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Confessions of a Homeschool Dad
Jan. 9, 2006
How We Got Started Homeschooling From Scratch
I had lunch with a friend and her 5 month old boy (her 1st child) last week and got to talking about homeschooling since she's considering her options in this arena.
The talking about homeschooling part isn't all that new since I'm the guy that most of my friends and colleagues know that homeschools. As this person, they all have questions about the how and why.
The unique part of my conversation with my friend is that the conversation didn't move in to Phase III: Defensiveness.
Allow me to explain.
THE PROCESSION OF A HOMESCHOOLING DISCUSSION
The way that these conversations usually go, Phase I is when they ask all of their questions about how it works and what a trooper my wife is to do this and do we keep the kids locked up in the house, away from interacting with any other humans. I answer all of their questions and I can see the gears in their heads clicking as they think, "Hmmmmmm. Maybe this isn't such a freaky option...."
Phase II is when I tell people about all of the good things that happen with homeschooling, the way that my kids are responding to it, and the cool things that they (and we as a family) get to do because we homeschool (some of these are listed below)
I admit that I'm a relatively persuasive speaker, so homeschooling sounds to start like something that everyone except the most brainless people ought to be doing. This is when people start thinking about, "Why am I not doing this?" and get a little defensive.
This leads to the normal Phase III in these conversations: excuses. The conversations flow nicely up to this point and then I can see a switch get thrown into their brains. Without any prompting from anyone, people start saying the same things (and, usually, in this order):
- "I could never do that. I don't have the patience to spend all that time with my kids." Just an aside here: If you can't spend time with your kids, you've got other problems.
- "Besides, I probably don't know most of that material myself." Here's a hint: most teachers aren't brilliant. Most teachers aren't specifically educated in their subject. This is why they resist the teacher competency tests that many states are proposing.
- "And I don't think we could afford to live without my / my wife's salary." Not at your current standard of living, anyway. But is the plasma screen TV more important than your child?
Every single time, it goes like this. It's pretty amazing, really, that people say the same, exact thing without any prompting from anyone.
In any case, the conversation with my friend didn't get to Phase III. At this point, she told me a story of when she was a teacher when she was young.
PRIVATE SCHOOLING IN MEXICO
Talk to anyone who is a public school teacher today and, if they've got enough liquor in them, they'll start telling you classroom horror stories. The kids don't respect the teachers, they don't want to be in class, and it's a status symbol for them to be dumb.
However, during her time as a private school teacher in Mexico, my friend said that it was the exact opposite: the kids wanted to learn (or, at least, knew their parents would beat them senseless if they didn't), they were extremely respectful, and they all excelled at their studies.
Fascinated, I wanted to know why she thought this was the case. She said, "I know exactly why this is the case. It's because they didn't have or didn't enforce any child labor laws there. If these kids weren't in school, they were working in a factory."
THE COST OF AFFLUENCE
Here in the good 'ol US of A, we don't have that situation. If kids aren't in school, they're getting hopped up on consumerism at the mall, or racing to see who can have the least evidence of a brainwave while watching TV, or improving their reflexes and shutting out the rest of the world while playing video games.
We've got a great country where they can do all of this and we don't need them to be working in a factory, or out on the farm, or mandatorily in the military. So, like fruit that has grown to adult size and isn't picked to preserve its usefulness, we let the youth rot on the vine.
No wonder they live at home until they're in their 30's and turn down work / get fired because they don't feel like going in to work today. We've taught them to live a life of limited responsibility and to actively avoid any additional responsibility.
The next time you're at a fast food joint, ask the manager what the toughest part of his job is. Every single one will tell you that it is finding responsible, reliable help that has a good work ethic.
When's the last time you were cheerily greeted at the front counter instead of stared / grunted at? I can't remember, either.
THIS IS WHY MY KIDS ARE HOMESCHOOLED
You see, the majority of these kids have been coddled into a stupor by their well-meaning parents ("I just want them to have all the things that I didn't"). And these are the kids that the public education system are targeting when figuring out how to teach.
So, I was faced with a decision long about Kindergarten time for my oldest: Do I send my child to public school to learn these other kids' attitudes and learn at their pace or do I find an alternative?
Do I let them learn all of the basic subjects at school and then deprogram them at home ("Yes, I know your teacher said that all religions are the same, but they're not. And you can't argue with her about it, either.")?
