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Well, I no longer have a doula client. I was all psyched and ready to meet with this couple on Monday. I had worked out what I would give them (handout on doulas and dads, handout about what doulas do and don't do, etc,etc...) and then I had started planning what I would go over during prenatals. I had even talked myself out of being very nervous...well, except for the part about leaving Esther. That was still the only thing bothering me. I mean, I have always felt that it was wrong to leave a nursing baby that is under 1 to pursue my own selfish interests. But, I have been in denial. "Well, this isn't the same. I'm only going to be gone for a couple of hours for prenatals and then just one day for the birth. She will be fine with Daddy! She needs to get use to him! Blah blah blah..." Well, after a few trial runs (like me taking a shower and my mom watching her while I ran to Target for an hour) and her screaming her head off the entire time, I have decided I will just have to wait until she is bigger. I am very disappointed but also a bit relieved. I don't think I realized how worried I was about leaving her. I told the lady this morning that I wouldn't be able to do it and she was very nice and understanding about it. I feel that when the time is right and if this is what God wants me to be doing, I will have the opportunity again. I have a wonderful and sweet friend who was the first to let me attend her birth (Boy, Jen, I wish I knew the things then that I know now so that I could have been more of a help during your labor, but I will forever feel priveledged and grateful that you included me in such a glorious day) and I have been hooked since. I believe that God has given this passion to me for a reason, but I must be patient (something I am not real good at) and wait for His timing. But, I will continue to read, study and think about birth...cause that's what I do! LOL |
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