Marriage if we have had differences of opinion,  prayed about it and still came away with different ideas; We did one of two things when this happened we set it aside until agreement came or He made the decision and I would pray that although I thought it was WRONG, that God would bless him and make it the right thing for us. And every once in awhile I got to be "Sarah" and God would tell "Abraham" to listen to His wife!

Praises ~ To everyone I know, I praise this man. And I had been doing that all along. How surprised I was to find out that that was part of respecting the man I love. There is no one I would rather sit at his feet than my beloved. When he teaches the Word of God , Oh I am blessed.

Loves and admires him exceedingly ~ being one flesh with my beloved ...if there was a way to meld into him, Star trek wise, I would melt into his being and truly be one flesh with him. And he knows it. Now you do too. I Love Michael with all of my being, and guess what I discovered along the way? I have been respecting him all along the way too. Sometimes we just need a good dictionary. Or a good friend with the gift of Word of God!

Happy Valentine's Week , may you find new ways to show the man you love and the God you serve how blessed you are to be able to follow God's commands and respect your beloved.