So, I guess I haven't mentioned that I'm having some evaluations done for AJ.  Yeah.  Last year when we did end-of-the-year evaluations he was a year behind in reading, so I took him to the pediatrician's office to have him evaluated for ADHD.  The Physician's Assistant who evaluated him did diagnose him with ADHD, but also detected some auditory processing problems.  Basically this means that even though his ears hear things, the signal to the brain gets lost somewhere or read wrong, and his brain doesn't "hear" correctly, or that his brain doesn't store sound-related things in a way that it can pull them back out when he needs them.  Although he is learning and progressing, his reading suffers some from this.  The P.A. gave me a list of things to do, so I've spent the last months filling out endless paperwork, and now I am having him processed through the public school system to have a Psychoeducational Evaluation done.  Today I had an interview with a social worker to put together a social history (basically what has life been like for him growing up, and what is he like).

It has been hard to make these decisions.  I cannot afford to go the route of having all private processing done.  He is progressing, but I don't want to ignore probelms until they are more severe.  In all our homeschooling "training" we are told to "avoid the state" so as not to give them a foothold or precedent in our homeschool program.  I called HSLDA, and talked to friends.  Finally I decided two things.  First, here in our county I have no reason to be fearful of the school board.  It has been very friendly and supportive to homeschooling, and I decided that being super-cautious was a bridge I didn't need to cross until I saw evidence that it was needed.  Second, because the boys' dad is opposed to me homeschooling, I decided that it might be worth it to have an interview with a social worker "on the books" in case he ever tried to make some outrageous claims of abuse or neglect.  Still, when I went today, I was a little nervous about putting myself and our home environment out there in front of a stranger for examination.  To complicate things, we overslept (about an hour and a half), and then I couldn't find my car keys, only to finally find them safely locked in the car.  What a great mom I am.

True to form, my Knight in Shining Armor (Jesus), sent help, and a friend at co-op got my message, came to pick the kids and I up, took me to my appointment, and then picked up the kids and me.  Cool.  The interview?  It went great.  I felt very comfortable with the social worker, made myself share very openly, didn't bad-mouth their dad (not something I do anyway), but was honest about where there are problems on both his part and mine.  By causing me to work through all of this history and experience wtih the social worker, my Knight in Shining Armor showed me something else.  I'm a good mom.  I am.  I'm NOT perfect, and yes, I'm making plenty of mistakes. I worry that I'm too ADHD to help my boys who are also ADHD.  I worry that I'm "depriving" them of help and experiences that would benefit them.  I worry that I'm just not good enough at what I'm doing, but the boys are doing well and I'm doing a good job.  Plenty of people tell me this, but I often find myself wondering if their love of me has clouded their view, or if they are just biased.  But today I had a stranger who sees all extremes of parenting tell me several times that I'm doing great things with them.  And she wasn't even counting the spiritual things which my Knight has called me to do!  Anyway, it's not that I should need that kind of affirmation, but sometimes I do, and today it was very encouraging.

Best of all, she said that it sounds like AJ is only mildly affected by whatever struggles he has, and she affirmed some of the decisions I have made as being right on target, so I'm feeling good about it all.  Oh, and I did get my keys our of the car minutes ago.  It definitely pays to have good insurance!

Note: This is another of those blog entries that was written and shelved until I could process it a bit more.  God was sweet to bring it to my attention today, on a day when I needed a reminder that He is the author of my story, and it will be a sweet one.  It was originally written on March 15th.

When I realized that God was not going to bring my husband back home to us, I began exploring what I believed about dating and finding a mate.  I had been exposed to ideas about courtship, but they were fuzzy to me.  I hadn't really bothered to study the issue and really think them through, after all, my oldest child was only seven-years-old, so we weren't really thinking about that yet.  But when I faced the possibility of being asked out on a date myself, I decided that I really needed to determine what I expected of the boys, so I could model that method of courtship and marriage.

Well, it sounded good anyway.  I have actually come to realize that I was using my children to cover my real motives.  (Don't look so shocked.  We ALL use our children at times to cover our own motives, or to have or do something WE want to do.)  My real motive was control.  I figured if I had to go through this divorce thing, and be a single mom, so be it.  Let's just get on with the husband hunt and find whomever God had in mind to take over the leadership role in our family.  Amusingly enough, one of the books I read on my search to find Mr. Wonderful was Eric and Leslie Ludy's book When God Writes Your Love Story.  I say it is amusing, because God showed me today that I was still (am still?) trying to write my own story.  I was just using the appearance of noble motives to do it.

