Well I really did it this time.  This weekend I broke my ankle.  I just can't believe it, it took less then a second and happened on a date with my dh.  By the way we haven't been out for months and months just the two of us for fun.  My mom gave us a night out while she babysat the kids, she even went all out and gave us her house for the night, just so we could have a romantic night alone.  Well my husband and I had dinner, did a little shopping and went back to her place.  We were unloading some things we brought with us, I realized I forgot something and went back out to get it.  I stepped out on to my mom's porch and there was two welcome mats on top of each other, one pretty thick, it had slipped off the bottom one and when I stepped down my ankle twisted and I heard CRACK!  It was SO painful, it still is.  The ER doc said it was broken and I'm suppose to see a bone dr. today at 4pm.  Please pray for me, I am such a wimp with pain and pretty scared with what they are going to have to do to it.  The ER dr. says it appears to be a clean break and should only need a cast, hope so.  My husband has been so great totally taking care of me, even my kids are trying their best.  I am in so much pain, pain meds don't seem to help a whole lot but they do help me sleep.  They have put a temporary splint on it.  Thanks to my church family and  friends who have brought me a walker, a shower seat, heating pads, a meal, shower sprayer, all kinds of things.  It means so much to have so many people's love, I can't tell you how wonderful it makes you feel.  I have been pretty much out of it but I'm more aware of things today.  I will take pics and share my cast when I can. 

I'm still hosting Tuesday Reviews, I already have mine made so I will post it, don't forget to sign Mr. Linky and write a review.  I would love to see all of yours.

Angela

I don't want you guys to think I quit blogging but I have a really bad stomach bug so I feel really bad.  Please pray this doesn't go through the whole family.  I have been dealing with strep for a long time for all of my kids but one particular son who has large tonsils has really struggled getting over it.  I just can't bare to go through this now with everyone.  

Angela

I'm a real person, the last thing I ever want to do on my blog is to present something I'm not.  I love homeschooling but I struggle with lots of things.  I struggle with keeping a hold on my to do list even though I rarely leave the house,  I struggle with sadness sometimes that is really difficult. I'm a person who feels deeply about people and things, often more then most!  I grieve over the state of our country and culture.  We struggle trying to make it on one income for 5 of us, I know many of you do.   I miss my mother in law terribly, I don't let it dictate my day but there are many moments that are so hard-especially in the middle of the day when my kids are doing quiet time and I would call her or she would call me.   There are things that happen with the kids that I would always call her up and share, how I miss that.  My heart breaks everytime my 5 yr old says how much he misses his Gee and how he wishes he could see her again!   Tomorrow would have been her birthday!

Sometimes our blogs can seem like we have everything together, everything is perfect in our homeschooling, with our children, our marriages, everything and in reality we have pain, trials, all kinds of hardships.  I like to blog about the fun things for sure-blogging lifts me and I'm thankful for it.  But I also know there are people (readers out there as well as myself) who have struggles and pain.  We are not perfect, although that would be nice!   I know of homeschool mom bloggers who have struggled with the loss of their husband, a child or have a sick newborn-their pain seems so horrible and I feel terrible that I complain or feel as bad as I do for my issues but even if we don't have those kinds of things God still cares about our burdens-he cares even when our burden doesn't seem as big as others.  I have to constantly remind myself of this.  Remember me in prayer, sometimes you need a lift-let me know how I can pray for you- Like my friend mrsincredible told me Feb. alone is enough reason to be down.  There is something about this month that brings us down-the sun is hardly out, in our part of the country its really really cold, and the winter just seems to be dragging on, kids have been sick, and all of this makes trials seem more difficult.  But just around the corner there will be springtime, a new beginning, God letting us know we don't have to stay in a funk long.  HE is still here, he cares about all of us and every tear we shed he is aware of our pain- Again its something I have to constantly remind myself of!

Angela

It seems like forever since I have blogged.  I can't wait to get around checking out all your entries.  Our Christmas didn't quite turn out ideal, actually thats putting it lightly.  My mother in law has taken a major turn for the worse, she got an infection in her gallbladder area and the infection spread throughout her body very quickly  We have spent our last week in the ICU taking turns being with her.  After several days there was no improvement.  The drs. said there was no chance she would recover, we know God can do anything however it appears that things are happening naturally and my dear mom in law will be meeting her Savior very soon.  She was in so much pain that she opted to just be made comfortable and to discontinue any medical intervention.  My heart is breaking, however I'm trusting and carrying on.  We were able to say goodbye and she reminded us once again how much she loved us and how important it was for our family to stay close.  I know there is going to be such a void for awhile- no more calling her in the middle of the week to give her an update on the children, no more Thursday lunch dates, tomorrow is my birthday and she always calls me and sings to me (I can't tell you how much I will miss her)  I know she is saved and I know she is going to be so happy in heaven but my pain is so great.  I feel like this all happened so fast and I just haven't had time to imagine our lives without her.  My husband and I have been doing our best to prepare our children-its the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  Please continue to pray for us, we could use all the prayers we can get.  Pray that her passing is peaceful. Pray for my dear father in law who has spent the last 47 years with the love of his life and will have to carry on without her.    We know God will carry us through and Praise God we will see her again, we just need some help getting used to it all. 

Angela

I have had a couple emails about my mother in law (which is so sweet to me)  I wanted to give an update.  She has decided to go to the Cancer Treatment Center of America.  She is very happy there, its in Oklahoma.  They believe in treating the whole person and not just the cancer-they use conventional medicine along with alternative care.  They close the whole place down on Sunday for prayer and church, a man started the center because he wasn't happy with the care his elderly mother got when she had cancer.  I thought this was really neat, they let the staff pick their favorite scripture verse and put that in the cement in the foundation when they built it, that way you were always walking on the Word! 

