Posted in Life in the Crazy House

I saw an article on my Yahoo homepage a few weeks back titled "How to Clean Your House in 19 Minutes."  Of course, I just had to check it out.  It takes me longer than that just to talk myself into getting started!

The gist of the article was that you simply need to spend four to five minutes each in the kitchen, bathroom, living room and bedroom each day and your house will be clean!  Well, maybe in heaven!  LOL  I mean, let's break this down a bit.

First they started in the kitchen.  I was told to shine my sink, wipe off my counters, and wipe down my appliances.  OK.  Don't I need to get the dishes out of the sink and then into the dishwasher before I can shine it?  Of course, I first have to empty the dishwasher.  There's about 15 minutes.  So I start the dishwasher and take my minute to shine the sink.  That's 16 minutes now.  I then have to clear the counters before I can wipe them.  I clear the used paper towels, put away the food that's been left out, collect and put away the various treasures that have surely collected there, and then I proceed to wipe the counters.  All this might take an additional 10 minutes, so I am well past 19 minutes.  I'm at 26 to be exact, and I haven't even left the kitchen.  Then I can wipe my appliances.  They have only allotted me a minute for this, but it takes at least five.  I am up to 31 minutes.  Then I need to sweep the floor and empty the trash.  I should be up to at least 40 minutes by now.  There is also no mention of taking the socks out of the waffle iron, fishing the fork out of the milk, or getting the eggs out of the cereal box, all things I've done in real life.

Now I go to the bathroom.  (No, I don't mean I go to the bathroom, I mean I walk into it.  Well, actually I probably do go to the bathroom.  Forget it!  Back to the blog I go...)  I am supposed to wipe my sink, swoosh my toilet, and get outta there in just a few minutes.  First, I have to pick up all the dirty clothes and towels off the floor.  I do let my daughter do that.  Yes, I do ask my family to do this themselves, but it doesn't always happen.  This is reality here.  Then I have to clear off all the stuff, meaning the combs, toothpaste and toothbrushes, hair thingys and whatever, off the back of the sink.  Again, the trash must be emptied, as it's filled to overflowing every single day.  I do all that, then do the sink, clean the toilet, and also the tub.  Add another ten minutes and we're up to 50 minutes.  Of course, the floor has to be done every day, too, so you might want to make that 55 minutes by now.  Hopefully, there are no little toy school buses lodged in the toilet or anything else that would necessitate removing and replacing the toilet to get it out.  That could add a few minutes more.

Now, here comes the easy part.  The living room.  This one was great.  I was to go in my living room and fluff my pillows, then straighten the books on my coffee table.  Oh, this should be easy, I think, I'm way ahead here!  I won't need the full four or five minutes because I don't have pillows or a coffee table.  I do, however, have lots of books, mostly school books or library books, that have to be put away.  Plus I need to put away whatever laundry I have piled all over the couch.  Then there are cups, plates, candy wrappers, dirty socks, dog toys, crayons, Legos, and, well, the list goes on.  I do have to put all that away.  I guess we'd better add at least 15 minutes here, so we're up to an hour and ten minutes.  Oh, and I forgot the vacuuming!  I don't have to vacuum either, but I do have to sweep.  I'm gonna say that puts me at an hour and 12 minutes as I head to the bedroom.  Oh!  I forgot to straighten the mantle, the TV area, and the hearth!  Oops!  Better up that to at least an hour and a half!  OK, now I head to the bedroom.

Here I basically have to organize my nightstand and make the bed.  Easy!  The nightstand really isn't that bad because Sane Man hates it when it's a mess and he will actually straighten it himself.  Making the bed's not so bad either.  I can do both of those things in my allotted four or five minutes.  Of course, the kids like to use my room as a changing room, so I might have to call them in to remover either their clothes or pajamas.  Then there's the stuff piled all over my dresser.  You see, I have the only bedroom on the main floor, and it's the catch all for everything that people, including me, don't know what to do with.  It can be piled quite high with cameras, mail, books, magazines, yarn, coupons, well, you know...  Then, as I hang my head in shame, I have to admit that there are the clothes that I have left on the floor.  I have limited dresser space, and, well, it happens.  OK, so if I really clean the room it could take a while.  Let's just say I give it a decent straightening.  We're up to two hours!

So 19 minutes?  Yeah, if you're single or have grown children!  NOT if you have eight kids that are home pretty much all day 24/7.  NOT if you are homeschooling them.  NOT if you were born with a regressive organization gene.  I haven't even considered that we have to do laundry, and that the dishwasher actually has to be emptied and filled twice a day, and that the schoolwork has to be put away every day, and that we have to clean up the table after each meal.  There was nothing mentioned about the toys strewn about in the yard, the crayon drawings on the wall, or the scattered dog food.  Plus there's all the cooking, teaching, and maybe even some kissing and hugging that has to be done around here too! 

So, I don't know who it is that wrote that article, but it didn't help me much, and to be honest, if someone only had 19 minutes worth of cleaning to do, they probably didn't need the article either.  I guess they just had some column space to fill!  I think I could spend 19 hours a day cleaning this house and never get it clean.  Oh, that may come some day, but until then, let's write about something important, like, oh I don't know, Sarah Palin's wardrobe or something.

Maybe next time I'll write about house cleaning.  The Crazy Mom way!!!

~The Crazy Mom