Nov. 2, 2006 - The Price of Privilege
I'm reading an interesting book called The Price of Privilege (Madeline Levine, PhD). I'm trying to reconcile it all in my head. I was raised poor - really poor. Eight kids, my Dad was a janitor, etc., etc. The Lord has blessed my husband and I. We aren't wealthy, but we are comfortable.
This author says, basically, that materially advantaged kids have higher rates of depression, anxiety and substance abuse. She says it's because they lack "an authentic sense of self."
I have trouble with some of the psychological mumbo jumbo, but the fact remains that kids who don't have struggles or obstacles do tend to be bratty! An adult who has not suffered in their life is pretty uninteresting to me.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Another interesting question. Should we engineer suffering so our kids can learn to cope (i.e. not make things easy for them)?
Comments
Nov. 17, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Rebeca
This is something I've pondered as well. I grew up poor- one of five kids and my Dad was pastor of a small country church. We always had enough, and I never felt seriously deprived, but we learned to rely on God and to see His hand providing for us in unexpected ways. Trusting Him was a way of life. I now have more, materially, and it's easy to want to buy my kids many things I feel they "need". This is especially easy to justify if these things are educational! At the same time, I want them to learn to value the things they have and to know what it's like to want something, to save for it, and really to appreciate it. It's hard to find a balance.
I'd love to read more of your thoughts on this if you ever feeling like writing them down.
Bless you,
Rebeca
Nov. 17, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by hsmom23boyz
Interesting as this is something my hubby and I have been discussing in great detail lately. We both grew up poor, dirt poor. Him, one of 7 children of an immigrant single mother. Myself one of only two children born to a father who felt he was too intelligent or superior to take a lower job than he felt he deserved. I lived in motels, cars, you name it.
Long story short, we are much better off than either of our parents ever were. At first, we wanted our children to be spared all we felt we went through. I am embarrassed to say, we spoiled them. Rarely giving them the opportunity to want for anything. Only in the past few years have we looked back on our childhoods and realized those situations, struggles, are what made us who we are today. My husband is such a eager worker with such a strong work ethic. Something I would like to be passed on to our children. Well, they have been so spoiled and had it all come so easy, they are really lacking in this area.
Good news is, it's not to late! We intentionally have started to cut way back on luxuries and due to some recent financial struggles we all are having to learn to do with less.
I don't think you need to be poor to have character or morals, but I do think those struggles help to build character. I also don't think all priviledged children are doomed to be unhappy or abusing drugs or alcohal. But I do think it is healthy for kids to WANT, to have to work, save, etc.. for those wants, not just have them handed to them. If you have EVERYTHING you want just given to you, than I suppose you may go looking for ways to fill that void in unhealthy ways.
Thought provoking post, and timely for my family!
Blessings
Nov. 22, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by EncourageYou
The question of engineering suffering is an interesting one. My unscientific observation is that we may be protecting our kids from the trials that God is sending. Examples might be a final illness of a grandparent, consequences of their sins, etc. If we keep our eyes open, there are plenty of trials to learn from, even at a young age.
Nov. 29, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by christinefield
I'm not saying we should run over their puppies to teach them about suffering, but in the past month we have:
-made our teens cough up $60 for their unauthorized text messaging on their cell phones. (I'm SO GLAD I checked this and cancelled it before they ran it up hundreds of dollars!)
-made them pay their own late library fines.
-forbade TV and computer time for bad attitudes with the younger kids.
This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about. I guess it's imposing and sticking to consequences, rather than bailing them out and letting them slide.
Oct. 30, 2007 - The Price of Privilege
Posted by Anonymous
I have always been careful not to spoil my kids. It's been pretty easy, because we've never had much extra money. We have 9 kids now. But I think God's way is to allow us (and our children) to experience times where we have to depend on Him. My husband and I made the decision about 5 years ago to only do what the Lord told us to do and to wait on Him and make sure it was the Lord's will, not what seemed best to us. In the process of waiting on the Lord, my husband was laid off, his business failed, we lost our house and our families turned against us. We were virtually homeless and traveled across the country in a van that was too small for us. But we prayed every day together as a family. God provided food and shelter for us. He even provided warmer clothing for us when it got cold, and cooler clothing when it got hot. He used the most unexpected people to help us. Some church people were not helpful or understanding at all. While some who have doctrine that we would consider cult-like took us in and made sure we had a place to stay and food to eat. Often the people who reached out to us were hardened sinners, but they had all experienced lack themselves and had been through tough times.
My children are not spoiled American brats, for which I'm thankful. I hope my younger children who won't remember these experiences and my baby who was born after things got easier for us will be influenced by our attitudes and our reminiscences of the trials and times of lack when all we had was the Lord.
We are all closer to the Lord and our faith is stronger because of what we went through. We didn't bring the suffering on ourselves, but we allowed God to do whatever it took to bring us closer to Himself. That was what He chose. I think I have a much more authentic faith now that it has been tested. We do need to let children experience consequences of disobedience and misbehavior. And we need to let them wait on things that they want really badly and make them pay for them themselves. But most of all, we need to let God deal with them in His way and not make life too easy or comfortable or make them dependent on us so that they feel like they don't need God.
I know that this is a very old post, but this subject is important for Americans to consider and possibly take steps to allow God to have His way in our children's lives.
Thanks for sharing this post!
Penney
Apr. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
I am similar to many of the previous bloggers. Not really growing up poor, but with lots of family problems, abuse, unstable parents, etc. Every single event made me who I am and it isn't all good, but God is guiding me and my children teach me along the way. We have two biological & two adopted children. I think in America it is very difficult to teach children to want & to work for things & what true problems are. We should pray and decrease buying luxuries. Avoid children thinking they are "entitled" (to things, tv, computer, cell phone, etc) and that their happiness is all that matters. Thank you for bringing up this subject because it is something we all have to evaluate.
