We have a daycare that runs in our church.  I spend time with the kids in the daycare on occasion and I do a chapel once a week.  Over time I have gotten to know some of the children really well. 

We have this one child who is raised by his grandmother and we have recently seen some disturbing behavior.  He is usually such a sweet child and then recently he has not wanted to participate in anything and wants to answer every question in the most negative way he can think of.  Sometimes he exhibits some violent behavior but not all the time.  We have found a few techniques work well in getting him to respond but they require more attention then a teacher with a group of kids would be able to offer.

Just last week his behavior had escalated to acting up even when his grandmother came to pick him up.  He refused to go and because he is such a large child they had to get me to come pick him up and put him in the car.

This got me and the director talking about all the possibilities.  We discussed the possibility of him being a drug baby, autism, defiant disorder, bipolar, depression, along with many other options.  We did finally get a good confirmation when a teacher who had been out sick came back.  She has a much more vocal and stern approach then the teacher that had been with him over the last few weeks.  At one point while she was sitting near him and making motions with her hands the child flinched.  This happened a second time. 

Our conclusion is that he might have been having a bad day or maybe he is a drug baby and that can be frustrating.   An adult in his life must have been frustrated and made the ultimate mistake.  One hit is all it takes.  A child can tell when your hitting to punish (spanking) or hitting out of anger.  Hitting out of anger will create a fear in that child that never really goes away.  The child then walks around on egg shells hoping to not make anyone mad because their natural tendency is to please people.  This tension can cause depression or a number of other problems that will ultimately affect the way they live their lives. 

One mistake can be devastating... Do you know how to walk away?

As parents we will all get frustrated and we will have those times on the edge.  All good parents know that consistency is important so they try and finish what they started and they get closer to the edge.  Is it better to lose consistency for a moment to assure that you don’t make that devastating mistake?  I say it is.  I know we "must" deal with the problems as they happen and that doing it 15 minutes later is not a good option but sometimes you have to make that sacrifice.  When you see yourself doing something in your head or you have flashes of rage where you just wish the kid would understand then its time to step away.  If you find yourself yelling, gritting your teeth, anything that is obvious signs you are tinkering on the edge of anger then you need to step away.  Come back and deal with the problem in a few minutes.  No one is above abuse.  It happens to the very same parents who are appalled by the thought of someone beating their child.  It’s these same people who toy on the edge of anger because they don’t worry about what they will do.  Never ever punish a child while you’re angry.  You may have to tell them they did wrong and send them somewhere so that you can cool down and think of an appropriate punishment but never decide on the punishment while you are angry.

The biggest thing to remember is that you are not above it.  Be cautious and be proactive to prevent it.  Make sure you handle your anger well and you can even be honest with your child about your anger.  Let them see how you deal with anger and they may have a good example to live by.