But take heed to yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down
    with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and
    that day come upon you suddenly like a snare; for it will
    come upon all who dwell upon the face of the whole earth.
    But watch at all times, praying that you may have strength
    to escape all these things that will take place, and to
    stand before the Son of man.

Luke 21:34-36

A new year always makes me feel a little overwhelmed.  Thinking of all the goals I set the year before that I more or less failed to accomplish, feeling the pressure of getting all the "real life" stuff done when I need to also be thinking and planning ahead for the year--all of this makes me feel like I'm under a huge load.  It is helpful--sometimes--to begin asking the Lord what His goals for my year are, but even then sometimes I feel like I hit a wall.  This year, today, I got hit by a club instead.

Every morning I have a verse e-mailed to me.  I have had this done for years, and the Lord has used these verses in very interesting ways like like the time He reminded me to trust Him during some pretty bad hurricanes.  This morning the above verse was in my in-box, and as I pondered it a bit, I realized that this is the direction God wants me to take this year. 

It would be easy to skim through scripture and see the word "drunkenness" and think, "Check!  I don't drink at all, so this one is covered!"  But this morning that word hit me differently.  It brought to mind all the areas of excess in which I indulge.  Then that word dissapations caught my eye, so I went to Matthew Henry's commentary and to the dictionary to see what that meant.  Interestingly, a synonym for the word is "amusements," and it refers to things we do in excess.  Hmmm . . . .

Recently I have been under conviction over how much time I allow myself to pursue recreation.  As a single mom, I often have people say to me, "Be sure you take some time for yourself."  For me, that is not really a problem.  I'm good at taking care of myself, but I never feel like I finish things or get caught up.  I feel like I'm perpetually behind.  What I've been resisting is that the way I relax is all wrong.  I watch TV instead of reading a book.  I play computer games instead of working on a craft (like my scrapbooks!).  I have recently become impressed with the sense that one of Satan's lies to me as a middle-class American is that relaxation is equated with doing nothing, and by golly, I deserve time to do nothing!  I am realizing that too many of my recreation activities are for the most part completely unproductive.  And I feel like I spend lots of time on them, which means I feel like I am producing nothing.  I have felt under conviction because I can get my one or two games of Zuma in each day, but I can't find time to study my Bible.  I'm prepared to discuss the latest DVD releases, but I don't have an answer ready for the Jehovah's witnesses who come to my door wanting to discuss the deity of Christ.  What is wrong with me?

So here I am, at the beginning of a new year, realizing that changes in my year must begin with changing the way I use my time.  I must MAKE time to read my Bible.  I must weigh how I use my "Lisa time" so that more of it is productive than unproductive (realizing that ALL my time is actually God's time!).  Yes, I need rest and recreation to stay fresh.  But I need to change the way I think of recreation.  If I get out my camera and work on photographing one of my kids in different ways, I've done something I love, something that's fun, and I've worked on something I hope to turn into a business all at the same time.  If I spend time writing on my blog, I've done something I enjoy, but I've ministered to others as well.  If I read a book, well, that speaks for itself. 

I need to be spending a lot of time praying about this . . . because I don't want to be here a year from now feeling like I've totally blown this!