Today I listened to Seven Bible Truths Violated by Christian Dating by Dr. S.M. Bounds, which I bought some time ago through Vision Forum.  I have read many opinions about dating versus courtship, argued the pros and cons, and tried to explain to someone else what the difference was, even though in my mind I couldn't quite get past it often being a matter of semantics.  But listening to this CD really helped me solidify my ideas about the dangers of dating, the differences between dating and courtship, and the method which I believe is biblically taught and modeled.  Essentially dating is focused on finding a mate, and courtship is focused on waiting for God to bring you a mate.  Dating is self-centered, and courtship, when done correctly, really is God-centered.  It doesn't matter what you call it, if you are out searching for Mr. Wonderful, you are really dating, even  if you are dating with lots of boundaries. 

I won't go into a lot of detail here about what Dr. Bounds taught, but every minute of the CD had insight and wisdom.  It also convicted my heart of the way I have taken my love story out of God's hands.  I did it when I was a child. I did it when I was a teen.  I did it when I was a young woman.  And although it looks VERY different now, I have done it in the last several years also.  Not that I have chased anyone; in fact that is how it looks so different.  As a teenager I wore track shoes when it came to boys, and boy did I chase them!  I have marveled with wonder at the restraint and self-discipline I have been able to exercise over myself in recent years, and have declared again and again that God is changing me in wonderful ways! (OK, about a hundred more years at this rate, and I might be able to keep a clean house.  But I KNOW He can do it!)  Instead, my control has been evident in my discontentment with where God has put me, in my neglect of actively seeking His will in my service, in not protecting my heart and making myself too vulnerable emotionally, and in being far too preoccupied with watching for God to do what I want.

What I have been doing has been different; in fact, I have faced friends (Christian friends!) who were shocked!  I've been encouraged to try computer dating, getting involved in a Christian singles group, and other methods to "meet" men.  Fortunately, God has been working steadily on my faith in this area, and I have clung to the belief that God knows best and will bring best when the time is right.  I'm just starting to realize and accept that if I never marry again, THAT is God's best!!!  The hardest part about accepting this is that it challenges me to truly believe that God is enough and that I can be happy in whatever circumstance He puts me in.  It will also challenge me to change some behaviors and habits that contribute to my discontent.  In truth, I can't change myself much at all . . .  or maybe I can change me on the outside, simply redirecting the same old motives and idols that control me on the inside.  The hope comes in serving a God who CAN and DOES change people all the time.  In fact He's changed me . . . and He's not even done yet!  When He is, THAT will be a story worth reading!

As a single mom one of the things that is overwhelming for me is medical care.  The pressure in making decisions about what to spend on care for myself is incredible.  Stress and age began taking their toll on my physically, and I suddenly had symptoms of problems I had never seen before. 

I am finally under good quality care, and have found great relief for my symptoms, but it is expensive without insurance (which I couldn't afford for myself).  I am blessed because my kids are covered under their dad's insurance, but I know of single moms who don't have even that provision.  So I am on a quest to find solutions to the dilemma of health care.

The first thing I found was Samaritan Ministries.  Samaritan Ministries is a different approach to medical care.  Instead of being an insurance program, Samaritan members share each others' expenses.  Each month I am sent a name and address of another member who has had a covered expense.  I send them a set amount (based on my membership--for example I have a single membership, so my share is lower than a family membership) that they apply directly to their expenses.  I am also to pray for that family, and for other members with needs via a published daily guide.  Some of the same limitations exist with Samaritan as you would find with an insurance program, although even some of these limitations are listed as unpublished needs for others to contribute to as they are able.  I also receive a monthly newsletter discussing all kinds of things from a biblical perspective, especially health care issues.  One other benefit of Samaritan is that in urgent situations they will work between you and the medical billing departments to prevent problems with admissions, collections, and such.  Routine care is not covered, but it really eases my mind when I consider the possibility of illnesses or injuries.

