Mar. 27, 2008 - Generation NeXt Blog Tour and Contest!
Being a devoted devourer of Tricia Goyer’s books, I am really happy to have had the opportunity to read her wonderful new marriage manual: Generation NeXt Marriage. It’s a great book, down-to-earth and basic, full of encouragement, advice, and Biblical wisdom. And if you’re a GenXer, you’ll be tickled by the references to the music and culture you grew up with.
This blog tour is a little different, as we are supposed to pick the chapter that spoke most to us, and write a little about our own marriage. For me, that was chapter 12: “Different by design”. I often need the reminder that Josiah and I are different (and boy are we ever different!), and that it is OK for us to be different. That God made us different on purpose, as a matter of fact.
We have struggled a lot with our differences. Not just the general male and female differences, but cultural differences as well, which served to accentuate and confuse our normal differences. I had the American idea of "manliness" all figured out, but then along came Josiah and his idea of manliness was completely different and I had a hard time adjusting. Likewise, Josiah grew up with a particular idea of what a godly woman is, says, and does, and then he married me. I thought I was a super-conservative, Bible-based Proverbs 31 wannabe, while he began to worry after a few months that I was a closet feminist (and also possibly stark raving mad-that first pregnancy really did a number on me mentally and emotionally!). Before we married we thought we had all the important stuff covered and agreed upon. We were marvelously matched! We would have no problems, and no disagreements! What was there to disagree about?
Ha, ha!
Reality soon hit us over the head with a resounding THWACK!
We are so different. Our minds operate differently. We define things differently. We have different ideas of what’s important. He writes carefully and clearly. I scrawl. He wants to fuss about my messy writing and I want to fuss about his perfectionism. I use abundant soap and hot water on dishes, he, a water-saving cold drizzle and droplet of soap. We are persnickety about different things. We have different ideas about what homeschooling should look like. We have different ideas about what our children’s schedules should look like. There is is a three hour difference between my ideal supper time and his ideal supper time! I love autumn and think the colorful trees are beautiful. They make him think of fire and death and drought. Who would have thought these minor differences would even show up on the radar screen? But they do.
It has taken us these 5+ years to learn to work with each other’s differences instead of fight them, and we still occasionally butt heads over this. It’s so easy to get caught up in arguing over who’s right, when the reality is, it doesn’t really matter from an eternal perspective. What does matter is how we treat each other, with love and respect, with grace and compassion, with understanding and a willingness to put up with things we consider faults. Tricia references Emerson Eggerich’s Love and Respect concept, which has proved so useful to us. We have learned that we need to be careful not to let our differences put us on that “crazy cycle”, and instead take a deep breath and consider whether what the other person is really wrong, or just an annoying blip that can be passed over without an argument.
So, the “Differences” chapter really caught my attention, but there are 19 chapters in all and I’m sure there is something in Generation NeXt Marriage for everyone!
There is also a contest with a really neat prize, which you can check out HERE. (You need to scroll down to get to the entry form!)
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Comments
Mar. 28, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by VeiledGlory
Thanks for the book review! My husband is GenX but I am younger and fit into the GenY with regards to my childhood and such. We still get along well enough. :)
~Anna
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Mar. 28, 2008 - Marriage
Posted by e-Mom
What a great post! I loved your description of your differences. Wow. Differences create conflict, but they can also create a lot of passion. :~D
I'll be reviewing this book too, in about 10 days. Stop by and say Hi when you get a chance.
BTW, love your family pics.
Blessings,
e-Mom @ Chrysalis
http://chrysaliscom.blogspot.com
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Mar. 29, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Maggie that was beautifully written!
I enjoyed it and was inspired.
Jessica
paulsbride.blogspot.com
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Mar. 30, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Martha
it was so hard to just pick one chapter! I agree so much with you on the difference thing....Oh man, some of the things that i discovered when we were married that I never thought would be an issue. The toilet paper goes a certain way? Huh? Who cares, i thought and laughed......but it was something that was a huge deal to him. I shake my head and laugh now, but then, it was a rude awakening! it is good to realize that most of these things that we are all made different and we have to learn to live and let go some of our pet peeves etc in a marriage!
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Mar. 31, 2008 - Thanks!
Posted by Anonymous
Oh, I love it...what a wonderful post!
Thanks so much for sharing my book with your readers, but also for sharing about your own marriage. Fun.
And your boys are so cute! I can't believe he can sleep like that. :)
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