Nov. 11, 2009 - And Mama...Laughed
Yesterday will go down in infamy, at least in my oldest son's mind. I think my definition of successful parenting has change from raising perfect children to raising children who don't need extensive therapy when they're grown. Days like yesterday make me worry.
Yesterday was shots day. All three boys got one. I was not anticipating a happy time, by any means. However, one of my children went completely off his rocker when he saw the syringes. The oldest one, at that. The other two were more reasonably unpleased with events. They did the "boo-hoo...OOOOWWW!....Waaaah!" thing, and then were fine. Asrat, however, just went bonkers. That's the only way to describe it. He was yelling, jumping up and down in a corner, fighting, angry, and screaming bloody murder (and that was before the needle jab). I'm sure he could be heard all the way out in the waiting room. It took three of us to hold him and when it was through he yelled at the nurse. Needless to say, I was mortified.
But my reaction to this embarassed me too. After spending six years helping him learn to be brave (he tends to be fearful anyway), preparing for this shot and practicing controlling emotions, and then agonizingly long minutes of his over-the-top behavior in the exam room, I had exhausted all capacity for being sympathetic. I had zero soft fuzzy emotions for him at that moment. I hugged him tight and held his arms down, told him it would only hurt for a second. He still screamed the kind of scream a person would normally use when having his toenails pulled out slowly, one by one, with red-hot pincers.
And I laughed at him.
We may never go back to that office again. Between his outrageous behavior and my outrageous lack of parental empathy, I'm convinced that everybody in the office must have believed I was "one of those" parents who should have been denied a liscense to have kids. We certainly turned a lot of heads as we tried (and failed) to escape discreetly after the ruckus we'd just made.
I have confessed my motherly failure to as many people who would listen, hoping, I suppose for some assurance that I haven't scarred my son for life. Surprisingly, though, polls indicate that I am not the only parent who has done this sort of thing, and that most people don't seem to think I'm the most evil mother in the world because of it. Whew!
My mom asked me what I thought a Good Mother would have done in that situation. I realized I had been feeling so guilty because I had a truly silly image of a Good Mother in my head. A Good Mother would have gathered her insane child in her arms, and gazed into his eyes, and emanated calmness and peace with such force that he immediately calmed down, smiled, hopped up on the table and said "I'm OK now. Go ahead and stick me!". Ha! If that is a Good Mother, I guess there's no hope of me ever being one.
Like I said, at this point all I'm hoping for is that they don't spend their adulthoods filleting their souls (and my character) in a counselor's office.
Comments
Nov. 11, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Garsy
Jeepers girl!
Sometimes all you can do is laugh. It was a stressful situation. At least you didn't scream at your little guy as I've heard other mothers do when their kiddos are getting shots! Forgive yourself. Even good moms have their foibles, and make mistakes. I have a 10 year old that HAS to get the flu shot every year. He fights it every time and has since he was 3. When he was 7 it took, the doc, two nurses, his father and I to hold him down. Thankfully, it's getting easier and easier and easier.
Nov. 12, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Christine
Ultimately, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I'm going to share anyway.
In my limited experience, there is an age group when the children get awareness of what is about to happen and can't seem to calm themselves down. It starts around age 8 or 9 and goes until about 12. The knowledge of getting a shot can really get one really worked-up. Knowing it's going to hurt. And then the fit that starts before the shot is compounded by the shot. The child is nearly inconsolable.
You did NOTHING wrong. He won't remember that you laughed at him. He probably barely recognized it, since he was so worked up.
When I was 11 I hurt my hand pretty badly. I was in the hospital and I was completely numb. Couldn't feel a thing. And yet I was screaming when the nurse would touch me. Why was I screaming??? Because there was an IV in me. I thought it was a needle permanently inside my arm and I couldn't deal with that concept. I was absolutely hysterical. My mom tells me that she was so flabbergasted by my reaction that she had to step away so she could laugh. I don't remember that. I remember scrubbing out the wound. I remember getting the stitches. I remember my dad bringing me my bike helmet. I remember asking to see our nurse-friend who worked at the hospital. I remember the nurse consoling me that it wasn't a needle, but a piece of latex in me. But I don't remember my mom laughing. (For the record, my mom did try to console me too.)
A different story:
My husband took his two children (10 and 12 at the time) and a friends' children (6 and 8) to get flu shots. The younger two were nervous, but they behaved fine. The oldest was fine. (He's a big brother, so he's going to try to be macho in front of his little sister.) But the 10 y/o, my step-daughter, was hysterical. They had to hold her down to give her the shot. She was nervous the whole time standing in line. She got up there and refused to sit in the chair. She was crying. She wasn't yelling, because that's not really in her nature. But she would not cooperate. She ended up sitting on her dad's lap and 3 people held her down in order to get the shot. I hear she's been like that since she was about 6. When she got an awareness of shots.
Now, at age 13, she's a rockstar. She hates them, but she can get them with no drama.
I suspect he'll have issues with shots for awhile. But he'll get over it. This may be the worst.
You are NOT a bad mother.
You did everything you could.
Sometimes a kid just screams.
Nov. 12, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by cappuccinosmom
Thank you Christine and Garsy. :)
I *think* I'm OK with my reaction. Rationally, anyway. It was certainly better than getting angry at him. But still, there's part of me that thinks I could have done a lot better.
Nov. 12, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
When I was 9 I freaked out like that over a shot. It was the only time I ever did. I had to have it, so my mom - all 9 months pregnant of her - SAT on me on the exam table so that the nurse could give me the shot. All while I screamed bloody murder. I'm sure the whole town heard me. I can't remember if she laughed or not, but she probably did.
I have no idea why I was so scared that time, and it never happened again. I hope the same is true for Asrat. :-)
Nov. 12, 2009 - Being Hysterical About Shots Runs in the Family
Posted by Aunty Carol
Ask your dad! Your grandfather used to bring home the syringes and vaccines and do the shots himself. We used to all run and hide. Once Richard locked himself in the bathroom and threatened to throw himself down the laundry chute. Mom ran down and put some soft stuff at the bottom of the chute - just in case. When our parents promised he wouldn't get the shot, however, he came out. Dad immediately grabbed him and gave it to him anyway! Talk about being a bad parent! The message was don't run, don't threaten - as it will be done the adult's way regardless. BTW - we have ALL laughed about this story over the years.
Nov. 13, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by cappuccinosmom
Ah yes, family stories are the best. :)
Nov. 13, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Yup, I agree, better to laugh then get angry or stressed. You're such a good writer, your description of events made me chuckle!
Sideways/Ruth
