Did I jump into homeschooling with both feet and never look back? The answer to that question would be a great big NO! I was more like a .....submerge my big toe, water is freezing,pull it out kind of girl. I have friends who homeschool and everything (from the outside looking in) resembles rainbows and ponies. Everything seems to go very smoothly and exactly as planned. I'm sure they have ups and downs, everyone does. I, however, rarely see the downs. I only experience them.  I decided to give homeschooling a whirl. I decided to start with a charter school. "Very flexible" they told me. Humph! I didn't see it. For a year I reported in for duty like an obedient little private in the military. Always remaining within their virtual walls. I can not say it was all bad, it had it's positive outpourings. I gained confidence, I became more organized, I had that one on one teaching experience with my child I craved, along with numerous other positive things. Goals met for the year! However! I was not in full control of what my child was learning. Wait a minute! That was the point of homeschooling. That and to shelter them. Yes, yes. I said shellter. That is the one arguement I hear most from people as to reasons why I should avoid homeschooling. "You should not shelter them so much, How will they function in the real world."  Why shouldn't I protect my children. Afterall, that is what shelter means: protect.  Look it up. So off and running to traditional homeschool. I now have both feet in the water and surprise! I feel completely....naked. In front of a crowd no doubt. "OOohhhh, what if I fail" voices were clouding up my thinking. "Be a bulldozer, plow forward" I tell myself. So! I chose a curriculum. ..Weaver. My friend uses Weaver, so therefore it must be the best out there. I'm sure it is, if I were not little Miss. "Please Lord just get me through the day"  kind of girl. Totally lacking self confidence and homeschool experience (Not that those are prerequisites for that program, but it helps with any program). I found myself struggling. I did not need a support network, I needed an entire bioshere of support under me. I continued to plow forward until Christmas break, at which time I placed my children back into the gripping hands of the public school system. This is where I got my panties in a bunch. What a wake up call! This is why I homeschooled (although, there must be a thousand reasons). Reminiscing on my childhood, I do not remember it being so exhausting, so demanding. I remember poor quality education, the copious amounts of bad additudes, lack of guidance, teachers that could care less (there are wonderful teachers out there, just not in my past). My children literally fall asleep at the dinner table. This is not my dream of what I want for my children. In the mean time I had set forth on my path to complete my college degree. With every class I find myself asking the same question:why. Why is it that being a mother and a wife is not enough? Why is it that society downplays the role of wife and mother so much that it makes me feel I need a career to be complete? My children are back home with me this year. Due to my indecisiveness, we are doing a charter school program. Regardless, they are home just the same. I am plowing forward, determined not to get buried in the rubble. I finally came to peace with myself recently. I have managed to place all of my concerns, all of my cares and fears  at the feet of the Lord and walk away...knowing full well He will take care of all of it.  What will be will be. God will take care of us. I will work as hard as I can, be devoted and respectful of my duties as a mother, teacher, wife and He will take care of us. Some parents are exceptional at homeschooling, I am not one of them, I struggle. I do feel however, no matter how many times a mother gets her panties in a bunch, no matter how naked and freezing she feels, homeschool is the best option for the children. I learn as I go. God will carry me through the difficult times and I will seek comfort and shelter knowiing I did everything I could and knowing I did what was best for me and my children. 

These are the kiddos! Jacob, Elena and Anna. This was taken the day before homeschool started so it would be Sept 1st. My dh took them out to the Kinzua bridge. Looking back, I am so thankful I did not take the train ride across the bridge knowing that it collapsed a few years back.

       I have finally made the commitment to homeschool. My husband and I placed our children back into public school after Christmas vacation of this year. Since then- we realized what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to teach at home. Even though we researched it, prayed about it, talked about it, decided against it, decided for it and then against it again, etc. But now we see the light. They are going to finish up the school year to avoid the tug-a-war feeling but when they come home, God willing, they will be here to stay throughout their school career. We have four little children, one of which is 16 and she is searching out colleges and soon will be soaring on her own. She will be a senior next year. My ds is 9 and what a worker. He loves to haul wood and drive a tractor. My dd who is 7 (soon to be 8) is a free spirit. Always has been, always will be. And last but not least, our little 3 year old dd. Who I refer to often as my stick of dynamite because everywhere she goes- something blows up! We must not forget our miniature poodle and our newly adopted greyhound....who drives us crazy./ And a cat that is like a drive by icecream truck.  Never see her but it is nice when we do. I decided on the Rod and Staff program this year. It finally arrived today!!!! I am supplementing with the Christian Light reader program.  I am very excited about this coming year. I had hoped to teach in a Charlotte Mason style but with the laws in PA I am concerned about it. I think it is wonderful but I am not seasoned enough or confident enough to attempt it.  Hopefully with time and reading how others apply it, I can find my way. We will dabble in CM here and there...starting in the garden and on nature walks. I will not begin our homeschool adventure until July. Until then I will work on learning how to be more creative on this computer. Not only am new to homeschooling- I do not have a clue when it comes to computers. I'm surprised I managed to log in!