 She is still very sick and has started Chemo, please continue to pray for a miracle for her!  It is a very difficult journey for the whole family, she goes there for a week and then comes home for awhile, We are all handling it different and trying to get used to our NEW normal.  It is still so unbelievable that a little over a month ago we were a normal healthy family(so we thought) and then in an instance it changed!  This Christmas will be a mixed bag, I think it will someways be very difficult and in another way very special.  I'm holding on to my Saviors Promise that he will never give us anything we can't handle and he will always be with us!  Thanks for your continued prayers, they mean so much!

Angela

This is my first assignment!

Part A-   Right now I'm so behind on laundry, I have been for a while and I'm finding it really hard to catch up.  This is what I would like to do.  One load a day, I did this in the past and it worked great.  My laundry room is downstairs right off of my school room so I throw a load in when I start school and then I can dry it then too, however I have a very old dryer and sometimes (actually most of the time)  it takes twice to dry them.  Its even better when I throw in a load the night before and first thing in the morning putting it in the dryer.  My oldest child is eight so he is the only one who can actually do a load of laundry by himself.  My husband will help out too sometimes.  I would love to start working with my 5yr old in putting his clothes away.  My husband hung me a line this summer outside and I love to hang blankets and big items on it, I love the smell of fresh air hung laundry.   We put the dirty laundry in the hall in a basket, when its full it goes downstairs where it is sorted into a 3 space hamper, one for whites, one for colors, and one for towels.  Our laundry room is the perfect size, I would love to fix it up cute and cozy, it just hasn't been top priority with our house yet but I know a soft color would make it look great.  I also need some shelves. 

I love my window in my laundry room!

Part B- The hardest thing for me now is how I'm struggling with my grief and pain.  My MIL was told today officially that it is stage 4 gallbladder cancer that has spread to her liver.  They believe she will have 6-9 months to live.  Thats the medical advice, we know there can be healing.  I can't even begin to write all the fears and struggles that come with that kind of news.  She is a believer and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she will be in heaven if the Lord takes her home, but wow (getting through without her) is unbearable.  I have spent every Thursday since 1998 with her and every other Sunday not to mention the phone calls throughout the week and the holidays.  She is an awesome grandmother and the kids adore her!  What will it be like for them to see her sick?  How will my father in law make it?  My husband is having a hard time tonight (how I hurt to see him hurt)  , what will she need?    Will she have to suffer?  And the list goes on and on and on.  I'm learning however we have to take it day by day, hour by hour, and constantly pray for strength, comfort and peace.  I have to carry on for my children and husband- I know they will see me weak at times.  We have talked to our eight year on son about the whole thing  (we were very honest with him and we allowed him to ask any question that he wanted), he had several great ones.  We told him that sometimes he will see us sad because it makes us sad that Gee is sick. He will also see how we handle things, where do we go?  Who do we Trust?  He needs to see us leaning on our Lord, he needs to know although we have hard times, we have hope and that our lives our ultimately in our Saviors hands and we will TRUST regardless of where he takes us.  The whole thing is so overwhelming, and without HIS strenghth I can't imagine!

C.  The verse of the day on my blog hit me today just like God meant it too,   Mark 5:36, " Do not be afraid any longer, only believe."

I just wanted to write a quick update and then I'm off to my homeschool coop.  I'm doing a lot better, I feel the many prayers that have gone out for us and we are all taking in the news and going forward, it is official, my mother in law does have cancer.  It is in her gallbladder and her liver, we are not giving up hope at all- we are choosing to trust in our Creator!  There are difficult times but its not near as bad as the first couple of days of getting the news.  I spent one night in prayer and reading Psalms, it really helped me to see David who struggled many times with sorrow and grief (my, and he was Gods Chosen One), but he was human-made of flesh and blood.  The Lord loved him and did comfort him many times.  I'm really learning about this grief thing and now we will be on the cancer journey like many of you have been already with someone you love or maybe even yourself.  Thanks for thinking of us, thank you friends who left comments, send me emails, or just read and prayed.  I love that I have this blog to vent and share my heart.  I will post some things that have helped us already so early in this journey  and some things that we struggle with as well  but I also want to post some fun things and some of our normal life again soon.  Just wanted to thank you all and for the ones who know me personally and have called, I hope to return your calls soon. 

Angela

I know my blog should be about my life, regardless of where I'm at but I will admit for me its hard to write pain- I have never known grief like this- I have been blessed and have not really lost anyone or seen anyone really close to me go through anything like this.  I have had people that I have loved die but no one that I have so much day to day life with (family or best friends)  My mother-in-law had a biopsy today and she is in incredible pain from it, the have given her morphine but it really doesn't touch it.  I have so so much pain in my heart, I have been calling out to God all day, Please comfort me!  I know you are there and I know what your scipture says.    Isaiah 66:13 which says "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you."  

  I am afraid that my children will pick up on my pain and take it on to themselves (they don't know anything yet) except that Grandma is in the hospital with her gallbladder problem.  We are waiting for test results and the right time if there is such a thing.  I'm disappointed with myself for having any doubts and for having such grief as a Christian.  I have always been able to feel people's pain  even if I haven't known them, but I will have to admit I couldn't imagine the pain of grief of seeing a loved one hurt this way.  The last thing I want if for my blog to be depressing, however to write anything else would be dishonest.  I love the Lord Jesus and I know he will see us all though this trial, I know this beyond a shadow of  a doubt yet the pain is so real and so raw, please continue to pray for us- mostly pray for my mother-in-law Judy, a very special lady who I love with every bit of my heart.

Lord Jesus I know you can heal her, I know you can!   Give us faith to believe it!