Living and Learning

It seems like we have all been extremely busy lately with different things and activities in our lives. Most everything we are involved in is good- in its own way.  I have to admit though that for the past few weeks, I have felt myself getting more and more tense.  I've tried to determine why the tension seems to be building.  I know one reason is that I have not been submitting myself to God.  As much as I know it is right to let the Holy Spirit take control of my thoughts and actions, I have not been allowing that at least not MOST of the time.  I think I have let doubts and fears race around my mind.  I have tried to FIX and plan and control......  During the holidays, I always want things to go smoothly and for everyone to be happy but of COURSE everyone can not ALWAYS be happy!  Someone might be happy sometime- but NEVER EVERYONE at any time!  

Something happened to our family almost 5 years ago which was very difficult and traumatic.  We had been under great spiritual attack and oppression by the enemy.  I'm still not sure what parts of our experience were direct attacks from the enemy and which were part of God's testing of our faith.  Our faith in God WAS tested to say the least.  Before this experience, I can truly say that yes, we were believers; yes, we tried to do and say  the "right" things.  We went to church, were involved and helped our neighbors.  We truly did have good motives.  However, our faith needed a trial by FIRE to be truly cemented.  This trial included many things that were totally unexpected by us.  Our church family began to splinter.  Factions formed.  Some were openly speaking against us.  Some did their malicious work behind closed doors.  I, personally, was betrayed by someone that I thought was my friend.  This was not something merely imagined by me but was clearly seen by all in the end.  I was deeply hurt.  There was so much pain, cold, depression.  God was there.  He gave us a peculiar sign which we still speak of to this day and remember that God loves us and cares for us.  There was the awful flood.  There was the physically ravaging pneumonia which affected both John and me.  Days alone in the hospital were spent reading the book of John.  Jesus was there.  He had words for me.  With weakened body and weakened mind, I came to learn that God is the ONE I trust.  Trust God.  That is the whole lesson learned during our trial by FIRE.  "If God is for us, who can be against us?"  NO ONE.  I learned that yes, we need to forgive but it takes time.  I am to take the step of obedience and let God work with me to do the rest.  Everything with emotions does not happen instantaneously.  God has mercifully removed many of the harsh memories from my mind.  I do not think about or dwell on the past hurts.  Thankfully!

Admittedly, in this life we will have trials.  Jesus told us that.  Jesus will still be there- before, during and after the trials.  Yes, in the past year and a half, things have seemed a little dicey around here.  We were finally able to feel settled in a new town, our first home, a new church.  What blessings God poured on us.  Only TRUST Him!  Our children are growing up and are becoming much more independent.  I pray they learned the lesson as we did.  Trust God and Him alone.  I know there are those around us who do not understand us or why we do the things we do.  It is OK.  They do not walk the road we walk just as we do not walk the road they walk.

I admit to feeling angry with situations and myself and yes, other people at times.  I am working to let God deal with me and handle the situation in the right way. I get very frustrated when I can't seem to do anything to change the situations BUT  I'm still living and learning and growing. 

One of the things that I have longed for in the past few years is a good and close friend.  I'm still praying about this but believe that God is helping me to be patient and wait on His perfect will.  I have made some amazing friends even in the last year and renewed some friendships (only by the grace of God) that were damaged as well.  satan tries but he CAN NOT have the victory.

God is bigger than all gods.

He is ALL POWERFUL!

He is ALL KNOWING!

So- with God's help, I'll keep on living and learning.

Please God, I pray, help me to feel your peace.

My God HE IS

My God HE WAS

My God He's ALWAYS Gonna Be

My God HE LIVES

My God He LOVES

My God He's ALWAYS there for ME!