The only problem I've run into personally for Samaritan, is that it doesn't help much with my routine and ongoing care.  I have to have medications monthly that are running me anywhere from $150-200 and up. I have to pay for the doctor's visit on top of that.  Recently I discovered that certain drug manufacturers will help people who can't qualify for drug assistance and whose income is under a certain level.  Even better, Rx Assist will help you identify the companies and medications you can recieve assistance from, and they even provide the forms in PDF format to print out.

One thing I would suggest is that single parents and others as well stay informed about medical legislation.  Samaritan has just informed us that certain states are trying to push legislation through requiring every person to carry state approved insurance.  I haven't looked into it, but I'm sure it is fueled by arguments about reducing welfare assistance.  The problem is that the government then has the power to manipulate all insurance coverage by what they approve or disapprove.  This has significant impact not only on individuals and families who would financially cannot afford health insurance and care, but it also affects issues like abortion, euthanasia, care of the disabled, and other moral issues.

If you have tips or have found a really good way of soliciting medical or dental care on a limited income, please feel free to share them here.  I'd love to find out more ways to help those in need.

I have added a new committment to my list of "to do's."  I have made a one-year committment to write and edit for TOS Single Parents E-Newsletter.  You can sign up for it at HS Blogger's home page.  Eventually you might be able to sign up for it here, but I really can't figure out how to add that to my HTML yet!  So for now, you have to go somewhere else to sign up.

Meanwhile, I need help.  I am working on some articles based on reader response.  Here are my questions:

How do you create structure and routine from day to day?  What do you include in your day to push you and your kids to complete assignments by a certain time, to finally declare the school day is over, or to make sure dinner is on the table before you realize it’s bedtime?

As a single parent, how do you make the holidays special for your kids?  How do you compensate for traditions that are missing or affected by the change in family situation?  Are there special things you can do with your kids as a single parent family?  What holiday advice would you give?

Please leave me a comment here on my blog.  I'll add an e-mail contact when I get one.

I love stories.  I especially love the kind that just grab you and hold you in the emotion of the experience, so that you really relate to how it would feel to be the main character in the story.  I'm discovering that the stories of real people are interesting too.  Sometimes they are funny, and heart-warming.  Sometimes they are tragic, or frustrating.  What really interests me is how no two stories are alike.  I recently read a story about a divorce.  It wasn't a fun story to read, it was tragic, but it helped me to understand a side of divorce that I don't know.  Sometimes I feel like I know all about divorce just because I've been through it, but the truth is, I don't.

My story is quite different.  My husband and I married when we were both young.  He was right out of high school, and I was . . . well, a little bit older.  (OK, I was a sophmore in college dating a senior in high school!)  Our marriage was a good one.  I considered him my best friend, and he was very protective of me.  I felt safe with him watching out for me.  We chased our dreams--his of being a police officer and mine of being a wife and mommy--and we had a lot of fun together.  What I didn't realize was that he was carrying a lot of painful things inside him that I wasn't able to see.  As my work at home as a wife and mommy became more demanding, I made the mistake of giving less time to attend to him, and as his work began to involve more violence and wickedness, he tried to protect me by sharing less.  He quit communicating all of his frustrations, fears, and concerns with me.  Eventually, as family life and his job became more stressful and out of our control, these things consumed him.  Finally, he found someone to talk to--a co-worker who listened and had problems of her own.  He began to feel protective of her.

One thing led to another and as far as I know, a relationship started that ended our marriage. He just came home from work one day and said he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore, and moved out.  Once he had separated from me, it was easier to slip the rest of the way away and decide he didn't love me, and then that he should divorce me.

As with the woman who was left after years of abuse, my life was shattered.  It was not from the constant fear for my life or safety, it was from the sudden loss of my best friend and protector.  It was from being without the headship that I had come to feel safe under.  I began to second-guess everything that he had told me or I had believed, and so much of my identity and self-image was centered on who and what he had told me I was.  I felt as if I had lost myself.  It was like living through a death, only the corpse was up walking around, looking like the man I loved, but not acting like him.  For years, I would keep trying to reach that man, only to find he no longer existed.  My desire to believe that he might still be there was so great, that I would open myself up and make myself vulnerable only to be taken advantage of or or hurt again.  It took me a long time to realize that I could not trust this man to be the man I had grown to love so many years before.

