Comment:It seems to me that homeschoolers are homeschooling out of FEAR of what they may be indoctrinated with more so than out of "this is what the Lord has called us to".
Response: First of all, I do not believe that homeschoolers (at least not ones who follow the verses below) homeschool "out of FEAR." If following the warnings in the Bible is viewed as fear, then I guess we should reject all wisdom and knowledge found in Scripture and live as our hearts tell us is right; as everyone else does; as what is acceptable in the Church, RATHER than what is SCRIPTURAL.
I, for one, believe that the Bible is full of commandments, warnings, blessings and insight into every area of our lives. The Bible speaks clearly and is applicable for every season under the sun! I want to know what the Bible says on every matter, so that I can stand before Jesus and say that I held true Job 23:11-12 "My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread." THAT is my utmost goal, and homeschooling is merely obeying the command, heeding the warnings and seeking growth THROUGH obeying God's Word.
If fear reigns in our decision to homeschool, it is a righteous fear of not obeying God and heading the Biblical warnings. It is a fear of suffering "harm" from being a "companion of fools" [Proverbs 13:20]. It is a fear that I will miss a blessing because allowed my children to "walk in the counsel of the wicked " and "stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers." [Psalm 1:1]. It is a fear that my children might stray from the path of righteousness (and become one of the 70-88% of those who reject the faith) becoming "fully trained like his teacher" [Luke 6:39, 40]. It is a fear of not obeying Deuteronomy 6:6-9, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." That Scripture was given to PARENTS to carry out and I cannot follow that Scripture if I send my children to school for 8+ hours every day. RIGHT THERE is what EVERY CHRISTIAN PARENT was called to do.How can one say that they are not "called" to do that when Scripture speaks so clearly? And how can one do this unless they are homeschooling? I don't understand.
Secondly, I do not see where you are using Scripture to back the argument you are making that we SHOULD send our children out to be salt and light, and this concerns me. If you can show me where in Scripture we are to hand over the education of our children to a non-Christian, and place our children (no matter HOW godly they may be) under sinners, please do show me! The only command I have seen is TO PARENTS for the education of their children 24/7.
Lastly, I do not believe that the Bible is contradictory. I do not see why Christians hold on to what has been permitted/promoted for the last century or so in Christian circles, yet deny what the Bible so clearly presents regarding the education of our children. Again, I must ask this...Why can't both Matthew 5:13-16 AND Deuteronomy 6:6-9 be used in conjunction with each other, instead of in conflict? Can we not minister as a family to those who are unchurched or unsaved - still being salt and light - while teaching them the Lord's commands while we sit down, stand up, walk along the way, etc.? Why is there a need to let children go out on their own, with the tendency to be foolish or to "lose their flavor", when there are wonderful and Scriptural alternatives to sending them out not fully spiritually mature?I have been warned in SCRIPTURE of the risks I will take by placing myself or my children under the teaching of one who mocks God, and I do not want to risk that outcome with my "not fully trained" seedlings (children).
God's Word is clear that all Scripture pertains to life. Let us all, from this point forward, keep all human opinions and such aside and focus on what GOD has said in His Word in regards to homeschooling. That is the only thing we can base our decisions on, no matter how unpopular they might be in someone's eyes. Be like the Bareans (in Acts) and hold every action against God's Word. Search and find the truth and present it to the rest of the believers in love.
Let's refocus and make these discussions about homeschooling fruitful discussions among Believers and get BACK to Scripture, and Scripture alone!
Someone recently commented on my blog about my post about the article in the HSLDA magazine by Gregg Harris about his thoughts on the “greenhouse model,” raising kids willing to do hard things, and then learning to let them go and following is my response.
Comment:I've never heard such nonsense in my life....making light of God's commandment to GO OUT into the world and tell others about His saving grace...even a child who has accepted Christ as his Saviour can be used by God. God definatly has purpose in God- fearing children in public school. What a sad society it would be if all Christians stayed at home in their little bubble....children CAN be saved as children, saved children CAN share the gospel in the public school, and other children CAN be saved by that sharing! We are living in a volitile time.....a time to be bold and courageous in our faith - not a time to shelter and coddle the only future this nation has . What a sad, legalistic view of the security and faithfulness of a loving God. ~Jennifer
Repsonse: Thank you, Jennifer, for your comment, however I have to respectfully disagree with you on a few points. I would also encourage you to look into this matter further.
1. YES, kids can share Jesus and do so very effectively, but can they not do so while ALSO under their parents guidance, leadership and direction? I did so when I was homeschooled, as do my own children, with much success.
2. Contrary to a formerly popular, but now diminishing opinion, homeschoolers do NOT live in bubbles. Instead they've been found by secular researchers to actually live more so in the "real" world than do their public/private schooled counterparts. The difference in our family and Greg Harris' family (the author of the article) that you see and oppose has to do with this allegorical "GREENHOUSE". Our children live under their parents watchful eyes, so as to not become indoctrinated by the world, which is becoming more and more essential as time progresses. They are, then, slowly moved out from under our guidance as they mature in the life and the faith.
3. Studies have found that between 70-88% of Christian teens are leaving their parent's faith by the time they are in their second year of college! They've also found that the vast majority of Christian teens do not hold a Biblical world view. YES, there are the other 12-30% of those who DO make it through school with their faith and beliefs intact, but many Christians parents do not want to take that HUGE risk! Here is more data that I blogged about here And here's an article on how some studies who that 3 out of 4 children/teens are leaving their parents faith after being in the public school systems. I encourage you to research these staggering facts further.
4. It seems that today that these so-called legalists are labeled so because someone feels judged or doesn't like what they have to say. It must be noted that TRUE legalism is trying to improve your standing before God. It is the motive, not the deed itself. In other words, true legalism is a type of work-based salvation. Obedience is a heart, seeking to obey Jesus and become more like Him in order to bring joy to the Savior! "Obeying God's laws is an act of praise, not a bribe. Obeying God's commands is an act of gratitude, not a payment. " Dr. Robert G. Spinney I can assure you that I do not homeschool in order to receive praise from others or to make me "holier" in God's eyes, which is what the Pharisees did. Instead our family honestly seeks to obey Deuteronomy 6:6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." We cannot obey this commandment if we send our children out to school, because then we wouldn't be with them but for a fractional part of a day. Please read more about the CORRECT definition of legalism in my post here...it is full of Scriptures which extol obedience to Jesus and His Word.
5. Let's look a little closer at the Scripture about "salt and light". Matthew 5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
This passage is taken from the Sermon on the Mount, which was actually preached to the Pharisees and those who thought they were nearly perfect in their obedience of the Scriptures. It was to show them how quickly they can "lose their saltiness" and not recover it and how important it is for them to be examples of God's Light in the world. In this particular part of the Sermon on the Mount, he discusses the salt of the earth and shows that if they lose their saltiness, how can they be made salty again. They will be thrown out (transliterated: "violently thrown out") and trampled on (transliterated: "rejected with disdain"). The section where it says, "loses its saltiness" actually is transliterated from the Greek as "being foolish" or "to act foolishly." Then, after they lose that saltiness, he rhetorically asks how they can be made salty again? They will have lost their reputation for being salty.
So, if Proverbs speaks so frequently about children being naturally foolish (because the control of their sin nature is not yet conquered), why would we send our half-grown children out to be the salt and light without our consistent direction and instruction, which IS spoken highly of in that same book of the Bible? When they are able to BE mature, stand their ground unceasingly, while eloquently and decisively defend their faith as in 1 Peter 3:15 - ("Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."), THEN they are mature enough to be out on their own, consistently free of their childish folly spoken about so often in Proverbs.
