Many days I wonder how I will make it through, what more I could possibly do, and where do I turn next.  Dealing with a child with Attachment Disorder is hard work and it has lead me to the cross time after time, day after day.

This morning I lay awake wondering if today will be a "good " day, and decided  to seek out of bed early to collect myself and pray.  But the heavens seemed brass and the connection seemed slow.   But in my frustration, God simply dropped a thought in my mind....

Mary must of had many of the same feelings as I.  Knowing she had a special child, a gift from God.  Mary's faith must have grown just as quickly as the babe in her belly, giving her strength and peace. Raising Christ(even though sinless) must not have been the easiest task, I am reminded of when Christ stayed back in the temple and his parents could not find him for three days!  Surely there were moments of worry and doubt.  And although Mary was just a normal girl, God chose her to care for Christ. She raised him, and her tender arms cradled him, and her voice comforted him. And he in due time, gave himself for us, leaving his earthly mother, He died for us. 

So, this is comforting,,,God hasn't given me a child and left me on my own, I am part of his plan for her. Through the difficulties and in my weakness, He will be glorified and His will will be accomplished. 

As her heart heals, my heart grows in faith, hope, and love. 

We have teamed up with several online vendors to help the foster children in our community!  Check out the awesome fundraisor we are doing to provide over 200 children with scrapbook kits for their "Lifebooks."  These books are very important to the children and aid in adoption, placement, and self-esteem. Click here to find out more about how you can help a Foster Child this Christmas!

http://wahwomen.com/

Now, being an art major and lover of art education, I don't normaly recommend art curriculums.  But this site is just awesome.  I love the simplicty of instruction and the depth of understanding given behind the exampled works.  This is a top notch site with a ton of resources.  So, if you (or your children)are finding your current study of the arts boring....then venture over here http://www.teachartathome.com/index.html to Teach Art At Home and get a breath of fresh air!  Thanks Karine, you have done a wonderful service to your fellow homeschoolers and their children!!!!

Enjoy,

Karla

   My oldest(6) is one of a kind.  He came by way of miracles and still astounds me more and more each day.  He rides on the laws of justice and equality, and considers himself to be the judge of all that is fair and right.  World affairs concern him, family affairs frustrate him, yet there are days when he breaks down and plays.  He takes off his robe of truth and knowledge, and with great effort makes-believe.

   Today was such a day...after a very frustrating phonics lesson of words that were not really words at all(Alphaphonics)..."Can you use that one in a sentence?" he would ask!  He decided he was tried of thinking and fretting and began to pretend that he was "Henry  Huggins" on the search for millions of night crawlers!  And to my suprise, he actually came in with a worm in his pocket!  He quickly pointed put how he had cut it in half, but reassured me that it would grow back and the other half of him crawled way down in the earth to grow more segments!  More detail was given as he quickly took off his dirty new shoes.

With a deep, long laugh, I kindly asked him to put that one back also and wash his hands. :)

How he became who he is....I will never understand.  The traits this little one has were not inherited from his parents, they were given as gifts from God just as he was.  I often wonder what will become of my serious little man, what great plan God has intended for him.  But no matter who he becomes or what wonderous things he will do, there will always be the memory of the worm in his pocket and the dirt on his new shoes.

ok, while in full time ministry, one of my biggest frustrations was the overwhelming pressure to pretend you are perfect...always happy, always pretty, always Godly.

So after leaving full time ministry I experienced this freedom that I had not felt in a long time...freedom to be myself.

All of this freedom began to get out of control.  Soon I found myself snapping at my dh..because he made me angery.  Fussing constantly at my children...because they needed to be fussed at.  And saying whatever came to mind without hesitation.

So, I thought to myself, there has to be a happy medium here...how can I be myself and not lose self control?  How can I be who I am and still display the fruits of the spirit in everyday life?

Well, this lead me to reading "Homeschooling with a meek and quiet spirit," by Teri Maxwell.  It is a simply written, easy to understand, a no-nonsense book.  Chuck full of biblical reasoning and scripture refferences.  Just the way I like it!  She gives you practical steps to remaining in Christ through out our day and overcomming stressful situations with grace.  Reminding us that all of this comes from God, we on our own can not be what God desires of us...it is in our weakness that he is made strong.  As we wait on God, he will give us the strength needed to overcome ourselves and sucessfully homeschool our children and love our husbands.

