It happened again.  As I stood at my kitchen sink, doing dishes as usual, staring out the window at the trees and blue sky (thank you, Lord, for that window), I started wondering how I got to this place in life.  Sometimes it's so hard not to think I could be doing something better, something not so mundane.  I was raised to have a career and THEN get married and have kids.  Well, I did have a career, in fact, I've had several, all of which I enjoyed and did fairly well at.  And now, I'm married, with children and homeschooling them to boot (sometimes with boots on).  But my mind often goes back to when I was working, enjoying the challenges of typesetting, word processing or medical transcribing.  Yes, I was lonely at times when I wasn't dating and I have to say I am thankful not to be in that situation anymore.  But now, gee, I never have time to be lonely (and, yes, I know the kids will be grown and gone before I know it).  The issue here is that I was raised to believe that a career was first and foremost, and then, THEN, marry and have a family.  In the aftermath of women's liberation (remember that time, anyone?) most of us were taught that a career was the way to go.  Now that I am older and wiser and have read quite a bit on teaching your daughters how to be homemakers, I realize the unfairness of raising a girl in the way that I was.  My parents taught me business skills, which they thought were important and they were, and I am glad that they did because it made working and having my own business much easier.  But I was totally unprepared for living on my own, much less for living with a husband and family and all that entails.  My husband, thankfully, taught me how to cook but I am forever feeling inferior to him in the kitchen because he was my teacher.  Babies?  It's a wonder my firstborn survived and still loves me!  It is fortunate that I was taught to love reading because nearly everything I know about keeping house and caring for kids has come from reading about it - lots and lots of reading.  My husband and I have had several discussions on how to raise our daughter.  While we want her to be prepared to support herself in whatever way she chooses (as long as it's legal and respectful - marine biologist is my husband's choice) we also realize she needs to be trained to care for a family, home and teaching her own children.  Since I am still learning, it can be difficult to be her teacher in these matters.  I do my best.  The balance is that while everyone needs to know how to care for themselves on their own, a daughter needs to see that it's a joy to be keeper of the house and kids.  If homeschooling is in her future, she needs to see it as the role that God has given her, that it is a blessing and not a curse!  I'm afraid I fail in the joy area.  So guilt seeps in!  Can you teach joy if you don't feel joyful?  Yes, with God, all things are possible.  Just today, when I was walking (alone!) I was again telling myself that you need to choose to be happy.  And I realized that God does want us to be happy.  We may be in a situation that is not a happy one but that doesn't mean we can't choose to be happy in it.  (Raise your hand if you have questions on that one!)  My wish for my daughter is to see that it is a joy to be a mom, to be present when needed and watch her children grow and learn.  To make a home a place of love and comfort.  To welcome her husband home each day with a smile and a kiss.  To have dinner ready before 7:00 pm.  To be a praying, Bible reading mom, quick to forgive but firm in discipline.  Who am I kidding?  This is the wish I have for me.