uhhhhhhhhh I'm soooooo confused...
okay so there's this girl that I know who was SO against dating, was adamant that she wasn't going to date until she was much much older, and would give us this whole lecture thing on boys.
Guess what? She has a boyfriend. Quote: "It's all about God, there's no physical aspect at all!" *snorts* yeah right. I was at youth group and she and her boyfriend were there. two of my friends and I were hanging out on the church playground, and we were kind of screened by trees, so when this girl comes out with her boyfriend, they don't really see us. what are they doing? Holding hands and Snuggling up to each other. Ha. the "No physical aspect" has turned into "We're hanging all over each other". It makes me mad, because I looked up to her. I might be overreacting, but it really confuses the heck outta me and makes me steaming!!!
Let me explain a little about myself.
I have always liked boys and have had my heart broken many, many times. Finally I gave that all up and started dressing modestly, not dating, and commiting myself to staying pure.
Then I moved 100 miles away from my old city into bubble bubble burg, and i have pretty much NO ONE who is commited to absolute modesty and no dating until we're older, if at all. I feel so alone. Up here, they all are saying, "I can't live without abrcrombie and fitch or hollister." "I can't live without Tivo." "I can't live if I don't get the latest styles." It's against my principles to go into those types of stores. It's making me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kelsey and one or two other gal friends were the only ones committed like I was. Kelsey was the oldest one. I was the second oldest, and so looked up to her.
Now she's gone, I guess, caught up in her boyfriend and school. I don't feel like I have anyone older who I can talk to (my mom really doesn't count in this cause it's kind of hard to talk to her about boys).
I also feel so inadequite and unbeautiful. I have good hygene, actually make an effort to be clean and presentable. I wear sensible jeans, large sweaters, and I have a huge white t-shirt collection. I don't feel comfortable in any tight fitting clothes, so my t-shirts are what I prefer.
Yet, I'm just a friend to everyone. guys tell me all the time: "I'm so glad that we're just friends. It's so refereshing to have a girl who isn't throwing herself all over me."
thing is... I DON"T WANT TO BE JUST A FRIEND!!!! The guy I have liked for about seven months now said that to me a few days ago and I got so depressed. They all come to me for advice (about girls), talk to me concerning their problems (with girls), and in general think of me as the tomboy I used to be. It's killing me, here! Sure, i used to be a tomboy, but somehow that's changed and I'm now starting to get into makeup and stuff. but no guy notices. barely ANYONE notices except for a few close friends. :(
okay, okay, enough whining. but tell me, am I wrong in my thinking? comment, please!!! I need help!!!!
~Coco the confused~
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