It was never my desire to be divorced.  I intended from the time I married to stay married and work through all the problems.  Even after my husband left us, I determined to let God work out of it whatever He willed.  I made it clear to my husband that I would leave the door open for him to come home, and prayed for that end.  Even after the divorce was final, I waited to see what God would do, knowing that He could restore the relationship.  I have seen God bless that intent in many ways.

Divorce has been hard for me and for my children.  I believe it usually brings more difficulty for those involved than staying together and working through the difficulties would, not just for the spouse who is left against her will, but for the spouse who leaves, or for spouses who agree to an "amicable divorce."  I believe that God in His grace can take even bad choices and bless those who made them, but I believe that He hates divorce, and that breaking His will to pursue ones own brings certain consequences even when He softens the consequences by His grace.  Even after all these years, I still feel "headless" sometimes, and struggle to make decisions that would normally be made by a man God wired to better be able to make them.  I still feel a great deal of lonliness, and it just doesn't go away.  I miss having someone to share both the victories and the trials of life--I miss being "a team."

I believe that God is completely in control of all of these circumstances.  He did not tempt or cause my husband and I to sin against one another, or more importantly against Him.  He does not delight in my discomfort or misery.  But He worked our sinful choices and hard circumstances into His plan long before we were even conceived.  Joni Eareckson Tada says, "Pain and death, when they entered the world by the fall of humans, wasn't what God cherished for man; but when Adam chose suffering over the joys of union with God, the Lord turned suffering into a way man could know God better."  This is exactly what I experienced in my divorce.  I have come to know God in a way I never would have even thought possible.

God never desired for me to be divorced.  Scripture is clear that divorce does not please God.  But I enjoy God in a completely different way now.  I am much more apt to cry out for His help when life gets hard, and much more likely to smile at Him and say thanks when I see Him meet a need or answer a prayer.  I am much more "real" with Him.  I yell at Him when I'm mad (and apologize and feel foolish and sinful after), I cry on His lap when I'm sad, and I hold His hand when I'm lonely.  None of this completely fills that fleshly longing for someone as human as me to share those things with, and I believe that's the way God means it to be.  Perhaps He will fill that desire in time.  But I have come to realize that He has filled a very real void in my heart that I expected my husband to fill, but which was never intended for a human filling, because it was a void only God was ever meant to fill.

Being divorced has prepared me to better understand others' needs, to trust God because there is way more work than I can do alone, and to understand the extreme devastation of sin so that I desire to have it completely removed from my life.  I tell people often that I would have never signed up for this course of "Knowing God-101."  But I would never go back to the naive, weak-faithed woman that I was, even if it meant having back what I lost. 

It is my desire in sharing this story, and in providing you the link to the story that encouraged my writing it, that you taste a bit of the pain of divorce.  Underneath a scar on my belly left from a C-section, there is some pain that never really goes away.  Divorce is like that, except that the healing takes much longer, and the nagging pain that remains can be much worse.  If you have never been divorced, it is my hope that as the Lord brings those into your lives that have experienced it, you will be a little more tender to their plight.  Even if they were a part of the cause of the divorce, they are hurting and carrying scars.  Ministering to them will bring you honor, for God's Word constantly admonishes us to minister to those helpless to help themselves.  If you have any questions about this, I'd encourage you to listen to Doug Phillips' recording called a "Defending the Fatherless."

If you have been through divorce, I hope you will find some encouragement in my words.  Though it is a painful lesson, if you turn to God to guide you and look for the things He wants to teach you through this, you will not be disappointed in Him.  I wish you grace and peace, and that your story will glorify Him in ways you've yet to imagine. 

We all love to be a blessing.  Anyone raised in the church loves to do things for others in need--to serve in places where they feel wanted.  As believers we often come to feel like we are doing our duty if we serve.  I was reminded today though, that one of the ways we bless others is by making our needs known so we can be served. 

As a single mom, holidays are hard, especially the ones that involve celebrating . . . well . . . me.  Every birthday, Mother's Day . . . these put me in a quandry of what to do.  This year for my birthday, I thought if I ignored it, it would just go away, and it wouldn't bother me so much that no one had really celebrated it.  When my closest friends found out, I really got in trouble, and rightly so.  I had deprived them of the opportunity to serve me, and to celebrate God's goodness in bringing me into their lives.  I had robbed them of the opportunity to be a blessing.  I decided that I was not going to do the same thing for Mother's Day. But what to do?