See, what there is much that is not understood because those who criticize these beliefs don't know our family (or Gregg Harris - the author of the Greenhouse article and father of some of the most well-respected children/young adults in Christendom). Our children ARE salt and light! The only difference is that at their different stages in the "greenhouse", they minister along side us in various ways! We can actually observe our children living out their faith while we are guiding them in the world. After that greenhouse period of initial training, we can watch them slowly head out into the world. THAT is when they can be salt and light ON THEIR OWN. But for now, under our training and instruction is where they belong.
My questions to you are, Why can't both Matthew 5:13-16 AND Deuteronomy 6:6-9 be used in conjunction with each other, instead of in conflict? Can we not minister as a family to those who are unchurched or unsaved - still being salt and light - while teaching them the Lord's commands while we sit down, stand up, walk along the way, etc. ? Why is there a need to let children go out on their own, with the tendency to be foolish or to "lose their flavor", when there are wonderful and Scriptural alternatives to sending them out not fully spiritually mature?
6. As for letting others instruct and influence your children, consider these verses (and some quotes).
Luke 6:39, 40 "Jesus said: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." Do I want my child to sit under a "spiritually blind" person for 8 hours a day? Do I want him to emulate that teacher? Maybe he will come out of it as the 12-30% who are STRONG and STAND FIRM to the faith, but do I want to take the risk that he will not, especially after considering what Jesus is saying here? I take this warning very seriously. Yes, I can SUPPLEMENT that teaching, but school takes up too much of that valuable time that I have been given charge, according to Deuteronomy 6:6-9.
Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." Some children are very responsible and sensitive to the Holy Spirit. These children might do well being salt and light at young ages. However, this clearly states that children are foolish and that they give into foolish things, albeit less and less as they mature. I do not want my children, as sweet and godly as they are, to give in to their foolish ways, lose their saltiness and maybe even determine that their faith is not "for them" at some point in their future.
Jeremiah 10:2 "Learn not the way of the heathen."
Proverbs 13:20 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."
Psalm 1:1 "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers."
"I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place their child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt." Martin Luther, A.D. 1537
"In not mentioning God, my public school teachers preached a thundering message daily. By implication they taught that God is not relevant to most areas of life..with every lesson, in every class period, all day every day for 12 years I was being taught to think like an atheist in the academic realm and didn't even know that I was being indoctrinated." ---Chris Schlect, Scriptural Worldview Thinking
I hope that you will not take any of this as offensive, but will look up the statistics and studies and read what the Bible says. For more information check out: "Homeschooling from a Biblical Worldview" by Israel Wayne. I have yet to hear a biblical argument against any Scriptural principle in that book . Another good resource is Voddie Baucham and his ministry.
Ever wished you could sit down with Gregg Harris—father of Josh, Joel, Alex, Brett, Sarah, Isaac, and James—and find out his secret to raising driven, passionate, and grown-up teenagers? Recently, we did, and we hope you’ll enjoy having a seat at the table for our conversation as Gregg discusses his thoughts on the “greenhouse model,” raising kids willing to do hard things, and then learning to let them go.
"I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place their child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt."
Homeschooling in the News is created by Homeschool.com and sponsored by Laurel Springs School (www.LaurelSprings.com).
In the public schools, the average spent on the education of a child is $10,000. Honestly, I never understood how they could spend so much when I am able to do the exact same thing for far less. Now, there is data to prove what I already knew, one does not have to spend a lot to effectively educate their child or children.
Continuing with Dr. Ray’s newest study on homeschoolers and their academic performance, we find a break down on their success on standardized tests based upon how much the family spent on each child to educate them. The results? There was not a great difference in their scores. Those spending $600 or more per student scored on average in the 89th percentile, while those spending less than $600 per child scored in the 86th percentile. Only a 3% difference yet both sets still scored over 30% higher than their public school counterparts.
So, new homeschoolers no longer need to be concerned that they do not have thousands of dollars to educate their child. Even with returning to a single income, they can pursue the task of educating their own children.
Thanks for reading,
Susan Harris
Homeschool.com News Editor
"Homeschooling In The News" is compiled and delivered by Homeschool.com and sponsored by Laurel Springs School (www.LaurelSprings.com).
With over 25 years of experience, Laurel Springs' philosophy of education honors each child's gifts, talents, and learning style. Laurel Springs is a personalized distance learning school and resource to home school families, private and public schools, tutoring centers, students achieving personal life goals in acting or sports careers, and families living abroad.
HERE is a very encouraging article for those with struggling learners. I just graduated one of those and I could so relate to much of the article.
Dealing with learning challenges is difficult, but in high school, it can become seriously concerning. You don't have to be afraid! With the great student to teacher ratio of homeschooling, and the love for your child, you have what it takes!
This is one of the most common questions asked about homeschooling - in fact, it's often the very first question asked by concerned friends, grandparents, or other family members when they find out you intend to homeschool your children. Their concern is that by taking your children out of an institutionalized school setting, you are depriving them of important social interaction, leaving them unable to cope in the real world.
There are two answers to this question. The first answer is short and sweet, but does not address the fundamental problem. The second answer is a little longer, but addresses a critical misunderstanding that surrounds the issue of homeschoolers and socialization.
The Easy Answer:
The first answer to the socialization question is that there are plenty of opportunities for socializing in a homeschool setting. Nearly all homeschoolers have access to a support network of some kind, most of which have regular meetings, outings, and sometimes even group studies. These and other opportunities abound, to the point that some homeschoolers hardly spend any time at home!
The Best Answer:
A better answer is to challenge your questioner's definition of "socialization." Normally, they're concerned that your children won't have adequate time with other children their own age. Frankly, this is not a good definition. True socialization would involve helping your children learn how to interact with other people of all ages. After all, after graduation, most people are never again in an environment of "age-equality." From the perspective of preparing our children for real life, it's easy to see that the typical classroom environment is artificial socialization at best, and outright anti-social at worst.
Contrasted with a school classroom, the lives of the average homeschool family are fabulously socialized. Between church, trips to the store with Mom, family meals, and a plethora of other scenarios, opportunities abound for homeschooled children to learn how to interact, not only with children their own age, but also with adults, children younger or older than themselves, the elderly, peers, relatives, and authority figures.
Homeschoolers should be careful not to accept a flawed definition of "socialization." Some homeschoolers are beginning to answer the socialization question too thoroughly, based on this flawed definition, by taking part in far too many extra activities. While some extra activities are good and healthy, there is a very real tendency to go too far and place our children in some of the same compromising social settings we dislike about public schools. Remembering what true socialization is will help us keep our perspective clear and our priorities straight!
Published in Homeschool Enrichment Magazine Click here
Articles on "Homeschooling & Socialization"
Socialization: Homeschooling vs. Schools - Click Here
Researchers Say Socialization No Longer an ''Issue''
- Click Here
Local homeschooling co-op provides socialization
- Click Here
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This is one of my favorite subjects, as I tend to have babies or add a child or two through adoption just about every year or so!!! This is so true...take it easy on yourself while having a newborn and let the kids learn things that they WON'T EVER learn in a textbook!!!! :) That's the best part of homeschooling....hands-on experiences and life lessons! That prepares them for REAL life...and this is only for a season!
~ Lisa
The Old Schoolhouse Magazine
Homeschooling with a Newborn
Dec. 17, 2008
Dear Lisa,
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11
As a mother, it can be overwhelming when you're trying to take care of a newborn, older children, the house, the bills, other responsibilities, and homeschool too. Especially since you're probably trying to do it all while totally sleep-deprived!