So, I have learned that, left alone to myself, I am ugly, sinful, and downright nasty at times! But I walk with Christ and I am not alone.  I can rely on him to help me.

One of my favorite things that she made mention of is...how we look to others.  If our children were to wear a mirror on their heads, what would we see in the mirror?  A mean hateful face that screams rebuke, or that of a gentle loving face that forgives as Christ does?  Ok...that hit me like a rock!

So, my new prayer....

God, I am  who you created me to be. But, I am not always happy, not always gentle, and not always loving as your word commands.  I rely on you, forgive me of my sin and help me to smile when I feel angry and love when it's hard.....and it goes on and on!

Friday was an emotional day for us.  Our foster daughter of almost three years was granted the Termination of Parental Rights.  This was a huge step forward for her future and gave us much hope.  For the first time we were able to honestly tell her that we were going to adopt her!

So, that night I took her by the hands and told her that we were going to adopt her and be her family forever!  She said,"Like you adopted Bayleigh?"  Yes, sweetheart, just like Bayleigh!

She gave me a hug and with a happy giggle ran off to play, while I stood there trying to hold myself together! 

It felt so good to tell her...to say the words that we have wanted to say for so long.  And now she knows, she will never leave us, she will always be ours and we will always be hers. 

The next day she reminded me of how we changed Bayleigh's name when we adopted her and she had decided that her new name should be.....Princess Annaliese Elizabeth!  I tried to laugh but the tears flowed as I told her we would probably have to drop the princess part!  She asked why I was crying, and I just told her that they were happy tears. 

Please continue to pray for "Princess Annaliese"  her birth mom has 30 days to appeal the decision and if that happens, we could have to wait up to 2 yrs to finalize the adoption.  She needs her life to move forward...emotionally it is very hard for her.  This would also mean that she would have to attend public school, and my heart desires for her to stay home with the rest of the children. 

Thank you for your prayers and support.

This morning has had it's interuptions...so I sent my 6 yr old ds to the table to wait for me to come do phonics and handwriting with him.  Well 15 mins had passed before I made it back to the table and he had already started without me.  For some reason I can't get my pics to post or I would show you how sweet this is to me.

He had drawn a picture of a stingray in a tank and above it he had written the following..."I hve a pt stngry."  He was so proud of his work.  He said,"Mommy I think I did not spell it right, can I do it on another page and you can help me spell it right?' The teacher in me wanted to put it aside and move on to the phonics curriculum...but the Charlotte Mason Momma said,"Sure, how about we use this for your handwriting and phonics today!"   To which the crowd roarded and the angles sang in unison YES, YES, LET HIM LEARN! :)

So we got out our drawing/writing paper and he illustrated the stingray adding some new elements, and I wrote all of the words that he had mispelled on the lines below.  He copyed the mispelled words and then wrote the correct sentence at the top of his drawing...it is priceless. It is that easy!

Don't let those golden moments pass you buy, look for them, use them, and treasure them.

Blessings,

Karla

For almost 3 yrs we have waited for "Elizabeth" to be cleared for adoption, and because of the emotional depth of the trial tomorrow, I am compelled to type out my feelings and thoughts to all of you.

I have found that the law of this land is seperate from life.  This is not the way God intended it to be..His laws give us life, they breed justice and freedom.  Protection and peace come from abiding in his law.  But all of this is foolishness to the world, it's laws are based on personal gain, guilt, and shame.  There is no redemption through this law, there is only revenge and endless river of hurt and pain.  What would once outrage a nation has now become a common place court hearing.  Children are no longer abandoned, abused, or neglected, they are simply another court document sitting on a desk, waiting for someone to file a petition on their behalf.  Where are these children?  They are in my home and many other homes, they are in institutions and group homes, they are in a dark place waiting for someone to give them a name, a face, a life.  Waiting to have a chance to be a child, to be loved, to be told you are mine and I am yours...we are a family.  These years of waiting sperates the child from her own life.  She learns that she has no control over the curcumstances that surround her.  He learns that no one is to be trusted, and he cannot trust himself.  She doesn't learn how to parent, how to love, how to bond, how to play or any of the things that other children seem to naturally learn.  He is lost in a sea of parental rights without any hope of life.  Her birth parents seek ownership that ensures a monthly check, while many couples waiting for a chance to love her,  lose hope of ever finding her.

