I'm sorry I haven't been blogging quite as much.  There are some things going on in my life that I don't feel entitled to share just yet and I don't trust myself to keep my mouth shut. 

However, today is a new beginning of something that I can now share.  As of today, I will be a cake decorator at our local StuffMart.  I feel torn about this decision.  I don't want to return to the work force.  I feel that my place is here raising my children and taking care of our home.  But money has gotten so tight that my husband has requested help to get us out of this pinch. 

I don't feel confident in my abilities as a cake decorator, although I have been paying extra close attention to their cakes and realize that maybe I'm not as far away from their caliber as I thought.  I am sure they will have me doing a lot of practicing and stuff before they turn me lose on someone's actual cake.  I hope.

I also am just sick at the thought of my in-laws raising my children this summer.  I am only working part time, but that is just how it feels to me.  I love my in-laws and know they'd never hurt my children, but we don't have the same parenting philosophy and I often feel like we are in a power struggle over my children.   I have recently been gaining ground, or so it felt, but now I fear that ground will be lost.

It is already a struggle for me to keep my housework up.  I am not a good housekeeper, and try as I might, I fear I never will be.  I worry that I will lose ground here as well.  I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning it.  And when I come in from work exhausted, I know I will not feel like cleaning it.  Laundry is already piling up because I've been gone for interviews, drug testing, etc.  If I don't keep up with it and do at least 2 loads per day it overtakes the house. 

On the other hand, with me working we will be bringing home twice what we would otherwise.  More, even, because I am starting at higher wages than my hubby.  That means we can get out of debt twice as quickly.   I will get that really cool discount as an employee.  I will get to take off on a new adventure and meet new friends.  (And get reaquainted with old ones...I graduated from high school with my new boss!  Keep in mind we are 3 hours away from where we grew up, and in a totally different state.  How weird is that??)

I am trying to keep a good attitude about this.  But the bottom line is that I would really rather just continue being a SAHM.  However, I will do whatever my hubby requests of me, and at this point he needs me to return to the work force.  I trust in him and I trust in God and I know that it will all work out for the best.  Please pray for us as we make this seemingly giant change.

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Posted by berrymorin

You and your husband are working together as a team. That's what you should keep in mind.

I've have the opportunity to work fulltime, part time, overnight, and now stay at home with a work at home job. I felt guilt at each opportunity. But now I realize that my husband and I have to work together. That's what's so important.

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