Give yourself a break moms. God doesn't expect you to be Superwoman. He knows that those years with little ones place extra demands on us. That's why He said that He gently leads those who have young. Your little ones are precious to Him and He carries them close to His heart. He'll be gentle with you too.
P.S. - Since Christmas is only eight days away and we're talking about newborns, here is the link to one of my favorite Christmas songs on YouTube, Mary, Did You Know?.
P.S.S. - You'll notice that we have a new contributor for our Freebie Finder this week, Molly Green from Econobusters.com. Our dear friend, Jamin, decided that she wanted to take a break (See, it's a good thing!) and spend more time with her family. We know you're going to love getting to know Molly, but feel free to stop by Jamin's blog and say hello! We're going to miss having her as a part of THM.
Meet the MOMYS!
"Looks like you've got your hands "full!"
"Are they all yours?"
"How do you DO it?!"
Do you hear questions like these? These are common comments heard by MOMYS - Mothers of Many Young Siblings. MOMYS is an e-mail list that began over a decade ago to offer support to those families who have a quiver full of young children. The e-mail list has expanded to a whole range of support and encouragement. One area of our ministry that has been a particular delight is the family retreats sponsored by MOMYS, particularly the annual pilgrimage to Williamsburg, Virginia.
The early spring retreat is a trek back in time, into a fellowship of Christian history study and experience. All ages, young and old, have so much fun dressing in period attire, learning to dance colonial-style, enjoying family fellowship with other like-minded families, and making the kinds of friendships that last a lifetime. In fact, the 2008 retreat began the same day as the culmination of courtship, very first kiss, and wedding of two young adults who met while colonial dancing at a MOMYS Williamsburg retreat!! Very special friendships, indeed!
We have room for new friends to join us in the early spring of 2009! Details are at www.Williamsburg09.com
Join the MOMYS - Mothers of Many Young Siblings e-mail list:
I have had 8 babies in 17 years. That's about one new baby every other year. "Homeschooling with With Newborns" should be my middle name! I don't know that I have any good practical advice, but I do know that I am still alive! And, I can attest to God's faithfulness through every step of this homeschooling journey. He truly does fill in the gaps.
What my children have learned through each and every new baby has been priceless and cannot be tabulated on any academic test. They have watched mommy love and care for and find joy in each newborn. They have watched tireless dedication to the care and feeding of newborns. They have seen a glimpse of the God who loves His children and cares for their every need; the God who takes joy in His own precious creations. Newborns are dependent on their mothers for their very life's sustenance, just as we are dependent on God for our very breath and everything pertaining to life. We can learn eternal things from these babes.
Practically speaking, homeschooling with a newborn just means you do everything one handed. It's amazing what you can still do while nursing (like typing this!). You can turn your feeding times into reading times for the other children. With a couple of my newborns, I read the Bible to myself and to my newborn and to any other child that came and sat with me at every two hour feeding all day. This was because I wanted to learn to desire the "sincere milk of the Word like newborn babes. . ." Newborn babes feed very often. How often do we crack open the very Word of God that brings life to us: especially to drained, tired, poured out mother-teachers who need that life and strength so desperately?
Don't feel guilty about what you are not getting done when you have a newborn. God is a Good Shepherd who "gently leads those who are with young." He is not hounding you to get more done; He is leading you gently. Be gentle on yourself and don't listen to the accuser of the brethren. You are doing eternal things that last, and the academics can always be caught up.
As you have that newborn in your arms, remember your Father who has you in His arms like a newborn babe. You can rest there.
"The eternal God is thy refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms"
Deuteronomy 33:27
Having a new baby in the house is such a blessing, but can also be challenging while homeschooling older children. We offer a variety of products that can help you during baby's first year of life.
As a homeschooling mom, your day is full. When you add infants and toddlers into the mix, things can get downright hectic. The Growing Homeschool: Integrating Infants and Toddlers into your Already Busy Schedule can help you not only survive, but thrive! You will discover the difference between balance and integration, and how to leverage both for maximum effectiveness. Learn from an experienced, but in-the-trenches homeschool mom of six.
We also have another very special book just for mothers called Baby's First Foods, A Mother's Guide to Nourishment. This is a wonderful resource for mothers to learn how to make baby food out of whole foods. It also includes chapters on a variety of help topics and projects like journaling your baby's life stories, herbal remedies, how to make a baby blanket and simple sewing techniques, to mention a few. This is a beautiful, well-made book with old fashioned pages and lovely illustrations that can be passed down to your daughters.
With this book you'll also receive Baby's First Foods Starter DVD: Whole Grains and Methods. This book and DVD set would also make a great gift for an expecting mother.
If you're looking for a way to keep your baby entertained while you're homeschooling your older children, here's a fun and exciting video for your baby to enjoy! The athleticBaby Basketball!- DVD, is just one of the 5 athleticBaby DVD's offered in the Schoolhouse Store. Your baby will enjoy the colorful settings, original music and real-life images while being inspired to get up and get moving towards a lifetime of health and fitness. These videos are recommended for ages 3 months to 3 years.
Remember, at the Schoolhouse Store, there's ALWAYS Free Shipping!
Homeschooling with a newborn? Is that question still being asked? In the early days moms got into the teacher role and then they were stumped when a diaper needed changing. They asked at seminars what to do in such a case.
Today, I read wonderful stories about moms who don't try to be two people, and who creatively make babies and even sick moms a natural part of living and learning. I bow out and let the moms above give you tips about how to do it.
I'm no expert, but we seem to homeschool with a newborn all the time. The important thing to remember is to adjust. It is unrealistic, detrimental, and even ludicrous to think that you can add a newborn child to your family life and homeschool, and just keep on as you did before.
Yet, that's what many homeschoolers attempt, and then they're surprised when they feel overwhelmed and frustrated. You have to adjust. Your homeschool days might be shorter, less frequent, or you might have to take an extended break from the bookwork. It doesn't mean that your children will learn less, in fact, they might even learn more.
I know for a fact that my children learn invaluable lessons when we have a baby in our house. They learn to serve, pitch in, be selfless, and care for a baby.
But adjusting is required for many other reasons besides having a newborn. You might have to adjust for sickness, adoption, depression, hospitality, or celebrations. Adjustments are just part of life and demand that we flow with them and around them. Yet, we've been duped and misled into thinking that we just need to set the curriculum course and trudge through it no matter what life throws our way.
No more. Stop it. In fact, I'm going to ask you to do a little flexing this week. . .because it's Christmastime. Throw your schedule in the toilet and enjoy your children. Instead of doing school, play games, read Christmas stories, bake goodies, or just goof off. Who cares if it doesn't fit with the school vacation schedule. . .it's Christmastime!!!
I know some of you barely take off Christmas day, let alone enjoy a Christmas vacation. May I say to you in my best Gomer Pyle voice, "Shame, Shame, Shame"? Your children need the break and so do you.
So, close the books and make Christmas cookies with sprinkles instead. Believe me, that's way more important than math lessons.
Dad, make it happen!
Be Real,
Todd
PS - Still haven't bought the greatest Christmas board game ever? You can still get it in time to play before Christmas if you order today.
Hey guys! Molly here, and have I got some great freebies for you. Since this week we're talking about newborns and homeschooling, I thought you could use some freebies to keep your children occupied while you take care of your new little bundle of joy. Storyline Online is a great online reading source. These books are interactive and read aloud by members of the Screen Actor's Guild. They also offer free activity guides to go along with the book being read, and some great discussion ideas.