We have dedicated our life to changing this terrible situation...one hardened heart at a time, we will take them into our home, hold them in our arms, wipe the many tears, calm the ever-present fears, work through the screaming fits, stand strong in the face of defience, embrace the broken soul, and love the unlovable. We will speak for them in court and fight for them through prayer. It is not a hard job in comparison to the struggles these children face, but it has it's days, and tomorrow is one of those days.  "Elizabeth's" life is hanging in the balance, waiting for a judge to put on his robe and with his authority proclaim her to be free.  I pray for the day that she is truely free.  Free from the past, free from the debt of her parents sin, free from the fear that binds her so, free to hope and love and live.  Will that day be tomorrow?  I don't know, but I do know that apart from God she will never know true freedom...for it is in Christ, not the law. 

Please pray for "Elizabeth" tomorrow, for God knows her name and he sees her tears.

We are going to court this week to seek Termination Of Parental Rights for our foster daughter.  It has been a long winding road to get here, but finally she will get her day in court.  We are praying for God's providence in the outcome and grace to testify on her behalf.  Please join our family in prayer and seeking God's will for "Elizabeth."

Many Thanks,

KArla

My boys have been in ancient egypt for a while now and this week we studied Joseph.  To end our study we made our own coats of many colors.  We cut up Dad's old shirts and used fabric glue to paste fabric scraps and decorate.  The boys had a lot of fun pretending they were Joseph and wearing thier coats.

Ok, my husband came home from work and announced that the TV was leaving our home and might not come back.  I calmly picked my chin off of the floor and responded,"Great, but the kids watch educational stuff from the library and.."

Well, we negociated that the children can have a tv in their room, with no cable, to watch edu.videos and play an old nintendo for rewards.

This was awesome I thought, but I never thought it would be this awesome.....

It has been two weeks since the TV went Bye Bye!  And all I can say is....I never want it back!  It is amazing how peaceful my home is, how the whining is at an all time low, and the children seem to be playing much better with eachother. All of this from the removal of the TV?

I guess, or could it be that we are changing as parents....I have much more quiet time, bedtime goes much smoother, and I seem to get so much more done...it is amazing! Mommy even took a nap!

My dh is reading some great books and applying them to fatherhood, and the children aren't begging for the latest toy out on the market....No Comercials!!!! 

We are convinced that TV is a big contributor to Christians conforming to the world...it's funny to hear our family and friends comment on our decision...almost as if we have lost our minds!  But listen, we are to be set apart...salt and light.  So not only is our home life changing, but our view of the world.

I challenge you to just do it...say Bye Bye to the TV!  A watch God change your family too!

I know I can't be alone so if you are addicted also, maybe we could start a group and swap curriculum, so we don't have to keep buying it!!! 

Hey, isn't honesty the first step in recovery?!

I hodge podge for the most part but with four children (under 6)and my rolling crate broken, it is getting really hard to go to the library and retrive all of the books that I need....which lead me to sonlight, my newest obssesion!  So it starts...research, more research, order the cataloge, call and ask questions, check for cheaper used sets, watch ebay...and the cycle continues!

What is wrong with me?

Last month it was Konos! Which I later determined to be somewhat lacking.(MHO)!  Please don't send hate mail!

I love what I am using-Lessons from History...but I have to do so much research and there just isn't time for that.

If you have switched to Sonlight and have advice or if you have the same problem, feel free to make me feel better about my ramblings!

Blessings,

KArla

Ok..I had a great response from my chore charts so I wanted to give you a little more detail on how it works.

The Allowance hook holds the paper quarters that I down loaded from the internet.  At the end of each day, if all the chore cards are on the done side, the children are given a quarter to place on their hook.  At the end of the week we get out our envelopes(kept out of reach) and add up all of our money.  At that time they can exchange currency.  Like five dollars for a five dollar bill...buy the way, I use fake money I bought at Walmart for $1.29.  It has enough in it for my four kiddos, but if you have five I would buy two packs.  The kids love counting the money and exchanging it.