 This morning I had a my oldest son call a friend close by to take he and his brothers shopping.  I sent them with money.  When she picked them up, I could see the delight on her face.  I was giving her the opportunity to serve me!  I gave her the chance to love me, and to love and serve Christ.  In my weakness and need, I was being Christ to her and to her family. 

 "Then these righteous ones will reply, `Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will tell them, `I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' 

Matt 25:37-40 (NLT)

As single moms, we constantly face our need.  Families were just never intended to be cared for and raised by only one person.  It was meant to be a team effort from the beginning of time.  As we serve our families, we are showing Christ to them.  As we serve friends in the midst of our own busy, chaotic lives, we are showing Christ to our friends and neighbors.  But we also show Christ when we are brave enough to reveal our weak and needy spots, allowing someone else to step in and help.  Not only do we show Christ in that way, but we get to see Him too, in the faithful service of His body.  How is God calling you to show Christ today?

My conscience has been troubled lately with conviction over the idea of needing "me time."  You can hardly pick up any magazine now without seeing the importance of moms taking time for themselves stressed, and even some Christian books and literature urge us to consider such a need.  But I have also seen other literature that challenges this idea.  This argument contends that if we are commanded to serve, God will give us the ability to do so and will meet the needs we have to do so.  It has even been argued that what often lies behind "me time" is the selfish notion that I cannot continue to do what God is requires of me without a break or perhaps that I am entitled to have time to do whatever I want.

For the first three years that I was a single mom, I had lots of  "me time."  Everyone thought it was important for me to get away for an evening out, to shop alone, or for a weekend retreat.  When my dad died, one of the first things I had to reconcile was how I would be a single mom without the convenience of in-house childcare that enabled me to get out and do what I needed (or maybe just wanted).  What I soon realized was that arranging childcare as a single mom on a limited income is often a nightmare.  It can be hard to work into friends' schedules, and paying babysitters can get very expensive.  Asking teens to sit for free is uncomfortable, and using the same friends to care for children frequently feels like imposing.  Because of this dilemma, I began to seriously evaluate when I would go out without the children. 

The logical answer might appear to be doing these things when the boys are with their dad, but for me, and for many single moms, visits become increasingly infrequent over time. I am pretty much with them 24/7.  After having so much freedom, you might have expected me to begin to resent the limitations, but I never have.  On the contrary, God has given me an extra amount of grace to serve my children and to delight in being with them so much of the time.

However there are occasional periods of feeling like I want to run away.  I get mean and snappy, and I feel like I don't like my kids or myself.  I was experiencing some of those days a while ago, and called a friend and said simply that I was at the point of needing some time alone.  I started all over again wrestling with this idea of  "me time."  I decided to go to the Book of books to find some answers, and started thinking about how to research the idea in scripture.  I decided that what I was actually wrestling with was feeling lonely or overwhelmed.

As I looked at scriptures relating to lonliness and feeling overwhelmed, the answer I saw had nothing to do with time.  In Genesis, God showed that He knew it would be hard to handle life alone, so he gave man a helper.  We all need helpers in our lives.  For many, the help comes in the form of a mate, who gives relief in the burden of work.  But for some of us, other help will have to be found.  This idea of needing help is repeated in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, where it says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"  God's Word assures us that the "widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help" will be helped by the God who delights in meeting the needs of the lonely, widows, and the fatherless. But in this day of the church, God does that primarily by using His body, the church.  The church is His hands and feet, and so the work of His own body is the work of the church.  For this reason, when I am feeling lonely or overwhelmed, I should be able to turn to the church to find those who are willing to step in and be helpers.  A church--individuals and families joined by faith, love and committment to Jesus Christ--which is not helping widow, fatherless, single moms, or others who are alone in this world, is not doing its job. (See James 1:27)

Another remedy that  I noticed God revealed in scripture for lonliness was putting the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6).   One application of this scripture again turns to the church.  I have experienced several families who so included the boys and I in their lives that they are our extended family.  My kids respond to these couples like aunts and uncles, and to their children as cousins.  Everyone needs extended family!  But an additional lesson in this scripture has to do with us as a family.  When I am grouchy with the kids and feel I just can't take the load anymore, the answer might be to turn to them rather than run away from them.  Often I am not sick and tired of the work because I hate being with the boys, I am tired because I haven't taken time to enjoy being with them!  When I think about this, it is easy for me to see that when I get grouchy and irritable with them around, it is usually because I am so preoccupied with doing other things, that I feel like they are in the way.  They are not the problem.  My focus and priority on other things is.  This can be especially dangerous in homeschooling, where my focus is on getting the next assignment on our list done instead of enjoying the adventure of learning with the boys.

