Jul. 26, 2008 - Re-thinking the grocery store incident
Thanks to everything who left encouraging and affirming comments after reading of my encounter with the very rude woman at the grocery store. There were also some thought-provoking comments as well.
One commenter suggested that the woman's experiences growing up might have informed her opinion of large families, and having thought about it, I agree that's probably the case. She was an older black woman, and we are in an area that is somewhat "depressed". It is very common here for people to have large families. The unfortunate part is that these "families" are not really cohesive families. Quite a few men may have 7 or 10 children (or more), but rarely that many with one woman. Likewise, a woman might have five children, with each child having a different father. Our neighbor is one of at least ten children, but both his mother and his father have multiple children with multiple other people. So, in that context, a large family might well be a big problem.
Also, clearly the woman grew up in an era much different from ours, and certainly must have had experience with segregation and discrimination. Although racism still exists (and always will, likely, in different forms), society has changed, but she may not have recognized that.
The more I think about it, the gladder I am that I didn't respond unkindly to her. Clearly, she was speaking out of some hurt in her own life. I don't think she was correct in her conclusions about us, but I do think she probably had experiences that made those conclusions reasonable, at least to her.
Comments
Jul. 27, 2008 - Family Size
Posted by Anonymous
Caps Mom, I'm glad you came to the conclusion that not being rude to the woman was the right thing to do. I think you are correct she was speaking out of hurt in her own life - maybe she was a child in a large family and was poor, neglected, felt ignored due to the family size or had parents that made the children feel they were the reason the parents didn't have what they needed. Maybe she was a parent that had children she did not want (but lets face it - anybody who does not want children in today's world has many options to make sure they don't have them). Despite the way she came across she probably thought she was really giving you some good advice and wanted to help you out. You should just feel sad for her that she looked at your family and saw too many boys as opposed to three adorable boys. Don't let her make you angry - feel sorry for her.
Aug. 20, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by jsgay97
I know I'm a little late to the show, but I wanted to pass along an easy one-liner I read somewhere that defuses this kind of comment without being mean. Just say, "Thanks for the input." If you can strike the right tone (kind of cool but pleasant), it confuses them long enough for you to get away.
The only time I don't use this is if someone tells me how horrible it is to have boys, in front of my boys. Then I feel compelled to stand up for them with a simple, "We love our boys very much and are blessed to have them."
Having set responses might be a little weird, but it helps me keep my temper. Of course I spend the rest of the day silently seething, but it's better than losing my temper. :)
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