Another free resource for kids of all ages is DLTK-KIDS. They have tons of free coloring pages, crafts, puzzles and much more! Even though my kids are much older now, we still use this site frequently, when we need a quick coloring page or puzzle.
Last but not least, a wonderful interactive site for preschool through age 6, Boowa and Kwala. This activity site is built for preschoolers, and is jam packed full of fun and interactive games and craft activities.
Remember, while the newborn is napping, and the other kids are working, catch up on your rest!
C = Homeschooling teens are in the powerful position of taking control of their lives.
R = Homeschooling teens have access to limitless resources that are as close as their local library to "chatting" with professors from around the world.
S = Homeschooling teens, with the support of their parents or other caring adults, are able to strive for and reach lofty goals.
T = Homeschooling teens have time to develop and pursue personal interests that lead to fulfilling hobbies, skills, and careers.
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore, be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:15
I wouldn't change anything about the size family God chose for me. We gave Him control over the number and timing of our family and He took it from there. I know there are others of you out there that feel the same way; you relish your large family. You wouldn't change a thing about it; except that you'd probably welcome more if the Lord decided.
Still, while your attitude may be that you cherish your large family, we have to face the fact that in the "regular world," large families are not the norm. Randy and I took the kids to the fair last year. At one point Randy said to me "When we decided to come to the fair, I had no idea we'd be one of the attractions!" He was right; people were watching us.
The title for this report is taken from a response to one of American Vision’s daily articles. The respondent is an atheist who claims he can refute any argument raised in defense of the Christian faith. I have irritated him so much by answering his poorly researched responses he sends to me that his true character is spilling out in a public way. His personal emails to me are worse than what I have reproduced here. If you want to know what the world would be like with atheists in control, here’s a little taste:
It’s good that Christians homeschool. We need citizens to clean our toilets and mow our lawns. Perhaps some homeschooled Christians will be able to fill these types of jobs. The rest will be unemployable retards like their parents.
Here’s what I want homeschoolers to do: First, reply to this article and leave a comment describing what kind of work you are doing since you completed homeschooling. Second, send this article and its link to every homeschooler and homeschool organization you know and encourage them to leave a comment at the end of this article describing what they are doing since being homeschooled. Third, I don’t want to exclude those who have graduated from a private or church-related Christian school. You can get in on this was well by adding your comments.
The public school graduation rate is around 65 percent, and in large cities it’s lower as this April 1, 2008 report demonstrates. “New York City has one of the nation’s sorriest graduation rates, with less than half of city high-schoolers earning a diploma on time. . . . Even using the most optimistic calculation of the city’s graduation rate—including kids who earn GEDs and excluding special education students from the formula—only 60% of students graduated in 2006” Test scores continue to fall even though education budgets keep growing. It seems that all we hear from government educators is the need for more money. John Stossel’s 2006 “20/20” report (also see here and here) “Stupid In America: How We Are Cheating Our Kids” is a real eye-opener, especially when he asks South Carolina school official Dolores Wright, “How much money would be right?” Wright answers, “Oooh. Millions. And it would really make it right. . . . The more, the better.”
Is it any wonder that the judicial numbskulls in California and the new fascists in Germany are trying to wipe out homeschooling? They fear its superior product and how it makes public (government) education look so bad, especially when the cost of educating a student is factored in. While homeschooling has a great academic track record (also see here and here), enough so that some of the best colleges in the nation recruit homeschoolers, one of its greatest social benefits is its demonstration of true liberty. Liberals love to talk about freedom of choice as long as that freedom does not include the freedom to educate their own children. It would have been OK to kill the child while he was still in his mother’s womb, but once he’s born, he belongs to the State and its educational hacks.
My brother and I are both homeschool graduates (homeschooled all the way through back when very few homeschooled). I attended a four year university and made the Dean's List every semester. I now homeschool my soon-to-be 8 children who are very socially active and are at least 2 grades above their age-appropriate grade level.
My brother graduated as a homeschooler and attended the most well-known military college, West Point. He would not have been accepted into that college without an arm’s-length-list of social and academic accomplishments. West Point accepts only the most well rounded students in our nation and requires two "appointments" by state government elected officials for acceptance. He was not only appointed by the required two, but THREE congressmen. This is not an easy thing to do. Very few people can meet the requirements of West Point. Not only did he graduate at the top of his class, but he is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq. He recently was interviewed for an article in Technology Review (an MIT - Massachusetts Institute of Technology - publication), and because of his expertise displayed in that article, he has been commended highly by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency in DC. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has been responsible for most of the advanced telecommunication technological developments over the past 50 years, including inventing the internet (initially for military use). So, needless to say this "unsocialized" and "poorly educated" homeschooler has done quite well for himself, and he only graduated from West Point in 2004.
Anyone who opens his mouth, criticizing homeschoolers, inevitably sticks his foot in his mouth. He should at the very least do basic research on the matter before attempting to engage in such an antiquated debate such as the successes of homeschooling.
Lisa Metzger, helpmeet to Mark, keeper of the home,
2nd Generation Homeschool Mommy to 8 blessings:
Annalise (16 - adopted from Kazakhstan at age 10), Kaitlyn (8), Ethan (7), Trey Christian and Jake Merritt (6 & 3 - adopted from MO 6/07), Julia (2), and Ellie Grace (8 Months) and a New Baby due 12/23!
You see them at the grocery, or in a discount store.
It's a big family by today's standards - "just like stair steps," as the
old folks say. Freshly scrubbed boys with neatly trimmed hair and girls
with braids, in clean but unfashionable clothes follow mom through the
store as she fills her no-frills shopping list.
There's no begging for gimcracks, no fretting, and no threats from mom.
The older watch the younger, freeing mom to go peacefully about her task.
You are looking at some of the estimated 2 million children being home
schooled in the U.S., and the number is growing. Their reputation for
academic achievement has caused colleges to begin aggressively
recruiting them. Savings to the taxpayers in instructional costs are
conservatively estimated at $4 billion, and some place the figure as
high as $9 billion. When you consider that these families pay taxes to
support public schools, but demand nothing from them, it seems quite a
deal for the public.
Home schooling parents are usually better educated than the norm, and
are more likely to attend worship services. Their motives are many and
varied. Some fear contagion from the anti-clericalism, coarse speech,
suggestive behavior and hedonistic values that characterize secular
schools. Others are concerned for their children's safety. Some want
their children to be challenged beyond the minimal competencies of the
public schools. Concern for a theistic world view largely permeates the
movement.
Indications are that home schooling is working well for the kids, and
the parents are pleased with their choice, but the practice is coming
under increasing suspicion, and even official attack, as in California.
Why do we hate (or at least distrust) these people so much?
Methinks American middle-class people are uncomfortable around the home
schooled for the same reason the alcoholic is uneasy around the teetotaler.
Their very existence represents a rejection of our values, and an
indictment of our lifestyles. Those families are willing to render unto
Caesar the things that Caesar's be, but they draw the line at their
children. Those of us who have put our trust in the secular state (and
effectively surrendered our children to it) recognize this act of
defiance as a rejection of our values, and we reject them in return.
Just as the jealous Chaldeans schemed to bring the wrath of the king
upon the Hebrew eunuchs, we are happy to sic the state's bureaucrats on
these "trouble makers." Their implicit rejection of America's most
venerated idol, Materialism, (a.k.a. "Individualism") spurs us to heat
the furnace and feed the lions.
Young families must make the decision: Will junior go to day care and
day school, or will mom stay home and raise him? The rationalizations
begin. "A family just can't make it on one income." (Our parents did.)