I see this idea repeated in Christ's ministry.  Often when he withdrew from the hectic periods of His ministry it was to be "alone" with his disciples.  In fact, I didn't find one reference in the NIV translation that used the word "alone" in a sentence when Christ didn't have someone else along!  Christ did get away by himself.  It is interesting however, that even then He didn't do so to be by Himself, but to be with His Father.  Luke 5 says He often withdrew to lonely places to pray, and Mark 1 adds that He often did this early in the morning.  In short, God's answer to the problem of being overwhelmed to the point of feeling lonley is to provide helpers, to provide families, and to provide Himself.

As I ponder how I put this all together for me to live it, I realize that it is all about motives.  I don't need "me time" for my sanity, but I might need some solitary time for my spirit.  I don't need a night out with the girls to better be able to serve my children, but I might need my girlfriends to help me carry my burdens. I don't need to be alone with myself for refreshment, but I might need time alone with my Savior to refresh my soul.  That doesn't mean I can't take a night away, or that I should feel guilty when I farm the kids out for the weekend so I can go to a conference, but it is not a necessity that I do so on a regular basis.  If my motive is to focus on me and my pleasure, then "me time" is a luxury at best, and maybe even a sin.  But if I recognize that my cup gets empty and that I need my Savior to fill it, I will realize that sometimes it can be filled faster when no one is draining it while it is being refreshed.

Every year since my husband left I have asked God year after year, "OK.  Are we homeschooling this year?"  Every year so far I've gotten a green light, but they haven't all looked the same.

The first year I asked it, there was just a sense in my heart that God had called me to do it, and the reminder (over and over again, since I'm kind of slow), that what God calls, He enables.  Another year, among other "signs," was a scholarship for single parents.  One year I was able to work at a used curriculum fair, where I found lots of things I could use.  But always, God has answered.

This year, my decision to homeschool was challenged a little earlier, so I started asking the question a little earlier.  In October, my ex-husband insisted that we discuss putting the boys in public school this year.  Because I do so love homeschooling, my initial reaction was "no way, buddy! You can't make me do that!"  As I got to thinking about it, I realized that I needed to be sure that this wasn't God's way of moving me to do something different, so I began asking Him, "do we do it again next year?"  He didn't take long to answer me again.

Actually He has answered that question over and over for me this year, I think because like a two-year-old I keep asking Him again and again.  (I don't doubt Him, I'm just not so confident in my ability to understand Him!)  He has given me countless scriptures confirming His direction, provided materially for me to do it, provided a way for me to attend the state homeschool convention, provided for an HSLDA membership, but His first answer came in a magazine article.  The article was written by another single mom who homeschools, and the reason I am bringing it up now is because the article has just been posted on her blog.  Although it is written about single parent homeschooling, it is worth the read for anyone.  It has helpful insights into how to homeschool and "do it all." You can read the article at Single Parents at Home. 

The best blessing in this answer from God was the author.  After reading it, I wrote toher and we began corresponding.  It has been my priveledge to get to know Mary Jo Tate, and she has a wealth of wisdom to offer to any parent--single, homeschooling, or otherwise.  I encourage you to read Mary Jo's article.  I hope that it encourages you as it did me, and I hope God speaks to you through it.

Recently some friends and I have been discussing why it is important to us to remain faithful to being keepers at home--making our primary work caring for our homes and children, and continuing homeschooling.  We are all single moms.  It has been a difficult choice for all of us, and we have had to give up some things, do without, and work very hard to do what we believe is right.  We have all faced some criticism or pressure for our choices, and have come together to encourage and support each other as we try to obey what we believe to be our calling.  Much of what we have discussed and believe has been excellently communicated by Janet   and I encourage you to read what she has to say if you want to understand our position.  But as I have tried to work out this issue in my own mind, God has moved me to consider another aspect of it.

