ok, while in full time ministry, one of my biggest frustrations was the overwhelming pressure to pretend you are perfect...always happy, always pretty, always Godly.

So after leaving full time ministry I experienced this freedom that I had not felt in a long time...freedom to be myself.

All of this freedom began to get out of control.  Soon I found myself snapping at my dh..because he made me angery.  Fussing constantly at my children...because they needed to be fussed at.  And saying whatever came to mind without hesitation.

So, I thought to myself, there has to be a happy medium here...how can I be myself and not lose self control?  How can I be who I am and still display the fruits of the spirit in everyday life?

Well, this lead me to reading "Homeschooling with a meek and quiet spirit," by Teri Maxwell.  It is a simply written, easy to understand, a no-nonsense book.  Chuck full of biblical reasoning and scripture refferences.  Just the way I like it!  She gives you practical steps to remaining in Christ through out our day and overcomming stressful situations with grace.  Reminding us that all of this comes from God, we on our own can not be what God desires of us...it is in our weakness that he is made strong.  As we wait on God, he will give us the strength needed to overcome ourselves and sucessfully homeschool our children and love our husbands.

So, I have learned that, left alone to myself, I am ugly, sinful, and downright nasty at times! But I walk with Christ and I am not alone.  I can rely on him to help me.

One of my favorite things that she made mention of is...how we look to others.  If our children were to wear a mirror on their heads, what would we see in the mirror?  A mean hateful face that screams rebuke, or that of a gentle loving face that forgives as Christ does?  Ok...that hit me like a rock!

So, my new prayer....

God, I am  who you created me to be. But, I am not always happy, not always gentle, and not always loving as your word commands.  I rely on you, forgive me of my sin and help me to smile when I feel angry and love when it's hard.....and it goes on and on!