"It just costs so much to raise a child nowadays." (Yeah, if you buy
brand-name clothing, pre-prepared food, join every club and activity,
and spend half the cost of a house on the daughter's wedding, it does.)
And so, the decision is made. We give up the bulk of our waking hours
with our children, as well as the formation of their minds,
philosophies, and attitudes, to strangers. We compensate by getting a
boat to take them to the river, a van to carry them to Little League, a
2,800-square-foot house, an ATV, a zero-turn Cub Cadet, and a fund to
finance a brand-name college education. And most significantly, we claim
"our right" to pursue a career for our own
"self-fulfillment."
Deep down, however, we know that our generation has eaten its seed corn.
We lack the discipline and the vision to deny ourselves in the hope of
something enduring and worthy for our posterity. We are tired from
working extra jobs, and the looming depression threatens our 401k's.
Credit cards are nearly maxed, and it costs a $100 to fuel the Suburban.
Now the kid is raising hell again, demanding the latest Play Station as
his price for doing his school work ... and there goes that modest young
woman in the home-made dress with her four bright-eyed, well-behaved
home-schooled children in tow. Wouldn't you just love to wipe that
serene look right off her smug face?
Is it any wonder we hate her so?
Sonny Scott a community columnist, lives on Sparta Road in Chickasaw County and his e-mail address is sonnyscott@yahoo.com.
Are you a homeschool parent struggling with getting everything done each day? You're not alone. Most homeschooling families need an organized schedule to
help keep it all together. Take for instance, the Duggar family from
Springdale, Arkansas. With 17 children, and number 18 expected in January,
2009, this Christian homeschool dad and mom have plenty of wisdom and
practical experience that might give you ideas to improve your homeschooling
routine. Although she's the first to say she's still learning herself,
Michelle Duggar openly shares invaluable insights she's learned along the way
in an exclusive interview with Alpha Omega Publications.
Q: How many of your children are currently homeschooling, and how many hours
of formal education do they typically receive each day?
A: Our three oldest have graduated and completed their homeschooling, so we
now homeschool eleven children (plus our three-year-old Jackson, who likes to
think he's homeschooling, too). We spend approximately four hours a day in
formal schooling in core subjects with additional music lessons.
Q: With such a large family, what time management secrets have you
incorporated into your daily routine to manage the household workload?
A: We've adopted the biblical Titus 2 organizational principles of older
children teaching the younger. Working within an assigned buddy system, each
of our older children assists in helping with the needs of a younger sibling.
Plus, chores are assigned and posted on a master schedule on the wall, so they
all know what to do and work together to complete
their assigned "jurisdictions."
Q: What is your daily homeschooling schedule like, and what method do you use
to track what each child is supposed to be doing?
A: Our day begins at 8:00 a.m. with personal hygiene, breakfast, family
devotions, and a "quick clean" of the house. The younger children begin their
individual lessons in phonics, math, violin, and piano with the assistance of
their "buddy". In teaching their siblings, I find that the older children have
learned so much more themselves. When they're done, the older children then
start their individual studies in math, English, spelling, and typing. One of
the older girls, Jill, begins preparing lunch at 11:30, and we break at 12:00.
Everyone helps clean up and then individual studies are finished. The babies
go down for naps at 1:30 p.m., and then the older children and I study
science, history, law, or medicine around the table from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. As
we study the same topic together, we use a "bus stop" approach. The younger
children participate with age-appropriate activities, but are released to go
play as we go more in depth into the subject matter with the older children.
During this time, we also memorize Scripture, learn hymns, and study godly
character qualities. From 4:00 to 5:00 p.m., we break from our group study and
complete individual studies or enjoy "free time." Dinner is at 5:00 p.m. and
prepared by Jana (18). Everyone again helps clean up afterwards and after
another "quick clean" of the house, each child finishes music lessons or
schoolwork. Snack time is 8:00 p.m., and then it's time to get ready for bed
with baths and picking out clothes for the next day. Bible time with Daddy is
at 9:00 p.m. and bedtime is at 10:00 p.m. Individual checklists which cover
schoolwork, chores, music lessons, and personal hygiene let us see at a glance
how each child is doing and keep our children accountable, so we can reward
them accordingly.
Q: What techniques do you use to handle discipline problems and keep your
homeschooling on track each day?
A: The Duggar House Guidelines:
1. Always use soft words, even when you don't feel well.
2. Always display kind actions, even if you have been mistreated.
3. Show joyful attitudes, even when no one is looking.
4. Have sincere motives with no thought of self-gain.
5. Think pure thoughts.
6. Always give a good report of others. Never tale-bear unless physical
harm will come to someone. Use Matthew 18.
7. Never raise a hand to hit.
8. Never raise a foot to kick.
9. Never raise an object to throw.
10. Never raise a voice to yell.
11. Never raise an eye to scowl.
12. Use one toy/activity at a time.
13. Never let the sun go down on your wrath. (Don't go to bed angry or guilty)
14. Amendment J.O.Y. Make serving your family a priority. Put Jesus first,
Others second, and Yourself last.
Q: How do you incorporate time for each individual child and their interests,
as well as make time for yourself?
A: To give each child one-on-one time, I take one with me each time I need to
run an errand. As soon as we walk out the door, I start to ask how they are
doing, what they are thinking, feeling, and so on. We believe in doing things
together as a family, so we don't run to different activities for each child.
We enjoy music, play baseball with friends, and do other outside activities
together as a family. Since I'm a night owl, I get my alone time with the Lord
when everyone else is asleep, in the "night watches" (Psalms 119:148)
Q: Where do you homeschool, and how do you organize your homeschooling
supplies, educational toys, and each child's daily schoolwork?
A: We have a schoolroom/playroom with lockers and storage bins for each child.
Plus, computer stations are set up throughout the house for individual
learning study with the children who use Switched-On Schoolhouse® curriculum
from Alpha Omega Publications.
Q: How has Switched-On Schoolhouse benefited your family's homeschooling?
A: The information and instructions are presented so well in Switched-On
Schoolhouse (SOS) that the older children can work independently and rarely
need help or have questions. That frees up more of my time and makes teaching
math easier now, too. Plus, the lectures and mini-tutorials provide clear and
concise explanations of the concepts being covered. The children really enjoy
SOS and look forward to doing part of their studies each day on the computer.
My daughter Jessa has taken on the responsibility of administering and
assigning the SOS lessons each day. Her siblings say she is tougher than Mom
when reassigning lessons that haven't been completed properly.
Q: What's the most important organizational advice you would give to a
first-time homeschooling parent?
A: Don't overextend and go easy on yourself. When I first homeschooled, I
tried to set up a conventional classroom, but soon realized that wasn't going
to work. Not everything is going to go as planned, and you're going to keep
learning a better way to do things as time goes on. Most of all, have fun and
just enjoy the gift of your children and the process of learning together.
The most-asked question our larger-than-average family gets is this: "How do you handle all those kids AND homeschool?" Well, to be completely honest, we probably get the "How many kids do you plan on having anyway?" one even more often, but you'll have to ask God for the answer to that one. :) I, however, will attempt to explain how we do all that we do with 8 kids, all while keeping the peace and order in our humble abode! So, here we go!
Mark and I have 8 blessings, ages: 16, 9, 8, 6 1/2, 4 1/2, 3, 16 months and a newborn (6 weeks). Below is our usual schedule, but with a newborn and a toddler and life in general this can all change at a moments notice. Overall, I like having a schedule so that the kids know what to expect and when, but I do NOT let it rule me. It's just a guide. It helps tremendously that we school year-round! It allows for extended holiday breaks and breaks throughout the year when I feel "burnout" coming. :) I am also a firm believer that just because a schedule works well for one family it might not work well for another, so keep that in mind when trying to create one of your own!
