One of my dearest friends and I have spent years now batting around one of our theories of childrearing that I call the Power of Appetite.  We train appetites.  They are either fed and strengthened, or starved and rendered powerless.  I love chocolate and sweets.  For some reason, when I eat them, I cannot get enough.  It starts with just one M&M, and by the time I'm done I've eaten the whole 10 pound bag!  But there have been times in my life that I have done without these foods for long stretches, and I discovered that after starving those appetites for a while, I really didn't want them.  Unfortunately, one of the rules of an appetite is that it can be reawakened more easily than it can be starved, so it only takes a little indulgence on my part, and I am on a chocolate kick again!

I see the Power of Appetite at work in behavior also.  My oldest son loves to tease.  He can pester his brothers mercilessly, even until they are in tears or fuming mad.  When I stop to ask myself why he is does this, I remember how I teased him when he was younger.  I taught him that there is power in teasing.  I fed that appetite.  To starve it, I have to isolate him every time he teases.  No power, no satisfaction, decrease in appetite.  I have also seen the appetite rule in his craving for television.  Of my three children, he was given more access to TV at a younger age than the others.  So he is the one who would rather watch than play outside, or pretend in his room, or read.  When I do better at leaving the TV off, those other pursuits become more of a priority in his life.  Unfortunately another rule of appetites I have observed is that once you are predisposed to an appetite, it never really goes away.  It may diminish, even lose power over you,  but with the slightest overindulgence it grows out of control once again.  I fed my son's appeitite for TV, and it is now something with which he will always struggle.

Fortunately, the Power of Appetite has a positive effect also.  For years now I have read to my children.  We've gone on all kinds of adventures together--from Narnia and Camazotz, fighting battles with woodland creatures, and discovering hidden treasure on deserted islands alongside King Arthur and William Wallace.  For years I have worried that my children-my oldest especially-loved being read to, but not reading himself.  He would listen to books on tape, but wouldn't pick up the same book in print.  But I didn't realize I was feeding an appetite.  Last week he read one of Lloyd Alexander's Prydain series books.  This week he voraciously completed one from the Redwall series.  Why?  Becuase now he has an appetite for stories and for reading.  My kids love to drink water because they don't have frequent access to sodas and juice.  They often choose to eat apples, carrots, and granola bars instead of chips and candy.  They prefer Chirstian music over other kinds.  And I hope that by spending time in God's Word every day, I am feeding an appetite for Him. 

Often I don't think about appetites when I am feeding them.  And sometimes it is impossible to know what appetites our children's personalities and weaknesses predispose them to.  A little provocative dress here and a passionate kiss there and our teen has an appetite for romance, or worse, sex!  Having boys, I have fed an appetite for war (see my previous post "Putting Battle in a Boy").  But I have to be careful lest I begin to feed an appetite for violence.  It is so easy to make excuses for exposing our young ones to sin, but for some kids even a minimal repeated exposure can trigger . . . you got it! . . . an appetite!

So what do you do with this Power of Appetites?  I think it begins with being with our children enough to observe what appetites drive them.  This will give us fuel for prayer.  Scripture says the God gives the believer a "new nature."  He is the one who can change the appetites.  As parents, the hardest thing we have to do to free our children from teh power of unhealthy appetites is to starve it.  But fasting is miserable in the beginning, so you have to remain strong and commit to sticking with it.  To starve my son's TV appetite, we have to go completely without TV for weeks.  Only then can I slowly reintroduce TV, all the while watching to make sure I don't see the appetite regaining control.  This starvation period is hard.  No one like going on a diet.  Why?  The appetite is our god and demands satisfaction. But after a while, the appetite loses its power, and we gain some mastery over our bodies. 

I suppose that it is also wise to watch for ways that we are starving appetites that we want to nurture.  I have slipped back out of the habit of setting aside quiet time with the Lord, both for me, and for the children.  I have also been neglecting our Bible time for school.  Our appetite for the things of God is starving, and so this week, I need to get busy and feed it once again with lots of time with the Lord. 

Appetites are interesting things.  Feeding and starving them properly can be the difference between being healthy or ill, between growing wise or foolish.  So this week, I'm going to spend some time praying and pondering what appetites drive each of my boys.  But for now . . . where are those M&M's?