My conscience has been troubled lately with conviction over the idea of needing "me time."  You can hardly pick up any magazine now without seeing the importance of moms taking time for themselves stressed, and even some Christian books and literature urge us to consider such a need.  But I have also seen other literature that challenges this idea.  This argument contends that if we are commanded to serve, God will give us the ability to do so and will meet the needs we have to do so.  It has even been argued that what often lies behind "me time" is the selfish notion that I cannot continue to do what God is requires of me without a break or perhaps that I am entitled to have time to do whatever I want.

For the first three years that I was a single mom, I had lots of  "me time."  Everyone thought it was important for me to get away for an evening out, to shop alone, or for a weekend retreat.  When my dad died, one of the first things I had to reconcile was how I would be a single mom without the convenience of in-house childcare that enabled me to get out and do what I needed (or maybe just wanted).  What I soon realized was that arranging childcare as a single mom on a limited income is often a nightmare.  It can be hard to work into friends' schedules, and paying babysitters can get very expensive.  Asking teens to sit for free is uncomfortable, and using the same friends to care for children frequently feels like imposing.  Because of this dilemma, I began to seriously evaluate when I would go out without the children. 

The logical answer might appear to be doing these things when the boys are with their dad, but for me, and for many single moms, visits become increasingly infrequent over time. I am pretty much with them 24/7.  After having so much freedom, you might have expected me to begin to resent the limitations, but I never have.  On the contrary, God has given me an extra amount of grace to serve my children and to delight in being with them so much of the time.

However there are occasional periods of feeling like I want to run away.  I get mean and snappy, and I feel like I don't like my kids or myself.  I was experiencing some of those days a while ago, and called a friend and said simply that I was at the point of needing some time alone.  I started all over again wrestling with this idea of  "me time."  I decided to go to the Book of books to find some answers, and started thinking about how to research the idea in scripture.  I decided that what I was actually wrestling with was feeling lonely or overwhelmed.

As I looked at scriptures relating to lonliness and feeling overwhelmed, the answer I saw had nothing to do with time.  In Genesis, God showed that He knew it would be hard to handle life alone, so he gave man a helper.  We all need helpers in our lives.  For many, the help comes in the form of a mate, who gives relief in the burden of work.  But for some of us, other help will have to be found.  This idea of needing help is repeated in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, where it says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"  God's Word assures us that the "widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help" will be helped by the God who delights in meeting the needs of the lonely, widows, and the fatherless. But in this day of the church, God does that primarily by using His body, the church.  The church is His hands and feet, and so the work of His own body is the work of the church.  For this reason, when I am feeling lonely or overwhelmed, I should be able to turn to the church to find those who are willing to step in and be helpers.  A church--individuals and families joined by faith, love and committment to Jesus Christ--which is not helping widow, fatherless, single moms, or others who are alone in this world, is not doing its job. (See James 1:27)

Another remedy that  I noticed God revealed in scripture for lonliness was putting the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6).   One application of this scripture again turns to the church.  I have experienced several families who so included the boys and I in their lives that they are our extended family.  My kids respond to these couples like aunts and uncles, and to their children as cousins.  Everyone needs extended family!  But an additional lesson in this scripture has to do with us as a family.  When I am grouchy with the kids and feel I just can't take the load anymore, the answer might be to turn to them rather than run away from them.  Often I am not sick and tired of the work because I hate being with the boys, I am tired because I haven't taken time to enjoy being with them!  When I think about this, it is easy for me to see that when I get grouchy and irritable with them around, it is usually because I am so preoccupied with doing other things, that I feel like they are in the way.  They are not the problem.  My focus and priority on other things is.  This can be especially dangerous in homeschooling, where my focus is on getting the next assignment on our list done instead of enjoying the adventure of learning with the boys.

I see this idea repeated in Christ's ministry.  Often when he withdrew from the hectic periods of His ministry it was to be "alone" with his disciples.  In fact, I didn't find one reference in the NIV translation that used the word "alone" in a sentence when Christ didn't have someone else along!  Christ did get away by himself.  It is interesting however, that even then He didn't do so to be by Himself, but to be with His Father.  Luke 5 says He often withdrew to lonely places to pray, and Mark 1 adds that He often did this early in the morning.  In short, God's answer to the problem of being overwhelmed to the point of feeling lonley is to provide helpers, to provide families, and to provide Himself.

As I ponder how I put this all together for me to live it, I realize that it is all about motives.  I don't need "me time" for my sanity, but I might need some solitary time for my spirit.  I don't need a night out with the girls to better be able to serve my children, but I might need my girlfriends to help me carry my burdens. I don't need to be alone with myself for refreshment, but I might need time alone with my Savior to refresh my soul.  That doesn't mean I can't take a night away, or that I should feel guilty when I farm the kids out for the weekend so I can go to a conference, but it is not a necessity that I do so on a regular basis.  If my motive is to focus on me and my pleasure, then "me time" is a luxury at best, and maybe even a sin.  But if I recognize that my cup gets empty and that I need my Savior to fill it, I will realize that sometimes it can be filled faster when no one is draining it while it is being refreshed.