If they choose not to complete a chore, they do not recieve the quater for the day.  It usually hits them when we are adding up at the end of the week and one has earned more than another.  It is the perfect time to remind them that money is earned.  I never make a big deal about a chore not being completed, I just give a reminder like, "Oh, that's sad, I guess you will not earn your quarter for the day.  That's so sad."

Yesterday, while trying to take a much needed nap, God gave me a rebuke. 

I was wallowing in self -pitty, trying to understand why my children refuse to sleep and how badly I needed to just run away and get out of the house.  Schooling flopped last week and I was feeling very trapped, and needy.

Suddenly, all the noise going on out side of my room melted away as God became real to me once again.  He spoke with unheard words, directly to my heart,in a firm but loving voice.  He recognized my need to look at my life through his eyes. He let me know that when I understand why I am here and what he desires to accomplish in my family, only then will I stop feeling so closed in.  Then peace will be in my heart and I will no longer need to run from my family to regain my sanity.

None of this was this clear to me yesterday. I thought I knew why I was homeschooling, and what I was doing. Even this morning I was still confused...thinking I must be missing something big!

We went on with school and during our study of Egypt, my son asked the question that made it all clear to me.  Here is our conversation, somewhat paraphrased.

Tanner(6): "Momma, how do we know that our God is real?'

Dawson(4): "Well we worship our God."

Tanner: "I'm not talking to you!"

Me:   "Oh, let me tell you how we know our God is real..."  I was able to pass down to my boys, the oral history of all the amazing things God had done for our grandfathers and for us.  How God healed them while in my womb, how he has a special plan for their lives, how they are a blessing given to us by God. And how we can believe what the bible says, it is truth, and it tells us of our God.

And then things became even more clear to me.  I haven't given up my desires and loves in this world in order to teach my children math, science, reading, and writing.  No, I have been given the priviledge of passing on to my children the love of the Lord, his awesome acts, and the knowledge of his son Christ Jesus.  It is not man's wisdom that's concerns or makes it all worth while...it is the eternal life of my own children that spurs me. 

Now everything seems to be in proper perspective. 

 I really do not care what my children make of themselves in this world, what college they go to, what they do, as long as they love God and serve him with their lives.  Then my job, my calling, as wife, mother, teacher, has been worth it all. 

No longer will I need to run away from my family, but run to God with my children in my arms.

It feels like a revelation to me, I feel like John...if only I could write as well!

God still speaks!  Thank you God for searching my inner parts and knowing me better than I know myself.

Every now and then God makes himeself clear in very obvious ways.   This week my parents were in town from IN and we took the children to the museum to see the bird exhibit.  One of my favorite pictures is of the children standing by a  Bald Eagle.  Such a majestic bird, the symbol of our country's freedom, and somewhat mysterious still. While typing away an email of encouragement to a friend, God reminded me of the Bald Eagle and his Word that tells us we shall mount up with wings like eagles.  Somedays I do soar like the eagle but most days a strong gust of wind comes along and slows my flight. I am still flying, just having to work a lot harder and not making as much progress.  Oh,  how I long to soar above it all and look down to see an eagle's eye view of God's wonderful works.  One day I will, I will experience true freedom, with my wings spread wide and my face directed up to the sky.  Then I will see all that God has done for me, all that he has made, all the wonderful and  awesome acts of God.  The sky will be clear and the seas beneath me will be calm as a soar above it all. I encourage all of you that are flying along with me to not give up, keep flapping those wings, and one day you will soar! 

 

 I thought that by comming home and homeschooling, that I would be leaving the rat race behind me....but what I have quickly learned is that the race isn't of the world, it is of the heart, the soul, the mind.

God is showing me how running the race set before me doesn't mean being a busy working mom, it means doing his will whatever it may be. 

So, what I thought would be a easier lifestyle has turned out to be the marathon of my life!

How will I endure?  How will I keep pace? I don't even own a pair of track shoes!

Oh, and I absolutely hate Gatorade! 

Many times I can see a hurdle comming in advance and prepare my exhausted body to leap over it with all my might....but sometimes the hurdles sneek up on me,catching me by surprise and causing me to stumble. Then I have to struggle to get back up again.  You know, illness, heartbreak, deceit, job loss, another bill, car repairs, defiant children, another stain on the new carpet, more marker on the wall, growing pains and wet beds.  Ughh!

