For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."   Jer 29:11-14 (NIV)

I'm feeling a bit down today, so being here, thinking about all my blessings is the best place for me!  I just hit days--many days!--when I feel like I can't do it any longer.  I'm tired.  I feel like I'm doing a miserable job at everything--educating the kids, taking care of myself as I watch age beginning to take its toll, keeping my home from falling down around me (literally!--I worry about the bug treatment I can't find time to get estimates on, the possible mildew in the walls that I have no time to assess, the basic maintenance that I have no clue about, etc.!). 

But when I sat down tonight to decide on something to thank God for, I remembered how helpless I felt all those days after my husband left us.  I remember how I grieved after Daddy died.  I remember those moments when I thought I was losing my mind because of anxiety and panic attacks.  And I remember . . . even in those moments I had something to cling to.  I had hope. 

Even as I questioned Him . . . even as I wondered how I could have expected such a different life only to misunderstand the plan . . . even then, I knew deep down that God is good, that He loves me, and that there will come a day when all the tears will be redeemed, all the pain will be cast at His feet in glory, and I will never have to wonder about life again.  I still know that.  So on days when my life IS completely falling apart I will praise Him through the tears.  On the days my life just seems to be falling apart, I will remember that it's all dust anyway, and I will praise Him.  And on the days when things are going just right, and I feel good, well . . . of course, I'll praise Him.

My "day of captivity" is not over yet.  I will have to face many more days of feeling the pain of the curse.  But for now, I will get up every day looking for His face, seeking it until that day when I will see it face to face.  Then I'll know I'm home, and my hope will be fulfilled.  Gosh!  I can't even imagine what that will be like!