DEAR ABBY: I am embarrassing my 7-year-old son. I make him come into the women's restroom with me if no family bathroom is available. He can use the bathroom by himself, of course, but I worry about who might be lurking in the men's room while he is out of my sight. Other mothers say they agree that a "bad man" could be loitering in public restrooms these days. Is it more traumatic for him to come into the ladies' room or have me stand outside the men's room yelling, "Is everything all right in there?" -- LISA IN PHOENIX

DEAR LISA: If your son is old enough to be embarrassed by having to come into the women's restroom, then he should not be forced into it. It is not necessary to stand outside the men's room yelling, "Is everything all right in there?" Simply announce loudly when your son enters that you will be "waiting right here," so anyone inside will know he is not alone. Then, if your son isn't out in a reasonable period of time, ask if everything is all right. And if he doesn't respond, check on him.

It is apparent to me that either Dear Abby has no small children or she keeps her head in the sand.  I sent this answer.

Dear Abby, By giving Lisa in Phoenix the advice you have given her a false sense of security and put her child in danger. A molester will not be deterred when he hears a mother at the door saying loudly she will be right there.  A child can be hurt in a matter of seconds with the parents right there! It has happened in the play areas of fast food restaurants before!  Better advice would have been 1) make sure your child uses the bathroom at home before you go out and 2) if you must use a restroom, do what I do with my nephews.  Knock on the door, if no one answers, open and call in to see if anyone is there.  (if you are too scared to do this, get an employee. I have yet to have one tell me no) go in and make sure no one is in there.  Then stand outside the door and if any man comes up explain the situation to them and ask them to wait.  I have never had a man mind waiting a minute or two. NEVER trust that  you standing guard at a door will deter someone from harming a child.They couldn't care less.

It never ceases to amaze me how people will put their own discomfort before the safety & protection of children. What do you think? Or better yet, what do you do?

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Posted by doughgirl37

I have been pondering this lately for my 7 yr. old as well. If it's a busy public area I will just keep him with me. Everyone can deal with it!! He is my son and I will not let him in the men's room on his own! Each stall is closed and private enough in the ladies room. I have let him go in a men's room on his own where I can see inside and he will use the first stall. Or if it is a single room.


Edited by doughgirl37 on Friday, June 12, 2009 at 10:51 AM

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Posted by Dawn

I also keep my sons with me. Mine are 7 & 9, but my 9 year old is developmentally delayed. There is NO WAY I will send him into a men's room alone. Since I do have two sons, I will send them in together, with orders to wait for one another and come out together. This is only in restrooms which are in less crowded stores, however. I have had a couple of women, upon seeing my son/s in the restroom, say to them "The men's room is next door" but when I state that they are with me, their mother, I haven't had anyone say anything more. There is no reason why they cannot use the toilet in the enclosed stall in a women's bathroom. They always put the seat down, and It's not like they are crawling on the floor or looking under the doors. THAT I do make sure of.
Not anonymous! http://www.5kidsandadog.com

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