Todd is feeling much better. He's still taking an anti-inflammatory which is helping.  He's on night 5 of this week's shift and still seems chipper, even though he only got about 5-1/2 hours sleep today.  I tend to obsess about how much sleep he gets because I link lack of sleep to reducing one's immunity.  He sees a nagging wife when I just want him to stay healthy - it's a touchy subject around here.  God, it's been a difficult year!  I thought last year was rough due to losing my stepdad.  This year has been full of Todd's health problems and his overly full work schedule.  Praise the Lord he's done with teaching as of this week.  And he's possibly up for a new position at the hospital where he'd work a 12-hr shift but fewer days a week.  That might be better, I'm not sure.  But here's the rub:  What I haven't said here is that the nurses at our hospital are negotiating a new contract to replace the old one which expires the end of June.  Things are not going well and it looks like they'll strike!  Can you believe it?  Big sigh!!  I don't know what's going to happen.  Fortunately, the longterm care facility he used to work for would love to have him back so at least he would be working during the strike, though for less pay.  At least that's something.  And I praise the Lord for that "something." 

But the hardest news to take hit us on yesterday (Mon.)  I don't really want to talk about it but Todd needs the prayers.  Gosh, I'm sorry.  I've been asking for so much prayer lately.  Forgive me if I've asked for too much.  The echocardigram of his heart showed "questionable constrictive pericardial disease" (I think I've got that right) which in laymen's terms means that the sack (the pericardium) around Todd's heart is constricting his heart, making it hard to work correctly.  The word "questionable" here is important because if it's questionable, then he may not have the disease.  He has an appointment later this month with a cardiologist and we'll learn more then.  Until then, we get to sit and fret (at least I do).  We did some reading online about this and it's not too good.  It's a slow-progressing disease and surgery is recommended.  No!!  I spent yesterday crying on and off.  Today has been better until now.  I'm alone and scared - and the tears are falling.

This isn't the first time I've had to face the possiblity of losing my husband.  Shortly before we started having children, he had melanoma.  I started wondering what I would do without him, how I would live.  Fortunately, two surgeries saved his life and he's been free of cancer for over 13 years.  And the first time he had an illness that caused his pericardium to enlarge was a few years prior to that.  I was the medical transcriber at the med. center he had his x-ray at.  I was the one who transcribed the radiologist's notes on my husband and typed them up for his med record.  I ran down the hall to Todd's doctor, frantic!  A visit to the cardiologist followed and they said it was due to the bronchial illness he was recovering from.  And for all we know, that's all it is now.  Just due to the pneumonia.  After being in shock yesterday, I am trying to look at things clearer.  My dh wants me to be positive, it could be nothing.  So, until we know more, I am trying to think that way, though it's not natural for me.  I was raised with this saying, "Expect the worst but hope for the best".  Not the happiest way to view life but somewhat practical. 

I really, really, want to be positive.  A shiny, happy person.  I love that phrase.  It's so ... 80's!  It's so, like, phony.  I'm not a phony person.  What you see (or read) is what you get. 

Thanks for checking in to see how Todd's doing.  I've never had friends so kind.  Come on out to the coast - let's party.  I owe it to you!