Posted in Me

I'm really bad with plants.  Really, really bad.  Which is a shame, because I have a huge yard that somebody could really do a lot with.  Just not me.

I also have no indoor plants.  I will not ever remember to water them.  I need a living being that will cry, bark, or follow me around if it needs to be fed.  Otherwise it will not happen.

In my ideal world, though, I would have a garden.  I finally gave in two years ago and decided to have a vegetable garden.  My daughter Gabrielle had been wanting a garden for years, and I mistakenly thought it would save money.  So we planted tomatoes and peppers (lots of peppers because I like them), zucchini, and radishes.  Nobody likes radishes but they are supposed to grow quickly and I thought it would be motivating.

We attempted the Square Foot Gardening method, and my friend Renee served as consultant and advisor.  When we went to harvest the radishes, there was nothing there.  I have no idea what happened.  Most of the pepper plants produced nothing.  We got some cherry tomatoes and some regular tomatoes before some disgusting worm/caterpillar thing infested the tomatoes.  The zucchini plant looked wonderful and was flowering and then completely died.  All that time and effort for a couple tiny peppers, a few banana peppers (which only Robert liked) and few tomatoes.  Not really worth it IMO.  Plus gardening is getting just a bit too close to nature for my comfort level.

For my birthday this year, my daughter Mary wanted to give me a tiger lily plant.  I really like tiger lilies.  My husband warned her that she would have to help water it.  Unfortunately, she drowned it.  It started to die, and I let the soil dry out (which took days).  Then I was going to start watering it at an appropriate level.  I was, I swear.  But now I think it's completely dead and the twins have broken the stalks, so it probably needs to be thrown away.  She probably won't buy me any more flowers!  What people need to get me (although it's most likely a waste of money anyway) are cut flowers that are already destined to die.  Then there is no guilt involved!

This year my daughters decided to resurrect the garden.  It is entirely their project.  I haven't even gone near it.  All I have done is buy them the seeds they wanted.  We'll see how it turns out.

But I have made the decision - and plants everywhere are applauding - to leave gardening to other people, ones who actually have some clue what they are doing.  As Kenny Rogers said in The Gambler, "You have to know when to fold 'em."