Our Schedule
7:00 - wake-up, make bed, tidy up rooms, put away night clothes and eat
7:45 - kitchen chores (95% done by children) and teeth brushed
8:00/8:15 - seatwork (kids sit at kitchen table and do math/spelling/geography/typing - different requirements on different days)
9:00 - Ellie (16 months) naps. Bible and then the Preschool! The older kids teach younger ones preschool (it is really neat to have the older ones learn to teach their siblings...it develops their abilities in so many ways!)
11:00 Ellie wakes up (Judah - newborn - wakes whenever...no schedule for him yet)
11:00/12:00 - everyone has finished school USUALLY
12:00 or 12:30 - Lunch
After lunch - outside play time/educational games/reading/educational DVD's or YouTube unit studies (this varies according to my whim...ha)
3:00 - Julia and Ellie (2 1/2 and 8 months) nap
4:00 - Kids are inside. Afternoon chores (usually it's a pretty light workload). Reading.
5:00 - Get ready for Daddy's homecoming (vacuum, set table, ready dinner, etc.) and wake Julia and Ellie
Dinner
Kitchen Cleanup by kids while Mark and I discuss our days (this is GREAT therapy for Mommy) or read to Julia, Ellie and Judah
When do you feel as though you've actually ACCOMPLISHED all that you need to accomplish?
I would say that I feel as though I have accomplished everything I needed to accomplish if I have homeschooled the kids, done at least 1 load of laundry, done some everyday chores (dusting, vacuuming, counter tops, general upkeep, etc.), prepared a good meal, had the kids learn life skills of some kind, and I have basically "worked at home" all day. It varies so greatly what I do each day that I would say that if I felt as though I have been a worker at home, according to Titus 2. I am to be loving my husband, loving my children and being busy at home. If I've done that to the best of my ability, then I've accomplished a lot. However, it can get monotonous and it can feel as though I haven't accomplished much, BUT drudgery is part of motherhood and that's all part of God's perfect plan. See this post! The Proverbs 31 is an ideal woman, accomplishing A LOT. I don't believe that any woman could accomplish all that she did every day, and we need to keep that in mind or we'll drive ourselves crazy! BUT Proverbs 31 is a GREAT outline to use overall!
1. Never leave a room empty-handed. Always return something to its proper place.
2. 30 second rule....If it takes less than 30 seconds to put away, do it immediately!
3. Have pick up time before Daddy gets home and before lunch time!
4. Teach kids to do chores and to pick up as they go (30 second rule with them, as well)
Any tips on how to get the kids to clean up after themselves?
As I've mentioned time and time again, we are big on "chore training". My kids all have chores. We use this age appropriate chore list as a guide. Our kids have chores as soon as they can crawl and they will pass them on to a younger sibling when the younger sibling is ready. The younger sibling will become the "apprentice" and the older becomes the "master or teacher". The younger will watch the older do the chore between 2 and 5 times before they attempt it themselves. Then they move onto doing the chore themselves, with the older one watching and instructing PROPERLY (no bossing allowed...Mommy's listening in). After about 2-5 times of the younger doing the chore under the older's supervision and instruction, the younger will do that chore on their own. From that point on, Mommy checks up on them randomly to see if it was completed properly. If it was not, then Mommy instructs the younger on how to correct it. Of course, age is always factored in.....I don't expect my two year old to wipe the table the way I would. BUT, they should be doing it to the best of their ability.
How old should a child be when they begin having chores?
Our kids start chores as soon as they can crawl, and although it's tedious to Mommy in the beginning, I've found that it pays off BIG TIME in the long run!!!
What does God think about chores? Shouldn't kids just be kids?
Unfortunately, today's society has taught us that life should be easy, kids should be kids, take the easy way out in life, but in all reality I can't find where it says any of that in Scripture. In fact, Scripture says that LEADERS and SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE will work hard! Shouldn't we be training up the future leaders of tomorrow's familys and world?
Using the below Scriptures when teaching children about chores and hard work will mold their spirits now and train them for their futures! This is why we believe that children should regularly contribute to household maintenance.
*Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and never succeed. Proverbs 12:24
*He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment. Proverbs 12:11
*All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23
*Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, asworking for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.Colossians 3:22-24
What are the consequences for not completing chores?
IF chores are not completed with a good attitude and without being asked/reminded, they will either have reading/play time deducted or be given extra chores. This system has worked really well and, honestly, we rarely have an issue with attitudes or chore completion. They know that Daddy and I mean business. They also are used to having chores, because they start doing chores as soon as they can walk. In fact, the older ones are so used to doing their chores and do them with a proper attitude that the younger ones CAN'T WAIT to go into an "apprenticeship" under the older ones to learn the chores! Now, yes, chores get repetitious, but they do get done with correct attitudes and without being told (the majority of the time, anyway - no one's perfect).
I hope this was of some help and an encouragement to you! May you all be WORKERS AT HOME and follow God and His Word in all you do!
This back-to-home-school preparation will be one that will make your sailing go much easier!
Child discipline is not only one of your most important tasks as a parent, but also offers life-long benefits of peace and God's blessings to you and your children. Child discipline is an area where the father's involvement is especially valuable.
God tells parents: "Chasten your son while there is hope" (Prov. 19:18), and "Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).
God's word to children is: "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother." (Eph 6:1-2)
Parents who do not have their children's respect will have trouble getting their cooperation and obedience. Gaining their respect through proper relationships, discipline, training, and example should be the parents' top priority, whether or not they are home schooling. Home schooling can provide the incentive and optimum setting to accomplish this.
Eight Guidelines
1. Get your child's attention before giving him an instruction.
2. Your child should meet your eyes and answer, "Yes, Mother/Father."
3. Require instant, willing obedience.
4. Be consistent. Your children must know you mean what you say.
5. Affirmation should follow obedience; negative consequences are appropriate when a child disobeys or rebels.
6. Make clear rules and require your child to remember and obey them.
7. Use Scripture to show your child the principles behind your rules.
8. Lead your child to salvation. Only after he is born again can God's Spirit within produce true godly character.
2. Set Up Daily Chores
This is another foundational back-to-home-school preparation that will pay dividends by making your home run smoothly during school months.
Each member of the family can and should have responsibilities that make a contribution to the success of the whole family.
We can use chores as double duty -- to keep our homes running efficiently and to teach our children responsibility and life skills.
Assignments
Assign chores. A chore chart on the refrigerator makes sure everyone knows what their duties are, and checking off the jobs that are done provides motivation.
For a simple list of chores, read "Magic Minimum: Cleaning Secret of Organized Families".
"Service Opportunities Chart" from Doorposts will help you simplify chore assignments and teach your children biblical principles of work.
Description
Describe chores. Write out a 3x5 card with the name of the chore, what it entails, check points to tell if the job is completed, the estimated time the job should take, and what supplies to use.
Cleaning Supplies
Consider homemade, nontoxic, and low-cost cleaning products. See recipes at www.OrganizedHome.com).
Also keep supplies close to the job, even if that means two sets of supplies (e.g., for the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms).
Training
Take time to train your children how to do each job to your standards and on time. Have your child watch you do the job as you explain it, then have him do the job while you watch and offer confirmation or correction.
3. Make Legal Arrangements To Homeschool
Avoid potential problems by making the following arrangements.