I have never claimed to be an athlete, not even close to being physically fit, but what I lack in raw strength, is balanced by stamina.  With out faith, just lacing my shoes would be a trial!  Yes, every runner has to have faith... faith that their shoes will not fall apart, faith that their knees will not buckle underneath them, faith that the finish line is just around the bend, faith that the prize will be worth it all.  Faith that the runner behind them, always on their heels, just waiting for the hint of defeat, will not overcome them.

Faith wins the marathon!

Keep running moms...your prize will be worth it all!

Many Blessings and Tons of Encouragment,

Karla

I searched and searched for a chore system that would work for my little ones and finaly decided to make my own using all of my favorite ideas and walmart!

So here is the final product!  Each child is color coded at our house.  Dawson is green and his chart is divided into three sections:

Chores, Done, and Allowance.

Each chore is on the chore side in the order in which they are to be completed.  I have a membership to the Managers of their Chores site and used some of their images and some I found at classroom clip art.  I printed out the chart and laminated it with self-laminating sheets at walmart.  I attached the peel and stick hooks and punched holes in the laminated chore cards.

As the children do a chore they move it to the done side to see what they are to do next.  At the end of each day they earn a quarter to put on their hook and at the end of the week they cash them in to put in their banks.

This is working well for us and I would be happy to answer any questions or give you the list of all the things I did wrong before comming up with this!:)

Happy homemaking and heart training!

I am always refreshed when I see that celebraties are doing something worth while with their fortunes.

I just watched a news report of Oprah giving 40 million dollars to build a leadership academy in South Africa for underpriviledged girls.  All tuition will be free including housing and food.  Oprah's generosity was not what suprised me, it was a comment that she made to a journalist that stuck with me.  I am paraphrasing...This is what my life was for. I have come full circle and now know what I was meant to do...what all of this fame and money is for.

Even more shocking was the excitement from the students that she hand picked to attend.  I am sure the screams of joy could be heard for miles!  She said that she choose South Africa because it is so badly needed, wanted, and appriciated.  Education is appriciated, seen as a priviledge...if only America could catch that love bug for learning! 

So, I began to think of all of the wonderful things I could accomplish with the financial means and the dream keeps growing!  Imagine how many children could find a loving home, imagine how many children would never go hungry, imagine how many children would find God.  And the selfish side...imagine all of the curriculum I could buy!!! :)

Just going to leave you with a scripture this morning.

"When wisdom enters your heart,

And knowledge is pleasant to your soul,

Discretion will perserve you:

Understanding will keep you,

To deliver you from the way of evil..."

Proverbs 2:10-11

Have a joful day in the Lord!

For our first 2 yrs of marriage we lived in Fl.  What was supposed to be a wonderful start turned out to be one of the loneliest seasons of my life.  My dh was working 60+ hrs a week (i'm being kind!)and the only time I really got a chance to sit down with him was in the front pew at church.  Not only was I alone, but suffering through a very difficult pregnancy and feeling like I might have missed God's will for my life.  Surely this was not what God intended for our ministry, for our marriage, for our child...

One day, on the way home from work, I was seriously considering the idea of making a Uturn and heading north towards Indiana(my home).  I struggled to drive through the tears and looked up to see the most biggest beautifulest :) rainbow in the world.  It almost came to a complete cirlce, because of the water table, and I was in total amazement.  God spoke to my heart and said remember the rainbow, my promises are true for you today.  I thought about his promise to Noah, to Rebekah, to Sarah, to Joshua, and to Me.  I remembered the rainbow. I thought about Christ's gift to me , his promise of eternity with him, and all of those who had gone before me and stood firm on those promises. I remembered the rainbow.

God's grace and providence saw us through those two years, we came out tired and sore, but determined and brave.  I learned many things about myself, but most important...I learned about God. I thought I knew him, after all I was raised in church.  I thought I had it all wrapped up in a nice little ministry package, but that day, when all of my efforts and plans were turned to dust, I remembered the rainbow, and found His promise for me.

Today as I venture into our second year of homeschooling and look back, I know that that rainbow has lead me directly to where I am today.  His promise is made real today.

God, I remember the rainbow and I am standing on your promise.