By Stacy McDonald

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is
as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11

What do these Scriptures portray a Godly wife to be? A "crown" to her husband? Did you realize that you have the opportunity to be a crown for your husband? Either a crown of honor or a crown of thorns!! With our lips, our actions and our attitudes we can be a crown that honors him and builds him up, sparkling with the radiance of many precious jewels or we can be a crown that is painful, sharp, tears him down and offers only shame.

The word ashamed here (in Prov. 12:4) is "buwsh" meaning to pale, to be disappointed or delayed, become dry. How many times have we delayed or disappointed our husband with our words or our actions. How many times have we noticed a look of disappointment or embarrassment on our husband's face as we've pridefully corrected him in front of others. Or maybe snickered quietly when he attempted to share a Scripture out of context.

Many women complain that their husbands refuse to be the spiritual leaders in the home. This may be true, but I would have to wonder if these dear ladies are truly and honestly willing to humbly submit, removing the "crown" from their own prideful head and sacrificially becoming a crown of honor for their husband's. It's difficult to become a crown for my husband if I'm too busy polishing the large and heavy crown of pride on my own selfish head!

Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Have you ever had a visit with a couple where the husband was trying to tell a story and the wife rolled her eyes and corrected her husband every few minutes? "No, it was 4:00 NOT 6:00." "No, THAT is NOT how it happened!" "They don't want to hear you ramble on and on about THAT, get to the point!" "Why do you always say that, that's not true!" Don't you just wince? If it brings you pain just witnessing the scene, imagine the pain and damage it brings to the husband and his ability to properly lead that family! Those were extreme examples, but I have seen it happen many, many times and sadly I have been guilty of it, to some degree myself!

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...." Oh what a joy for a wife to know that her husband safely trusts in her. How about you? Does your husband know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when you have a friend over for coffee, all the words of your mouth will be edifying and honoring towards him? Does he know that when he invites others to his home, that you will honor and respect him while visiting with other families? Does he *trust* you to be graceful when he makes a mistake or stumbles over his words or is he nervous and in constant fear of your public ridicule if he accidentally ends his sentence in a preposition! :-)

Sisters, we are designed to be a helper to our husbands. If you had an important project to complete, would you appreciate a helper that "delayed" your work, one that continually tried to be the boss, or that undermined your leadership with sarcasm or suspicion? You would most likely rather do the job ALONE! Could this be why many marriages have difficulties with "oneness?" Wouldn't it bring much glory and honor to the Lord if we could repent of any selfish pride that we've allowed into our lives? I pray that we may purpose in our hearts right now, to obey God and to submit respectfully to our husbands, to honor him and allow God to transform us into a beautiful crown that fits perfectly on our own husbands' head!

Here is your challenge:

Ask your husband if he feels as though you are always respectful towards him alone AND in public. Ask him if you have ever made him feel demeaned or embarrassed by your words, attitudes or actions. If he answers yes and points our specific incidents, do not defend yourself in any way. Simply humble yourself, repent, ask his forgiveness and ask him to pray for you and to POINT OUT times that you fail in this area. He will be more than happy to help you here!! (This in itself, is very humbling!) We are making ourselves accountable to our husbands, and it is VERY effective! Make it clear to him that you want to submit to him as unto the Lord and that you want him to be able to "safely trust" in you. Be careful though! He may not think you're serious. If you have already developed a habit of eye-rolling or smart remarks, he may test you out by pointing things out quite often. Be sure to pray, pray, pray that you will handle these times in a humble and repentant manner. Ask the Lord to guard your tongue! Repent immediately and genuinely each time he points out a problem. God will be faithful to forgive and you will begin to see great victory!

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9