The question that has plagued me most is that if I believe that scripture is truth, and I understand something to be a command or principle enough to live by it, what do I do when another believer doesn't agree?  Or what if they just don't want to do it?  What "sins" (a partial definition of sin being any failing to do the will of God either by omission or commission) are serious enough to confront as taught in Matthew, and how do I justify allowing someone to do what they believe, even when it differs from my understanding of scripture?  Is it wrong for me to help someone who is not doing what I believe scripture commands, either because they do not believe it is a command, because they don't believe God enough to trust Him to provide, or whatever?  How far do I go in arguing my conviction with someone who doesn't agree or who is critical of what I am doing?  God has slowly worked to teach me about this and to answer these questions for me. (But I'm sure class isn't over!)

I want to introduce you to some of my friends.  They have become dear to me in about six weeks.  We all have something in common, something none of us wanted, none of us expected.  We are single moms.  But we have something else in common.  We are all home educating our children.  I have grown to really respect and admire these women.  In just six weeks they have taught me so much, like what it means to really sacrifice for your convictions, how much you can be hurt, but still turn to God to care for your needs, and how to look at the best things that the church (Christ's body) is doing to meet your needs.  For those of you who haven't met them yet, please visit them.  Leave a comment and tell them I sent you.  I promise, you will learn something from each one of them.  They are amazing women of faith, with amazing stories about an amazing God.  Now, here they are:

My friend MaggieRaye is the new editor of TOS Single Parents Newsletter for single homeschool parents and those who would like to encourage them.  She is such an encourager and has a burning passion to help single moms and to teach others how to do so also.  Keep your eye on her!  The Lord is about to do some amazing things with her!

 Mary Jo  is a voice of wisdom in my life.  She is the accountability partner I can count on, and the best source of information that Google can provide.  I think she and I share the same sense of humor (Lord, help us!).  We also share an obsession for books!

Another friend of mine is Beth.  She has such a sweet sprirt and is using her story of God's faithfulness in tragedy to encourage others.  I was so touched by her story, and it is well worth reading.

 Theresa is another friend, and from her I have learned of gratitude.  She has struggles that would definitely have me considering quitting, but all I hear from her is gratefulness for what the Lord does for her. She is also a fabulous web designer and is the reason I have been able to get to know these wonderful ladies! 

Janet is my neighbor, and the one friend I actually hope to meet face to face in the near future.  She is so thoughtful, and sensitive to the feelings of others.  She is so full of joy that it radiates from her.  She also has her own cottage businesses--a bookstore and country gifts business.

There are several other friends I am just getting to know.  If you read Tawanna's blog, you'd never know she's from Texas (except that she starts every entry with Hi Ya'll!--makes this southern gal feel right at home!).  She inspires me because she is bright, energetic and intelligent.  She teaches Internet courses--a wonderful way to expand your education inexpensively.  Kristin and Katie are also new friends.  I am enjoying getting to know them, and have really appreciated their honesty, vulnerability, and insights. 

I have people ask me all the time how I manage to homeschool since I am a single mom.  I answer that question the best I can, because in truth it is a mystery to me as well as to you!  Each of these women have helped to answer that question, some of them more brilliantly than I could answer it.  They have shared so much with me.  They are each so unique, bringing with their friendship qualities that I need.  I love having "real" friends, but I have found this group of ladies to be as real as the friends I see every day.  They make me long even more for heaven where we will be able to have coffee (I'll be able to drink it then!) and chat face to face! 

I posted this on my other blog: Living Amidst Boys

I have been wrestling with the need in my boys' lives for men who influence them. I was praying for mentors who would meet with them once every week or two, study the Bible with them, help them work through anger and adolescence. I was sure this was such a huge committment for someone I could trust,that I didn't know how I would ever find the male influence they needed.

Last night I made a call to a friend. I was frustrated because my oldest son was frustrated and I just couldn't seem to help him. I was trying to talk to a wall. My friend was busy, but her husband asked what was going on. (Guess the desperation in my voice gave it away!) So I explained and got the much needed "you're doing fine." Then he asked to speak to my son. I left my son alone to talk to this man he trusts, respects, and loves. After the conversation, I had a different child. I have resisted the urge to find out what in the world was said. But whatever it was, it worked!