After you have set and reviewed your long-range goals for your children's education and training in all areas of their lives (see last issue), you are ready to determine specific goals and objectives for each of your children for the coming school year.
For goals to be useful, they need to be:
• Specific - what exactly are you aiming for?
• Measurable - how much and when.
• Obtainable - realistic, not overwhelming, yet challenging.
• Reviewed and revised frequently.
Examples:
• Daniel/Language arts - Learn to read this year.
• Jane/Life skills - Learn to make a main dish each month.
• Ryan/Math - Learn times tables.
• Kayla/Character - Be loving and helpful to little brother.
These specific goals will take your children towards the long-range life goals you have set for them (see last issue). See more complete information in newsletter #81.
2. Plan Multilevel Classes for Fall
Teaching several of your children together with the same material at the same time can be the most efficient use of your time and effort. Consider the following:
Separate Classes
• For basic skills such as reading, handwriting, and math during the early grades.
• For a student who needs individual attention.
• For an older student who can work independently.
Combined Classes
• For history, science, literature, and Bible.
Present lessons in an amplified manner with explanations and extra resources that enable all children to understand.
Combined Classes and Subjects
• For most of your subjects, using unit studies that integrate literature, history, science, Bible, and other subjects around a theme.
3. Gather Your Curriculum
It's time to gather your resources for the coming school year - right around the calendar corner!
• Consider which classes will be taught to more than one of your children (see above), so you know what materials you need.
• Consider using elements from a variety of approaches including traditional textbooks, worktexts, the classical approach, the principle approach, unit studies, books, and life experiences. See information in Newsletter #82.
• Consider using a variety of media to add interest and motivation for all your children and at the same time enhance each child's learning according to his preferred learning style.
• Include books, printed materials, videos and DVDs, supervised Internet studies, computer software, educational games, tools, and manipulatives.
• Order, borrow, or buy any materials needed in addition to what you already have.
• Collect supplemental materials for your family's library such as reference books, time lines, maps, globes, math manipulatives, educational games, and software.
4. Help Someone Start Homeschooling —
Maybe Even Yourself!
Look around you at your church, support group, relatives, or neighbors. Is there anyone who would appreciate a little help in considering or starting to homeschool? Here are ways you can help.
Tell Your Story
Realistically give your convictions and reasons to homeschool and your experience - both challenges and successes.
Provide Information
Point your friend to information. The Teaching Home website offers the most frequently asked Questions & Answers, a series of articles on starting to homeschool, and a Checklist for starting a school year.
Give a Sample
Schedule a day or a week of homeschooling together (call it a Day Camp or something fun!). You could do a simple unit study, work on basic skills, and/or explore just one subject area of interest.
A field trip on the last day would round out a good sampling of homeschool opportunities.
Of course the best way to help someone is to pray for them and be there to answer questions and give encouragement!
Homeschooling is certainly a lot more accepted than when I was homeschooled as a child, but I know that some families still deal with the critics of homeschooling. This has to be very frustrating! I hope that this helps some of you who deal with those issues. We are VERY grateful to have everyone in our family wholeheartedly supporting our decision to homeschool!
~ Lisa Metzger
The Old Schoolhouse Magazine Home Where They Belong
August 1, 2007
Dear Lisa,
Do you have some naysayers in your life? Folks who just always seem to question your homeschool at every turn?
I think that's a shame. So many well-intentioned family members, church members, or friends really sabotage the people they love with their negativity. Here's the thing though. Dealing with that criticism can really help grow you out of being a people-pleaser. It can help to remind you to keep your focus on the Audience of One.
It's an opportunity for people to see that you can love them unconditionally even in the face of criticism and for your children to see your commitment to follow where God leads you even when others don't understand.
So some good can come out of a bad situation. Your confidence will grow over the years and the criticism won't always bother you as much. Don't let them steal your joy. God will affirm your decision to homeschool. Just keep your eyes on Him.
PS - Want to share your thoughts on this topic? Well this week's Minute to Minute question is from a really discouraged homeschool mom. M2M is our weekly Q & A newsletter that comes out on Saturday that allows readers to help other readers. We've had some great questions and even more wonderful responses. You can subscribe by clicking on the button in the sidebar. :O)
PSS - Click here for details on The Tribute to My Dad contest for your child's chance to win a $10 gift certificate to The Schoolhouse Store.
There seems to be in every extended family, someone who saps all your joy and drains all your energy. And that's when you're not even around them! Just the thought of that person makes you sigh with discouragement.
I just got a phone message yesterday from that someone trying to place unwarranted guilt on me once again. I began to come up with all the things I would say to that person, but stopped in the middle of my angry thoughts. What should I do? Rather than meditate and fume, I knew I needed to "Do the Word."
In Matthew we are told to pray for those who speak all manner of evil against us. That doesn't mean the kind of prayer that says, "I hope you zap them before I blow up on them again!" It's the kind of prayer for their very souls; that God would draw them to Himself; that God would give you wisdom in dealing with them; that God would open their eyes to see Him; that God would soften your heart towards them; that God's Word would reveal to them what your words have failed to reveal to them.
What I'm talking about here is a change of focus. Rather than focusing on how much they hurt you, or how much they don't understand you, or how wrong they are, the focus changes to God. How much He loves them, how much value He places on them. He places so much value on them that He died for them as well as you. He desires their change of heart ever more than you could begin to realize.
There's a reason we are admonished to "think on those things that are pure and lovely and of a good report." There is a reason we are told to "cast our cares" on Him and to "fix our eyes" on Him. The reason is our freedom - freedom from the discouragement that could so easily swallow us up; freedom to praise God instead of ponder that other person's actions; freedom to pray for those whom no one else may be praying for; freedom to follow God's commands rather than our own emotions.
Yes, it's hard. But know this, you are not alone. We are in this together. And as the words of the song so succinctly say, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."*
Personally, I don't spend much time or energy trying to convince or argue with others about our choice to homeschool. I WILL talk with those who express a genuine interest and desire to understand. Usually, the difference is obvious. It has been my experience that the results (both in academics and behavior) speak for themselves.
I have adopted a trick a young lady shared with me. I don't remember the specific circumstances but someone at our youth camp was sharing an opinion that was way off base. This teen came over to me and whispered the phrase, "smile and nod, smile and nod." It still cracks me up. Sometimes the best response is to just, "smile and nod." Choose to feel amusement toward the speaker, rather than anger.
That said, the ability to express our thoughts, feelings and beliefs clearly and succinctly IS important, especially when faced with an audience willing to listen. JoJo Tabares of The Art of Eloquence offers a wonderful series aimed at teaching your children these skills. Her Know Your Audience, Say What You Mean, and Defending the Faith products teach your children how to speak with confidence. With programs geared for preschoolers through adult, the whole family can get some practice in effective speaking!
"I purchased JoJo's books, Say What You Mean and Know Your Audience for my almost teenage son. I quickly perused the books before giving them to my son. So many of the subjects caught my eye and I ended up reading them myself first!. I found the studies to be very informative, covering all aspects of communication, not just the spoken word. They were written in a style that would appeal to pre-teens , teenagers and adults. My son read both books and told me he "enjoyed" them (his word) and learned some things he has already put into practice with his education.. I highly recommend JoJo's work and will be purchasing the new books when they are published." -Carla
Family members are negative? I say don't waste too much energy trying to convince them now. Let time and your results work. At a family gathering one of these negative members said to the homeschool mom, "Your daughter is the only one who stays around to help clean the kitchen while everyone else runs off to play." Even then the mom was careful not to give an I-told-you-so response. She let the results work and omitted the arguments.