Desiring my kids to be more than self-absorbed, cell-phone-attached, grunting, mouth-readers (if they could read at all), my wife and I decided to homeschool.
It was one of the best decisions of our lives.
THE RESULTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES
So, what are the results of our homeschooling effort? Here are a few:
- Our kids actually look forward to school. Okay, most of the time. They really enjoy learning and they get to explore any areas that they're particularly interested in further.
- My kids love to read. My oldest (who is about 7) wants to read everything in sight. The next one down (age 4) is constantly looking at books and wanted to learn to read so badly, that we've starting "word blending" already. Our only failure is that the 1-year-old doesn't read much.
Take it easy! I'm kidding! She actually loves to read.... 
- They take great field trips! Do you remember all of those field trips you took when you were in school? The library, the firehouse, maybe the police, jail, or hospital? Well, they don't do that in public school anymore.
However, because there are so many homeschoolers and they are organized in support groups, there are tons of places that approach us about field trips. Factories, monuments, museums, Sea World, zoos, airports, amusement parks, you name it!
They get to do a whole lot more cool field trips than I ever did! And they usually (accidentally) learn a little something along the way.
- They're learning how to run a household. Because schooling only takes a fraction of the time of public school, they're also learning the work that goes into maintianing a household. Not just learning the work for later life, but learning to respect the work it takes someone to clean up a mess. So, they make less messes (and usually clean up their own!)
I don't care if you've got boys or girls, there are so few kids these days that know how to clean a house, do laundry, and cook that anyone who can will be in high demand.
- They have a real relationship with their mother and me. Not only do they get to spend a good portion of their day with their mother and have a relaxed relationship (as opposed to one forced into the 2 hours between Mom getting home and the kids going to bed), they also get to see more of me as I work from home when I'm not doing business travel.
- They (usually) act in a respectful, loving manner. Most parents want kids that are respectful of others and are kind to one another. Most parents even try to teach this to their kids. But our kids are held to that standard all day long and are learning it well.
I'm not deluded into thinking my children are little angels. But we recently had an illustration of what to compare them with. We have some relatives nearby who have kids of similar ages. During Christmas with them, their 5-year-old said, "I hate that!" for about 50% of the presents he received.
For most of them, he didn't know what they were or what they did, but he felt the need to tell everyone (including, of course, the gift-givers, who were right there) that he hated most of what he got. I can't imagine my kids ever saying something like that. Not (only) because they'd be afraid of their punishment, but it just wouldn't occur to them to tell someone who just gave them a gift, "I hate that!"
- They have great self-esteem. Okay, I threw this one in for those of you who are convinced that we should do everything for our kids because they need to have great self-esteem.
Because we are constantly affirming their educational growth at home (and we know exactly what they're supposed to have learned), they are encouraged to do well in "school". My oldest was reading out loud to me in some free time that we had and asked me how well she was reading. I could honestly say that, at 7 years old, it was better than many of the kids in my high school English class.
Conversely, we also let our kids know when they don't know something. When they do a "college try" at their homework and it's obviously wrong, we'll explain what was wrong and say, "Do it again". As many times as it takes.
In our school, not everyone is right, but that leads to greater self-esteem when they actually do get it right.
- We can take a vacation anytime. This was something we hadn't anticipated, but it works out really well. Tired of being taken advantage of in the June-August "vacation season"? Vacation in the off-season and save a bundle.
We can even "do school" on vacation because there's always something to learn wherever we go. It doesn't have to be all day, every day. Just learn one new thing about where you are each day. It could take 5 minutes and TA-DA! You've done some school.
OUR BEST DECISION OF THEIR LIVES
Like anyone who had never homeschooled before, my wife and I didn't know what we were in for or how it would work out. Our benefit was that we started in Kindergarten with our oldest. I think you can learn everything that the state requires of you for Kindergarten in about 3 days, so it's really hard to mess it up!
It worked out so well that #2 child was joining in voluntarily and neither one wanted to stop for summer.
But my advice to first timers is don't go into this without being committed to at least the first full year. Don't allow yourself an escape hatch when things get a little difficult (which they will).
Both you and your kids need the first year to get used to the new way of doing things. Don't cheat them (and yourself) by quitting before then.
As my wife and I said all along, if it doesn't work out for Kindergarten, we'll look at private schools or something else.
We'd never give up homeschooling now. I don't think our kids would let us!
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Jan. 9, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Abiding in the Vine!