The lesson I learned from this is that mentoring comes in different kinds of packages. Perhaps boys without a father, and girls without a mother, can get some of thier needed fathering or mothering just from a friend who takes a few minutes to check on them by phone, and to jump in and counsel them when they're struggling. Perhaps sometimes all they need is the voice of a leader, calming their frustrations. Maybe sometimes it really is that simple

I got a sneak peak last night of what a huge effect mentoring can have on a boy.  Some dear friends have taken to heart the commands in scripture to minister to the fatherless, and some months ago discussed with me some specific ways they could help us.  Last night they took my two oldest boys for a couple of hours so the dad could coach my boys in chess.  The boys have participated for a year or two now in a chess club at our church/private school.  Initially they both really loved the game and the club, but had lost a little of the enthusiasm this year.  Over the summer, on the heels of their excitement, I bought a chess curriculum to help them build skills, but I hadn't been able to work it into everything else I have to get done in a week.  So my friend offered to work with them. 

The surprise came when I asked them how it went, rather than some ambivalent "Fine," I got about ten thousand words (from boys!) on all the new techniques they had learned and who had beaten who, and so on.  And today when it was time to go to chess club, they were waiting at the door.  Now I ask you, if one man can spark a boys interest in a game like chess, what could his mentoring do for the same boy when it comes to lifelong choices? 

If you're a dad reading this, please look around for a fatherless boy who can tag along with you and your son and learn a few things!  Or have them over with you and your wife to do something manly around your house.  Even if you never see it, you could be having a lifelong influence!

For anyone who is a single mom, who wants to know how to help a single mom, or who just loves to discover new resources for homeschooling, check out Maggie's List of 100 Resources.  It is well worth looking at.  Thanks Maggie for all your hard work!  I know many people are going to benefit from it.  Most of all I know our Lord will receive glory from all you've put into it.

As a single mom, struggling more than I ever have to keep all the balls in the air, I often get questioned about my decision to homeschool.  During those moments when my own personal doubts about why I do this thing I love are confused with worldly "common sense,"  I have to fall back on why it is so important for me to continue to do this.  These are some of my reasons:

1. God has called me to do this.  Because of His grace and mercy, He will likely bless me even if I reject His call and choose a different way, but why would I want to do that?  What might I miss out on if I make such a choice?
2. If I truly believe that God has mandated me to homeschool in scripture, my obedience is not contingent on my circumstances.
3. My children have already lost their father and grandfather.  They should not be made to feel as if they have lost their mother too.  The hustle and bustle of a life with children in three different grades, potentially involved in a myriad of activities, and me always rushing to live by the clock to get everybody where they need to be when they need to be there would leave precious little time left  for relationships with them.
4. I have several generations of generational sin to combat in our lives.  It will take much of my time and attention to train my children in a more godly way of living than some of their parents and grandparents have chosen.
5. My boys will someday be husbands and fathers.  I want to develop an appetite in them now for home life. Incidently, my boys will someday be husbands to your daughters.  Don't you want to see me do everything I can to train them to be good at it?
6. This choice to homeschool is dependent upon the Lord for success.  As I learn to depend upon Him, my faith will grow and will benefit others who see the strength and success the Lord gives me.
7. I have the opportunity to do something that seems nearly impossible.  Who gets the glory for accomplishing this impossible thing? God does, but I get to be a part of bringing Him that glory.  What greater priveledge is there for a believer?

I think it is interesting that so many churches will acknowledge the call and faithful obedience of missionaries who go to foriegn countries, many of them going on less-than-required support but trusting God to provide.  Yet the same believers question a mom who wants to stay home to preach the Gospel to her children.  Why?  It is the numbers?  I know missionaries who have worked nearly their whole lives with few converts until much later.  The importance of the work?  "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" Matt 19:14 (NIV)  The impossibility of the situation?  The entire Bible proves that God loves a challenge!  I just don't get it.  I think we need to take inventory of our faith and what we are believing God to do.  Anyway, I won't keep beating this issue to death.  I would strongly urge anyone wrestling with these same questions, whether a homeschooling single parent looking for encouragement, or someone curious about how and why they should help single parents homeschool to check out the recording "Defending the Fatherless" by Doug Phillips; it is available from Vision Forum.