Showing off academic results is easier than you think, because few people know how to judge academic progress. The whole world seems to think that spelling is the benchmark, so be sure your children's letters to relatives have perfect spelling. Children need some writing projects, anyway, to correct and recopy until it's right, and this will motivate them to do that.
Also, if the handwriting is neat that impresses people. Neat handwriting requires two features: 1) proper letter forms, and 2)uniform height and slant. Letter forms are easy. Just have a letter chart the children can refer to as long as they need to. Most children can achieve good uniformity with a crash course in about two weeks. Use exaggerated rhythm, with strong downstrokes. (See more details in You Can Teach Your Child Successfully, pages 128-132.)
You probably do not see spelling and handwriting as the most important parts of your education, but many people judge by those visible signs. A child can now and then share a good paper or project with a visitor, but don't overdo this and look pushy. In time your results will convince the family.
Dealing with negative family members is kind of a given when you homeschool. I mean who doesn't have an "Aunt Nelly" who at every Christmas gathering asks, "So how much longer are you going to homeschool? You certainly aren't going to do it in High school, are you?"
Now you could pray that God would take Aunt Nellie 'home' before your kids get to the high school years, fake a cold and miss the next 20 Christmases, or wear dark glasses and a fake mustache and hope she doesn't recognize you, but that would be too easy.
Instead, you need to take the "Aunt Nellie by the horns" and stand firm in the convictions you hold.
Now, I need to direct my next comments to the dads out there. (I'm sure "the girls" will have plenty of good advice for you moms).
So Dad, this is one issue where you need to stand up and be your wife's knight in shining armor. When those challenges and questions arise from family members, you must step up to the plate and allow your wife to hide behind you. You need to be the one delivering the answers (if possible).
For example, you might need to say, "Yes, Aunt Nellie, we are still homeschooling and we'll keep doing it until we feel like it's no longer the best option for our family."
You may even need to pull your aunt, parents, or in-laws aside and say, "When you say those things, you really discourage my wife. I know you don't mean to, but you need to stop."
That, my fellow Dad, is how you deal with negative family members.
Nah, she's just taking a little time off. She'll be back with us next week. :O)
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I find myself feeling discouraged, burned out, on the verge of giving up. I ask myself, "Mama, what happened? Have you been holding a grudge, struggling with a bad attitude? Did you make some mistakes somewhere? Instead of wallowing in the pit you've dug for yourself, how about finding a way out of it? Where can you go in the Word of God that would give you an example to follow? What does God have to say to you now?"
When I find myself experiencing these kinds of times, God says the same thing to me that He said to the prophet Elijah: pick yourself up and move on; you've got a job to do.
"And when he [Elijah] saw that, he arose, and went for his life... and said, It is enough... and, behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said... I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away... And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice ... Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou comest, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria: And Jehu the son of Nimshi shalt thou anoint to be king over Israel: and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah shalt thou anoint to be prophet in thy room... Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him." (1 Kings 3–18)
Elijah had just literally had a mountaintop experience. He had been a part of an awesome display of God's power, but he was only human. He, too, was susceptible to fear, doubt, worry. The mighty prophet of God, who performed incredible miracles and showed unparalleled faith in a time of great ungodliness, when faced with an unexpected challenge beyond what he was prepared to handle, quit and ran. He did not stop to ask God for direction. He didn't think before he acted. He just ran, until he came to a wilderness. There he stopped. What was his obstacle this time? An unbelieving community? Idol worship? Religious persecution? No, it was the wilderness of doubt, self-pity, and lack of faith. "There's no one else out there, God! Do You realize that? I'm the only one! Are You aware of what I've been through lately? I can't take this anymore! Now there are people after me--it's too much! What am I supposed to do now? I've had enough!"
I love God's first response. "What are you doing here, Elijah? I didn't send you here. This isn't where I need you to be." God doesn't speak with thunder, lightning, or fierce winds, but with a still, small voice. He sends Elijah to another wilderness, but this time he'll be following God's itinerary. God has work for Elijah to do. It's time for Elijah to move on. At the end of His instructions, God mentions, "Oh, by the way, that comment about being the only one left? You're not. There are seven thousand other faithful followers of mine in Israel. You're not alone."
We may be parents instead of prophets, but God has appointed us to an important task as well, and we, too, can be sidetracked. We are surrounded by children all day, every day--their noise, their mess, their questions, their excitement, their bickering, their interference. It's not all bad--there are many wonderful things about homeschooling our children, besides the benefits they are gaining academically. Their excitement can be contagious. Their cheer is inspiring. Their eager minds and trusting faces are encouraging. We get to see improvement in their academics, answers to prayer, new-found maturity. We appreciate the sweet blessings of seeing the light go on in a difficult subject, or being present for a spontaneous interest in the deeper issues of our faith. However, our children are still just that: children. They are clay that needs to be molded, but our hands get tired of shaping, don't they? Besides our sore muscles and an aching back, we face the challenge of shaping new vessels when we ourselves are marred. How can the clay mold the clay? Perhaps that's part of our problem. Are there times when we try to take over the Potter's job? Maybe we need to surrender control to God, as Elijah needed to do with his situation.
As homeschool parents, the challenges don't always arise out of the circumstances around us. Sometimes they develop from within us. How often have we created the hurricanes, earthquakes, and raging infernos in our lives? Have there been times in our lives when God has stood before us and asked, "What are you doing here? I didn't send you here. This isn't where I need you to be." As we place our hands around a lump of small, soft clay, an image of a beautiful vase or sturdy pitcher in our mind, we begin to fashion it on our wheel. The clay's stubborn will, independent spirit, and selfishness stare us boldly in the face, and we are no longer sculpting with clay; we are looking in a mirror. We could pull back our hands and convince ourselves we are not equipped to continue this work: "I did not have the proper schooling. I don't have the natural talent. I've already messed up enough stuff in my own life without moving on to wreck someone else's life, too. I should just stop right here." We could offer each of these arguments in our defense, even follow through on our threats. Where would we be then? Where we want to be? Where we're supposed to be? Or in a wilderness of our own making? No matter how we feel emotionally, no matter what other issues are bothering us, one fact remains--we have a responsibility. We have a job to do. We have to move on.
What do we do about the other issues in our lives causing inner turmoil? God listened to Elijah and encouraged him. He did not give him a list of answers, except to correct the false misconceptions. God told him, "Okay, you've had a setback. It happens. Now, get up and go on. I need you. I can still use you. I'm not through with you yet."
So here I am, my head in my hands, my heart on the floor where I've trampled it to pieces, and God says to me, "Mama, there's laundry to fold, bathrooms to clean, meals to prepare, little ones to read to, papers to sort, books to put away, students to teach, husbands to encourage. These things don't get done, or at least don't get done well, when your heart is burdened with other things. God has heard you. He has been beside you through your entire ordeal. You have not ruined everything. I still want to work with you. Now, this time--of reflection, regret, self pity, whatever it is--is over. Pack up and move on. You have a job to do." Perhaps one of the greatest blessings of them all comes in His parting words to me: "And, Mama, by the way, there's one more thing you should know. You're not alone."
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Gretel Deem enjoys writing, reading, studying the Bible, swim teaching, public speaking, homeschooling, and spending time with her husband and 3 children (8 years, 7 years, and 15 months) in the great outdoors of northern Michigan.
This article was originally published in the July/Aug '07 issue of Home School Enrichment Magazine. For more details, visit http://HomeSchoolEnrichment.com
Our family loves "Living Science", where science is experienced or read about in "living books". I find that the children retain so much more from this course of study. Visuals through experiments are important, too!